So say she was a virgin...

[Theo]

I kept my college boyfriend waiting for 3 yrs... We never did it. I think he resented me cuz he never got as much @ss as his friends did while in college. My last boyfriend waited for 2.

In both situations they thought we were going to get married, and this the only reason they were willing to wait so long. I think they both thought that I would give it up to them earlier, but by the time realized I was not playing they were already in too deep.

Either way, it can definitely work. I know a few long term celibate couples, but marriage is always on the table. In fact that's one of the things I liked abt waiting... Its the easiest way to screen guys who are interested in marriage (if thats what you want). Though you end up running through a lot of guys, the ones that stick around are usually serious about you and want to committ to you long term. They're also usually of better quality, in terms of maturity and character... Simplifies a lot of things

 

[meesch]

I wouldn't make it to marriage with a guy I couldn't bone, especially if he wouldn't do "other things". I would not. I would have cheated by then and found something better and left. I guess this is where the compromise comes in of people getting quickie marriages just so they feel okay to have sex. But if I'm in a relationship headed toward marriage it's going to take me more than a year (probably two years) to get there, and I'm not loving you like I want to if I can't bone you.

That's why I understand why most guys can't and won't wait, I wouldn't wait either. Different values, I guess. I have dated virgins, and, like I assume most guys feel, I would find it inevitable that he would GIVE ME WHAT I WANTED if he expected me to hang around

(YOU GON GET RAPED)

 

[Theo]

Oh and regarding technical virgins, I was def one for awhile. Never really got why ppl get so upset over someone else's status. Other people (women mostly) would def throw shade, but I was moving at a pace that was comfortable for me, doing what I wanted to do so I didn't care. Most girls don't do that, and I'm happy I did it the way I did. I'm very comfortable asserting my needs and my boundaries during sex, I had years and years of practice. It took me a really long time until I felt like I was able to trust my last boyfriend enough for us to have sex.

The thing with waiting is that it shows you the ugly, dismissive, desperate, manipulative side of guys really quick. Sex complicates things. When you take it off the table, things become a lot more clear, really really fast. So it was good for me b/c I learned how to read guys very very well. It was bad b/c I got to know them a little too well, and my overall opinion of most guys in my age group is fairly low. They can be very simple, basic creatures.

 

[MissNina]

Asking a man to wait until marriage is NOT too much to ask! They don't need sex to live! If the person truly loves you and plans to marry you with a reasonable timeframe and goal in mind, they could wait until marriage. I hate that people think its absolutely impossible. This is why its so hard for women to find good men who will marry them now. Part of the reason why we have baby mamas, wifeys, shacking forever couples. This line of thinking: its too much to ask him wear this relationship is going on the first date, its too much to make requirements of him, its too much to ask him about his past, its too much to ask him to give, a deadline on marriage, its too much to ask! It's too much to ask? Women's standards and requirements are set too low because they are always trying to appease men and make things easier for men. This is what makes it so hard for women who have requirements and standards and stick to them. This world sucks!

While I agree that [black] women do have sucky standards of commitment, I think we have to be careful not to take things to the extreme.

It IS a lot to ask from someone who obviously (if they are sexually active) does not look at sex in the same manner in which you do. It is not impossible, but a man who may not necessarily be looking to get married right now, is sexually active and comfortable with that, may not be cool with waiting til marriage when that's not even in his mindframe right now. Hence, my personal theory on not telling such intimate details about yourself until he has been with you for a little while. Anyways, that doesnt make him a bad person or a guy that doesnt truly like you or care about you. I know a lot of celibate women who would not date a man trying to wait til marriage either. Waiting for marriage is diff from waiting for the right person. It is easier to deal with the latter than the first.

Again, if you find someone who is religiously "on point" or is looking for marriage RIGHT NOW, it SHOULDNT be much of an issue.

 

[greight]

Oh and regarding technical virgins, I was def one for awhile. Never really got why ppl get so upset over someone else's status. Other people (women mostly) would def throw shade, but I was moving at a pace that was comfortable for me, doing what I wanted to do so I didn't care. Most girls don't do that, and I'm happy I did it the way I did. I'm very comfortable asserting my needs and my boundaries during sex, I had years and years of practice. It took me a really long time until I felt like I was able to trust my last boyfriend enough for us to have sex.

The thing with waiting is that it shows you the ugly, dismissive, desperate, manipulative side of guys really quick. Sex complicates things. When you take it off the table, things become a lot more clear, really really fast. So it was good for me b/c I learned how to read guys very very well. It was bad b/c I got to know them a little too well, and my overall opinion of most guys in my age group is fairly low. They can be very simple, basic creatures.

I feel the same way. It takes quite a while for me to trust a man.

I personally believe that a woman should do what is best for her. I don't think a woman should feel guilty about whatever choices she makes for herself. I think society tends to make the woman feel obligated for her choices or that she should be doing this if she's doing that.

 

[ScorpioBeauty09]

The thing with waiting is that it shows you the ugly, dismissive, desperate, manipulative side of guys really quick. Sex complicates things. When you take it off the table, things become a lot more clear, really really fast. So it was good for me b/c I learned how to read guys very very well. It was bad b/c I got to know them a little too well, and my overall opinion of most guys in my age group is fairly low. They can be very simple, basic creatures.

I agree with this, although I would include slightly older guys based off my date yesterday lol. And the bolded is what keeps me torn between losing it when I feel comfortable vs. waiting until marriage. The latter would be hard since even now I want to have sex, but I'm afraid of losing it to the wrong person. I don't trust people to watch my chihuahua easily, never mind with my body lol.

 

[UrbainChic]

Oh and regarding technical virgins, I was def one for awhile. Never really got why ppl get so upset over someone else's status. Other people (women mostly) would def throw shade, but I was moving at a pace that was comfortable for me, doing what I wanted to do so I didn't care. Most girls don't do that, and I'm happy I did it the way I did. I'm very comfortable asserting my needs and my boundaries during sex, I had years and years of practice. It took me a really long time until I felt like I was able to trust my last boyfriend enough for us to have sex.

The thing with waiting is that it shows you the ugly, dismissive, desperate, manipulative side of guys really quick. Sex complicates things. When you take it off the table, things become a lot more clear, really really fast. So it was good for me b/c I learned how to read guys very very well. It was bad b/c I got to know them a little too well, and my overall opinion of most guys in my age group is fairly low. They can be very simple, basic creatures.

On the topic of technical virginity I just want to clarify my statement.

I think all of us were "technical" virgins at some point. Other than in instances of sexual assault, i do not expect, assume or advise anyone to go from "never been kissed" to "flucking" all at once, with the first person they date or even with their first serious partner.

What I am talking about is the heighted value on virginity to the point that some girls/ women act as though they are SO moral and SO chaste meanwhile they've had a dick in every hole except their vagina. I have encountered these people, and i think its a perversion of the concept of chastity.

Everyone should take their time and lose their virginity when they feel comfortable, but in my mind remaining chaste before marriage means saving that physical intamacy. Puttig a dick in your mouth or having anal sex ( i repeat yes i have known "virgins" who do anal) to me is contradictory to that goal. Of course vaginal intercourse feels different and is intimate in a different way, but the " i am so chaste and pure" act has got to go.

That is why in the hypothetical posted, compromising on an effort to remain "chaste" gets a ********* from me.

 

[brg240]

was told today (by a guy) that guys who are sexually active date virgins because they are fairly sure theyll be able to get them to have sex. he said it so casually and matter of factly, as if it was so far from being a big thing at all, that it seems reasonable that that is, in fact, the natural way guys approach the situation...

My friend holds this belief too. He's pretty confident about so i guess that's been his experience. Statistics are on their side too. I mean most people don't wait for marriage.

I think compromising like that is dumb personally. It won't be satisfying for either party. My reasoning are not the same as the hypothetical virgin but for me it would cause me a lot of unhappiness and I'm sure he'd want to just go ahead and do it for real.

 

[LovelyNaps26]

No, she shouldn't compromise. Why was she a virgin to begin with? If she was one because she wanted to wait until marriage then compromising in other ways defeats the point IMO.

I'm a virgin (a real one ), a rather old one by contemporary standards, and i don't even entertain guys who aren't on the same page as me in this area. Dating a man with an active sex life IMO can be a recipe for disaster. Asking a man who had regular sex before dating me to wait about 2 years (time for dating and engagement) is a big deal. My BF shares my views and even still patience, on bother our parts, and restraint takes effort.