So you don't have problem with strippers at his bachelor party.Bride's story.

[AnnDriena_]

This a story from the bridal forum at bride.com.
Whether or not you have a problem with touching and think it's cheating or not. Why even marry a man who thinks this is okay and she had the nerve to be sick. She called the strippers skanky...what does that make your future hubby?erplexed

Story:
Okay so this weekend was my FH's bachelor party. I was totally supportive, told him to have a great time, and made peace with the fact that I knew there would be a zillion guys and three strippers at his party. I was completely cool with him watching three skanky strippers take their clothes off and do whatever show they do. HOWEVER, we had a no touching clause, since too us touching is like cheating.
SO FH gets home last night, I ask him how it was, he says he had a great time and that it was interesting... I ask him to elaborate on what that meant and he said they took his belt off and whipped him with it, I'm thinking in my head, remain calm, that is the kind of S&%$ they do to the bachelor, then he tells me they cuffed him up in front of everyone (my heart starts thumping harder), so I joke well atleast you don't have any welts on your back (trying ot be light hearted), his face gets red and he drops his drawers to show me two huge welts on his A$$! Then I was getting sick to my stomach when he tells me the stripper pulled down his pants and whipped him. That's the point I ran to the bathroom to be sick......
Now call me crazy but I think that crossed a line. He told me that nothing else happened and while he was honest, I just don't know what to do. It makes me sick to think of thos women doing what they did. I just don't know.....
Am I over-reacting or is this something that I should re-evaluate our relationship over? I'm just really sad and really scared right now. I totally trusted him and my heart is broken that this happened. Any and all advice is appreciated....


She trusted him implicitly. And that was not the problem.
My problem comes in when a man thinks he needs to look forward to his new life with you by watching another woman disrobe.
When these men throw these disgusting soiree they swear they are saying goodbye to their old life. Thing is most of them never had this life. They were not popping bottles and livin' it up with strippers. To me it's just their reinforcing some imaginary dream bachelor life that they never had. After all if it was all that fun why are they getting married.

 

[LadieCrn]

As long as there is no sex involved or fingers/tongues being inserted into any cavities, I say have fun. I know my SO and I trust that he wouldn't let it get out of hand. Men like nude women, they are very visual. I am not expecting anyone to walk with their head straight and never look at anyone because we are together. The bachelor party is just for fun, I am not giving anyone a hard time. If the man can't be trusted then you have issues point blank.

 

[foxxymami]

I still say that I will never understand the need for strippers at a bachelor party

 

[MD_Lady]

If it weren't for men like her FH, those "three skanky strippers" would be out of a job. Maybe she should start by putting blame in the proper place (women who slam other women instead of putting the responsibility for their SO's behavior squarely on his shoulders irritate the mess out of me ). Now that my mini-vent is over ... People have bachelor parties for different reasons. Some guys drink and see strippers on a regular basis so they are "saying goodbye" to their old life (in a way). Other guys have strippers because they feel it's a mandatory right of passage. Whatever their reason, I don't think much good will come out of a man treating his bacehlor party like a temporary break from his relationship.

 

[cutiebe2]

She trusted him implicitly. And that was not the problem.
My problem comes in when a man thinks he needs to look forward to his new life with you by watching another woman disrobe.
When these men throw these disgusting soiree they swear they are saying goodbye to their old life. Thing is most of them never had this life. They were not popping bottles and livin' it up with strippers. To me it's just their reinforcing some imaginary dream bachelor life that they never had. After all if it was all that fun why are they getting married.

This is soooo true!!!

I would not be mad at what the strippers did. If they had a private dance and things went to far then get mad, but this type of stuff is to be expected. I feel like you have to go all or nothing with the strippers. Either they are there or they aren't....

 

[itsdiddy]

I feel like guys just wanna have fun with the guys .... this may include watching almost naked women dance around but hey, as long as its done all in fun then why stress over it?

If they don't bump privates, share any juices (sorry kinda gross) or anything like that then I hope no one is losing sleep over this.

Trust ur man and if u don't then please don't marry him. Lastly... LOOSEN UP LADIES! I plan on having male strippers at my bachelorette party... woooohoooo

 

[Kurlee]

i never liked male or female strippers. I just think it's degrading to pay someone to take their clothes off. Of allllll the things you can do with you time, money, energy, body........... . I feel it's kind of stupid to be taking such a big step as getting married and the night before you're supposed to be starting something sooooooo great, you are getting it in, one last time? Seems silly to me. If getting married is so great and you are truly ready, then why do you have to have one last time of "fun", like after you get married, the fun is over? Is that how we see marriage? A "fun" killer? Also, I see nothing entertaining about some money hungry people swangin their dang a langs or boobies in strangers faces.

 

[MissNina]

It is not that serious. It's the end to his life as a bachelor and he wanted to go out with a bang. Men act silly and extreme around their boys. . .ESP if he was white. . .white boys get super wild when they drink . . .Who the *** cares?

As long as HE asked YOU to marry him and he is STILL trying to marry you, it is definitely not "made me sick" worthy, IMO. Him wanting to live out that fantasy life is no different than most women trying to live out that fantasy wedding although it may bring them into debt, strained relationships, etc. . .IMO.

I would've hard down laughed in his face about it. That story was just ridiculous and I can't believe that lady took it that far.

 

[LadyPaniolo]

It's not like the guy was just watching a woman dance around. He got whipped like a dog by a stripper. On his booty... hard enough to leave welts.

 

[BroadstreetBully]

Hey! He was honest! I don't mind strippers as long as it doesn't cross the line. I say, let the boys have fun!

I know my bachelorette party is going to be crazy!

 

[MD_Lady]

I feel like guys just wanna have fun with the guys .... this may include watching almost naked women dance around but hey, as long as its done all in fun then why stress over it?

If they don't bump privates, share any juices (sorry kinda gross) or anything like that then I hope no one is losing sleep over this.

Trust ur man and if u don't then please don't marry him. Lastly... LOOSEN UP LADIES! I plan on having male strippers at my bachelorette party... woooohoooo

But it's not always a trust issue. Just like people choose to have strippers for different reasons, people choose not to have them for various reasons too.

 

[Kurlee]

do u think a lot of women accept strippers because:

a) they like male strippers and would be hypocrites if they didn't

b) it's easier to go along with it then to be against it

c) you don`t really have control over it

 

[JustKiya]

Meh.

It's her issue. And it's her marriage. The fact that she has the issues that she has with what happened is something she needs to talk about with her husband, her therapist/religious mentor, and herself.

Our opinion re the rightness/wrongness of it doesn't really matter - it's her marriage, and if people started basing their marriages on what they want/need rather than what others 'expect' of them, more people would stay married.

Personally, I went to a male strip club for my bachelorette party. DH went to a strip club for his. It was a fun party night out for both of us.

We've also gone to strip clubs together, after marriage. No biggie, no stress, no sick.

 

[SwoopSui]

OHHHHHH HELLLLLL NAW!!! that man can expect his engagement ring back and the best thing that ever happened to him walking out the door..

 

[dlove]

She trusted him implicitly. And that was not the problem.
My problem comes in when a man thinks he needs to look forward to his new life with you by watching another woman disrobe.
When these men throw these disgusting soiree they swear they are saying goodbye to their old life. Thing is most of them never had this life. They were not popping bottles and livin' it up with strippers. To me it's just their reinforcing some imaginary dream bachelor life that they never had. After all if it was all that fun why are they getting married.[/quote]

Now that is deep and thought provoking!

 

[MD_Lady]

do u think a lot of women accept strippers because:

a) they like male strippers and would be hypocrites if they didn't

b) it's easier to go along with it then to be against it

c) you don`t really have control over it

IME, it truly depends on the woman. I know women who aren't interested in male strippers, but wouldn't have an issue if their husband wanted to see female strippers. I also know women who like male strippers and are genuinely 100% okay with their husband liking female strippers (and vice versa). And I also know women who are content to compromise their lives away because they feel powerless to do otherwise (and that's when it comes to strippers and non-stripper related issues). So to answer your question... yes.

 

[Ramya]

I would seriously question the character of a man who allowed all of this to go on. We would be on 'pause' after he insisted on having strippers at his bachelor party. Fundamentally what he is doing is dishonorable and I would be sick too.

 

[AnnDriena_]

Great replies. Thanks.
If you have no problem with it and you do it too. Then I guess it's not an issue.
I do have a problem with her letting it go on. Yes. I said "letting" it. If you are marrying me then we should have similiar morals. I don't need variety in that area of my life. We are not going to deal with money, morals and child rearing with a spin of the variety wheel. Uh-Uh.
If the strippers are skanky what does that make the man who is watching them?
I also don't like these "private party" strippers because nine times out of ten they are also prostitutes who will do anything for a buck. And there are disgusting men out there willing to degrade them too. No win situation.

Also she said they both had a no touching clause. He crossed that line when he allowed a stripper to pull down his pants. There will be lines in the marriage too. Is he going to cross those anytime something gets fun or out of control?

As long as there is no sex involved or fingers/tongues being inserted into any cavities, I say have fun. I know my SO and I trust that he wouldn't let it get out of hand. Men like nude women, they are very visual. I am not expecting anyone to walk with their head straight and never look at anyone because we are together. The bachelor party is just for fun, I am not giving anyone a hard time. If the man can't be trusted then you have issues point blank.

To some fidelity is more involved than just the physical.

i never liked male or female strippers. I just think it's degrading to pay someone to take their clothes off. Of allllll the things you can do with you time, money, energy, body........... . I feel it's kind of stupid to be taking such a big step as getting married and the night before you're supposed to be starting something sooooooo great, you are getting it in, one last time? Seems silly to me. If getting married is so great and you are truly ready, then why do you have to have one last time of "fun", like after you get married, the fun is over? Is that how we see marriage? A "fun" killer? Also, I see nothing entertaining about some money hungry people swangin their dang a langs or boobies in strangers faces.

yes. it is and that's a huge problem for me.

It is not that serious. It's the end to his life as a bachelor and he wanted to go out with a bang. Men act silly and extreme around their boys. . .ESP if he was white. . .white boys get super wild when they drink . . .Who the *** cares?
Any woman pulling my mans pants down is always serious.

As long as HE asked YOU to marry him and he is STILL trying to marry you, it is definitely not "made me sick" worthy, IMO. Him wanting to live out that fantasy life is no different than most women trying to live out that fantasy wedding although it may bring them into debt, strained relationships, etc. . .IMO.

I would've hard down laughed in his face about it. That story was just ridiculous and I can't believe that lady took it that far.

I don't like that either. That much money for one day, one dress. It's just wasteful and ridiculous.

I would seriously question the character of a man who allowed all of this to go on. We would be on 'pause' after he insisted on having strippers at his bachelor party. Fundamentally what he is doing is dishonorable and I would be sick too.

Maybe I'm a prude but I don't see this as a way to honor any future commitments we are making to each other. Marriage has gone the way of other important events in our lives. Nothings sacred anymore.

 

[awhyley]

As long as he doesn't (i) sleep with da stripper (or anyone else) or (ii) fall in love with the stripper (or anyone else), then everything's cool with me.

 

[inthepink]

I don't like it.

Thinking about it sickens me.

I can't imagine being engaged to a man who has friends who would want him to have a stripper party or a man who'd want to have one.

It just seems like if this is something in his character that he most likely is not the man for me.

I know a lot of people disagree with this but that's just me. If a guy is into that, then we are probably not a good match.

 

[MiamiHottie]

That bride is overacting! Sometimes bachelor parties are just for the grooms friends to have fun. My SO went to a bachelor party at a strip club and the girls tied the groom up pulled down his pants and whipped him in front of everybody. The groom didn't know this was going to be happening when he was called on stage.

 

[alexstin]

Maybe I'm a prude but I don't see this as a way to honor any future commitments we are making to each other. Marriage has gone the way of other important events in our lives. Nothings sacred anymore.

No, you're not a prude. The boundaries in our society have just shifted big time. We "progress" but do not advance.

 

[naturalmanenyc]

That is her issue to handle with he fiance.....but I do not think it's that serious to be sick over.

Bachelor parties are for the men who attend them....NOT the groom. It's really their excuse to get out and away from their wives/girlfriends.

A girlfriend of mine was a stripper and it was just a job for her....and not one she would risk losing over some random soon to be groom. I encouraged DH to attend his party but he still came home early and only spent $2! He is not into strippers but his friends all went back to the club once they dropped him off.

I also would have laughed in his face about the welts.....but my DH would not have allowed that.

 

[Southernbella.]

But it's not always a trust issue. Just like people choose to have strippers for different reasons, people choose not to have them for various reasons too.

Exactly. Plus, some men have no interest in spending their last single night looking at another naked woman. My dh wasn't interested in it. We never even had to discuss it. *shrugs*

I firmly believe that some women just pretend to be ok with it because they know their man is going to do it anyway.

 

[Kurlee]

Exactly. Plus, some men have no interest in spending their last single night looking at another naked woman. My dh wasn't interested in it. We never even had to discuss it. *shrugs*

I firmly believe that some women just pretend to be ok with it because they know their man is going to do it anyway.

Can I hug you for this statement

 

[JustKiya]

Exactly. Plus, some men have no interest in spending their last single night looking at another naked woman. My dh wasn't interested in it. We never even had to discuss it. *shrugs*

I firmly believe that some women just pretend to be ok with it because they know their man is going to do it anyway.

Oh, I completely agree with you..... poor doormats.

 

[jwhitley6]

I know someone who had sex with a stripper at his bachelor party. I don't know if his new wife knows this, though. He's always seemed a little player-ish to me, but I really have trouble even looking at him now.

 

[LadieCrn]

I am not interested in male strippers. I personally couldn't be a stripper. If my SO had a bachelors party and strippers were there, I would trust him and not because I have no choice. I would look at it as any other time that we are apart. I don't know what he is doing every single second of his life. No one knows what someone is doing at all times. If he was honest and upfront about the strippers being there, then what is the issue? Like I said before as long as there is no fluids being shared, then it is what it is. Just because strippers are there doesn't mean your man is dropping his pants. And if that is what you are worrying about then the man needs to be checked.
By the way the bachelors party will not be the night before my wedding. We both need to be well rested

 

[AnnDriena_]

Well if you don't have a problem with it. And you both agree then that's your marriage and moral structure that you are going by and that's how you choose to live. If the wife has a problem with it and the husband is acting like it's harmless fun that would send up red flags for me.

No, you're not a prude. The boundaries in our society have just shifted big time. We "progress" but do not advance.

Thank you.

I am not interested in male strippers. I personally couldn't be a stripper. If my SO had a bachelors party and strippers were there, I would trust him and not because I have no choice. I would look at it as any other time that we are apart. I don't know what he is doing every single second of his life. No one knows what someone is doing at all times. If he was honest and upfront about the strippers being there, then what is the issue? Like I said before as long as there is no fluids being shared, then it is what it is. Just because strippers are there doesn't mean your man is dropping his pants. And if that is what you are worrying about then the man needs to be checked.
By the way the bachelors party will not be the night before my wedding. We both need to be well rested

I would question the character of a man who does something he knows I'm not comfortable with. Whether the party is for him or his boys. When entering into a marriage you don't lose contact with all your former friends but there is a new friend who is Numero Uno or at least I should be and I as that number one friend and your new partner are uncomfortable with it it should be a no go.

 

[tilati]

I firmly believe that some women just pretend to be ok with it because they know their man is going to do it anyway.

o-k ......................