Steve Harvey’s Surprising Advice For Single Woman: Stop Looking

[Southernbella.]

Well I can't stand this bald bastid but I do agree with the general sentiment (which had been posted on this board several times by several women over the years).

There is a way to be a woman and be aggressive in your pursuit of a mate without actually hunting.

 

[luckiestdestiny]

Someone was just drilling me about how to find a mate according to my previous matchmaker experience. They were like what do you mean by positioning?

Positioning is everything. It's a way to be active and passive at the same time.

Positioning. It's a fun way to do something without thinking too hard about it. Just choose where you want to be and the type of guy you like and let them come. You can pick and choose then. I rather like charity events, museum galas, theatrical events and all of their "calendar events" for patrons, tastings (food, etc), other arts events, film festivals etc. Have a fun busy schedule. Be where they are and then let them hunt. Sure you can talk to them, but being thirsty...why? I wouldn't want a man who can't open his mouth and also pursue me. I want a guy who adores me and do not settle for less lol. And of course you can't position yourself and then look like a sour puss...I mean why should anyone pursue a woman who looks like she hates being there and perhaps hates her life? That's no fun at all. So get in a good mood, play some music, dance around your room, watch something nostalgic or do something nostalgic so that you are in a fun mood. Then go to an event. Then let the hunt begin.

We should have some fun and not take ourselves too seriously. My friends drill me on things like positioning like they're taking notes because I used to work for a successful matchmaker and I'm like it's not that hard. Heck I broke off an engagement less than a year ago. Men ask all the time, it's of course about finding the right one for us. I have no doubt I'll find the right one and soon. But it's because I will have fun, and be naturally positioned so that I don't have to think about anything other than being myself and having a good time, while being selective and finding the right guy for me. The process should be fun. Enjoy it!

 

[LoveisYou]

Flirting doesn't mean hunting ppl, don't conflate the two.

It's ok to position, smile, flirt etc. I think Steve is talking about being the aggressor.

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

Well I can't stand this bald bastid but I do agree with the general sentiment (which had been posted on this board several times by several women over the years).

There is a way to be a woman and be aggressive in your pursuit of a mate without actually hunting.

Can you please elaborate or give some examples??? I'm curious what you mean....

 

[Southernbella.]

Can you please elaborate or give some examples??? I'm curious what you mean....

I saw it mentioned earlier. Aggressively positioning yourself to be found by the type of men you would want as a partner. Making sure your outward presentation is as attractive to those men as possible (whatever they're attracted to...uber feminine, flirty, witty, smart, conservative, whatever they like). Being pleasant and approachable. Stuff like that.

 

[Flourishnikov]

Give this man a medal. What he said is nothing but the truth.

On a deeper level, it's about the male-female energy, and what type of dynamic your relationship will have. Stop playing the role of hunter unless you want a relationship with a feminine-natured dude who doesn't know how to be a man and treat you as a lady. A LOT of the thinking and behavior I see from men today is feminine in nature, and the women don't even realize it anymore. We've come to see these behaviors as normal.

@mstar

 

[TopShelf]

Not to rain on the parade, but Steve has a huge following with all women and not just black women. WW are complaining about their men in epic proportions too.

I also have a question, when someone has a checkered past and they decide to redeem themselves, are they not allowed to or are they doomed to a life of ridicule till the day they die? Steve has admitted several times about his messups. He is very candid about the stuff that he has done. I have no problem with some women taking his advice to heart because many don't have men in their lives to hip them to the games man play. His advice is a pick and chose what works for you. His books are not set in stone.

A lot of what he is saying has been said before several times by different people on here, even before he wrote his books. Barbie and Zaynab have been screaming to the masses this same advice for how many years now? Mai Tai is saying the exact same thing but for free. Of course there are exceptions to the rule, but this one is golden 90% of the time. Ladies you are the prize and let him come for you. Your job is to let him know you are available and then let him put in all the work convincing you to leave your people and join his.

Eta. Pretty Please stay getting dates all the time by just positioning herself in the right place and looking as fly as she can get and men walk right up to her and start a conversation. She does not have to chase them down.

People's comments about him being divorced are weird to me because many of the women on here take advice about children from women with no children, about marriage from single never married women, dating advice, etc etc

 

[bluediamond0829]

Well last week I positioned myself in a single meet up at a nice Jamaican restaurant. At the time it was supposed to be 18 men and women that would be attending. When not even the host showed up and I was the first to arrive. I had a great evening with 4 gentlemen the oldest being 60 years old, but it was fun. I didn't run or leave because no other women showed up but I stayed had a great time and even my food was paid for(even though I just ordered a appetizer to share with one of the guys).

So position yourself with out giving it much thought in nice situations(after hour meet-ups, salsa dancing, working out--where you know a lot of Men will be etc)

I'm not a fan of Steve Harvey but his advice is spot on.

 

[Evolving78]

Meh I think Steve's audience is women who either were not taught or are having trouble dating. Nothing he says is revolutionary. I have a theory about this type of advice and amening as it relates to black women though, but I'm gonna keep it to myself.

Do people say this stuff to white women?

 

[Evolving78]

Well last week I positioned myself in a single meet up at a nice Jamaican restaurant. At the time it was supposed to be 18 men and women that would be attending. When not even the host showed up and I was the first to arrive. I had a great evening with 4 gentlemen the oldest being 60 years old, but it was fun. I didn't run or leave because no other women showed up but I stayed had a great time and even my food was paid for(even though I just ordered a appetizer to share with one of the guys).

So position yourself with out giving it much thought in nice situations(after hour meet-ups, salsa dancing, working out--where you know a lot of Men will be etc)

I'm not a fan of Steve Harvey but his advice is spot on.

That sounds like looking to me. It's about positioning yourself. People get mixed up thinking some man is gonna fall out of the sky, and they just fall in love if they just wait on The Lord... You gotta get out there and get busy! Live life! Seek new and interesting things and people!

 

[CurlyMoo]

Stop looking for a man, and just be attractive. Women normally knows how to be attractive, feminine, etc...things that attract men. Let men do what they normally do - hunt...in another word, look for you.

I think what he is saying look attractive and be available.
Cool, I can do that. But how do I stop thinking about it?
I really wish I could stop thinking about when I will meet the right guy.

I just realized some truths that kept me from meeting him.
Although it's enlightening it's rather depressing.

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

I think what he is saying look attractive and be available.
Cool, I can do that. But how do I stop thinking about it?
I really wish I could stop thinking about when I will meet the right guy.

I just realized some truths that kept me from meeting him.
Although it's enlightening it's rather depressing.

I think there's a difference between thinking/wondering about when you'll meet that special someone in your life to share the rest of your days with, vs. feeling ANXIOUS about when you will meet someone, or why you're single, or finding someone, etc.

I think the latter is what is detrimental. I don't think that wondering or even thinking about relationships or when you'll find "the one" is necessarily wrong/damaging. I think it's the fear/anxiety associated with that which is not good.

You can think about it, but just don't feel bad or anxious about it. In the meantime, focus more on YOURSELF, improving yourself, being the best YOU that you can be, and trying new things, meeting new people, etc. I found that when I started focusing more on MYSELF this year, not only did I start to feel less anxious about when I would find "the one", but I also felt happier. I still desire a bf and want to be married (tremendously!), but I have given up 'the search' and I'm learning to just accept whatever life throws at me and be receptive. I'm not just going to rest on my laurels (you'll never find someone that way lol), but I'm going to go out, do things, meet new people, make new friends, but in the meantime I'm also not going to beat myself up for being single at the current moment, or worry about it.

Haven't you always wondered why the people who say they don't want to be married usually end up getting married or proposed to lol?

 

[kanozas]

Anything to keep Marjorie at Paris and Milan Fashion week, I see. Why doesn't he make a book on addressing the punk-arsedness of men in the BC? Creating non-marital families and shirking their responsibilities? Why not focus on what he can do best which is show men how NOT to be a bad character? GOH

 

[CurlyMoo]

I think there's a difference between thinking/wondering about when you'll meet that special someone in your life to share the rest of your days with, vs. feeling ANXIOUS about when you will meet someone, or why you're single, or finding someone, etc.

I think the latter is what is detrimental. I don't think that wondering or even thinking about relationships or when you'll find "the one" is necessarily wrong/damaging. I think it's the fear/anxiety associated with that which is not good.

You can think about it, but just don't feel bad or anxious about it. In the meantime, focus more on YOURSELF, improving yourself, being the best YOU that you can be, and trying new things, meeting new people, etc. I found that when I started focusing more on MYSELF this year, not only did I start to feel less anxious about when I would find "the one", but I also felt happier. I still desire a bf and want to be married (tremendously!), but I have given up 'the search' and I'm learning to just accept whatever life throws at me and be receptive. I'm not just going to rest on my laurels (you'll never find someone that way lol), but I'm going to go out, do things, meet new people, make new friends, but in the meantime I'm also not going to beat myself up for being single at the current moment, or worry about it.

Haven't you always wondered why the people who say they don't want to be married usually end up getting married or proposed to lol?

Believe me I am trying and doing exactly that. I live a very full life.
But there are those moments when someone will ask, "Why are you still single?" Just recently I was speaking to my soon to be sister in-law about how she met my brother and she asked how I was doing and I said I was tired. I had just worked overtime and she responded with, "If you are so tired what are you going to do when you meet your man?" I just felt something in me plummet but being that I am good with comeback; I responded with, "Either he will fall in line and give me a back rub or GTFO."

It just made me feel as if I need to be constantly on. Like I have to be ready to meet, "The One." That's a lot of pressure.

 

[ThirdEyeBeauty]

Anything to keep Marjorie at Paris and Milan Fashion week, I see. Why doesn't he make a book on addressing the punk-arsedness of men in the BC? Creating non-marital families and shirking their responsibilities? Why not focus on what he can do best which is show men how NOT to be a bad character? GOH

I agree; men need to learn to do better. However, I must say that men do the hunting (looking, chasing, etc) and the women do the choosing. Men need to learn to address their punk-arsedness and women need to address their acceptance of punk-arsedness.

 

[hopeful]

Believe me I am trying and doing exactly that. I live a very full life.
But there are those moments when someone will ask, "Why are you still single?" Just recently I was speaking to my soon to be sister in-law about how she met my brother and she asked how I was doing and I said I was tired. I had just worked overtime and she responded with, "If you are so tired what are you going to do when you meet your man?" I just felt something in me plummet but being that I am good with comeback; I responded with, "Either he will fall in line and give me a back rub or GTFO."

It just made me feel as if I need to be constantly on. Like I have to be ready to meet, "The One." That's a lot of pressure.

I'm sure she didn't mean any harm, but that wasn't a nice reply from your future sis in law. She could have said she was sorry to hear that or I know you work really hard or get some rest. That just was not a sympathetic or compassionate response. Everyone gets tired, including her. And we all need love and support. You don't always have to be on. Just keep a open heart, take good care of you, be authentic. A mature, unselfish guy will give you a back rub and/or try to figure out a way for you to work less.

 

[bluediamond0829]

I know I posted earlier in this thread, but didn't feel like starting a new thread for this and it goes along with the topic of -- Stop Looking. If I haven't in the last couple of days/weeks/months/years been through enough crazies but I'm officially going to stop looking. I'm so over running into jerks and fools that are disrespectful, and out of pocket it would drive a sane person insane.

I am just too thru with it all. Going back to doing me. That's all I wanted to vent and air out.