When do you start pulling out your wallet?

E

EricaJoyce

New Member
So I've gone out on a couple of dates with this guy. We r going on our third date and I'm starting to feel guilty. He has paid for everything. I'm not used to going on dates that cost $$$. (People so damn cheap! Lol) should I offer to pay half for this date ? Buy the popcorn? We are going to the movies.
 
I've dated my S/O for 6 months so far and we always go to really expensive places, so he pays. I've paid for the movies before and I pay for little things by choice.

Maybe you can buy the tickets or offer to buy the popcorn and drinks.
 
EricaJoyce said:
So I've gone out on a couple of dates with this guy. We r going on our third date and I'm starting to feel guilty. He has paid for everything. I'm not used to going on dates that cost $$$. (People so damn cheap! Lol) should I offer to pay half for this date ? Buy the popcorn? We are going to the movies.
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pay half at da movies? hell no. he already got some of ur time and now u wanna pay half at the movies?

don't start that, cuz then u gotta finish it. you need to know what it is like to be treated like a lady. therefore, you shouldn't feel guilty about letting him treat you as such.
 
I have to admit I did not pull out my wallet when I was dating unless I discovered I never wanted to see the guy again, at which time, I paid my own way and got out fast...as in, "Check please!", in the middle of him talking. I was, however, careful about what I ordered and, if asked, never suggested restaurants that were very expensive. I was also always prepared to pay my own way. I just never offered to do it and was never asked to do it.
 
ThatJerseyGirl said:
pay half at da movies? hell no. he already got some of ur time and now u wanna pay half at the movies?

don't start that, cuz then u gotta finish it. you need to know what it is like to be treated like a lady. therefore, you shouldn't feel guilty about letting him treat you as such.
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This is true! I learned it the hard way. I enabled kangism. :nono:

Never again! If you want to date me, you have to pay.
 
Sorry, I don't do the fake wallet grab, never have, never will BUT once I am in a relationship with a guy, I do purchase presents for him; items that I know he fancies he will always have, but so far as dating, I don't even pretend that I am going pay for a date unless I ask to take him out for a special occasion ie birthday, promotion, etc.
 
Don't pay for anything. When the check comes, look in the other direction. In a few months you can cook him a meal or bring him some soup if he's sick. :blush:

After you all are exclusive, you can put a couple of dollars on the tip every know and then.
 
CurliDiva said:
Why are you feeling guilty?

Most MEN want to pay.
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Oh man! You are so right! It's just so hard for me to accept. I'm so used to taking care of myself (and I hate to admit it, splitting the cost of things with most guys I've dated) so it's hard for me to let go and let someone take care of me.
 
Ok, this is difficult but I definitely agree that he should be courting me... so I'm not gonna pay for the popcorn. He did invite me to the movies, so I guess if he invited he should pay! This is gonna be hard for me because it is very new. We shall see how long I can go without pulling out my cash. Can't believe I'm pushing 30 and have never had a guy pay for EVERYTHING in the courting stage!
 
EricaJoyce said:
Ok, this is difficult but I definitely agree that he should be courting me... so I'm not gonna pay for the popcorn. He did invite me to the movies, so I guess if he invited he should pay! This is gonna be hard for me because it is very new. We shall see how long I can go without pulling out my cash. Can't believe I'm pushing 30 and have never had a guy pay for EVERYTHING in the courting stage!
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Well now it's time my dear. If the relationships goes somewhere you will have plenty opportunities to "treat" him on special occasions, etc. Forget about going half and alladat, let him be the man and treat you like the lady you are. I'm happy for you. Enjoy girl!
 
EricaJoyce said:
Ok, this is difficult but I definitely agree that he should be courting me... so I'm not gonna pay for the popcorn. He did invite me to the movies, so I guess if he invited he should pay! This is gonna be hard for me because it is very new. We shall see how long I can go without pulling out my cash. Can't believe I'm pushing 30 and have never had a guy pay for EVERYTHING in the courting stage!
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I understand. If it weren't for my college boyfriend who was old-school and knew how to court a woman, I probably would be the same way. It took someone displaying how it should be done for me to understand and accept it. I take no issue with a man paying my way on dates.
 
I don't know if this is politically correct, but here is what I do. Back when I was dating I would pay if I asked him on a date and he would pay if he asked me on a date. If we ever went out to eat I always paid for the tip. ( That's something I always do if someone paid for my meal.)
 
Never! The only thing I was willing to pay for was gifts (birthday, graduation, etc.). If I invited him on a date, it would be something free, and if it wasn't free, he'd still be paying regardless of who did the inviting. If he ever mentioned anything about me paying, I'd pay for myself only, but I've never had that happen.
 
First date.

I always buy them something (a drink), towards the end of the date. Technically its still around 85- 90% of their money used on the date though and it takes some convincing. One guy flat out refused and there was a back and forth for a while:lol:

Having 100% bought for me by romantic male, or platonic male/female stifles my spirit. Not my love language, or style lol.
 
I didn't pay for a long time...I mean I always paid for coffee or the little stuff. But I'm mad old skool; if you want to date me, you need to pay for our dates. Later, my then bf (now hubby) confessed that dating me was killing his wallet lol. I don't even think I'm high-maintenance at all! Anyways after becoming a couple, he paid for expensive dates, I paid for the cheaper ones. If he did dinner, I paid the highway tolls or parking fees (which cost a lot in Tokyo!) And now we are married, so it's a whole 'nother story lol. HTH.
 
Sometimes I offer just as test to see if he will refuse or hop on like whew heck yea you can pay lol Of course I only do this when I know I have the money for it.... its just how I am - never want someone to think they have to do anything for me but I do appreciate so good ol' wine and dine HIS treat
 
While I do feel like the man should pay for the majority of dates especially in the beginning, I feel like you should at least offer if you guys have been dating consistently for a few months...that just common courtesy.
 
With my husband, being the type of person that I am, I did that early in our relationship and oh boy, he was absolutely offended by it. We're very open with each other and he told me it is NOT OK for me to do that. He was downright pissed! well ok I won't! I would however send him things like cookies or buy him flowers.:lol: Being we were LDR at the time, he loved that. But buy him 'stuff', pay for dinner?? oh nooooo never that! He didn't even like that I would pay for my own plane tickets when I came to visit.

I didn't try to publicly pay for dinner again until we started living together, which was about 3 1/2 years into our relationship. In that particular case, he was OK with it.

We've been together for over 12 years now and yes he LOVES it when I buy him stuff or take him out to dinner. I mean hell now we married and his money is my money anyway:lol: but yes it makes him feel special.

Women and men are all going to be a bit unique in this area. But at the very least, keep your money in your pocket during the courting phase. there are other things you can do (like cards, flowers, etc) that can make your interest known...as long as he's also returning that sentiment!


-A
 
after we've been dating for a while (so a month or two?). and then it's probably like every once in a while.

i am always prepared to pay my own way, and i don't "expect" it, it just happens. i don't believe men should pay for everything, but don't let me stop you if you think so. i benefit. ;) i let him pay b/c it saves me money. i'm just sayin'.
 
Well with my fiance, the first date he paid :grin:, the second and third date we split :smirk:, and after the fourth date whoever offered to go out was the one who paid :yep:...until we got in a relationship and now he does all the paying. :look:

He feel like he has to for some reason. I fought it for a long time, but since we got engaged I just let it go and let him do what he wants with his wallet.
 
Arcadian said:
With my husband, being the type of person that I am, I did that early in our relationship and oh boy, he was absolutely offended by it. We're very open with each other and he told me it is NOT OK for me to do that. He was downright pissed! well ok I won't! I would however send him things like cookies or buy him flowers.:lol: Being we were LDR at the time, he loved that. But buy him 'stuff', pay for dinner?? oh nooooo never that! He didn't even like that I would pay for my own plane tickets when I came to visit.

I didn't try to publicly pay for dinner again until we started living together, which was about 3 1/2 years into our relationship. In that particular case, he was OK with it.

We've been together for over 12 years now and yes he LOVES it when I buy him stuff or take him out to dinner. I mean hell now we married and his money is my money anyway:lol: but yes it makes him feel special. Women and men are all going to be a bit unique in this area. But at the very least, keep your money in your pocket during the courting phase. there are other things you can do (like cards, flowers, etc) that can make your interest known...as long as he's also returning that sentiment!


-A
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DH is like that. Sometimes he will sit back and say he has no money so that I will pay. I'm like . . .um . . . it comes out of the same place you know.:spinning:
 
I don't see anything wrong with paying for the movie. It's not expensive. I have a different take on things. I think you can be properly courted and still treat him every so often.
 
Never.

ThatJerseyGirl said:
pay half at da movies? hell no. he already got some of ur time and now u wanna pay half at the movies?

don't start that, cuz then u gotta finish it. you need to know what it is like to be treated like a lady. therefore, you shouldn't feel guilty about letting him treat you as such.
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Right. Let him continue to pay. :yep: It really is okay.

Ladies have to learn to be comfortable being provided for by a guy. Allow yourself to be taken care of in his presence. The only thing we should concern ourselves with is being appreciative and having a good time. The bill is not your business. There should be no guilt involved--actual, or perceived. And a gentleman should be glad to take care of the costs involved in showing a lady a great time within his budget.

Besides, [The woman] Paying confuses things. If you offer to pay this time, is it understood this is a one-time deal? Or do you offer to pay half from here on out? Or just every third date? Or just when you two go to the movies? Or just for parking? Or just the tip? Or just...? See. Confusion. :lol: Always, always let the guy pay.

Simple.
 
EricaJoyce said:
So I've gone out on a couple of dates with this guy. We r going on our third date and I'm starting to feel guilty. He has paid for everything. I'm not used to going on dates that cost $$$. (People so damn cheap! Lol) should I offer to pay half for this date ? Buy the popcorn? We are going to the movies.
Click to expand...

Girl enjoy the ride. What is there to feel guilty about. Let a man be a man. Instead of feeling guilty just do something nice for him and be appreciative.
 
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