Spinny ...... $100 engagement ring yay or nay

[Britt]

So what is a good price for an engagement ring?

For me, I'd be ok w/ 2 months salary after taxes. 3 months would be ideal if my SO were childless and had more expendable cash, but that's not his situation. My expecations would vary from person to person. It all depends on your fiance's financial situation. If he's making good $ w/ no kids and minimal debt then of course your expectation might vary.

 

[Princess4real]

A kid in high school can afford a 100.00 ring. Nope, I would not accept it and would try to break up with him asap! He is not the one if that's da best he could do!

ETA: I would refer him to Pay Day loans or wefixmoney.com

 

[madamdot]

Lmao! Either is fine. Honestly, if we're talking real life, I wouldn't know anyway b/c I would never add it up. I'm not that serious about it... I just don't want a $100 ring


Sent from my iPhone.

I know I am just teasing you. I dont think anyone who can only afford a $100 should be getting married. He shouldn't be having sex either because he cant afford to make a mistake.

 

[greight]

Lmao! Either is fine. Honestly, if we're talking real life, I wouldn't know anyway b/c I would never add it up. I'm not that serious about it... I just don't want a $100 ring


Sent from my iPhone.

I mean, at least try ... $100 seems like it was no effort. That's the price of a tricked out phone bill. For one month

I don't know what the price would be for my dream ring. I don't think I'd care about the price as long as he tried to make an effort with the ring and the proposal. I'm sorry... I will not tolerate a Jagged Edge "Let's Get Married" arrangement. A girl has to have limits.

 

[greight]

Also, I want a destination wedding too! Or I'd elope (my family and friends will be hating on me forever though ). Either one or the other. No big wedding at all.

 

[Syrah]

So what is a good price for an engagement ring?

Now you know better than to ask that question on LHCF and start all kinds of mess.

A good price is a price he can afford, money that he can afford not to have and never see again. A ring that he can be proud of and see it as a symbol of your future and not stare at every time the bills come 'round.

FYI - 3 months salary is marketing goodies courtesy of DeBeers as is the notion that an engagement ring = diamond.

 

[Syrah]

I never understood why people are willing to go into debt for a big ring and a fancy wedding. I thought it was common knowledge that financial trouble is a leading cause of divorce in America. That should be another spinny.

Pressure, competition and romanticized notions of marriage - if the wedding is right, the marriage will be right.

I dunno - my dad said if you do things in order, it won't be the last time he surprises you with jewelry, throw a big ol' party or get all dressed up. I'm holding on to that.

 

[meesch]

Because you can totally see a move like that coming a mile away.

You can if he's broke when y'all met.

That aside there are tons of signs that you could see something like that coming.

So yeah, side eye to you on that one.

 

[Syrah]

You can if he's broke when y'all met.

That aside there are tons of signs that you could see something like that coming.

So yeah, side eye to you on that one.

erplexed I think she was agreeing with you...

 

[meesch]

erplexed I think she was agreeing with you...

Ehhhhh... if she did my mistake, it read as sarcastic to me.

BUT HAVING SAID THAT - I am talking about using the money he was going to spend on the ring for something else. If he really cannot afford anything but $100 this would be a serious issue. I mean anybody older than 18 should be able to afford something more than $100.

Exactly. I think the issue that most don't want to address in here or admit to is that the question is really... would you marry a man who could only afford a $100 ring? If the $100 ring is the only thing that's within y'all budget, that brings up the issue of either a.) your man is broke or b.) you're banking on some future potential being realized at a later date... or I guess c.) you don't care what kind of money your man has. I understand that nobody wants to weigh the value of their relationship against the money, but isn't that the question here?

I don't like this straw man argument that's taking place of "there's no need to go into debt for a ring." I think everyone would agree with that.

 

[TracyNicole]

I don't think posters are attacking a straw man, i think you interpreted the question differently than the majority in the thread. The OP's question is would you accept a $100 ring. The question said nothing about whether or not you would marry a man so broke he could only afford a $100 ring. They are two different questions with two very different answers. My previous response clearly addresses my feelings on what I took the original question to be.

As to whether or not I would marry a man who could only afford to spend $100 on a ring the answer is hell no. Marriage is a business partnership and if you don't have the resources to help me build an empire then why get married. He should be focusing his energies on becoming a good provider the same way I spent years honing the skills to be a good helpmate. I would never cheapen myself or the sacrifices my parents made for me to have a better life by throwing it away for someone not capable of leading a life better than what I could have as a single.


Sent from my iPhone using LHCF

 

[Syrah]

I don't think posters are attacking a straw man, i think you interpreted the question differently than the majority in the thread. The OP's question is would you accept a $100 ring. The question said nothing about whether or not you would marry a man so broke he could only afford a $100 ring. They are two different questions with two very different answers. My previous response clearly addresses my feelings on what I took the original question to be.

As to whether or not I would marry a man who could only afford to spend $100 on a ring the answer is hell no. Marriage is a business partnership and if you don't have the resources to help me build an empire then why get married. He should be focusing his energies on becoming a good provider the same way I spent years honing the skills to be a good helpmate. I would never cheapen myself or the sacrifices my parents made for me to have a better life by throwing it away for someone not capable of leading a life better than what I could have as a single.

Sent from my iPhone using LHCF

At $100 I'd question his pride as a man.

Bump that to $1,000 and the discussion gets interesting...

 

[Mortons]

From the love of my life? I would take piece of rope they drew a heart on.

 

[LovelyNaps26]

if dude makes around 40K after taxes, which is modest, that amounts to about 3,400 a month. for his salary. I mean dude could just use one month salary and get a decent ring and band from a retail and a pretty nice set at one of those buy direct jewelers for even less.

$100 is not going to fly

 

[JayAnn0513]

Ehhhhh... if she did my mistake, it read as sarcastic to me.



Exactly. I think the issue that most don't want to address in here or admit to is that the question is really... would you marry a man who could only afford a $100 ring? If the $100 ring is the only thing that's within y'all budget, that brings up the issue of either a.) your man is broke or b.) you're banking on some future potential being realized at a later date... or I guess c.) you don't care what kind of money your man has. I understand that nobody wants to weigh the value of their relationship against the money, but isn't that the question here?

I don't like this straw man argument that's taking place of "there's no need to go into debt for a ring." I think everyone would agree with that.

Lol I was agreeing with you nutty butt.... Glad to see u back.

 

[MizAvalon]

That is unacceptable to me for two reasons. One, what I want in an engagement ring would never be found for $100. Two, if $100 is all he can afford then he is in no position to take on a wife.

My SO and I are ring shopping now and he understands what I want and is more than happy to give it to me.

I understand that it's about more than a ring and all of that but I don't understand why it has to be either or? I want and will have a beautiful ring and I want and will have a happy marriage.

 

[anon123]

Now you know better than to ask that question on LHCF and start all kinds of mess.

A good price is a price he can afford, money that he can afford not to have and never see again. A ring that he can be proud of and see it as a symbol of your future and not stare at every time the bills come 'round.

FYI - 3 months salary is marketing goodies courtesy of DeBeers as is the notion that an engagement ring = diamond.

It's 3 months now? I thought it was 2 months
http://www.jckonline.com/blog/Cutting_Remarks/15953-The_Two_Month_Salary_Guideline.php
DeBeers keep jacking that price up, I see

ITA on the bands idea. I'm not super particular but a cheap fake ring is unacceptable, especially if he's riding around in a nice car with name brand clothes and expensive gadgets with savings (in other words he has the means to do better and doesn't skimp on himself).


Sent from my iPhone using LHCF

This is what I'm saying. is his whole outfit, from shoes to shirt to underclothes, worth more than $100? Did he buy his own television set and did it cost more than $100? Does he have a coffee table that costs more than $100? If the answer to any of these questions is yes, then it is embarrassing for him to bring a $100 ring. I've had many dinner dates that were more than $100. Being honest, I'd be embarrassed to wear it. It's like wearing a statement that your dude couldn't bother to save up the cost of 3 couples' dates to the movies. Better to go without.

But I don't want to go without . . .

Shoot, I was just emailing an old acquaintance who's Zimbabwean and his sister just got 15 head of cattle for her lobola. I mean, can I at least get some cattle or something? Like even a few goats? A few goats are worth more than $100.

 

[Arcadian]

I have several "engagement rings" But hey, thats just me. The one he got me is for show. the ones I wear are for me.

Each couple has a different dynamic. Were my husband to come to me with a 100 dollar ring, yeah, I'd accept it sure

We're two peas in a pod, so it likely he would wheel and deal and get me the best 100 dollar ring out there (I have some 100 dollar rings I love so...)


-A

 

[LovelyNaps26]

This is what I'm saying. is his whole outfit, from shoes to shirt to underclothes, worth more than $100? Did he buy his own television set and did it cost more than $100? Does he have a coffee table that costs more than $100? If the answer to any of these questions is yes, then it is embarrassing for him to bring a $100 ring. I've had many dinner dates that were more than $100. Being honest, I'd be embarrassed to wear it. It's like wearing a statement that your dude couldn't bother to save up the cost of 3 couples' dates to the movies. Better to go without.

But I don't want to go without . . .

so have i. it's really the principle behind it that bothers me the most. he likely has spent $100 for short term enjoyment. you mean you can't spend more for something i'd be wearing for at least a couple of years, every day?

 

[curlycoquette]

I don't think posters are attacking a straw man, i think you interpreted the question differently than the majority in the thread. The OP's question is would you accept a $100 ring. The question said nothing about whether or not you would marry a man so broke he could only afford a $100 ring. They are two different questions with two very different answers. My previous response clearly addresses my feelings on what I took the original question to be.

Well considering the original question, I'd have to agree with her in that many of the responses do seem to hinge upon a straw man argument. Not because they don't address the question the way Meesch interpreted it, but because they simply don't directly address the question. Not only does the response "Why go into debt for a ring?" not answer the question of "Would you accept a $100 engagement ring", it moves on to imply that spending more than $100, would cause one to go into debt. Which, aside from being borderline asinine, is a reckless conclusion. It also feeds into an extremism that I'm so often annoyed by, with the complete neglect of the entire range of possible outcomes aside from either going ringless/fake/cheap or being homeless and in insurmountable debt. That can't be all that this life has to offer. It's like the best way people can support their claim, is by using the worst possible alternative as a comparator, which is pretty textbook straw-manish to me.

As to whether or not I would marry a man who could only afford to spend $100 on a ring the answer is hell no. Marriage is a business partnership and if you don't have the resources to help me build an empire then why get married. He should be focusing his energies on becoming a good provider the same way I spent years honing the skills to be a good helpmate. I would never cheapen myself or the sacrifices my parents made for me to have a better life by throwing it away for someone not capable of leading a life better than what I could have as a single.

This whole statement is perfection.

 

[hopeful]

It would have to be a little more then $100 for me. But then again i want something nice but nothing to break the bank either...

Honestly I rather not spend all that type of money on a ring and wedding and I guess because I'm single and really really want to get married I would value the union and just everything else even more.

This! bluediamond0829 Beautifully stated.

 

[FlowerHair]

I think I would be a bit confused...especially at this age. It's not like I'm 18 with a 19 year old boyfriend.

But in all honesty, the most common over here are simple bands with no stones or other decorations, and those rings don't cost so much. I had a beautiful engagement ring once upon a time when I was engaged, it was very heavy and pretty, dark red gold...

 

[TracyNicole]

Well considering the original question, I'd have to agree with her in that many of the responses do seem to hinge upon a straw man argument. Not because they don't address the question the way Meesch interpreted it, but because they simply don't directly address the question. Not only does the response "Why go into debt for a ring?" not answer the question of "Would you accept a $100 engagement ring", it moves on to imply that spending more than $100, would cause one to go into debt. Which, aside from being borderline asinine, is a reckless conclusion. It also feeds into an extremism that I'm so often annoyed by, with the complete neglect of the entire range of possible outcomes aside from either going ringless/fake/cheap or being homeless and in insurmountable debt. That can't be all that this life has to offer. It's like the best way people can support their claim, is by using the worst possible alternative as a comparator, which is pretty textbook straw-manish to me.

I actually think few responders made the argument you describe. Many posters outright said it wouldn't be acceptable and others said it would be if the sum of money usually allocated for the purchase of a traditional 1+ carat diamond ring was spent on items for building a marriage together such as a house. I feel the number of women who brought up the debt argument were in the minority and although I can't definitively say what they were thinking, I'm going to assume they read $100 as dirt cheap and not literally $100. Anyone who would go into debt because of spending $100 has many issues that are outside the spirit of the thread. We'll have to agree to disagree on this one

 

[brg240]

I truly don't care that much. But, i have bought books for more than 100 so I'd like them to come better than that.

I don't want someone to go into debt or anything. Nothing is more unattractive then debt. But I don't think we'd be a position for marriage if you could only afford $100.

 

[LiftedUp]

No.

I cannot even buy myself a nice pair of earrings for $100 but he wants to buy me a $100 engagement ring? It (to me) shows how little he value me as a person and if it is because he cannot afford it then marriage should be the least of his worries.

Any man who proposes to me should know that that wouldn't fly. Oh and if he's playing the game of proposing with cheap ring and bring out the bigger ring later, don't disrespect me or insult my intelligence, the answer will be no.

 

[MD_Lady]

I'm going to operate under the assumption that he knows I want something other than the $100 sterling silver CZ: My reaction would depend on his intentions. If that was all he could afford, I'd gladly accept and give him for being responsible with his finances. If he could afford what I really wanted, but chose to skimp because he just didn't want to spend the money (i.e. we didn't agree that neither of us would splurge on the other's ring) , I'd erplexed . Being smart with money is good, being cheap is not. Besides, I'd give FH whatever ring he wanted as long as I could afford it and feel the sentiment should be reciprocated.

 

[nathansgirl1908]

I can't wear sterling silver cuz I'm allergic.

As much as I want a nice ring, I also thing there's something to be said for doing things in order. I'd much rather have an understated ring and some assets rather than a dope ring...and a lease.
My good friend - her man proposed to her with a very (half carat ring in 14K wg) simple ring and a bank statement showing that he had $35K that she didn't know about saved up for their first down payment. They bought their house together, he moved in first and at their wedding he gave her a box with a key-chain and her key to they house they bought. And three years later he upgraded her ring to a 2.5 carat stone. She wears the upgrade on her right hand, and cherishes the humble ring. (They're both black BTW)

I guess ... Come with sumthin...!

. I understand your point but I guess I don't know why it always has to come down to either/ or. I would want a man who could buy the ring AND the house. At the same time. Not sure why I should expect any less. *kanyeshrug*

 

[JayAnn0513]

. I understand your point but I guess I don't know why it always has to come down to either/ or. I would want a man who could buy the ring AND the house. At the same time. Not sure why I should expect any less. *kanyeshrug*

In that case it really didn't have to be. He could have spent an extra $5k on the ring and she could have been rocking a very nice ring and house and the same time. Assuming that 5k wasnt going to make or break them buying a home. In this economy you can get a seller to kick in the 5k.

 

[MrsIQ]

When DH and I got engaged my engagement ring wasn't expensive AT ALL. Things were tight and he couldn't afford a lot.

Fast forward 15 years. I live in a beautiful home, own both cars out right and DD is in private school. And I still wear that lovely little ring proudly. It shows me how far we've come. He wanted to upgrade my diamond and I refused. So he bought me a VERY nice emerald and diamond bracelet for my bday.




If you don't like your position, change it. You are not a tree!

 

[Taleah2009]

When DH and I got engaged my engagement ring wasn't expensive AT ALL. Things were tight and he couldn't afford a lot.

Fast forward 15 years. I live in a beautiful home, own both cars out right and DD is in private school. And I still wear that lovely little ring proudly. It shows me how far we've come. He wanted to upgrade my diamond and I refused. So he bought me a VERY nice emerald and diamond bracelet for my bday.




If you don't like your position, change it. You are not a tree!

MrsIQ do you mind me asking if you guys were young when you married?