Steve Harvey’s Surprising Advice For Single Woman: Stop Looking

Black Ambrosia said:
^^^ He's written 2 or 3 books, has 2 movies based on those books, and talks about dating everyday on either his radio or talk show. I don't think this is all of a sudden...
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My primary point was, what makes him qualified to be giving black women advice? What is his track record? Divorced? Adultery? I think there are better people to get relationship advice from :yep:
 
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No one is questioning the subjectiveness of beauty/attraction. I was totally not even on that vibe.

What I was saying is that my original interpretation (which is also subjective) sounds like it could be subliminally translated as that old school mentality.

Mai Tai said:
Girl...didn't nobody say just "sit down and be pretty." If I recall correctly it was "be attractive" which can mean a MULTITUDE of things like yes, take care of your outer appearance, but also to be interesting, have a life, have some dignity and self-esteem, have a personality and a sense of humor. ALL of these things are attractive to men. Period.
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Why can't you say hello, how's it going, what's up or whatever you might say to engage in a conversation. It doesn't mean you're desperate or need to ask for his number, in fact you shouldn't ask for anyone's number.

I think you're on the hunt when you're flirting, so why does have to be non verbal communication only? I don't think starting a conversation with someone as pursuing, if he's interested you'll know because he'll take charge.

I don't understand just look pretty and they'll come. Some will come but what if the people who are interested in you you're not interested in or attracted to them.
 
Not to rain on the parade, but Steve has a huge following with all women and not just black women. WW are complaining about their men in epic proportions too.

I also have a question, when someone has a checkered past and they decide to redeem themselves, are they not allowed to or are they doomed to a life of ridicule till the day they die? Steve has admitted several times about his messups. He is very candid about the stuff that he has done. I have no problem with some women taking his advice to heart because many don't have men in their lives to hip them to the games man play. His advice is a pick and chose what works for you. His books are not set in stone.

A lot of what he is saying has been said before several times by different people on here, even before he wrote his books. Barbie and Zaynab have been screaming to the masses this same advice for how many years now? Mai Tai is saying the exact same thing but for free. Of course there are exceptions to the rule, but this one is golden 90% of the time. Ladies you are the prize and let him come for you. Your job is to let him know you are available and then let him put in all the work convincing you to leave your people and join his.

Eta. Pretty Please stay getting dates all the time by just positioning herself in the right place and looking as fly as she can get and men walk right up to her and start a conversation. She does not have to chase them down.
 
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tibb1908 said:
Why can't you say hello, how's it going, what's up or whatever you might say to engage in a conversation. It doesn't mean you're desperate or need to ask for his number, in fact you shouldn't ask for anyone's number.

I think you're on the hunt when you're flirting, so why does have to be non verbal communication only? I don't think starting a conversation with someone as pursuing, if he's interested you'll know because he'll take charge.

I don't understand just look pretty and they'll come. Some will come but what if the people who are interested in you you're not interested in or attracted to them.
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Do what works for you. If you are getting the results you want by engaging men in conversation, then continue. I don't see anything wrong with a friendly smile, or a witty remark if you're already in proximity to him.

When you relax into a feminine energy and mindset, secure in the knowledge that the men will come...I find that they do. And they will be masculine men who are attracted to the feminine energy you're putting out. As long as you're angling to catch his attention, or approaching him, I think that you are not fully relaxed into the feminine energy. I know it might sound counterintuitive, but doing it this way sets up a certain dynamic that men find appealing, and he will rise to the occasion.

I could give you examples from my own life, but I don't want to sound like I'm bragging. I will just say that I personally have never approached a man in all my years...I've never needed to. Even with online dating...I would never send winks or anything like that. It's a man's job to approach me. I set myself up to receive the types of men I was interested in by having a devastatingly well-written profile that was straightforward, sexy, and intriguing. That's just one example; there are plenty more I could give from real life. I met my husband online, LOL.

I totally agree that you should never ask for anyone's number. :lol: I also wouldn't accept a man's number. It's his job to call me. I'm not the hunter.
 
mstar said:
Do what works for you. If you are getting the results you want by engaging men in conversation, then continue. I don't see anything wrong with a friendly smile, or a witty remark if you're already in proximity to him.

When you relax into a feminine energy and mindset, secure in the knowledge that the men will come...I find that they do. And they will be masculine men who are attracted to the feminine energy you're putting out. As long as you're angling to catch his attention, or approaching him, I think that you are not fully relaxed into the feminine energy. I know it might sound counterintuitive, but doing it this way sets up a certain dynamic that men find appealing, and he will rise to the occasion.

I could give you examples from my own life, but I don't want to sound like I'm bragging. I will just say that I personally have never approached a man in all my years...I've never needed to. Even with online dating...I would never send winks or anything like that. It's a man's job to approach me. I set myself up to receive the types of men I was interested in by having a devastatingly well-written profile that was straightforward, sexy, and intriguing. That's just one example; there are plenty more I could give from real life. I met my husband online, LOL.

I totally agree that you should never ask for anyone's number. :lol: I also wouldn't accept a man's number. It's his job to call me. I'm not the hunter.
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I think you've made some good points but why should people leave their love life to fate? I believe in meaningful interactions whether it's for love (I'm married), business or friendship. I believe you have to make your feminine energy and action work for you. Most of us encounter a lot of people in our daily lives so why not make the most of these interactions. I believe the more men you meet, the more men you'll have to choose from and it's not about just waiting on him. I know that all of these men won't be a love connection but it could be a possible opportunity to meet new people.

BTW, when I was single I did engage in conversations with men that I was interested in and that's how I met my husband. Men approached me just like they do now but most of the time when I was looking I wasn't attracted to them or it just wasn't a match. I still believe that women can start a conversation with a man and allow him to pursue you.
 
Say what you all will about Steve Harvey, but his advice is usually SPOT ON. :yep: And yes, I may be in the minority, but I did read "Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man"....:look:

His advice may not come wrapped up in a pretty little package, but then again, neither do "The Rules". I prefer people to give it to me straight and be honest instead of beating around the bush, and I think Steve is right on a few things. I think many don't give him a lot of credit because they don't like the "messenger". But he's right!

I recently gave up the "search" about a few months ago, and while I'm still just as single as ever lol, I can feel that *something* inside of me has changed. :yep: Almost as if my vibe has shifted somewhat, and is now getting more in line of attracting the right type of guy to me. I'm SO much happier, and a lot LESS stressed. :grinwink:



*CherryPie* said:
Stop looking for a man, and just be attractive. Women normally knows how to be attractive, feminine, etc...things that attract men. Let men do what they normally do - hunt...in another word, look for you.
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^^THIS in a nutshell! :yep:

I think that when a woman is on the "prowl", it automatically puts her in a compromised, diminished position, because it's almost as if you're telling the man: "I'm not confident in my own worth, and I'm not sure you'll man up and pursue me, so I'm going to pursue you instead so that hopefully you'll like me...." :ohwell: It's a totally different vibe. :nono:

Not only is pursuing emasculating for some men, but it automatically tells the man that you're soooo interested in him, that you're willing to go AGAINST the natural order of things in order to snag him. It puts HIM on the pedestal, and you on the lower value/stock position in his mind. Sure, the guy may be flattered and may even sleep with you or go on a few dates, but very rarely will a man marry a woman who chased after him.
 
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mstar said:

I could give you examples from my own life, but I don't want to sound like I'm bragging. I will just say that I personally have never approached a man in all my years...I've never needed to. Even with online dating...I would never send winks or anything like that. It's a man's job to approach me. I set myself up to receive the types of men I was interested in by having a devastatingly well-written profile that was straightforward, sexy, and intriguing. That's just one example; there are plenty more I could give from real life. I met my husband online, LOL.

I totally agree that you should never ask for anyone's number. :lol: I also wouldn't accept a man's number. It's his job to call me. I'm not the hunter.
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Oh no, by all means.. give us some examples! Pretty please??? :pray:

I'm working on relaxing into my feminine energy as well, and I feel so much more relaxed. :yep: When I was searching, hoping, on the prowl, and desperately looking (even subtly), I never found anyone that was right for me! That, or I would find myself in unrequited love situations where I was more into the guy than he was into me. :nono:

I said never again! :hand:


So yes, I want to know your secrets/tips/experiences because I'm finally at a place now where I'm fully embracing my feminine energy, and letting go, relaxing, and allowing men to show me where they stand with me. :yep:
 
None of his advice is new or revolutionary...but it is to some people that's struggling to even get a date..or a husband. You've been on here long enough to see the tons of people that's struggling. They're reading all these doggone books... I mean, book after book, trying to figure it out. His advice is for those people.

I'm tired of him too, but I think it's good that he gives the advice for the people that need it.

RoundEyedGirl504 said:
Meh I think Steve's audience is women who either were not taught or are having trouble dating. Nothing he says is revolutionary. I have a theory about this type of advice and amening as it relates to black women though, but I'm gonna keep it to myself.
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Hello no. half of these women married to men on the rise (HIS WIFE INCLUDED) wheeled, dealed, and heavily wrote themselves into the background of the type of man they want. The stories I could tell...I dont think you need to be chasing a specific person in the traditional sense of courting him, but I think that you need to "chase" becoming a member of the type of circle that will get you the man you want. Spending time being pretty is nice, and a good idea, but get out and court being within proper proximity.
 
RoundEyedGirl504 said:
Meh I think Steve's audience is women who either were not taught or are having trouble dating. Nothing he says is revolutionary. I have a theory about this type of advice and amening as it relates to black women though, but I'm gonna keep it to myself.
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Crystalicequeen123 said:
Say what you all will about Steve Harvey, but his advice is usually SPOT ON. :yep: And yes, I may be in the minority, but I did read "Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man"....:look:

His advice may not come wrapped up in a pretty little package, but then again, neither do "The Rules". I prefer people to give it to me straight and be honest instead of beating around the bush, and I think Steve is right on a few things. I think many don't give him a lot of credit because they don't like the "messenger". But he's right!

I recently gave up the "search" about a few months ago, and while I'm still just as single as ever lol, I can feel that *something* inside of me has changed. :yep: Almost as if my vibe has shifted somewhat, and is now getting more in line of attracting the right type of guy to me. I'm SO much happier, and a lot LESS stressed. :grinwink:





^^THIS in a nutshell! :yep:

I think that when a woman is on the "prowl", it automatically puts her in a compromised, diminished position, because it's almost as if you're telling the man: "I'm not confident in my own worth, and I'm not sure you'll man up and pursue me, so I'm going to pursue you instead so that hopefully you'll like me...." :ohwell: It's a totally different vibe. :nono:

Not only is pursuing emasculating for some men, but it automatically tells the man that you're soooo interested in him, that you're willing to go AGAINST the natural order of things in order to snag him. It puts HIM on the pedestal, and you on the lower value/stock position in his mind. Sure, the guy may be flattered and may even sleep with you or go on a few dates, but very rarely will a man marry a woman who chased after him.
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So I need to know what sucessful dating entails. Is it having a lot of random *** buddies or is having a stable, long term-relationship that ends in marriage for some?

Just wondering and trying to understand where some of the ladies are coming from..

Random *** buddies...you ain't gotta do anything special for that.
 
beingofserenity said:
So I need to know what sucessful dating entails. Is it having a lot of random *** buddies or is having a stable, long term-relationship that ends in marriage for some?

Just wondering and trying to understand where some of the ladies are coming from..

Random *** buddies...you ain't gotta do anything special for that.
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Idk about anyone else on the board, but my goal is marriage....and nothing less. :look: I'm too "old" to be playing silly little games and having a man waste my time lol. My time is precious to me now. I'm no longer in my 20's. So I can't afford to be dealing w/what I call "time-wasters". I want stability, marriage, and settling down. I want a FAMILY. :yep: Plus, my religious background/moral upbringing just doesn't put me in the category of someone just looking for a random fwb or ons. :nono:

Now I know not every woman is looking for marriage, and that's OKAY. There's nothing wrong with that. Some women just don't want marriage, and that's their choice. :yep: But for me personally, my end goal is marriage...Not just marriage with anyone (otherwise I would be married long time ago), but marriage w/the RIGHT person for me. :yep:

If I just wanted to have a fling, I would have a fling by now. I would chase, call guys up, act thirsty, and do all kinds of things to put myself on their radar. But when I think back to the vibe/energy I had back when I was doing all of that stuff, it was such a nervous/anxious/fearful energy. :nono: Now, I feel more laid back, relaxed, and like I don't really give a crap lol. :lol: Either you like me or you don't! Idk if this is what happens when you get into your 30's or what lol, but I've just given up the "struggle" and have decided to focus on MYSELF first. :lol: I feel SO much more OPEN to what is in store, because I'm no longer trying to control things. I'm letting a man be a man and allowing him to show me where his interest lies. I'll be sweet, playful, feminine, mysterious, and alluring, but I'm NOT going to be initiating things, trying to act pressed to be up in his face, etc. :nono2: Those days are gone. I found that for ME, it just doesn't work. :nono: Now, I'm not saying that chasing doesn't work for SOME women. It does!! :yep: But I've realized that I'm just not one of those women that it works for lol. It's a tough pill to swallow, but I have made peace with the fact that I'm just not one of those women who can chase a man and end up in a long-term serious relationship/marriage. It just hasn't worked for me. Plus, I want a MASCULINE man. I don't think I could have as much respect for a man if I did all the work in pursuing him. Even if I did end up w/him I think it sets the tone for the rest of the relationship. :ohwell:

It may take a long time for me to end up w/someone, but I'd rather live this way than the way I was living. I wouldn't trade the self-confidence, peace w/myself, and happy energy that I have now for anything in the world. :grin:
 
beingofserenity said:
So I need to know what sucessful dating entails. Is it having a lot of random *** buddies or is having a stable, long term-relationship that ends in marriage for some?

Just wondering and trying to understand where some of the ladies are coming from..

Random *** buddies...you ain't gotta do anything special for that.
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for me successful DATING means exploring a potential relationship with a high quality partner that i am compatible with and enjoy being with/am desirous of. a successful RELATIONSHIP means the aforementioned + path to marriage.
 
LivingInPeace said:
Why keep it to yourself? What's your theory? Say what you like! Say what you feel!
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No shade to Steve and whoever this advice helps but the elephant in the room - the dating numbers are out of whack for black women who want to date black men. So all this fix your attitude, fix your approach, fix your life, fix your body advice that gets thrown at black women, while in some cases well meaning, doesn't address the bigger issue. And I know non-black women probably read his stuff, but his core audience is black.
 
Steve gives common sense advice to women. EVERYTHING he says is common sense. I find it shocking that most women don't know this (I may give a pass to younger women). But, it's common sense.

Even the bible says HE that FINDS a wife FINDS a good thing ------ ie the man is the hunter and he will find you.

Here's the reason why women are hunting men.....because most women are impatient and constantly lowering their standards to get a guy.

I'll sit over here and wait for the RIGHT guy to come along...thank you.
 
mstar said:
Even with online dating...I would never send winks or anything like that. It's a man's job to approach me. I set myself up to receive the types of men I was interested in by having a devastatingly well-written profile that was straightforward, sexy, and intriguing. That's just one example; there are plenty more I could give from real life. I met my husband online, LOL.

I totally agree that you should never ask for anyone's number. :lol: I also wouldn't accept a man's number. It's his job to call me. I'm not the hunter.
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Stop teasing and tell us single girls how to upgrade our profiles LOL
 
guudhair said:
I can't wait for the day when MEN give MEN/man boys meaningful constructive criticism and advice about being MEN. In masses over all media outlets every other day. Can't wait.
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I know....I can't wait for that day either....but sadly, I don't think it will ever come. :ohwell: I just don't think men will ever be as interested in relationships as women. Now, if all the women in the world stopped giving men sex w/out a ring, then I think they'd be flocking around in droves buying all of the relationship books they can grab and going to relationships self-help seminars lol.. :lol: What relationships is to women, sex is to men lol. :giggle: But as long as they are getting sex with OR without a relationship, then I don't see any real impetus for men to want to seek out relationship "advice". I see some guys have "pick up artist" blogs, but those aren't the same.

The relationship book market is primarily geared towards women because WOMEN are the ones usually really wanting/valuing relationships. :yep:
 
Broad definition for me: Successful dating means enjoying the company of several men and through those interactions solidify what I am looking for in a long term partner. One of the those "datees" might be the long-term partner or not. Either way dating them was still successful.
 
tibb1908 said:
What exactly does that mean? If he's saying that you shouldn't call first or ask him out on a date, I agree.

If you're on a dating site aren't you actively seeking a man or if you tell your friends that you're single again should they invite to gatherings with single men? Can you flirt?

I do not believe women should court men. If you exchange phone numbers, I believe he should take charge when you're trying to establish a relationship.
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I totally agree. I don't think there is a problem letting a man know your interested but once you give him the green light he should take the wheel and drive the relationship home. If he doesn't take the lead then investing in him on any level whether it be emotionally, financially or otherwise is a disservice to you actually having an emotionally reciprocal interaction where both parties are serious about advancing the relationship.
 
mstar said:
Even with online dating...I would never send winks or anything like that. It's a man's job to approach me. I set myself up to receive the types of men I was interested in by having a devastatingly well-written profile that was straightforward, sexy, and intriguing. That's just one example; there are plenty more I could give from real life. I met my husband online, LOL.

I totally agree that you should never ask for anyone's number. :lol: I also wouldn't accept a man's number. It's his job to call me. I'm not the hunter.
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I agree with all of this. My profile was very well written. I put so much work into it that I saved it to Evernote for a while. Wish I kept it. My pictures were thoughtfully picked and flattering. I knew that a large percentage didn't bother reading my profile but went by pics and it was easy to tell who. My block game was also very strong.
 
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