what would you do? stay or leave

[Bunny77]

5. ALOT OF US HAVE BEEN IN SIMILAR SITUATIONS (ESPECIALLY AT YOUR AGE) AND WANT YOU TO AVOID THE ROAD YOU ARE HEADING DOWN.

Okay, maybe it's just me, but even when my girls and I were 19, none of us were stupid enough to get with men who STOLE MONEY from us... and then have the silliness to turn around and try to insist that they're good men.

Young does not have to equal stupid... I can understand being naive and all, but this is simply ridiculous.

Someone in this young woman's life seriously dropped the ball if she thinks that this is even remotely acceptable.

But again, I don't know why folks come on here asking for advice and complaining when they're just gonna do what they want to do. Since bkschick89 thinks she is with Prince Charming, she might as well just start expecting more of her stuff to disappear and not even trip... and then she needs to start saving some extra money since she knows he's gonna steal what she has... might as well also set up a separate "Man" account since she's been supporting a deadbeat... since she feels needs to stick around with this wonderful man and all, might as well just shut up and deal with it....

Just accept life with a drug addict and live with it!

 

[crlsweetie912]

Okay, maybe it's just me, but even when my girls and I were 19, none of us were stupid enough to get with men who STOLE MONEY from us... and then have the silliness to turn around and try to insist that they're good men.

Young does not have to equal stupid... I can understand being naive and all, but this is simply ridiculous.

Someone in this young woman's life seriously dropped the ball if she thinks that this is even remotely acceptable.

But again, I don't know why folks come on here asking for advice and complaining when they're just gonna do what they want to do. Since bkschick89 thinks she is with Prince Charming, she might as well just start expecting more of her stuff to disappear and start saving some extra money since she knows he's gonna steal what she has... since she needs to stick around with this wonderful man and all....

Just accept life with a drug addict and live with it!

I was trying to be a little liberal. Not LITERALLY! Just trying to make the girl see that we are trying to help her becase at least I (can't speak for all yall younguns) have done things that we kind of regretted and didn't make much sense.

 

[Bunny77]

I was trying to be a little liberal. Not LITERALLY! Just trying to make the girl see that we are trying to help her becase at least I (can't speak for all yall younguns) have done things that we kind of regretted and didn't make much sense.

I gotcha...

I'm just saying, I guess I don't think that some things should even slightly be seen as, "Oh, that's just what young people do," because that makes it seem even kinda sorta slightly understandable...

But that's just me.

 

[crlsweetie912]

I gotcha...

I'm just saying, I guess I don't think that some things should even slightly be seen as, "Oh, that's just what young people do," because that makes it seem even kinda sorta slightly understandable...

But that's just me.

I see what you are saying. I guess I was trying not to be too preachy. To be honest, it's OBVIOUS that the OP is very young and doesn't have much experience in these type of things. In no way was I saying that this type of thing is "typical" for young people.

It's like you see a huge accident coming and you yell, but you can't keep the accident from happening. I don't see her really taking much of ANY of our advice.


OP!

 

[Sly]

that's the thing that is bothering me. is it really about money?, i don't care that he doesn't have any or will get some. i just hate how he uses mine.

i love this guy, i really do. its just MY money is going down the toilet, while he sits and does nothing but enjoy it. all i want is for him to pay for his own **** and show a little appreciation. i guess i need to give a lot of background information on him so you guys can get a gist of what I'm dealing with

which part do you love? . . . the thief, the manipulator, the disrespect, the frustration, the emotional rollercoaster, the laziness, the "potential", the "past", the (future) money? . . . which part, again? . . .

 

[MissYocairis]

I haven't even read the thread....but I know these ladies have told you this and I want to co-sign on the thought that this man sounds like a drug addict.

your once SO use to be the perfect gentlemen, would cook for you, give you massages without you asking, take you out and always make sure you're comfortable, lets not forget he is super sexy, has no kids and no record and is great in bed.

does a complete 360, constantly asks you for money, wants you to buy him food, wants you to give him O's everyday amongst other things... cant keep a job for more than 2 weeks. sells everything you had gave him as a gift, does nothing but sit and smoke weed all day (but you don't mind because that's the only time you can actually tolerate his personality) never buys you anything (even when he was working) spends 8k in 2 months and has absolutely nothing to show for it, insecure (constantly accuses you of cheating), sells your item without permission, the final straw.... steals money out your bag, admits it when confronted then says its not a big deal after making up and giving him a FOURTH chance.


...every time Ive had enough, and want to seriously end the relationship, he would cry, literally cry and say how much he loves me and will change. he would call my phone non stop until i answered to talk to him, apologize sound so sincere but then does all the bs over again.

im tired of it... i love him but we've been together a year now, and i feel like im wasting my time being with him, its not going to change, i am tired of supporting him, tired of expecting more and getting absolutely nothing, tired of being lied to, stolen from and taken advantage of.

he holds my hand in public, and says i love you a lot. but that means nothing when you get treated like an atm machine. he tells me that he's good to me because he has never cheated on me. i owe him the world cuz he never cheated on me...?

ive put up with his BS, which is why i think he continues it, he figures all he has to do is say sorry and everything is A ok.

get this though, he has a lawsuit in his hands and may be comming into a lot of money,i mean A LOT but theres no telling how long that would take. and you just want you bank account back to the state it was (or 100x that) before meeting him, would you stay with him or is it not worth it?

 

[JFemme]

Wow. I did not realize that the OP is only 19 years old...

*sigh*

((hugs, sweetie))

 

[LivingDoll]

Lord Have Mercy. These threads are getting worse and worse.

Sister look. Don't be no fool. Here me? (and yes, I'm taking it back to the hood where I'm from)

Sounds like you are in love with the thought of being in love. You have a lot more life to live. I hope you choose to do without him. You'll be just fine.

 

[TCatt86]

I know TCatt, I'm just going along with it. For all I know he can be smoking like a dragon and buying it by the pound. Bk seems convinced he's doing nothing else, perhaps someone else knows the telltale signs other than what we've read here.

I understand...I was just hoping if I wrote it out the OP would see yet another person that sees there is a drug problem other than weed. I don't think it's going to work though

Well OP I will say this again, whether he's smokin five blunts a day or just a joint he doesn't treat you well at all. I understand you love how he used to be but you don't love the real him, at least I hope you don't, you love the illusion of him. Good luck, but I think you have made up your mind.

 

[Coolata]

This is so disturbing. RUN the opposite direction do not waste your energy, time or life on something that is not a worthy relationship! Always remember your better and never need to be subjected.

 

[LivingDoll]

Bottomline is this. If he's stealing, he's got a habit (other than weed).

 

[NYAmicas]

I understand...I was just hoping if I wrote it out the OP would see yet another person that sees there is a drug problem other than weed. I don't think it's going to work though

Well OP I will say this again, whether he's smokin five blunts a day or just a joint he doesn't treat you well at all. I understand you love how he used to be but you don't love the real him, at least I hope you don't, you love the illusion of him. Good luck, but I think you have made up your mind.

You know something is up when it's like 100% agree on LHCF!

 

[bkschick89]

which part do you love? . . . the thief, the manipulator, the disrespect, the frustration, the emotional rollercoaster, the laziness, the "potential", the "past", the (future) money? . . . which part, again? . . .

the mind, the heart,the talking, the holding, the hugging, the kissing, the loving and actually yes the potential (amazing musician skills) and maybe (future) money. its when he had money that he treated me like a queen, when he ran out is when i started feeling used.

was i being used from the beginning? just a trap to hold me in or is he really just down and out and needs help getting his **** together?

damn y'all really think he's on cocaine or crack. i'm googling signs and symptoms of it

 

[LivingDoll]

the mind, the heart,the talking, the holding, the hugging, the kissing, the loving and actually yes the potential (amazing musician skills) and maybe (future) money. its when he had money that he treated me like a queen, when he ran out is when i started feeling used.

was i being used from the beginning? just a trap to hold me in or is he really just down and out and needs help getting his **** together?

damn y'all really think he's on cocaine or crack. i'm googling signs and symptoms of it

When I was about your age, I had a AMAZING man that I loved dearly...the same man a few years later KICKED THE DOOR OF MY MOTHER'S HOUSE IN WHEN I WASN'T AT HOME (he was a kickboxer) and stole from my family. I had heard he was on the pipe but I didn't believe it. It took for him to do that to me for me to believe it. YES, he loved me at one time...but at the time he stole from me, he loved his addiction more.

ETA: I don't mean to hurt your feelings. I'm being honest and sharing my experience. I'm sorry that you're hurting and I hope I'm wrong. I really do.

 

[janaq2003]

either ol' dude has picked up an unhealthy habit or he's got another woman.

 

[Minx]

Hey there,

I have a few questions for you:

1. Are you afraid you will be lonely without him in your life?

2. Do you feel validated/complete/made whole by his affection?

3. Are you on some level thankful and grateful that he "needs you"? (you help him out when no no one else will/ you do for him what no one else will do and you know this)

4. Do feel in some way responsible for him(he's just down and out, can't turn your back on him, etc, etc.)


I'm just saying, sounds like a little bit of codependence going on here......
more than "just being in love" people can become addicted to other people......

And I am in no way throwing stones, because I HAVE BEEN THERE,
then again, I could be way off the mark,
just some food for thought........


I see you have taken some steps to distance yourself from him, as far as no phone contact, even if for right now you are saying for one week.... applaude yourself for what you have done, it was not easy, I know,...now continue to take it day by day....and reset the same plans for next week.

Also, now that there is no phone conversation, what will you do when he shows up at your place?
Cause you know he's not going away right?

So, do you have a plan for how you will handle that?


Blessings,
dk

 

[bkschick89]

don't get it twisted y'all

yesterday was the first time he stole from me, and I've since ceased total communication with him.

this is a first time occurrence not something i been putting up with.

 

[bkschick89]

Hey there,

I have a few questions for you:

1. Are you afraid you will be lonely without him in your life?

2. Do you feel validated/complete/made whole by his affection?

3. Are you on some level thankful and grateful that he "needs you"? (you help him out when no no one else will/ you do for him what no one else will do and you know this)

4. Do feel in some way responsible for him(he's just down and out, can't turn your back on him, etc, etc.)


I'm just saying, sounds like a little bit of codependence going on here......
more than "just being in love" people can become addicted to other people......

And I am in no way throwing stones, because I HAVE BEEN THERE,
then again, I could be way off the mark,
just some food for thought........


I see you have taken some steps to distance yourself from him, as far as no phone contact, even if for right now you are saying for one week.... applaude yourself for what you have done, it was not easy, I know,...now continue to take it day by day....and reset the same plans for next week.

Also, now that there is no phone conversation, what will you do when he shows up at your place?
Cause you know he's not going away right?

So, do you have a plan for how you will handle that?


Blessings,
dk

wow, i can honestly answer yes to all of those.

not worried about him showing up at my place because he doesn't exactly know where i live. my mom doesn't know about him and lets just say I'm not allowed to date... (please no lectures on that part)

only place he would know where to find me is my job or school and i hope he does show up begging

 

[Mai Tai]

the mind, the heart,the talking, the holding, the hugging, the kissing, the loving and actually yes the potential (amazing musician skills) and maybe (future) money. its when he had money that he treated me like a queen, when he ran out is when i started feeling used.

was i being used from the beginning? just a trap to hold me in or is he really just down and out and needs help getting his **** together?

damn y'all really think he's on cocaine or crack. i'm googling signs and symptoms of it

At first I felt a little sorry for you BKSCHICK89...however you continue to make excuses for his behavior, and your lack of good judgement. I do not want to sound mean, because my comments are backed by love, and respect, but, girlfriend...what happened to your common sense!?!

Peep game...

1. You CANNOT change a man! Period. What you see is what you get. What you experienced in the past with him, is just that...THE PAST.

2. Why would he want to change when he has a suga mama (yes, baby, you trickin') funding his weed and/or crack habit.

3. You need to stop sleeping with him. No amount of "good, good", lovin', or whatever young ladies call their private parts these days is going to make him do right by you, or be faithful to you. A man cheats because he WANTS too.

4. You have to do you. You are young, and have your future in front of you. If you become homeless, pregnant, or HIV+ because of this man, it is completely, 100%, undeniably, YOUR FAULT! So don't come back to this forum in 2 years, trashing, and talking bad about this man because he got you pregnant, and is somewhere on the other side of the world living his life while you and your child live in a cardboard box with no food or clothes. There will be no sympathy, whatsoever!

5. You already know what you need to do and are either too desperate, unconfident, or blind to actually do what needs to be done.

Again, I'm not trying to be mean nor malicious...I'm just trying to hip a young sista to some game. Be about your business, not foolishness. Dumb and foolish women come a dime a dozen, and all men know this. Get your education, make your money, and kick this loser to the curb!

Nuff said!

 

[Mai Tai]

BTW, I'm no expert, but I know a thing or two about relationships, and men. If you need further council just PM me. I love helping young sistas out.

 

[crlsweetie912]

This whole scenario is wrong on so may levels.....

 

[MissMeWithThatIsh]

At 19 the only thing that should be wearing out your bank account is you. *** his sorry behind, and when you are single, and he's lonely, he'll get a job real quick.

 

[twilight80]

Of course he is going to cry, he doesn't know how he is going to survive without you. But yeah too many warning signs that he can't do nothing for you but stress you out.

 

[blue_flower]

"get this though, he has a lawsuit in his hands and may be comming into a lot of money,i mean A LOT but theres no telling how long that would take. . .would you stay with him or is it not worth it? "

I've heard that line before! He sounds like a total loser and I wouldn't stay.

 

[FlowerHair]

"get this though, he has a lawsuit in his hands and may be comming into a lot of money,i mean A LOT but theres no telling how long that would take. . .would you stay with him or is it not worth it? "

I've heard that line before! He sounds like a total loser and I wouldn't stay.

And winning a lawsuit is NOT making money. Are you staying for the money?

I think this whole issue is a no-brainer.

Who am I to talk, I was just as big a fool at 19 erplexed
Just remember, it can take you 15-20 years to recover completely from a jerk like this!

 

[Princess4real]

Yo, these threads are killing me! This must be a New Years Eve joke. I think we are all being punked.

 

[bkschick89]

And winning a lawsuit is NOT making money. Are you staying for the money?

I think this whole issue is a no-brainer.

Who am I to talk, I was just as big a fool at 19 erplexed
Just remember, it can take you 15-20 years to recover completely from a jerk like this!

spending MY money with nothing to show for it is my problem.

if he were to come into a lot of money of his own, this problem wouldn't exist.

 

[MzLady78]

spending MY money with nothing to show for it is my problem.

if he were to come into a lot of money of his own, this problem wouldn't exist.

*SMDH*

No, hun- this is one of MANY problems with this situation.

I say this out of genuine concern, but it is unbelievable how much denial you're in. You have excuse after excuse, explanation after explanation. I mean does it really matter that he's only stolen from you once? How many times to you is enough to warrant leaving his trifling *** alone? 3, 4- what?

You asked the question, but are clearly not ready to hear the truth, which is unfortunate. I can tell it's going to take something EXTREME for you to wake up.

Best of luck to you.

 

[Mai Tai]

spending MY money with nothing to show for it is my problem.

if he were to come into a lot of money of his own, this problem wouldn't exist.

Sweetie, you cannot seriously be this naive. your problem WILL still exist because he will spend his money and yours and still have nothing. More money does not solve problems. Whatever bad habits he has while he is broke, he will have once he gets more money. The only difference is that he has a bigger amount to blow. If he is a crackhead while he's broke, once he gets this so called large sum of money, he will just be a crackhead with a Benz! (Which he will eventually sell for an 8-ball)

Boy, these young girls just don't put 2 & 2 together.

 

[Mai Tai]

No, hun- this is one of MANY problems with this situation.

I say this out of genuine concern, but it is unbelievable how much denial you're in. You have excuse after excuse, explanation after explanation.

You asked the question, but are clearly not ready to hear the truth, which is unfortunate. I can tell it's going to take something EXTREME for you to wake up.

Best of luck to you.

MzLady! You took the words right out of my mouth. We trying to help, and there is excuse, after excuse, after excuse.