I'll marry you if you change your name...

[LaBelleLL]

^^^curious theo, why? I'm on the fence as what I'd like to do. I'm thinking of keeping my maiden last name for professional thins and just heating for the rest. But part of me also feels I just should just hyphenate the whole way through. I don't have a middle name so it would be pretty easy etc

Still on the fence though

 

[Honi]

I know someone with both her ex-husband's name and her current husband's name. She said she kept her ex-husband's name after her divorce because her kids had that name and she never changed it back to her maiden name. When she got married again she hyphenated it

She didn't care if he didn't like it either.

 

[PopLife]

I know someone with both her ex-husband's name and her current husband's name. She said she kept her ex-husband's name after her divorce because her kids had that name and she never changed it back to her maiden name. When she got married again she hyphenated it

She didn't care if he didn't like it either.

...and the bottom line is the man still married her (names and all). If a man wants to marry you a name is not going to stop him.

 

[Theo]

^^^curious theo, why? I'm on the fence as what I'd like to do. I'm thinking of keeping my maiden last name for professional thins and just heating for the rest. But part of me also feels I just should just hyphenate the whole way through. I don't have a middle name so it would be pretty easy etc

Still on the fence though

My last name is.... awesome

I've thought about hyphenating. Or taking my last name as a middle name. But my last name is 3 syllables. That would be a lot. I'm still not sure. But I'm leaning towards just keeping my name b/c my father has all girls. Its an ethnic name, with meaning attached to it. At this point, I'm 99% sure I will have an MD and a master's and publications under that name before I get married. I want to be Dr. Theo!

Its also looking pretty likely that I will marry another doctor and if I do, I am not changing my name, definitely. I'm doing academia and I've just seen lots of confusion happen when two doctors working in the same hospital have the same last name... most academic MD couples do not share last names and I can see why. Its a hassle. Plus my first name is ethnic as well, most ppl don't know if I'm a girl or a guy from reading it, even though it sounds quite feminine to me.

I dunno... its a lot of different things. I've been in two long-term relationships where the guy wanted to marry me, and though they didn't take it well at first, they were on board after awhile. So I don't anticipate it being that big of a deal. I think I tend to argue my case well

 

[Syrah]

My last name is.... awesome

I've thought about hyphenating. Or taking my last name as a middle name. But my last name is 3 syllables. That would be a lot. I'm still not sure. But I'm leaning towards just keeping my name b/c my father has all girls. Its an ethnic name, with meaning attached to it. At this point, I'm 99% sure I will have an MD and a master's and publications under that name before I get married. I want to be Dr. Theo!

Its also looking pretty likely that I will marry another doctor and if I do, I am not changing my name, definitely. I'm doing academia and I've just seen lots of confusion happen when two doctors working in the same hospital have the same last name... most academic MD couples do not share last names and I can see why. Its a hassle. Plus my first name is ethnic as well, most ppl don't know if I'm a girl or a guy from reading it, even though it sounds quite feminine to me.

I dunno... its a lot of different things. I've been in two long-term relationships where the guy wanted to marry me, and though they didn't take it well at first, they were on board after awhile. So I don't anticipate it being that big of a deal. I think I tend to argue my case well

This. And I've seen a number of professional women who have established some degree of brand with their maiden names continue to use them professional despite legally changing their names.

 

[aribell]

Too me, he's more attached to the name than she is. If he can't look past a name (that will be changed once they get married) what other silly little hang ups will he not be able to look past in the future.

The reason I feel like it's just a stall tactic is if her name bothered him so much there are two logical solutions 1. leave her and move on with your life or 2. marry her and get the name changed already.

I think this goes beyond the name change and is a look into what her future will be like with him.

Sure. But she's still with him. It's not about whether any other woman would want him, only her. Obviously she does, otherwise she wouldn't be on national radio asking the question. Whatever his hangups are, she feels that he's worth sticking with. At least if she did the name.change and he still stalled, she would have known with proof that it was an excuse and she would not have wasted the next two years with him. If she did the change and he proposed, well, he kept his word.

Maybe he suspects that she's not over her ex and feels that she should sever that "apparent" tie before he commits himself to her. We don't know what his reasoning is, really. He could be completely wrong, but given that it is a minor issue, it costs her little to accommodate. If the worst he asks of her is an administrative hassle, she's probably better off than a lot of women.

I could understand more if the name change were going to cost her significantly...but it wouldn't. The issue could have been resolved by now.

 

[ScorpioBeauty09]

The name is just an excuse. If a man wants to marry you he will and a name won't matter. Honestly when men get all upset over the "name" issue I think they're either coming up with excuses or are controlling or both. It's like we're property and not people. Oh and btw, I despise Steve Harvey and his advice.

 

[gabulldawg]

i bet if she changed her name he would just come up with a different reason why he can't get married yet

Ding ding!! At this point it's definitely a power thing. He wants to see if she will do it.

 

[ladysaraii]

I heard this also and OP left out some important details. Dude told her this 1 year into their relationship - I want to marry you, but I won't until you change your name back. At the time she wrote the Strawberry Letter, they were at year 3, going on 4. She had asked him numerous times when he was going to propose and his answer has been consistent "when you change your name".

If she wanted to marry him, and he's told her his ONE condition for marriage then is it really him that is stalling and making excuses??

I can't stand Steve Harvey. But I'm with him on this one.

I think she is stupid for wondering why he wont marry her, unless she's asking why he really wont marry her


But his request is out of line IMO. It's stupid and petty. I would understand if she had her ex's name and intended to keep it post marriage.

I personally dont intend on changing my name from my maiden name if I get married. Stop all the ****** in its tracks

 

[MD_Lady]

And THIS:

I agree with "where you draw the line" because there's a precedent being set. My only point is its silly to wonder why it hasn't happened when the answer is obvious. Dude hasn't changed his tune. So you either decide you want to be with dude and acquiesce or you decide you don't and keep it moving. You don't sit around wondering "why?" especially when he's told you his deal from jump and has been consistent about that.

ETA: Its also tough to say that the request is random - not enough info to say one way or the other.

is how Steve Harvey SHOULD have answered the question (instead of using it as a platform to launch into his usual "let a man be a man" schpeel).

 

[tropical-punch]

This is just stupid

 

[Keen]

Personally, I don't see why women are so hell bent on keeping the exes name but this is dumb. He can easily solve this problem by marrying her.

I don't think they are hell bent. I think a lot of them just don't care enough to make the effort to change it.