What a latin guy told me about black couples.....

[dannie]

I had a really interesting convo with a Columbian guy today who says he prefers Black/Asain women, but dates all kinds. He was raised in Coulmbia until he was 5, and says racial attitudes are more hostile in America. I thought he'd be a good person to ask a few questions to. My first question was "do you find black women attitudy and hard to get along with". He said not more than any other type of women he's dated. I then asked him how he feels about what many black men say about us, in reference to the above. He responded that it's all a bunch of b.s and they have a tendency to either treat non-black women better, or run over them and use them, either way it has nothing to do with black women at all, and rather their own personal attitude. He believes there is a problem with the way black people treat each other in realationships and in social life period.

Another interseting point. He feels black women have too much faith in black men. In terms of being reluctant to date outside their race.

Of course I'm not saying he's right or wrong, but I just found his answers very interesting and wanted to share since this has been a hot topic around here lately. We aren't the only ones who notice this in our community. These are just his personal experiences, we each go thru life differently.

 

[deedabug]

personally...i dont have "too much faith" in black men...thats juss what im attracted to...i really dont think dating within ur own race is about faith or anything else..to me it should be the natural thing to do...if i had a real, hardcore attraction to men outside of the race then i would go for it...but it juss aint there...for me..deep down i love soup cooler lips and deep dark skin with some greasy shine to it...i rarely even like light skinneded men...lol

i do think ur friend was on point on the other things

 

[vevster]

[ QUOTE ]
He feels black women have too much faith in black men.

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I can see why he would say this. I see a lot of black women put up with a lot of CRAP from black men.

 

[KeraQueen]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
He feels black women have too much faith in black men.

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I can see why he would say this. I see a lot of black women put up with a lot of CRAP from black men.

[/ QUOTE ]

I think some women of ALL races put up with a lot of crap from their men - not just black women!!

 

[TripleP]

I am just "learning" to date outside of my race. It was a taboo for me but I am slowly learning to deal with my inner demons. I love black men and would love to marry one but I am not going to cut myself short because love is blind so if i end up marrying a purple guy as long as he treats me good then i guess we will be having some purple babies /images/graemlins/smile.gif

 

[TBird]

[ QUOTE ]
I am just "learning" to date outside of my race. It was a taboo for me but I am slowly learning to deal with my inner demons. I love black men and would love to marry one but I am not going to cut myself short because love is blind so if i end up marrying a purple guy as long as he treats me good then i guess we will be having some purple babies /images/graemlins/smile.gif

[/ QUOTE ]

Speak that truth girl.

 

[model_chick717]

THx for the insight dannie_19....I think your friend made some good points. I think in some ways--black men may think black women have attitudes, etc., but will turn around and be with a woman of another race and automatically will treat her better or the opposite as your friend says. Because living in a huge latina environment--I attest that us black women aren't the only ones who are pretty fiesty... /images/graemlins/wink.gif

 

[Chyna Red]

I agree Kera..

 

[Armyqt]

[ QUOTE ]
I attest that us black women aren't the only ones who are pretty fiesty...

[/ QUOTE ]

TRUE DAT!! Black men use that lame *** excuse because THEY"RE not up to par. Not us. It's just a friggin cop-out y'all. Don't belee the hype.

 

[webby]

[ QUOTE ]
I am just "learning" to date outside of my race. It was a taboo for me but I am slowly learning to deal with my inner demons. I love black men and would love to marry one but I am not going to cut myself short because love is blind so if i end up marrying a purple guy as long as he treats me good then i guess we will be having some purple babies /images/graemlins/smile.gif

[/ QUOTE ]

It took me a long time to "learn" to date outside too.
What it taught me is, a no-good-man is a no-good-man, regardless of race/nationality. But it also taught me that time is precious and if the man I was with was wasting it, move on.

 

[dreemssold]

That's pretty funny, because I see many Latinas putting up with the same kinds of foolishness white AND Black women do.

 

[vevster]

[ QUOTE ]
I think some women of ALL races put up with a lot of crap from their men - not just black women!!


[/ QUOTE ]

True. But in my experience black women, I feel, have it worse. Just my opinion.

 

[Falon]

I say take you happiness in whatever form it comes...I don't believe in actively seeking out a person to date because of race. Just be open to all possibilites and don't let race be a determining factor in whether you choose to date a person or not.

On the list of qualites you are looking for in a man race should be at the bottom of the list.

 

[JFemme]

[ QUOTE ]
has nothing to do with black women at all, and rather their own personal attitude. He feels black women have too much faith in black men.


[/ QUOTE ]

Co-signing~I believe mens attitudes about women in general are messed up, not in the least based in reality. They can count on the many to stay befuddled w/ their antics, while they continue to have access to our energy/ lives /images/graemlins/confused.gif
And, I bet you could not find a male based forum(online) in which their convos are concerned with finding, researching how to attract and keep a mate. 99 problems & finding a good woman aint one of them ! /images/graemlins/blush.gif

 

[dannie]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
has nothing to do with black women at all, and rather their own personal attitude. He feels black women have too much faith in black men.


[/ QUOTE ]

Co-signing~I believe mens attitudes about women in general are messed up, not in the least based in reality. They can count on the many to stay befuddled w/ their antics, while they continue to have access to our energy/ lives /images/graemlins/confused.gif
And, I bet you could not find a male based forum(online) in which their convos are concerned with finding, researching how to attract and keep a mate. 99 problems & finding a good woman aint one of them ! /images/graemlins/blush.gif

[/ QUOTE ]


/images/graemlins/laugh.gif /images/graemlins/laugh.gif True, true!!!

 

[Bunny77]

[ QUOTE ]
Another interseting point. He feels black women have too much faith in black men. In terms of being reluctant to date outside their race.

[/ QUOTE ]

I agree with this, but not for the reasons most people usually bring up.

It's one thing for a black woman only to date black men because that's who she finds most attractive or because a black man shares her culture. I understand that.

But what bugs me (and what I only see in BW, not WW, HW, AW) is that BW are practically at the point of worshipping BW and it's almost pitiful. We call them kings, write songs and write poems, etc., just based on the fact that they're black men!

Black men are my brothas, definitely, but you gotta work to get me to call you a king or a prince!

I don't hear white women or other women calling their men white kings, Latin kings (well, outside of the gang, lol), and Asian kings!

I am not too keen on the idea of this undying devotion to any group of men. Men are men and black men don't deserve all this praise just because they were born black men! (same goes for men of other races).

It's ironic that black women are doing all of this verbal worship of black men and we're getting dissed in return.

 

[simplertimes]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
Another interseting point. He feels black women have too much faith in black men. In terms of being reluctant to date outside their race.

[/ QUOTE ]

I agree with this, but not for the reasons most people usually bring up.

It's one thing for a black woman only to date black men because that's who she finds most attractive or because a black man shares her culture. I understand that.

But what bugs me (and what I only see in BW, not WW, HW, AW) is that BW are practically at the point of worshipping BW and it's almost pitiful. We call them kings, write songs and write poems, etc., just based on the fact that they're black men!

Black men are my brothas, definitely, but you gotta work to get me to call you a king or a prince!

I don't hear white women or other women calling their men white kings, Latin kings (well, outside of the gang, lol), and Asian kings!

I am not too keen on the idea of this undying devotion to any group of men. Men are men and black men don't deserve all this praise just because they were born black men! (same goes for men of other races).

It's ironic that black women are doing all of this verbal worship of black men and we're getting dissed in return.

[/ QUOTE ]

/images/graemlins/clap.gifOh my gosh Bunny! My sentiments exactly. That is why Black men think they are the ish /images/graemlins/censored.gif and feel every woman wants them. I personally do not put any man on a pedestal.........especially based on color!Most are just cheaters anyway /images/graemlins/kisses.gif , it takes time to filter through them, and just choosing based on color.......No black man has ever done anything so SPECIAL for me in my lifetime!

 

[Supergirl]

I would agree--we always tend to blame ourselves for the behavior of men, but it's really not us most of the time.

 

[AceH]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
Another interseting point. He feels black women have too much faith in black men. In terms of being reluctant to date outside their race.

[/ QUOTE ]

I agree with this, but not for the reasons most people usually bring up.

It's one thing for a black woman only to date black men because that's who she finds most attractive or because a black man shares her culture. I understand that.

But what bugs me (and what I only see in BW, not WW, HW, AW) is that BW are practically at the point of worshipping BW and it's almost pitiful. We call them kings, write songs and write poems, etc., just based on the fact that they're black men!

Black men are my brothas, definitely, but you gotta work to get me to call you a king or a prince!

I don't hear white women or other women calling their men white kings, Latin kings (well, outside of the gang, lol), and Asian kings!

I am not too keen on the idea of this undying devotion to any group of men. Men are men and black men don't deserve all this praise just because they were born black men! (same goes for men of other races).

It's ironic that black women are doing all of this verbal worship of black men and we're getting dissed in return.

[/ QUOTE ]

<font color="blue"> THANK-YOU /images/graemlins/up.gif </font>

 

[MizAvalon]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
Another interseting point. He feels black women have too much faith in black men. In terms of being reluctant to date outside their race.

[/ QUOTE ]

I agree with this, but not for the reasons most people usually bring up.

It's one thing for a black woman only to date black men because that's who she finds most attractive or because a black man shares her culture. I understand that.

But what bugs me (and what I only see in BW, not WW, HW, AW) is that BW are practically at the point of worshipping BW and it's almost pitiful. We call them kings, write songs and write poems, etc., just based on the fact that they're black men!

Black men are my brothas, definitely, but you gotta work to get me to call you a king or a prince!

I don't hear white women or other women calling their men white kings, Latin kings (well, outside of the gang, lol), and Asian kings!

I am not too keen on the idea of this undying devotion to any group of men. Men are men and black men don't deserve all this praise just because they were born black men! (same goes for men of other races).

It's ironic that black women are doing all of this verbal worship of black men and we're getting dissed in return.

[/ QUOTE ]



BINGO!!

 

[Bunny77]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
Another interseting point. He feels black women have too much faith in black men. In terms of being reluctant to date outside their race.

[/ QUOTE ]

I agree with this, but not for the reasons most people usually bring up.

It's one thing for a black woman only to date black men because that's who she finds most attractive or because a black man shares her culture. I understand that.

But what bugs me (and what I only see in BW, not WW, HW, AW) is that BW are practically at the point of worshipping BW and it's almost pitiful. We call them kings, write songs and write poems, etc., just based on the fact that they're black men!

Black men are my brothas, definitely, but you gotta work to get me to call you a king or a prince!

I don't hear white women or other women calling their men white kings, Latin kings (well, outside of the gang, lol), and Asian kings!

I am not too keen on the idea of this undying devotion to any group of men. Men are men and black men don't deserve all this praise just because they were born black men! (same goes for men of other races).

It's ironic that black women are doing all of this verbal worship of black men and we're getting dissed in return.

[/ QUOTE ]

/images/graemlins/clap.gifOh my gosh Bunny! My sentiments exactly. That is why Black men think they are the ish /images/graemlins/censored.gif and feel every woman wants them. I personally do not put any man on a pedestal.........especially based on color!Most are just cheaters anyway /images/graemlins/kisses.gif , it takes time to filter through them, and just choosing based on color.......No black man has ever done anything so SPECIAL for me in my lifetime!

[/ QUOTE ]

Thank you! Thank you! /images/graemlins/cool.gif

And btw, the only black kings in my life are my daddy and my little brother! But other random black men I meet are NOT automatically going to be kings in my book unless they prove themselves as such.

(That applies to men of other races too -- I do date interracially and I don't worship white men either. They also have to prove themselves.)

 

[YOTEGRA]

I agree with your friend. I've been saying the same thing for years.

 

[dreemssold]

I continue to overlook these threads that I see disintegrating into the "I am going to date white" or "I am so sick of Black men", but I don't think I can hold it in anymore. Have we all not heard the term "Black queen"?? Where do you all think that came from--white folks?? I am certainly the LAST one to have undying devotion to any man /images/graemlins/look.gif...hell, if a man can get me to be half-heartedly devoted to him, he deserves a pat on the back, but goodness gracious, the Black man bashing is so old and tired, already. When I hear women talk about the Black man, I have to question...where are your fathers, brothers, and uncles? Because if any of them are worth a darn, how is it so easy to talk about them with such disdain? Clearly a man doesn't deserve praise if he is not a good man, but is everyone really having all this drama with Black men...or are sisters getting caught up in the hype because they had a sleazy ex? If you are continually having trouble with Black men (or women, according to some other threads), please take a long hard look at what you are and how you come across. No matter what people want to believe, you really ARE what you attract. Like attracts like, and all that jazz.

 

[Bunny77]

Dreemsold, I don't know if you were including my statement in your general post... if so, I'll just say that I stated that I'm tired of black women automatically having this fierce and almost clingy devotion to black men IN GENERAL just because they're black. I see it in Essence, Ebony, from conversations with women, etc.

I'm not having any more drama with black men than I am with any men... (actually, I haven't been having too much drama lately, but lets say about 2 years ago, I was)... but I'm saying that I don't think that black men should be put on a pedestal just for being black men.

As for the term black queen, yes, I do hear that in certain songs and usually from dudes who try to "holla" on the street (which to me negates the positive term they just tried to use on me), but not nearly as much as I hear BW using the term "black king" in regular conversation.

If you weren't including me in your statement, then I apologize. /images/graemlins/smile.gif

 

[dreemssold]

Bunny, yes, I was using part of your statement, but ALL of that was certainly not directed solely at you. It was the culmination of seeing these threads on an all to regular basis. I will say this...I don't know anything about that fierce devotion. I don't read Ebony or Essence, and for the most part, my friends are like me, and they aren't sticking around for any nonsense. I have friends with stupid love issues, of course, but no one that I would say has "clingy devotion" or sticks around in a situation that would make me think they were being stupid. I don't know those women (like attracts like again, I suppose), and if I did, they probably wouldn't discuss it with me. I guess that is why I am not seeing this. I hear Black queen far more often than Black king, and rarely from men on the street.

No, I don't think Black men should be put on a pedestal solely for being born such, but I do continue to question the role of Black men in the lives of Black women who appear to be so exasperated with their male counterparts. Even if every Black man I met was a jerk, I would know from the men in my family that good Black men do exist, and I'd look at my surrounding, habits, etc.

 

[Falon]

Just my opinion...I know we need to discuss these issues becasue they are important. But I feel like hey we have already established this so what are the solutions?

It seems like we are asking for permission to move on with our lives as black women already. We don't need permission to do anything. If you find a nice guy and he happens to be of another race you don't have to justify your actions...IF you feel like dating him do so and say the hell with what the world thinks beacause I am happy. I think sisters need to get over it and move on.

 

[caress]

[ QUOTE ]
I continue to overlook these threads that I see disintegrating into the "I am going to date white" or "I am so sick of Black men", but I don't think I can hold it in anymore. Have we all not heard the term "Black queen"?? Where do you all think that came from--white folks?? I am certainly the LAST one to have undying devotion to any man /images/graemlins/look.gif...hell, if a man can get me to be half-heartedly devoted to him, he deserves a pat on the back, but goodness gracious, the Black man bashing is so old and tired, already. When I hear women talk about the Black man, I have to question...where are your fathers, brothers, and uncles? Because if any of them are worth a darn, how is it so easy to talk about them with such disdain? Clearly a man doesn't deserve praise if he is not a good man, but is everyone really having all this drama with Black men...or are sisters getting caught up in the hype because they had a sleazy ex? If you are continually having trouble with Black men (or women, according to some other threads), please take a long hard look at what you are and how you come across. No matter what people want to believe, you really ARE what you attract. Like attracts like, and all that jazz.

[/ QUOTE ]

/images/graemlins/clap.gif /images/graemlins/clap.gif /images/graemlins/clap.gif /images/graemlins/clap.gif /images/graemlins/clap.gif

 

[Honeyhips]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
I attest that us black women aren't the only ones who are pretty fiesty...

[/ QUOTE ]

TRUE DAT!! Black men use that lame *** excuse because THEY"RE not up to par. Not us. It's just a friggin cop-out y'all. Don't belee the hype.

[/ QUOTE ]true.. But with latina women they are passionate. Black woman are angry and agressive. *roll eyes*

 

[Falon]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
I attest that us black women aren't the only ones who are pretty fiesty...

[/ QUOTE ]

TRUE DAT!! Black men use that lame *** excuse because THEY"RE not up to par. Not us. It's just a friggin cop-out y'all. Don't belee the hype.

[/ QUOTE ]true.. But with latina women they are passionate. Black woman are angry and agressive. *roll eyes*

[/ QUOTE ]

Word

 

[Bunny77]

[ QUOTE ]
Just my opinion...I know we need to discuss these issues becasue they are important. But I feel like hey we have already established this so what are the solutions?

It seems like we are asking for permission to move on with our lives as black women already. We don't need permission to do anything. If you find a nice guy and he happens to be of another race you don't have to justify your actions...IF you feel like dating him do so and say the hell with what the world thinks beacause I am happy. I think sisters need to get over it and move on.

[/ QUOTE ]

Good point. I think this is the bigger underlying issue. Whether it has to do with dating or anything else, I feel that black women don't feel the same freedom to do certain things without our "loyalty" being questioned. That can range from constantly loaning money to trifling relatives, moving away from our families to dating.

My concern is not with the black women who choose to date black men exclusively because that's their preference. That's 100% cool with me.

My concern is hearing black women (and I hear this on the board a lot as well as when I was in college, etc.) who will say they only date black men because they were taught it was wrong (from their families) or that they would be sellouts or that other races only use black women for sex and don't marry them or that they didn't want to get dirty looks on the street from black men... the list goes on.

I think those reasons are just as unhealthy as saying, "Well, I date white men because they treat me better, have more money, etc." Cause that sure as hell ain't true either!

I know there are good black men out there, and in an earlier post, I said that my dad and my brother were two examples in my own family. I believe that my dad's presence in my life is the reason that I haven't thrown myself at no-good men because he set a GREAT example of how a man should be and that I DON'T have to settle for anything else.

Dreemsold, I'm glad you don't see some of this "excess devotion" as I call it, in your daily life. But I've heard it quite a bit from some of my acquaintances -- who have general issues anyway and that's forced me to limit my contact with them -- and I remember the whole "finding a black man" thing to be a big deal when I was in college. It seemed like every week, one of the black student groups was doing some debate about interracial dating and it all ended up degrading into BW yelling at BM for dating white women. It really just made BW look incredibly pitiful.

And I may not subscribe to Ebony or Essence, but I know a lot of folks who do and who buy into this whole thing. Shoot, my own mother even will go on about "Woe is today's young black woman... black men don't want her..."

Enough already!!!

I'm just tired of this whole issue period. I say BW need to just do what's best for us for once and stop worrying about what BM are doing.