The Past Has Caught Up With Me

[finickyone]

I know his reaction hurts but thank your lucky stars that this happened. Everyone has a past & most of us have done things that we aren't proud of. From what you mentioned about your past his reaction seems so extra. Did he think you were a virgin? I'm sorry, I just can't connect the dots. If he can't get over the past, you should move on. It's not fair to you that you have made steps to change your life & he wants to remind you of horrible you are. He's shown you exactly how life will be with him in the future if something else comes up that he's not happy about.

 

[Kneechay]

he googled you because for some reason, he doesn't trust you. Usually, when someone is that untrusting, they're the ones untrustworthy and sneaky. Me thinks HE has something to hide himself...

sorry this happened to you, but he's showing you who he is. You can do better.

ETA delete the posts you have from that other forum. I don't know how he was able to prove it was you unless you had your photo up. If he can ID you from those posts, anyone can, even future employers, etc.

 

[ms.mimi]

OH HOW DARE HE! I would have gone the "f" off on his butt. It's one thing to research a person to see who your dealing with. It's a whole different monkey to have the gall to tell them.
I would not answer his calls, texts or the door if he stopped by. I would delete him from my FB,MySpace, IM's,etc... And if he did happen to catch up with me I would look him dead in his eyes and calmly tell him " If you ever bother me again I'm contacting the police....PROMISE!" Crazy motherf$&^@*
This is your show. He better play his role or be out. Don't EVER let a mf confront you on something that happened BEFORE. His butt knows who to try that on. Soooo many women would have dismissed him.

 

[MissJ]

This man called you a filthy whore. Understand that he is none of these things "kind, gentle, sweet, understanding and a great catch." I don't know what you posted back in 2009, but no one deserves to be treated the way you have been treated by this man. You have been abused, so you wouldn't recognize what a good man is. If he was so understanding, he would not have reacted the way he did.

 

[Jozze]

Hi OP, I am so sorry to hear that you're going through this but I totally agree with everyone's assessment that this man has some serious mental issues.

He's definitely shown his true colours so please believe him. No matter what he says or how much he cries or apologizes (like most abusive men do) he has already formed a strong negative opinion about who you are and has lost all respect for you (if he ever really had any). This impression will always be in the back of his mind. You've done nothing wrong. It's not like you cheated on him, is it?!? Ask yourself why is he checking up on you in the first place?!?!

He is most likely just grooming you for future abuse by destroying your self esteem...making you reliant on his validation of being worthy -which is total BS!
His behaviour is pure madness. Don't believe for a second he's not going to hold this over your head or beat you with it more to control and abuse you in future.

The real question is: When are you going to sort out your issues so you stop attracting abusive men? You're worth so much more than what this man is capable of giving you.

 

[Raspberry]

Is he a virgin? Either that or he may have some serious sexual insecurities...

I can see if he 'fessed up to googling your screename and had questions about the context of your comments but for him to go off the deep end like that isn't cool at all.

Please don't let his reaction make you feel like a super whore, we all go through things and we all make mistakes.. as long as you've learned and moved on you're good.

he probably has a small penis... just sayin.

 

[NicBenny]

Don't allow him, or anyone, to speak to you in that manner. He has absolutely no right to say such disrespectful and mean things.
I'm just confused as to why he is taking this so personal. What bearing does it have on your relationship?! As far as I can see, none. So...please don't apologize, you have nothing to apologize for, you really don't.

I'm afraid that I will have to agree with the others, if you stay, he will continue to throw this in your face. When you disagree, argue or whenever he feels the urge, he will bring this up. He now knows that he can control you by making you feel bad. Are you prepared to deal with this?

 

[MsBoinglicious]

Wow...how did he find out your old username?

But anyways, I think no matter what he says like he "forgives and forgets" the next time ya'll get into an argument I bet this will be the first thing that he throws back up in your face! Bet!

I don't have any advise to give. Just a... *hug*

 

[ImSoLexy]

Thank you so much ladies. Now I'm crying cause I feel so much better

I'm pretty sure he got my username from Skype. He just used that name and ran with it. I emailed the mods over there to have all my post removed. So hopefully they will help with that, since they are too old too edit.

And yes, I do think that he has sexual insecurity. I don't know.where it comes from though. And I never told him I was a virgin. But he kept telling me he thought that I would never talk like that.

I know this may be reaching...but he is Hispanic, so maybe the whole machismo thing is coming into play. And his mother kinda rode him for me being black, but he acted like he didn't care so neither did I. Maybe he really did.

But I have not talked to him since last night. He text me about 20 times, and I have not read them.

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[NicBenny]

I'm glad you're feeling better.

Ummm, I don't know with this guy. Just know what's to come if you do decide to stay with him.

 

[ThickHair]

I know this may be reaching...but he is Hispanic, so maybe the whole machismo thing is coming into play. And his mother kinda rode him for me being black, but he acted like he didn't care so neither did I. Maybe he really did.

NO excuse, none at all and don't try to make sense out of all of it. It is his issues, this one is all on him.

 

[topnotch1010]

I agree with the others. He sounds like a wacko who'll never let you live that down. You may as well cut your losses now.


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[libertysince05]

Thank you so much ladies. Now I'm crying cause I feel so much better

I'm pretty sure he got my username from Skype. He just used that name and ran with it. I emailed the mods over there to have all my post removed. So hopefully they will help with that, since they are too old too edit.

And yes, I do think that he has sexual insecurity. I don't know.where it comes from though. And I never told him I was a virgin. But he kept telling me he thought that I would never talk like that.

I know this may be reaching...but he is Hispanic, so maybe the whole machismo thing is coming into play. And his mother kinda rode him for me being black, but he acted like he didn't care so neither did I. Maybe he really did.

But I have not talked to him since last night. He text me about 20 times, and I have not read them.

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ImSoLexy So you like sex? wow, who knew women liked sex and had the gall to complain about it when the sex is bad? :mob: (quickly burn the witch)
Seriously as hurtful as this may be count yourself lucky that you discovered his misogyny before you were in too deep.
Even if you lied that you were a virgin, no one has the right to attempt to demean you in this manner, you know the saying that if you have nothing good to say? Even in situations where we are hurt by a loved one this applies, so this *** should have known better.
This has nothing to do with hispanics or machismo culture, this is all about him!!
You've done nothing that warrants forgiviness, in fact i find it admirable that after having bad experiences with men you're willing to try again and dont go off on a tangent on how all men are evil ...Be proud of yourself that at some point you were brave enough to take and acknowledge the sex you like.
I dont see a reason why you should remove those posts...
Anyway let this fool go...although sending him an email or txt on femenism 101 sounds good...he sounds like one of those people that when they hear about someone being raped/ abused ask what the person was wearing or whether they asked for it.

 

[ms.mimi]

But I have not talked to him since last night. He text me about 20 times, and I have not read them.

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Good for you! Don't read that crap. Hit delete and keep it moving. Let him figure out that HE was wrong! I wouldn't be surprised if he started blowing you up now that you aren't responding. He's probably confused why you aren't jumping, begging and kissing his arse.

 

[MissMasala5]

That guy sounds scary and creepy as hell. I agree with the others, you saved yourself from the clutches of a possibly unstable man.

 

[SunySydeofLyfe]

I would have cussed his *** out, see we have to flip the script on men cause they play mind trips cause alot of women are emotional wrecks and if he can tell that you 'cant' live without him after battering your self esteem then he knows he "GOT YOU". I would have asked him if he lost his mind, googling me....WTF is that about..he was looking for something and found it. Now the way he used it is to keep you walking on egg shells. Chile, grab them eggs and start throwing them at his ***. Dont set yourself up to not be the best you, with a past because of his insecurities. I wish a ***** would!!!.

 

[Ivonnovi]

OP, regarding your last post. Just Stop! perhaps you don't realize it but based on what ya'typed I can't help but wonder if YOU think its OK for Hispanics (or whatever) to call you a Whore or treat you badly!

A Rose is a Rose...... AND a Skunk is a Skunk....& dat der "man" ain't no Rose. You know what I mean? Tell him to save the drama for the Virgin Mary.

 

[nappystorm]

Unpopular opinion: I'm not mad at homeboy for doing a Google search...not at all

OP, the best thing you can do now is charge it to the game and K.I.M. Everyone has a past. People can either accept your past or they won't. He doesn't, find someone who does. And his being Hispanic does not give him the right to call you names.

 

[jerseygurl]

Unpopular opinion: I'm not mad at homeboy for doing a Google search...not at all

OP, the best thing you can do now is charge it to the game and K.I.M. Everyone has a past. People can either accept your past or they won't. He doesn't, find someone who does. And his being Hispanic does not give him the right to call you names.

The mature thing would be for him to ask her about it and have a discussion if there is need for it. But to call her names right off the bat shows that he doesn't respect her and will view anything she does or say with suspicion.

OP, wipe your tears and move on. He's not worth your tears

 

[Makenzie]

You had nothing to apologize for. If he can make you feel like dirt now, I can tell you it will only get worse. Now is the time when people usually have their best foot forward trying to make a good impression. He's flipping out on something that does not concern him at all.

Also, please do not try and understand him. It is his problem and his alone. As soon as some one disrespects you like this, you need to cut them off and keep it moving. He is not the only man on the planet. You will be ok. He is showing you who he his and how he will treat you. Please believe him.

 

[imaccami]

Well, one stereotype for black women is that we're all whores. His mom doesn't want him dating a black woman and it's kind of obvious that this isn't the first time she's ever had anything negative to say about blacks. She probably raised him to think the same way. Does that mean he's racist? IDK, I've never met him, but the apple doesn't fall far from the tree.

This dude has so many issues, I don't even see how a relationship could begin to be possible: He has stalker/abusive tendencies, he cries over you describing bad sex that happened years before you met him, and he calls you names. Those are all dealbreakers.

I have never been called a derogatory name by any man in my life and I've never been abused. I'm not saying that to brag or make you feel bad, but to show you that this man is abusive and manipulative and isn't as great as you thought.

If you stay with him you better hope he didn't tell his mom about all this because she's going to tell the rest of the fam and they're going to be talking behind your back, harassing him to dump you, and will probably throw this in your face when you get in an argument with them.

Screenshots? WTF. Why does he need evidence? He's crazy.

 

[Makenzie]

OP, this behavior is not normal. Normal functioning relationships do not consist of the behavior you described in your first post.

 

[TheGlamorousLife]

mmmmkay

this man is not your judger or maker. you don't have to answer to him.
what i don't understand is why is he so damn concern about what you wrote on a forum.
i mean did you give him your username? if so why?

girl, there is so much wrong with this.
him calling you a whore.
saying he forgives you, then he can't, then he calls you a whore again

if i was in your shoes. this punk would have caught one to his lip.

chile if no one has ever told you let me be the first,
"there are certain things you should never tell a man".
keep some sh*t to yo damn self.
watch what you say on these damn forums.

just by reading your post he sounds nuts and weird.
do not let him disrespect you. calling you a whore is a no-no. like he don't have a past.

tell him his fifthteen minutes of fame is up and to have a seat.

 

[nappystorm]

The mature thing would be for him to ask her about it and have a discussion if there is need for it. But to call her names right off the bat shows that he doesn't respect her and will view anything she does or say with suspicion.

OP, wipe your tears and move on. He's not worth your tears

I don't know what post you were reading but I never said he should have reacted like that. Nor did I say she should stay or that he had the right to call her names. Quite the opposite, actually. I simply said I'm not at at him for Googling. More people should do it but that's another thread

I've posted some ig'nant ish online and the person has every right discontinue the relationship because of it but I'll be damn if he gets away with calling me a whore. I say either get the posts removed or inform the next guy beforehand.

 

[aribell]

His behavior is obsessive and uncontrolled. So he google serached. OK. But actually making screenshots of the information? (about an experience with one man??) Flew off the handle, was angry, mean, crying (crying?!), now has "forgiven" her, and has text'd 20 time in one day?

He has no control over his emotions, which leads to his verbal abuse and tears and incessant texting. Even if he was disappointed because he thought about you differently, his inability to handle it says tons about him that is very negative.

 

[TexturedTresses]

he sounds crazy and you should thank your lucky stars that you found out so early. i wonder how many of your posts he actually sat and read through before he read those posts. that is a little further than a regular google search. you have nothing to feel bad about or to apologize about.

 

[Butterfly08]

This right here is what you call a red flag.

Have you googled his username? Or checked his emails? I'm sure he's got all kinds of little secrets hiding.

My advice, although I"m sure you won't take it, is to run as fast as your legs can carry you.

This! Some men project their own guilt and inadequacies onto a woman, because they can't face what is broken in themselves. He probably has either dogged someone out or been dogged out and never forgiven himself and/or the other person. I can't think of any other reason why he'd break down crying? Over something that happened before he even met you?

The name calling is unacceptable though and will only get worse should you choose to keep him around. I hope not.


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[1QTPie]

I changed a lot since 2009. It may have not been forever ago, but I really made steps to get over that and move on and it kills me that he saw that, but I cannot take it back. As of the last time we talked, we are still together, but he kept reading my old posts and even took screenshots of them. He said that I crushed him and that he didn't know what to do with me.

I feel so bad, and I cannot stop crying. He really made me feel like dirt, and I feel low like I did back then. What can I do?

Any person that holds your past against you and has the nerve to insult you (which is abusive) is NOT the man of your dreams. He's insecure. Insecure men can often turn into abusers. He's torturing himself and trying to make you feel awful in the process. That's not a manly thing to do. You dry up those tears. You do NOT have to put up with that. It's irrational and mean.

 

[SelfStyled]

I am so heated that he called you a whore! Really? Do you have any brothers that can address this dude? Would he call his mama that?

Seriously- Run for the Freaking Hills!!!!! And don't look back.

He showed you EXACTLY who he is - so believe it. He will never forgive, you will never live it down, so cut your losses now. Mind you, you didnt do anything wrong that needs to be forgiven. We all have a past- that's why it's called the past.

I want you to imagine that your very best friend told you this story. What advice would you give her love? You know what to do.

 

[TamedTresses]

OP, he has no right to call you out of your name. You did some things in your past, but they did not involve him. Why is he crying on your phone? WTF?! If he doesn't understand that the person you were back then is different to the person you are today, he is not worth keeping around.