"What you won't do, someone else will!" How true is this?

[MrsQueeny]

I'm when did giving head become demeaning, especially between husband and wife. *shrugs* This is a funny thread though

For some it is along with a lot of other things. I can't say how something makes someone else feel. If a woman feels demeaned doing that, then it's true for that person. Q

 

[WhipEffectz1]

Depends on how you were raised, on the real. I was raised believing only nasty/fast/whorish girl did that. I grew out of that ish, real quick - but it is a meme in some households - on your back, drink of wine first, think of your country, do it for the babies and all that.

Poor women.

 

[Zaynab]

I wouldn't have married a man that didn't go down on me so, vice versa on that.

He shouldn't have married her. He also might have the virgin mary thing going on when he dated her, thinking maybe she was a good girl and wouldn't do it to an SO but would to her husband.

 

[~*Tigget*~]

Depends on how you were raised, on the real. I was raised believing only nasty/fast/whorish girl did that. I grew out of that ish, real quick - but it is a meme in some households - on your back, drink of wine first, think of your country, do it for the babies and all that.

Poor women.

I used to hear that back in the day. Never really gave it any thought. I met my husband and we never discussed likes and unlikes. We let the chips fall where they may. Now if it is something I don't like I will let him know, I don't like it, not that its demeaning, just not what I like. I hear some ppl think its demeaning, and thats what I don't get

I'm not opposed to my DH pleasuring me neither am I opposed to pleasuring him.

When you talk about trio's then I would draw the line. I respect "our" bond and its not to be shared w/ others. But between me and him all is fair *shrugs*

And just to spice it up I just sent my hubbie a text..."I'm giving head tonight, 1st come 1st serve" He just texted back said he won't miss out, but who all is being served. I love our little sexting. Its fun!

 

[MrsQueeny]

I used to hear that back in the day. Never really gave it any thought. I met my husband and we never discussed likes and unlikes. We let the chips fall where they may. Now if it is something I don't like I will let him know, I don't like it, not that its demeaning, just not what I like. I hear some ppl think its demeaning, and thats what I don't get

I'm not opposed to my DH pleasuring me neither am I opposed to pleasuring him.

When you talk about trio's then I would draw the line. I respect "our" bond and its not to be shared w/ others. But between me and him all is fair *shrugs*

And just to spice it up I just sent my hubbie a text..."I'm giving head tonight, 1st come 1st serve" He just texted back said he won't miss out, but who all is being served. I love our little sexting. Its fun!

Let me give you a little insight to how someone I know feel it's demeaning. Not saying this is the case with the person mentioned in the OP though. Someone I know was sexually abused in that manner. So for her, doing it even with her husband is demeaning because of the abuse she suffered. There are also people who believe that act to be a form of sodomy and therefore demeaning in that aspect as well. It just depends on the person. Q

 

[~*Tigget*~]

Let me give you a little insight to how someone I know feel it's demeaning. Not saying this is the case with the person mentioned in the OP though. Someone I know was sexually abused in that manner. So for her, doing it even with her husband is demeaning because of the abuse she suffered. There are also people who believe that act to be a form of sodomy and therefore demeaning in that aspect as well. It just depends on the person. Q

I do understand where your coming from. I just don't think the act of giving pleasure in this way to your husband is demeaning. I definitely think the abuse is. Not everyone who suffered childhood sexual abuse or abuse for that matter see's "sex" as demeaning. It was the abuse that is demeaning.

I was sexually abused too, but I'm not giving up sex. I realize some ppl have a hard time w/ sexual abuse they sustained.

 

[MrsQueeny]

I do understand where your coming from. I just don't think the act of giving pleasure in this way to your husband is not demeaning. I definitely think the abuse is. Not everyone who suffered childhood sexual abuse or abuse for that matter see's "sex" as demeaning. It was the abuse that is demeaning.

I was sexually abused too, but I'm not giving up sex. I realize some ppl have a hard time w/ a sexual abuse they sustained.

I agree as an abuse survivor also. I'm just giving a spin on how one would consider it demeaning. I know someone else who thinks the fact that urine comes out coupled with it putting you in a lower body position than that of your mate makes it demeaning as well. Almost as if you are bowing or lowering yourself so to speak. It really depends on the person. Q

 

[WhipEffectz1]

And just to spice it up I just sent my hubbie a text..."I'm giving head tonight, 1st come 1st serve" He just texted back said he won't miss out, but who all is being served. I love our little sexting. Its fun!

I know that's right!!

 

[WhipEffectz1]

Sorry but if I ain't getting no head then ya gots to go..... and good luck finding someone else who doesn't want to do it. Afterwards, that person can subscribe to Boring Sex online. So I guess a person who doesn't do that doesn't dress up or do anything exciting....they might as well marry a zombie.

 

[kandake]

And just to spice it up I just sent my hubbie a text..."I'm giving head tonight, 1st come 1st serve" He just texted back said he won't miss out, but who all is being served. I love our little sexting. Its fun!

.........

 

[MD_Lady]

I wouldn't have married a man that didn't go down on me so, vice versa on that.

He shouldn't have married her. He also might have the virgin mary thing going on when he dated her, thinking maybe she was a good girl and wouldn't do it to an SO but would to her husband.

You're 110% on point and I have to give you a on this post. People talk bad about folks for having deal breakers, but look at what happens when you have "hope" that things will magically change...

 

[MD_Lady]

Um...........

Lets play role reversal for a moment....

If a woman went down on her man very regularly but he would never return the favour...and when asked why, kept saying that he hated her taste, would you ladies still be siding with him, and saying he has the right to avoid doing anything he doesn't want to do?

IDK a life time seems like a reaaallly long time not to be getting anymore oral

THANK YOU!!! This is exactly why I haven't said anything negative about this guy (or than the fact that he should have dealt with the way things were instead of what he wanted them to be or what he felt they may have become). I understand and respect that people have issues with it, but if you :reddancer: when your partner :eyebrows2 it's not fair to leave them hanging.

 

[Zaynab]

I used to hear that back in the day. Never really gave it any thought. I met my husband and we never discussed likes and unlikes. We let the chips fall where they may. Now if it is something I don't like I will let him know, I don't like it, not that its demeaning, just not what I like. I hear some ppl think its demeaning, and thats what I don't get

I'm not opposed to my DH pleasuring me neither am I opposed to pleasuring him.

When you talk about trio's then I would draw the line. I respect "our" bond and its not to be shared w/ others. But between me and him all is fair *shrugs*

And just to spice it up I just sent my hubbie a text..."I'm giving head tonight, 1st come 1st serve" He just texted back said he won't miss out, but who all is being served. I love our little sexting. Its fun!

I do this to dh all the time.

I sent him one today that said "It's an all you can eat buffett tonight in the bedroom

 

[Zaynab]

You're 110% on point and I have to give you a on this post. People talk bad about folks for having deal breakers, but look at what happens when you have "hope" that things will magically change...

Yeah, I mean think about if it was a woman, you wouldn't be worried about his 'feeling's and saying he was being degraded. I didn't like giving head before dh, but I love dh, so I love the act. I don't get that she wouldn't just want to do it.

 

[kurlybella]

i wonder if we would be having this discussion if the problem was anal or some other kind of sex considered extra kinky like freaky fetishes.

i agree with Q. you like what you like. just becuase some women think sucking johnsons is mandatory or should be or everyone does it DOES NOT MAKE IT SO. not every woman goes down on her man and vice versa. there is no need to side eye a sista cause she does not. what's relevant and normal to you may not be to the next person. now, demeaning is a whole nother topic and thread for another time about how women are taught to feel about sex.

he was wrong for cheating and if his wife does not like to suck johnson then he has to ACCEPT THAT. he should have known** that this could be a possibility. she has tried - had she not she would not have known about the "taste" - so he has to respect that.

**if they didn't have sex before marriage, then you put yourself in a position to ACCEPT THAT PERSON WHOLE when you marry them because there is NO test drive, so you are basically claiming, as you do in your vows, to accept them for who they are. that's the actual problem here, he's broken his vows to accept her.

see her sucking his penis is not going to change the fact that he is willingly cheating on his wife. i didn't know penis sucking was the lynchpin to a successful marriage. silly me!

i'm so glad my so would never cheat on me for something like this. but you have to at least TALK about things like this before marriage - esp if you find them important.

i don't get why this is even debateable.

this madonna whore ish and the trickle down effects of it is still prevalant i see.

i mean, lots of women don't like a small penis so we all do that feel test before we even see the goods. ya'll know what i'm talkin about! if it's too little we jetting. heavy making out after date, hand to crotch...or so i've heard! so you have to do your due dilligence and research this ish! but i believe in test drives though! or test, see, feel, something!

if he knew he needed suck/swallow, whatever - then he should have brought it up and if he had no test drive realized that it may never happen. everyone is not going to like what you like. i mean, dang, isn't this ish elementary common sense????

now i see why the divorce rate is so high -- where is that list someone posted about marrying the wrong person. first thing on the list was: expecting people to change. the argument can't be he didn't know as i made my point above. marrying with no test drive means you accept the person as is THEN AND THERE. anything extra is just icing on the cake.

 

[kandake]

this madonna whore ish and the trickle down effects of it is still prevalant i see.

lets not resort to calling people whores...

ETA nevermind. I had to look that up. I was like man this got deep

 

[kurlybella]

lets not resort to calling people whores...

huh???

madonna-whore complex as in Freud...

which has nothing to do with the woman but a man's way of thinking...

 

[kandake]

huh???

madonna-whore complex as in Freud...

which has nothing to do with the woman but a man's way of thinking...

I know. I just looked it up. It rang a bell after I wrote the comment. I edited my post as you were responding.

 

[rainbowknots]

why did I go to sleep, I missed it That spinoff must've gotten pretty bad

 

[kurlybella]

why did I go to sleep, I missed it That spinoff must've gotten pretty bad

wait was there a spinny?

 

[kandake]

wait was there a spinny?

"who speaks into the mic" or something like that

 

[MrsQueeny]

Yeah, I mean think about if it was a woman, you wouldn't be worried about his 'feeling's and saying he was being degraded. I didn't like giving head before dh, but I love dh, so I love the act. I don't get that she wouldn't just want to do it.

Honestly, I would. If my dh didn't want to do something I wanted because it made him feel a certain way, we wouldn't do it. I love him that much and there is so much more to love making than head. I am one of those women that prefers the real thing anyway. I'll take that over oral ANY DAY. It's just something about how "it" feels. See now yall got me all hot and bothered just thinking about it. Q

 

[Lady Esquire]

I'm chiming 20 pages in so I am sure my response is not original at this point.

First off, I am surprised chicks like her still exist. There are worse things to put in your mouth.

Second, you're married now. Sex is an important part of intimacy. As long as you don't urinate, release bowels, donkey punch, bring in weird fuzzy fetishes, and other humiliating, unsanitary, and harmful acts....then the rest of the freaky stuff is par for the course.

What? We're supposed to be married forever, and do missionary forever? C'mon. I am not condoning cheating...but I can't cosign with homegirl either. Just saying.

 

[MrsQueeny]

I'm chiming 20 pages in so I am sure my response is not original at this point.

First off, I am surprised chicks like her still exist. There are worse things to put in your mouth.

Second, you're married now. Sex is an important part of intimacy. As long as you don't urinate, release bowels, donkey punch, bring in weird fuzzy fetishes, and other humiliating, unsanitary, and harmful acts....then the rest of the freaky stuff is par for the course.

What? We're supposed to be married forever, and do missionary forever? C'mon. I am not condoning cheating...but I can't cosign with homegirl either. Just saying.

I agree but if homegirl ain't down with it, I don't think she should be pressured into it. I think because oral is so accepted, it's easy for some of us to say go ahead. and suck it up. (no pun intended) But I feel the same way about anal while some would think that's par for the course. But I also believe in keeping it interesting. Not doing oral does not mean a boring sex life, trust. There are a lot of other ways to keep it interesting and exciting from different positions, places, etc. Q

 

[Ladybelle]

From Wiki: (for those of you are interested, I was).

In Freudian psychoanalysis, a Madonna-whore complex is a psychological complex that is said to develop in the human male. The term is also used popularly, often with subtly different meanings.
According to Freudian psychology, this complex often develops when the sufferer is raised by a cold and distant mother. Such a man will often court women with qualities of his mother, hoping to fulfill a need for intimacy unmet in childhood. Often, the wife begins to be seen as mother to the husband—a "Madonna" figure—and thus not a possible object of sexual attraction. For this reason, in the mind of the sufferer, love and sex cannot be mixed, and the man is reluctant to have sexual relations with his wife, for that, he thinks unconsciously, would be as incest. He will reserve sexuality for "bad" or "dirty" women, and will not develop "normal" feelings of love in these sexual relationships.
Popularly, the term is used to describe an unsatisfiable desire by a man to have his wife or other female partner exhibit both of these mutually exclusive traits. This introduces a dilemma where men may feel unable to love any women who can satisfy them sexually and are unable to be sexually satisfied by any women who they can love. Alternatively, the term is to describe or attempt to justify the behavior of men who pursue multiple women as a way of fulfilling each of these needs.

 

[MD_Lady]

Yeah, I mean think about if it was a woman, you wouldn't be worried about his 'feeling's and saying he was being degraded. I didn't like giving head before dh, but I love dh, so I love the act. I don't get that she wouldn't just want to do it.

Truthfully, though, I can completely understand that part (like I'd understand someone not wanting to do anything else). For me, her preferences aren't the issue as much as her lack of reciprocity. If she told him she didn't want him to do his thing because she didn't feel comfortable reciprocating, I'd have a different view. If it was one-sided and he didn't mind, that would still be another issue. In general life circumstances, I don't think it's okay to delight in receiving from others and then erplexed when it's time to return the favor (but that's me).

 

[MrsQueeny]

Truthfully, though, I can completely understand that part (like I'd understand someone not wanting to do anything else). For me, her preferences aren't the issue as much as her lack of reciprocity. If she told him she didn't want him to do his thing because she didn't feel comfortable reciprocating, I'd have a different view. If it was one-sided and he didn't mind, that would still be another issue. In general life circumstances, I don't think it's okay to delight in receiving from others and then erplexed when it's time to return the favor (but that's me).

Funny I was in a similar situation like that. I didn't get down with that at all but my bf at the time loved giving it. He knew it wasn't going to happen and was okay with giving it. He never expected me to do it. He actually loved giving versus receiving anyway. Weird I know but like I said, people like what they like. Q

 

[Lady Esquire]

I agree but if homegirl ain't down with it, I don't think she should be pressured into it. I think because oral is so accepted, it's easy for some of us to say go ahead. and suck it up. (no pun intended) But I feel the same way about anal while some would think that's par for the course. But I also believe in keeping it interesting. Not doing oral does not mean a boring sex life, trust. There are a lot of other ways to keep it interesting and exciting from different positions, places, etc. Q

I agree. She should not be pressured into anything. Neither should he. There are TONS of ways of keeping interesting. After 13 years with mine, I know. I have limits. DH has limits. Cheating is bad. There are no excuses.

Just lying there, like the OP said...well now that gets played old really quickly. So homegirl could have KEPT IT INTERESTING, and the lack of oral would have been a non issue.

You and I are saying the same thing. I think.

 

[Lady Esquire]

From Wiki: (for those of you are interested, I was).

In Freudian psychoanalysis, a Madonna-whore complex is a psychological complex that is said to develop in the human male. The term is also used popularly, often with subtly different meanings.
According to Freudian psychology, this complex often develops when the sufferer is raised by a cold and distant mother. Such a man will often court women with qualities of his mother, hoping to fulfill a need for intimacy unmet in childhood. Often, the wife begins to be seen as mother to the husband—a "Madonna" figure—and thus not a possible object of sexual attraction. For this reason, in the mind of the sufferer, love and sex cannot be mixed, and the man is reluctant to have sexual relations with his wife, for that, he thinks unconsciously, would be as incest. He will reserve sexuality for "bad" or "dirty" women, and will not develop "normal" feelings of love in these sexual relationships.
Popularly, the term is used to describe an unsatisfiable desire by a man to have his wife or other female partner exhibit both of these mutually exclusive traits. This introduces a dilemma where men may feel unable to love any women who can satisfy them sexually and are unable to be sexually satisfied by any women who they can love. Alternatively, the term is to describe or attempt to justify the behavior of men who pursue multiple women as a way of fulfilling each of these needs.

Yep.

Generally, men want a lady in public, and a freak at night.

 

[MrsQueeny]

I agree. She should not be pressured into anything. Neither should he. There are TONS of ways of keeping interesting. After 13 years with mine, I know. I have limits. DH has limits. Cheating is bad. There are no excuses.

Just lying there, like the OP said...well now that gets played old really quickly. So homegirl could have KEPT IT INTERESTING, and the lack of oral would have been a non issue.

You and I are saying the same thing. I think.

I'm pretty sure we are. Bottom line is if he is not satisfied, he should just tell her, if she doesn't fix it, then leave. But the cheating to me is a no no. I tell dh all the time to just let me go before he cheats. Don't risk bringing something home to me because that would not be pretty. Q