Spinoff: If your man lost everything...

[gone_fishing]

Question for those of you who are in a relationship now or thinking of getting into one.

Black women have often times been criticized for being gold diggers. Don't pretend like some of you aren't. - I saw some of the "he owes me" responses. LOL

In the "pay my bills thread" - everyone pretty much agreed that they didn't expect a man to pay their bills unless you hit some hard times and you really needed assistance.

Anyway, we all know that sometimes life throws curveballs at you and what was given to you is not necessarily promised tomorrow or a month from now.

That said, suppose that you began a relationship with a man who was well off - not necessarily rich but suppose he say...owned his own business and made a pretty good income.

At this point for the sake of argument let's say you've been dating for a year or so.

If he lost his business (through no fault of his own) - lost everything...would you still stick around even if it meant it might take him years to rebuild what he had when he met you.

Or let's say he works for a huge corporation and makes a lot of money - let's call the business Enron...

then it goes under and he's left with nothing...

Would you be willing to help him through difficult financial times even paying a few of HIS bills (if you had the means) the way you would expect him to assist you if you hit a financial hiccup.

Just curious...erplexed

Also, if you say you're willing to help...how long do you suppose you would feel that way before you finally walked out the door.

 

[Keen]

It depends.... If he is trying to get back on his feet and trying really hard to rise from his ashes then I would give him a loan. I don't think I'd pay his bill but I'd definitely give him a loan if I thought he was worthy. When I say working hard, I mean if he has to work at McDonalds' part time or delivering pizza to make ends meet, then that's what he is going to do. He should not be too proud to do what it takes to take care of his responsibilities.

 

[Honey]

I think it depends on the nature of the relationship. I would stick by my husband and do whatever was necessary to get our financial situation in order. Generally, I don't think it is wise for single people to co-mingle their funds. However, if it were a situation were I was seriously dating someone (discussing marriage/engaged/living together) and I felt that I had a good man who was going through something, I would help him.

~Honey

 

[BackToMyRoots]

I believe in working together. Through the bad times and good. As long as he hasn't giving up on life then i wouldn't give up on him. I've seen plenty of people fall and bring themselves back-up. If a person can only be around for the good times then i have to question their whole value system.

 

[Bint Yusef]

If we were engaged, yes.

Just a regular boyfriend girlfriend scenario probably not.

It would really just depend on the stage the relationship is at.

 

[shynessqueen]

I think it depends on the nature of the relationship. I would stick by my husband and do whatever was necessary to get our financial situation in order. Generally, I don't think it is wise for single people to co-mingle their funds. However, if it were a situation were I was seriously dating someone (discussing marriage/engaged/living together) and I felt that I had a good man who was going through something, I would help him.

~Honey

What she said.

 

[Ms Red]

In the relationship that I'm in, yes. I can say that because he has reciprocated the same thing for me and we want to be married. Also, I know that he will do anything in his power to get back on his feet and will appreciate me.

 

[MzLady78]

A year ago, I probably would've said yes.

Now, I really don't know.

 

[Mizani_Mrs]

I certainly would. everyone deserves a helping hand. but i WOULD NOT go broke, to help him. I would just give him whatever money that i can spare. No credit cards or loans. If i dont have it, then he can't get it.

 

[Arcadian]

Current SO? yes I would. He's a damn hard worker, and the love of my life... not much I wouldn't do for him. If I have to take the reigns for a while, so be it. It would be the same if he got ill. He'd have to do some heinous **** for me to leave (like cheat or be abusive)

At any rate, I got his back because he'd have mine. I couldn't say that about any other man but him.

-A

 

[FRO-EVER 21]

Since we live together....
To be honest, yes I would stick by him. I would take care of household expenses etc... BUT I'm not paying his bills (credit cards and such). As long as he is able-bodied he will need to get some kind of job--- flipping burgers, working at a grocery store or something.

 

[Evolving78]

My Dh- yes I would help him through whatever because it really effects both of us. His problems are my problems.
My boyfriend- it depends on the relationship. I would give him loans or go broke, but if I had the means to help I would. I would have to be willing to help himself as well.

 

[JD's Mom]

Before DH and I married, he was going through a difficult time financially. He got the short end of the stick in a divorce, and was struggling for a bit. I did help out by buying groceries, and we would split the bill sometimes when going out on dates. And on occasion I would pay. Fast forward 6-7 years, we are approaching our 6th wedding anniversary & I am currently a SAHM with a home-based business. DH is doing well at current job, and we are loving life!

 

[LadyPaniolo]

You know, when DH and I crossed that boundary from being just friends to being lovers, he helped me with everything. My situation was not tight. I was just going back to college, and he had my back to the extreme. He believed in me and showed me with his deeds that he was the man for me.

Our marriage has not been easy financially due to our choice to have me raise our kids at home. We save more than most Americans by far and away, and that leaves us VERY little to live on. But we choose it, so it's cool.

And even though I don't *love* the idea of working outside the home, I'm planning on getting a bartending job this spring, when DS is weaned. I'll only work at night when DH is at home with the kids; I'm not violating my principles. But for me, that is going to the mat for him. I'm willing to do this to help our family reach the financial goals we have set.

 

[carcajada]

If he lost his business (through no fault of his own) - lost everything...would you still stick around even if it meant it might take him years to rebuild what he had when he met you.

No doubt yes! Yes. Double yes. He doesn't even have to go back to work. I'd take two, three, or however many jobs to support us and rebuild what he had if that ever happened. He's done so much for me already that this question is a no brainer.

 

[*Frisky*]

No doubt yes! Yes. Double yes. He doesn't even have to go back to work. I'd take two, three, or however many jobs to support us and rebuild what he had if that ever happened. He's done so much for me already that this question is a no brainer.

I like this answer...I would do the same

 

[PinkSkates]

Originally posted by Honey
I think it depends on the nature of the relationship. I would stick by my husband and do whatever was necessary to get our financial situation in order. Generally, I don't think it is wise for single people to co-mingle their funds. However, if it were a situation were I was seriously dating someone (discussing marriage/engaged/living together) and I felt that I had a good man who was going through something, I would help him.

Exactly what she said! And it's only money. Money comes and money goes. I have learned from the years of investing. But true love is damn near impossible to find these days!

 

[carcajada]

I like this answer...I would do the same

Where have YOU been, fellow newlywed?

 

[cocosweet]

I'd stick by my husband and do what I could to help. If he were a serious boyfriend, I'd help where I could provided he didn't allow himself to be defeated and lie down and do nothing.

 

[cocoberry10]

I think it depends on the nature of the relationship. I would stick by my husband and do whatever was necessary to get our financial situation in order. Generally, I don't think it is wise for single people to co-mingle their funds. However, if it were a situation were I was seriously dating someone (discussing marriage/engaged/living together) and I felt that I had a good man who was going through something, I would help him.

~Honey

It depends.... If he is trying to get back on his feet and trying really hard to rise from his ashes then I would give him a loan. I don't think I'd pay his bill but I'd definitely give him a loan if I thought he was worthy. When I say working hard, I mean if he has to work at McDonalds' part time or delivering pizza to make ends meet, then that's what he is going to do. He should not be too proud to do what it takes to take care of his responsibilities.

Pretty much what they said. If it were my husband, I would expect him to have that “hustle” mentality in the sense that he would do what was needed to protect and provide (i.e. like Keen said, work at McDonalds’, sell newspapers, etc.). A man who will do this to protect and provide is the kind of man I would want to be with. Also, of course I would work extra jobs if needed, but I still expect that protector/provider mentality from him!

 

[dlewis]

No doubt yes! Yes. Double yes. He doesn't even have to go back to work. I'd take two, three, or however many jobs to support us and rebuild what he had if that ever happened. He's done so much for me already that this question is a no brainer.

Dont know about all those jobs but I would stick by him.

 

[gymfreak336]

I would. Me and my boyfriend have been together for 2 years. Actually, this scenario is a familar on to us. To make a long story short, when we started dating he had lots of money. Anything I wanted I could get. Tiffany, Chloe, he even bought me another car. We where both in school and met on the job. About 3 months after we started offically dating, he had a family emergencee and due to that incident, he wanted to make a change in his lifestyle. I am not trying to put all of his business out there but it took alot of time and tens of thousands of dollars to get him out of his situation. Also during this time his mother got sick again (she has MS) and his father wasn't making enough at the time to take care of all of the expenses. He took 3 jobs and still stayed in school to take care of his family. I meanwhile took over our bills. I payed rent, food,lights, car expenses, cable etc... for nearly 9 months. I did it because no matter what was going on with him, I never doubted for one minute that he loved me. Despite working a third shift job, I had breakfast in bed every morning, back rubs, bubble baths, love notes in my lunch bag, and other little things that made me feel special. His love and devotion to his little brothers also made me feel even more strongly for him. Any man that will give up the things he loves for his family is the kind of man that I had as a father growing up and I know how good that feels to have. He now takes care of all of the bills and still is still in school. Even when he is tired and fed up with work he never complains and always asks me what I need. While our relationship has problems like everyone elses (we almost broke up this year), I still feel blessed to have had this experience.

 

[caltron]

I may be cold as ice, but I would not pay any bills for my SO in this situation before we are married. Likewise, if I fell on hard times, I wouldn't be expecting my SO to be paying my bills if I lost everything and would be reluctant to accept help even if he offered. I also would not marry someone who had just fallen on hard times. I would have to wait and see if he was able to pull through it. My question would be, why doesn't this man have any family or friends to help him through the hard times? Also, I think it says something about a man that has no problem with accepting money from his woman.

Marriage changes everything though. I would stick by my husband, but not an SO. I had to learn the hard way that financial difficulties can kill a relationship, and I've seen this sad story play out too many times with friends and family members.

I don't think this makes me a golddigger. I am just looking for someone who is equally yoked. A golddigger is someone who wants the man to pay their way.

 

[carcajada]

Dont know about all those jobs but I would stick by him.

See, I'd have to work several jobs to make up for his salary and to help him rebuild. He makes a lot more money that I do.

 

[dlewis]

See, I'd have to work several jobs to make up for his salary and to help him rebuild. He makes a lot more money that I do.

OK, I understand. That makes sense.

 

[**Glamourlicious**]

Umm...I really really want to say yes. But he would HAVE to be more than just my boyfriend...and he would have to really be making moves to better his situation...and I would have to REALLY love him. Selfish huh? Glad I am a woman! LOL

 

[Shimmie]

You know what? Actually he wouldn't be losing everything, because he'd still have me and God. The thing is 'everything' is just that...'things' and things can always be replaced. I ddn't fall in love with the things we have...I feel in love with him. Him...who has more value than silver or gold...far above rubies is this man's value.

I know how to get 'things'. It's easy. A little to easy. You should see my home which is filled with things and no where to store it all.

But to have my home, my heart, my life filled with him...we can always start all over again. We have each other. We have God on our side.

And to me that is Everything. Amen.

:heart2: :heart2: :heart2:​

​

 

[adf23]

I can halfway relate to this thread- when I first started dating now DH- he made a pretty good salary in IT, we went out often, went on a trip,. it was all good.

10 months in- he asked me what I thought about his pursuing his dream (to be a baseball coach). I encouraged it. This meant a literal 60% slash of his salary. Soooo alot of what we did at the beginning, we didnt do anymore, unless I paid. Umm

Anyhow, we got through it. I knew he would do the same in the reverse. All is well now. He HATED his job. I know had I said, ummmm you need to stay where the money is, that he would have. Again, we were dating at the time. Now had all this happened while we were married, it prob would have been a diff story

 

[Chanel's Tresses]

I would stay with my current SO for sure. He is a very hard worker and I have had to help from time to time and would do it again with no problem. He always provides for me and my son even if we don't need it, so I would stick by him if he fell on hard times.

 

[FlowerHair]

If we weren't married or in a committed relationship I wouldn't help him anymore than I would a friend, which is a few bills here and there That's what friends are for and I don't surround myself with people that wouldn't do the same thing for me.

If we are married we're supposed to take care of eachother.