SPINOFF: dating a man that has been BROKE FOR A LONG TIME...

[NaniDiamond]

if this is a " hypothetical" situation, then the female in this situation is a " hypothetical" fool!

this is why most of us AAs are single or in dysfunctional relationship w/ the man who makes good $ , no kids, and great credit ; but because he knows he's a commodity he's sleepin w/ anyone he can or beatin your butt, or he'd on da down low...

think back to when our grandparents were married & there WAS no credit! he worked, paid cash for what he could & did w/o unnecessary MATERIAL things but cherished his fam'...

are you seriously weighing real love against material things? REALLY?

he's shown he can & will provide for you by working OT to get it dine, but like a lot of other " lost" AAs, you're focusing on $$$

if you leave him, send him to TX...i know JUST what to do w/ him!...i'll stand by him!

you can keep lookin' since you don't appreciate what you've got!

 

[Bunny77]

Sorry, nope, wouldn't continue dating him. I'm sure he's a nice guy, but I can find a man just like that without the financial issues.

It's just four months. I can cut my losses and move on. And I would.

 

[Bmack]

this is a spinoff from my other hypothetical situation: http://www.longhaircareforum.com/showthread.php?t=423368

say you meet a man and he takes you out.

you all date for a good month or two and you find yourself falling for him.

he has his things together or so you think.

after dating for about four months, he tells you that he has bad credit and a bankruptcy and it's been that way for a while because of some things that happened to him that he could not help.

while dating, he takes you out. pays for things and makes sure you need nothing.

you even needed money for something you didn't have, and though you didn't ask for it, he pulled overtime to help you get it.

all the while he's working side jobs on the weekend to repair his credit and get himself together.

he is older than you and is in his late 30s - say 39 and you are early 20s - say 26.

what would you do?

would you hold your man down or would you leave to find someone "better"?

would it bother you that he is older with financial problems? does being older with financial problems make you look at someone differently?

should a woman date a man based off of his financial situation (less gold digging)?

Well, it does not sound like he is looking for someone to hold him down as he is working on his credit on his own. I am not sure this would be a deal breaker, but I would keep my eyes open.

 

[Syrah]

That's a broke mentality and I can not get with it.

Men content in their brokeassness, or are always finding themselves broke and wondering "how'd I get here" will not be tolerated.

 

[Syrah]

if this is a " hypothetical" situation, then the female in this situation is a " hypothetical" fool!

this is why most of us AAs are single or in dysfunctional relationship w/ the man who makes good $ , no kids, and great credit ; but because he knows he's a commodity he's sleepin w/ anyone he can or beatin your butt, or he'd on da down low...

think back to when our grandparents were married & there WAS no credit! he worked, paid cash for what he could & did w/o unnecessary MATERIAL things but cherished his fam'...

are you seriously weighing real love against material things? REALLY?

he's shown he can & will provide for you by working OT to get it dine, but like a lot of other " lost" AAs, you're focusing on $$$

if you leave him, send him to TX...i know JUST what to do w/ him!...i'll stand by him!

you can keep lookin' since you don't appreciate what you've got!

Pump the brakes.

First: Real love? You've been dating for FOUR months. You probably haven't even had the "meet the parents" yet. C'mon. 4 months! No love. Lust and fun! At 4 months, that's all it should be.

Second: Now women are materialistic because they hope a man can afford the roof over HIS OWN HEAD??? It's not about focusing on money, its about the mentality that comes with it. Bankruptcy isn't just an "oops, I got behind on some bills" or "damn, I'm not pulling a six figure income" or "man, I shouldn't have had that bottle service at the club". Its an "instant gratification forget the ramifications" mentality.

Shoot, I overspend every so often and sometimes I look at my AMEX bill and be like "well damn Syrah, I hope that sushi plate was worth it". But we're talking a sushi plate, not 7 years of ZERO credit and another decade of Work-In-Progress credit thereafter. Maybe if we women stopped tolerating bs, the men would stop coming at us with it. Maybe if women weren't worried about the dude in the Dodge Charger on 24"s rather than the man in the paid off Honda Accord, we wouldn't be having this conversation. I'll take medical school student loan debt over this fool ANY DAY.

My father says "there is no romance without finance". He's got no finances. Therefore, he gets none of my romance. Call me what you want.

 

[MissJ]

No, there's always more to the story as to why he is broke. That missing piece also keeps him broke in the future.

One guy I knew didn't have much money. Turns out he didn't want to work but relied on his mother to support him. He has a law degree now but has not practiced law one day in his life. He spends his evenings and nights in the casino. He is now a professional poker player.

Another guy paid for a freaking birthday party rather than pay his apartment rent. Then got an ulcer and had even less money to with which to pay rent and the late fee. Then had his driver's license suspended but still drove people to parties and let his roommate drive his car. Because his driver's license was suspended he had no insurance on the car. Then he got sent home from work for sexual harrassment, further burying himself under debt. Yet he had a big screen TV he was keeping up payments on from Aaron's Plus. This all happened within the span of 2 months. I wasn't even dating him, but he had my blood pressure up. He had to be out of my life. Anyway, a few months later he calls me for legal help on getting his car out of the impound. He had no proof that the car belonged to him, so the fees for getting his car out kept going up every day. After that, the next time I see him is in court. Apparently, he let someone drive his car, and she got a ticket in it. A couple months ago, he posted a facebook status of someone having stolen his cellphone out of his car. I wanted to post, "Why is it that the same type stuff happens to you over and over again? Maybe you need to change your behavior."

As for the other one, he always claimed to be broke, but every time I went to see him, he had at least one new bottle of Vodka in his apartment. You're not poor, boo boo. Your alcohol addiction keeps you broke. I did not date him either. Thank God!

If anybody had told me this, I would never have believed people behave this way.