What Do These Color Threads Say About the Marriage Rate of Black Women

[hennagirl]

We have a thread regarding dark-skinned children. Some, in fact, many of the posts in this thread acknowledge that it may be common for women to choose partners based on skin color. We have another thread started by a woman who expresses a preference for light-skinned children. We have other threads that address the marriage rates of black women and lament the dearth of good black men. We have threads that say we should embrace IR dating because there are no good black men. I acknowledge that many, many black men are in jail, on drugs, unsuitable partners for one reason or another but I have to wonder how many are dismissed for reasons like:
color
he drives a bus
he doesn't want to pay my bills
I don't like the way he dresses
he doesn't club
he doesn't have the Smirk
he treats me too well
he insists on fidelity
he wants the house clean

I am not advocating that any woman settle for any man just to have a man. I do wonder if our criteria for our mates is based on a rational construct.

 

[JamericanGurl]

I've always wondered myself when women say:

1. I want an educated brother...but she can't read beyond Dr. Seuss
2. I want a fione man...But she looks like got dammit I'll bite ya!
3. I want a man with a good job...But she is either unemployed or under employed.
4. I want a man with some class...But she often sits on stoops taking Old E to the head.

What gives people the right to desire shyt they themselves don't even possess?

 

[WomanlyCharm]

I've always wondered myself when women say:

1. I want an educated brother...but she can't read beyond Dr. Seuss
2. I want a fione man...But she looks like got dammit I'll bit ya!
3. I want a man with a good job...But she is either unemployed or under employed.
4. I want a man with some class...But she often sits on stoops taking Old E to the head.

What gives people the right to desire shyt they themselves don't even possess?

Because many think they are ENTITLED to have something better, whether they are worthy of it or not. You know that, JG. It's about that sense of ENTITLEMENT.

Don't get me wrong, there's nothing wrong with marrying "up" or wanting a better standard of life...but when your lazy *** isn't doing anything to achieve that for yourself, and you just want someone to hand you stuff on a silver platter, that's where it all gets screwed up.

 

[hennagirl]

I've always wondered myself when women say:

1. I want an educated brother...but she can't read beyond Dr. Seuss
2. I want a fione man...But she looks like got dammit I'll bit ya!
3. I want a man with a good job...But she is either unemployed or under employed.
4. I want a man with some class...But she often sits on stoops taking Old E to the head.

What gives people the right to desire shyt they themselves don't even possess?

I am trying to proof this document and you made me spit on it a little. Please refrain from being funny until this evening when this project is behind me. What is the world is Old E?????

 

[Bint Yusef]

I. What is the world is Old E?????

Olde English. A popular malt liquor that comes in a 40oz container and is best served in a brown paper bag.

 

[cocosweet]

I am trying to proof this document and you made me spit on it a little. Please refrain from being funny until this evening when this project is behind me. What is the world is Old E?????

Old English Malt Liquor. Liquid crack basically.
http://content.answers.com/main/content/wp/en/thumb/5/55/180px-OE_800.JPG

 

[Mizani_Mrs]

I'm not directing this specifically at you. but my question is SO WHAT! So what if a woman says all the criteria below. so what if she doesnt want a man driving a bus. I think we are entitled to our preferences and other women shouldnt be getting mad at us. I think a woman or anyone has the right to have a preference AS LONG AS she is equal to what she is requesting. Its ok for a pretty woman with a shapely body to say that she is attracted to a man with muscles. Its ok for a chick who is a lawyer to say she wants her man to make 6figures... If they are willing to wait and be single until they find their perfect mate, then why should u care? why are you so worried about making them hurry up and choose some dude on the street just cause he's 'nice' or just cause he's black???

We have a thread regarding dark-skinned children. Some, in fact, many of the posts in this thread acknowledge that it may be common for women to choose partners based on skin color. We have another thread started by a woman who expresses a preference for light-skinned children. We have other threads that address the marriage rates of black women and lament the dearth of good black men. We have threads that say we should embrace IR dating because there are no good black men. I acknowledge that many, many black men are in jail, on drugs, unsuitable partners for one reason or another but I have to wonder how many are dismissed for reasons like:
color
he drives a bus
he doesn't want to pay my bills
I don't like the way he dresses
he doesn't club
he doesn't have the Smirk
he treats me too well
he insists on fidelity
he wants the house clean

I am not advocating that any woman settle for any man just to have a man. I do wonder if our criteria for our mates is based on a rational construct.

 

[glamazon386]

What gives people the right to desire shyt they themselves don't even possess?

I often wonder this myself JG. But what's Old E?

 

[glamazon386]

I'm not directing this specifically at you. but my question is SO WHAT! So what if a woman says all the criteria below. so what if she doesnt want a man driving a bus. I think we are entitled to our preferences and other women shouldnt be getting mad at us. I think a woman or anyone has the right to have a preference AS LONG AS she is equal to what she is requesting. Its ok for a pretty woman with a shapely body to say that she is attracted to a man with muscles. Its ok for a chick who is a lawyer to say she wants her man to make 6figures... If they are willing to wait and be single until they find their perfect mate, then why should u care? why are you so worried about making them hurry up and choose some dude on the street just cause he's 'nice' or just cause he's black???

I don't think that's what JG meant. I think she was getting at being on the same level.

 

[N.P.R. Addict]

I've always wondered myself when women say:

1. I want an educated brother...but she can't read beyond Dr. Seuss
2. I want a fione man...But she looks like got dammit I'll bit ya!
3. I want a man with a good job...But she is either unemployed or under employed.
4. I want a man with some class...But she often sits on stoops taking Old E to the head.

What gives people the right to desire shyt they themselves don't even possess?

This is for you JG- because you have been getting out of hand this morning!

Now back to topic, HG you may have a point maybe some women are dismissing men because of the reasons you listed and many more shallow reasons. But to be fair, many women are just pushing back because of the high and sometimes unattainable physical standards society/men place on women as a whole. These threads have shown us that people will disregard every valuable internal attribute a person has from character to personality to intellect and defer to external physical characteristics like weight, height and skin color. So I think it goes both ways.

 

[Bint Yusef]

I've always wondered myself when women say:

1. I want an educated brother...but she can't read beyond Dr. Seuss
2. I want a fione man...But she looks like got dammit I'll bit ya!
3. I want a man with a good job...But she is either unemployed or under employed.
4. I want a man with some class...But she often sits on stoops taking Old E to the head.

What gives people the right to desire shyt they themselves don't even possess?

Do you think desire and expectations are the same thing?

 

[Dee-Licious]

Olde English. A popular malt liquor that comes in a 40oz container and is best served in a brown paper bag.

@ a full definition


Come on now HG. Now you know the blue collar brother who works hard isn't good enough anymore One must have a set criteria of standards that MUST be met. If knee-gro can't meet all of those he need-not apply.

Whether the woman is perfect or not the man must be perfect. No working with each other to help the other improve

 

[shynessqueen]

I've always wondered myself when women say:

1. I want an educated brother...but she can't read beyond Dr. Seuss
2. I want a fione man...But she looks like got dammit I'll bit ya!
3. I want a man with a good job...But she is either unemployed or under employed.
4. I want a man with some class...But she often sits on stoops taking Old E to the head.

What gives people the right to desire shyt they themselves don't even possess?

OK on a not so funny note. I never knew what I had until I joined this forum. I'm happy I have a good man that I can continue to grow with.
If my husband to be and I was to ever part I will be alone for the rest of my life. There's to many rules to finding a man, dating a man and Getting a man to marry you.

 

[XXXtacy]

I am not advocating that any woman settle for any man just to have a man. I do wonder if our criteria for our mates is based on a rational construct.

ITA. I have had friends to marry Mr. Perfect, with all the money, prestige, education, looks, etc. Mr. Perfect turned out to be Mr. Abuser, Self-Absorbed, Spend-a-holic, Cheater, etc I often ask my friends did it ever occur to them to desire someone who valued them, respected marriage, embraced his duties of being a husband and father and had great work ethics. Now after they have been put through it, they are looking for a different type of man.

Sometimes, I believe this unrealistic romantic vision of what a husband should be stops some women from truly ever having one.

 

[hennagirl]

I'm not directing this specifically at you. but my question is SO WHAT! So what if a woman says all the criteria below. so what if she doesnt want a man driving a bus. I think we are entitled to our preferences and other women shouldnt be getting mad at us. I think a woman or anyone has the right to have a preference AS LONG AS she is equal to what she is requesting. Its ok for a pretty woman with a shapely body to say that she is attracted to a man with muscles. Its ok for a chick who is a lawyer to say she wants her man to make 6figures... If they are willing to wait and be single until they find their perfect mate, then why should u care? why are you so worried about making them hurry up and choose some dude on the street just cause he's 'nice' or just cause he's black???

Of course you are directing your comments to me, I started the thread. That's fine. I merely wanted to point out that our preferences and the reasons for these preferences both sound and unsound impact our marriage rate. I do think, however, that we should be clear especially in public forums when we say there are no eligible black men that we define eligible in terms of specific criteria such as advanced education and/or high earnings. It appears now in public forums that we are saying there are no black men but we really mean we want more than a decent, hardworking man. There is nothing wrong with high expectations. I agree that women should not settle. I stated that in my post.

 

[JamericanGurl]

Do you think desire and expectations are the same thing?

No! But I think to expect an:

Educated, Fione, Classy, Debonair, Successful man with Scrilla....When yo arse is popping gum, pattin yo freeze frame weave that's spray painted multi colors, wearing dragon lady nails with charms...Asking me if I wanna upgrade to a combo meal for just .20 cents more.... is crazy...That's all!

Desire should come from where you'd see yourself

 

[JamericanGurl]

I often wonder this myself JG. But what's Old E?

 

[thiccknlong]

I'm not directing this specifically at you. but my question is SO WHAT! So what if a woman says all the criteria below. so what if she doesnt want a man driving a bus. I think we are entitled to our preferences and other women shouldnt be getting mad at us. I think a woman or anyone has the right to have a preference AS LONG AS she is equal to what she is requesting. Its ok for a pretty woman with a shapely body to say that she is attracted to a man with muscles. Its ok for a chick who is a lawyer to say she wants her man to make 6figures... If they are willing to wait and be single until they find their perfect mate, then why should u care? why are you so worried about making them hurry up and choose some dude on the street just cause he's 'nice' or just cause he's black???

Whew! Thank you! *Standing Ovation* One of the best and most direct responses on the board. She has the right, as long as she possess the same or similar qualities. Exactly, why should anyone else have that much care about what another human does in their life? Especially if it doesnt involve them or that person is not hurting someone? Many times, issues are exposed in various manners.

 

[XXXtacy]

I've always wondered myself when women say:

1. I want an educated brother...but she can't read beyond Dr. Seuss
2. I want a fione man...But she looks like got dammit I'll bit ya!
3. I want a man with a good job...But she is either unemployed or under employed.
4. I want a man with some class...But she often sits on stoops taking Old E to the head.

What gives people the right to desire shyt they themselves don't even possess?

Snap Snap Snap Snap - Speak Sister - The truth is the light

You took us way back with that one. Heck I wonder if they even know about Thunderbird.

 

[chica_canella]

I believe that women have desires or personal attractions that they want in a man and it doesn't make it wrong.

Now, if that women only dates someone because of their physical characteristics and may find somone who has great personal qualities, but rejects him because of his aesthetical appearance-that is wrong IMO.

But I don't think that is what most black women are doing. The majority of black women love black men, can't say the numbers are the same on the male-end of the spectrum.

In conclusion, I can't change anyone elses life choices and make someone date the person I think they should date.

 

[northernbelle]

We have a thread regarding dark-skinned children. Some, in fact, many of the posts in this thread acknowledge that it may be common for women to choose partners based on skin color. We have another thread started by a woman who expresses a preference for light-skinned children. We have other threads that address the marriage rates of black women and lament the dearth of good black men. We have threads that say we should embrace IR dating because there are no good black men. I acknowledge that many, many black men are in jail, on drugs, unsuitable partners for one reason or another but I have to wonder how many are dismissed for reasons like:
color
he drives a bus
he doesn't want to pay my bills
I don't like the way he dresses
he doesn't club
he doesn't have the Smirk
he treats me too well
he insists on fidelity
he wants the house clean

I am not advocating that any woman settle for any man just to have a man. I do wonder if our criteria for our mates is based on a rational construct.

Very eloquently stated, hennagirl. I was wondering the same things.

 

[hennagirl]

Whew! Thank you! *Standing Ovation* One of the best and most direct responses on the board. She has the right, as long as she possess the same or similar qualities. Exactly, why should anyone else have that much care about what another human does in their life? Especially if it doesnt involve them or that person is not hurting someone? Many times, issues are exposed in various manners.

Take care, Thick

 

[shynessqueen]

Of course you are directing your comments to me, I started the thread. That's fine. I merely wanted to point out that our preferences and the reasons for these preferences both sound and unsound impact our marriage rate. I do think, however, that we should be clear especially in public forums when we say there are no eligible black men that we define eligible in terms of specific criteria such as advanced education and/or high earnings. It appears now in public forums that we are saying there are no black men but we really mean we want more than a decent, hardworking man. There is nothing wrong with high expectations. I agree that women should not settle. I stated that in my post.

I have to TA with ya. When I met my soon to be husband he was a straight up thug. He had gotten out of jail 2 years before I met him. He was the total opposite of what I wanted in a boyfriend. It was just something about him that made me give him a chance. I found a diamond. I just had to clean him off and let him know what I expected from him and that I believed in him

I let him know from the beginning the thug out lifestyle was going to have to stop if he wanted to be with me. He stop all that BS and I watch him grow from a thug to a well educated and well respected man. He is a great father, brother, great grand son and son. He wasn't always a great SO but he work on that and now i couldn't be any happier.

 

[chica_canella]

Of course you are directing your comments to me, I started the thread. That's fine. I merely wanted to point out that our preferences and the reasons for these preferences both sound and unsound impact our marriage rate. I do think, however, that we should be clear especially in public forums when we say there are no eligible black men that we define eligible in terms of specific criteria such as advanced education and/or high earnings. It appears now in public forums that we are saying there are no black men but we really mean we want more than a decent, hardworking man. There is nothing wrong with high expectations. I agree that women should not settle. I stated that in my post.

Seriously. The general demographics on this forum do not represent the population of black women in their 20's and 30's. If it did, I could see your point. But I think that most black women do settle and it is a much deeper problem than the few thousand (if that) who voice their opinion on a forum.

 

[frostydoll]

I've always wondered myself when women say:

1. I want an educated brother...but she can't read beyond Dr. Seuss
2. I want a fione man...But she looks like got dammit I'll bite ya!
3. I want a man with a good job...But she is either unemployed or under employed.
4. I want a man with some class...But she often sits on stoops taking Old E to the head.

What gives people the right to desire shyt they themselves don't even possess?

This is sooooo real! Don't expect someone to do what you can't do.

 

[janiebaby]

Seriously. The general demographics on this forum do not represent the population of black women in their 20's and 30's. If it did, I could see your point. But I think that most black women do settle and it is a much deeper problem than the few thousand (if that) who voice their opinion on a forum.

I would also like to add that even the women who say that they want x, y, and z do settle. I think that all women have a wish list so do men. It is competely unfair though to ask from someone what you don't already possess or are working towards (and I don't mean wishing for).

 

[JamericanGurl]

I don't think that's what JG meant. I think she was getting at being on the same level.

Exactly! If you not on his same level you got a lot of freakin nerve?
What? You think he want a dummy on his arm? He might share his bed with you for a minute, but trust and believe he gone treat yo arse like a vampire. Ya arse will never see daylight with him

You also have to take a look at your perception of success is? My SO is not Fione...He's okay he's cute in a dusty Jamaican kneegrow sorta way. He doesn't know Asti Spumante from Cristal, He's not college educated, but he's very smart. He's not an executive, but earns six figures. The most important thing to me is that he's spent years loving me.

 

[frostydoll]

I have to TA with ya. When I met my soon to be husband he was a straight up thug. He had gotten out of jail 2 years before I met him. He was the total opposite of what I wanted in a boyfriend. It was just something about him that made me give him a chance. I found a diamond. I just had to clean him off and let him know what I expected from him and that I believed in him

I let him know from the beginning the thug out lifestyle was going to have to stop if he wanted to be with me. He stop all that BS and I watch him grow from a thug to a well educated and well respected man. He is a great father, brother, great grand son and son. He wasn't always a great SO but he work on that and now i couldn't be any happier.

See I admire this and I'm glad that you posted this. It just made me feel a little better about my current situation and hearing the comments that a few family members have made.

 

[thiccknlong]

Seriously. The general demographics on this forum do not represent the population of black women in their 20's and 30's. If it did, I could see your point. But I think that most black women do settle and it is a much deeper problem than the few thousand (if that) who voice their opinion on a forum.

Very excellent point. I think this is very very true. Alot of girls I know have settled and have experienced MUCH worse than what the ladies with Mr Perfect were said to have gone through. The girls I know have some STD's , guy is at the club on the regular, he makes more problems like doesnt help with anything goes to work and makes a mess in the house, one of them wont keep a job, I mean, it's just real to find someone who is nice to you, of course.

But while doing so, you'd be smart or...have common sense to make sure he has a good work ethic, some Godliness, doesnt have alot of kids or baby mamas and the like.

This is just good ole common sense.

And many of us are not using it.

 

[shynessqueen]

Exactly! If you not on his same level you got a lot of freakin nerve?
What you think he want a dummy on his arm? He might share his bed with you for a minute, but trust and believe he gone treat yo arse like a vampire. Ya arse will never see daylight with him

You also have to take a look at your perception of success is? My SO is not Fione...He's okay he's cute in a dusty Jamaican kneegrow sorta way. He doesn't know Asti Spumante from Cristal, He's not college educated, but he's very smart. He's not an executive, but earns six figures. The most important thing to me is that he's spent years loving me.

Yes girl you have found the secret. I know that one day I might be more successful money wise then my SO. I don't care just as long as he keeps on loving me and laying it down, we will grow old together.