So the wife owes child support on a child that isn't hers because of her husband?

I

Innocent_Kiss

Well-Known Member
So my boyfriend and I have been planning our marriage. I'm not sure if his ex caught a whimps of it, but she pops up out of the blue and says that her daughter is his. We get a DNA test, and it is his daughter :wallbash:

This has put a strain on our relationship that you wouldn't believe, but the baby was conceived way before our relationship became committed and so after prayer and counsel I decided to proceed with our marital plans.

My girls were glad to share with me horror stories of their female relatives whose checks were garnished because of their husbands outside children. How does that work? Does the wife owe child support just because she's married to a man that does? Or do they garnish her check only in the event that he's unemployed? I don't know the first thing about child support....or any of this other absurd baby mama drama that comes along with this hot mess.

Is there a book for ish like this????? I'm so serious! IDK what I'm doing. I don't know what to expect. Can I protect myself at all? Do I have any rights?

If you pray, please pray for me
If you have absolutely any relationship advice that may be helpful please share
If there are any resources (books, articles, orgs, etc) that you think may be helpful to us please share as well!

Thank you ladies so much :bighug:
 
1. Research the laws in your state.

2. Why is there an assumption that there will be baby mama drama?

3. The book is called "Don't Marry A Man with Kids"
 
It really depends on the state you are in. You all will need to look into the laws in your state. In my state the wife's income has nothing to do with child support. Good luck!!!
 
If you aren't prepared to take this on I would slow down on the marriage plans. I personally would not want to deal with the situation you described. You need to do a lot of research and soul-searching.
 
u don't seem too keen on taking on the extra child. If u know in your gut that you're not, this is not the right situation for you. Get out while you still can.
 
Last edited:
Ummm you might need to leave that one alone. In MY state, your income as his wife would be included in making the child support determination. And if he didn't pay for whatever reason, you would become secondarily liable. Like everyone else has said, research the laws of your state. And think long and hard about getting into this. If your state is similar to mine, then there's no way around this once you marry him.

I like that "book" :)lachen:) Windsy recommended: Don't Marry a Man with Kids.
 
wow interesting ...

um when and if I do get married and if he has any children those children are not gonna be child support age ...
 
DEFINITELY research the laws in your state.

Don't compromise your feelings. If you don't want to go through with being with him and being a stepmom, then don't. It's better to hurt his feelings now and move on, rather than to suffer through a marriage of hurt and frustration.

I will be praying for you.
 
If he is employed and supporting his child, none of that should be worry for you.

I don't know how any of that works but it seems to be troubling you quite a bit. I hope you are ready. As stated, the laws vary by state so look them up.
 
This child support thing is real and ain't no joke...you better think long and hard about if you want to get involved and not just about your income too.

If you're praying, wait for your answer...:yep:
 
I think you should meet with an attorney before you make a decision, just to protect your future. If you live in IL, you might want to even look at getting a prenup. I don't know about your financial situation, but if you have a lot of assets and/or a high income, you should really speak with an attorney.

http://www.divorcenet.com/states/illinois/ilart_10
This is a quick article I found on Google. You really need to do your homework on this one.
 
I think you've gotten good advice already, but I just want to say I'm sorry this is happening to you. I'm sure it must have been quite a blow.

And the child's mother needs her a** whooped for not taking care of this before. How old is this child?
 
I hate to say it, but money should be the last of your concerns.

If you marry this man, you're looking at a minimum 18 year relationship contract between you, him, his ex, and his child.
 
ClassicBeauty said:
I think you should meet with an attorney before you make a decision, just to protect your future. If you live in IL, you might want to even look at getting a prenup. I don't know about your financial situation, but if you have a lot of assets and/or a high income, you should really speak with an attorney.

http://www.divorcenet.com/states/illinois/ilart_10
This is a quick article I found on Google. You really need to do your homework on this one.
Click to expand...

Girl I'm 24 with nothing but big dreams right now lbs
 
MzLady78 said:
I think you've gotten good advice already, but I just want to say I'm sorry this is happening to you. I'm sure it must have been quite a blow.

And the child's mother needs her a** whooped for not taking care of this before. How old is this child?
Click to expand...

Yeah that's the horrible part. I don't think she was ever going to tell him. I believe it was a mixture of her relationship going south and knowing he was about to be engaged :nono: She tried passing the baby as her new boyfriend's for about a year....
 
I'm sorry to hear of your situation and pray that it works out well for you.

It sounds like the child is still a baby or very young. Did the baby happen when you were already dating?

Innocent_Kiss said:
This has put a strain on our relationship that you wouldn't believe, but the baby was conceived way before our relationship became committed and so after prayer and counsel I decided to proceed with our marital plans.
Click to expand...
 
I agree - research the laws of your state, generally speaking (I work for child support office in NY and I have my law degree) your income may be counted towards the calculations of what future husband has to pay (best for him to get an agreement in place before you get married). If he is unemployed and owes back support and you file joint tax return - the entire return will be taken and used to pay the arrears - same for any joint income such as lotto winnings, inheritances and etc.

The best way to deal with ex is to be proactive - dont wait for her take him for support, start sending her checks and/or money orders and let him go to local child support office and ask for an order of support. Judges are more lenient when the man is pro active.

Good luck and if you need a free or low cost atty - look up American Bar Association, your State bar association and ask for pro bono family court lawyer - they keep lists of attys that do free and low cost legal work.

Also the possible future husband can look to his union for an atty if he has a job that has a union.

Either way that child and her momma will be a part of your life forever, you just have to see if that is something you can deal with.
 
Innocent_Kiss said:
Yeah that's the horrible part. I don't think she was ever going to tell him. I believe it was a mixture of her relationship going south and knowing he was about to be engaged :nono: She tried passing the baby as her new boyfriend's for about a year....
Click to expand...

Count your blessings that she told before you married him.
 
I am not trying to throw more salt in the wound but have you both had the discussion about if this is the only woman he had unprotected or protected sex with? EVERYTHING needs to be out in the open so you are making a very informed decision.

There should be nothing left not discussed before you walk down that wedding isle.

I am praying for you.
 
Girl you are young, single (legally) and childfree..it sounds like drama (she was already lying, plotting and scheming)..I would KIM.

If you were 44 I'd say otherwise but you're young and do not need to deal with this.
 
FemmeFatale said:
Girl you are young, single (legally) and childfree..it sounds like drama (she was already lying, plotting and scheming)..I would KIM.

If you were 44 I'd say otherwise but you're young and do not need to deal with this.
Click to expand...

There are plenty of us 40 plus year old women that wouldn't deal with this. :look: Being 40+ doesn't make a woman more apt to accept red flags.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

Similar threads

G
The Argument Of Child Support
2 3
Replies
79
Views
2K
Evolving78
E
P
Wanting to help my friend.. Her CHILD SUPPORT dilemna
2
Replies
32
Views
467
Farida
Farida
envybeauty
SO/DH finds out he has a child AFTER your relationship started
2
Replies
40
Views
922
**Glamourlicious**
**Glamourlicious**
LovinLocks
Child Support and the New Spouse
Replies
13
Views
306
OhmyKimB
O
Kalia1
Ex-Wife wants a "tour" before child can visit?
4 5 6
Replies
171
Views
5K
hothair
hothair
Back
Top