Do men want their wives . . .

[luv04]

i guess mature is the key word. im only 22 but people think somethings wrong with me when i tell them im a virgin. i can only imagine what it will be like as I get older. i feel you hairsothick, some people make it seem like it's the worst thing in the world.

I am 21 and i reside on the virgin islands..so your not alone..my boyfriend is one too..and he is about to be 22 almost 2 years strong..so i mean dont feel alone , i mean i see how one would say experience is important but i mean dont rush and do what you dont feel comfortable doing. i get the response from people too..but as long as you know who you are and stay confident ..it doesnt matter what "people" say .live your life the way you want to..;-)

 

[Shimmie]

Thank you! TB

I would loved to have married a virgin.

I do think most men care about the number of people their woman has been with. Just like I care about the number of women my mates had. I wouldn't even date a man who was known for being a manwhore.

I agree with you Lady D...it has to be a line of respect for both the man and woman. While I don't mind him having a past; I surely don't want him having a Harem past and neither a 'present' (nor a very recent/current) involvements.

That's just too close for me and I don't need it. Maybe that's another reason I've held out for so long. A lot of the men who have approached me have been too recently involved with someone. That's too close to become a part of.

ETA: Lady D, thanks for 'bump' regarding the other male members here. I always thought there was only one... precious sweetheart BMWSS....

 

[Suerte]

I wouldn't want a virgin...and I kinda question a woman who'd want to marry a virgin male, and question a man who actually wants a virgin woman.

Curiosity is a BEAST... I don't think, in good conscience... that I could ever marry someone without REALLY KNOWING they are what I wanted. I wouldn't want that curiosity of "I wonder what (a different guy) would be like...in bed, as a friend, etc..."

People who marry as virgins have higher rates of infidelity and unhappiness in marriage (I saw this on Ivillage.com and About.com)... gee, I wonder why.

 

[LocksOfLuV]

is it really that bad to be a virgin when you meet someone? I mean we are all virgins at some point in our lives and when you lost it, someone had to teach you what to do didn't they? Or you had to teach yourself. Why would the situation for current virgins be any different?

TRUUUST me. It's not as deep as people are making it. It's not rocket science. Even my first time, I knew what to do and common sense told me what made me feel good and what made him feel good. I can say with experience (not number of guys) that I got more comfy executing some 'moves' and learning exactly what was "good." But "good" is subjective to different guys, so please don't worry.

People make it out like sex is this complicated things that only the most experienced know, and it is SO not like that (IMO).

 

[Radianthealth]

People who marry as virgins have higher rates of infidelity and unhappiness in marriage (I saw this on Ivillage.com and About.com)... gee, I wonder why.

Good point, This could be because virgins are not capable of pleasing each other and in the end their marraiges fail but I can think of two separate theories that still support this stat.

First, I think there is a great deal of romanticism and mysticism surrounding virginity that should also not be there.

My guess behind that statistic is that man whores go out and marry Suzy virgins and are unhappy because after all that "romanticism" and "mysticism" fades their inclination to be man whores is still there. A virgin isn't going to solve your issues with infidelity, and the fact that a woman is a virgin isn't going to makeup for your lack of compatability as a couple.

That statistic could also be because people who marry as virgins are typically younger and in general couples that marry young don't tend to last. This is what my stats teacher called "Fallacy of False Cause" or "Correlation does not imply Causation" (This was my FAVORITE theory from Stats!! )

This kinda reminds me of the movie The Best Man

 

[Shimmie]

Good point, I think there is a great deal of romanticism and mysticism surrounding virginity that should also not be there.

My guess behind that statistic is that man whores go out and marry Suzy virgins and are unhappy because after all that "romanticism" and "mysticism" fades their inclination to be man whores is still there. A virgin isn't going to solve your issues with infidelity.

This kinda reminds me of the movie The Best Man

Trim...that movie is a perfect example. The thing is they were 'all' messed up with the 'deed'...both the male and females. Gee whiz. It wasn't just the men. Mia had 'revenge' sex because Morris Chestnut was a nut...; Ty Diggs was ready to have sex with the former college roommate and both of them...knowing he had a girlfriend...it was just too complicated. They all had sexual malfunctions emotionally and physically.

The only thing I liked was the song by Genu wine..."The Best Man" Oh and the Electric slide that every does at EVERY wedding reception. That dance scene was cool...no dance malfunctions going on.

 

[Bunny77]

First, I think there is a great deal of romanticism and mysticism surrounding virginity that should also not be there.


That statistic could also be because people who marry as virgins are typically younger and in general couples that marry young don't tend to last. This is what my stats teacher called "Fallacy of False Cause" or "Correlation does not imply Causation" (This was my FAVORITE theory from Stats!! )

Good points. Regarding your second paragraph, I know when I lived down South, every other guy I met had been divorced -- at least it felt like that. And these were guys who were 26-33, so they had been married very young and been in the marriage for about four years before divorcing... so if they married at 21, they'd be 26 and divorced. It was quite odd to me to see that in such large numbers.

Anyway, I have no idea if these people were virgins or not when they married, but I know that I've read that the South has a lot more divorces than the rest of the country and that could be because people marry very young. I have also heard that some folks who probably shouldn't get married will do so so that they can have sex. They've been raised in the church and believe that premarital sex is a sin, so they just go and get married -- which is fine, but most of them probably shouldn't be marrying anyway!!! (At least not then.)

 

[emerald06]

Religion aside, the only man I've met who wanted a virgin was one who was...shall we say...less than talented in the bedroom area and reportedly a very selfish lover.

I'm in favor of the test drive.

 

[Farida]

This thread reminds me of the time on Girlfriends when Joan realized her man had been with over 300 women. He was like "everyone has skeletons in his closet" and she was 'yeah, but you have an entire graveyard"

 

[Radianthealth]

I have also heard that some folks who probably shouldn't get married will do so so that they can have sex

 

[Poohbear]

I was just wondering what happened to our "resident male"??

Someone by the screen name of HairMaster is a male!

 

[locabouthair]

Hmmm...

Here's a question... who are you telling this? The reason I ask is because I don't think one needs to disclose his or her sexual status (virgin, non-virgin, 1 partner, 30 partners, etc.) to just anybody because then one will be more likely to hear ignorant comments.

One of my friends who is a virgin (at 29) does not just tell anyone that she's a virgin -- not because she's ashamed (she isn't at all) but because it's nobody's darn business but her own! She and I have discussed it because we're good friends and the guy she's dating now knows (for obvious reasons), but she didn't tell him right off the bat either.

It's just like I'm not going around telling people how many partners I've had or haven't had or if I'm not a virgin -- why do they need to know?

I'm just saying if you want to avoid negative comments, then don't even make your status a topic of discussion because really, it shouldn't be!

well i really tell my friends, people I have known for years. who have a habit of telling other people for what reason i don't know.erplexed

you're right that isnt something you tell everyone. but with some guys I dated (I didn't tell them early on) they would act like damn whats wrong with u. I hate talking about it sometimes but when you're dating someone it's a topic that comes up eventually u know?

 

[Honey]

Most men who are sexually active are not specifically looking for a wife who is a virgin. Now, there are a few men who may say they don't want their wife to have more than X number of partners. However, when it gets down to it, most men don't care as long as their prospective mate hasn't done anything outrageous (ie, porn, prostitution).

~Honey

 

[Bunny77]

well i really tell my friends, people I have known for years. who have a habit of telling other people for what reason i don't know.erplexed

you're right that isnt something you tell everyone. but with some guys I dated (I didn't tell them early on) they would act like damn whats wrong with u. I hate talking about it sometimes but when you're dating someone it's a topic that comes up eventually u know?

Okay, I understand. I'm sorry that's been an issue for you. But believe that there are good men out there who not only won't care, they'll think it's pretty cool. Sorry you have to go through this bullsmit.

 

[Shimmie]

See, this is what I'm saying... like I said before, it's not rocket science (hi Shimmie ) and a virgin will eventually learn what to do... like every single virgin has before them!

If you grow to love someone, wouldn't you be more than happy to help "teach" them?

Hi to you too Bunny....

I totally agree with you regarding the 'bolded'. I'll even take it further. Even for those who have had previous experience, I'd prefer for both of us to 'learn' each other as if we were 'Virgins' and enjoy the wonder of 'the new'... a new life; a new heart, a new begining; discovering who we are as one; a place where no one else has ever been with us...before. What we share is ours and ours alone.

For me personally, I have no other choice, for I have little experience. I'm looking forward to the beauty of discovering who he is as a man and what pleases him, assuring him that no one else has been 'touched' by me, in the same gentle and loving way. With all of my heart, he's the first and only. No other man was good enough before him...no one else.

 

[Southernbella.]

I totally agree with you regarding the 'bolded'. I'll even take it further. Even for those who have had previous experience, I'd prefer for both of us to 'learn' each other as if we were 'Virgins' and enjoy the wonder of 'the new'... a new life; a new heart, a new begining; discovering who we are as one; a place where no one else has ever been with us...before. What we share is ours and ours alone.

Right! If I had told my dh to do XYZ, because I already know I like it, then I'm essentially saying, "do XYZ because that's how Joe did it, and I liked when he did it".

I think anyone entering a marriage, regardless of how many partners they've had in the past, should start fresh. Forget about the past and what you think you like. Explore eachother. You have the rest of your lives to learn, so take it slow and have fun while you're learning.

 

[caligirl]

I am not looking to marry a virgin, but I don't want my future husband to have had a lot of casual sex. For example, if he was in 5 serious, long-term relationships and had 5 partners, I can understand that.

 

[dlewis]

TRUUUST me. It's not as deep as people are making it. It's not rocket science. Even my first time, I knew what to do and common sense told me what made me feel good and what made him feel good. I can say with experience (not number of guys) that I got more comfy executing some 'moves' and learning exactly what was "good." But "good" is subjective to different guys, so please don't worry.

People make it out like sex is this complicated things that only the most experienced know, and it is SO not like that (IMO).

Thank you!

 

[dlewis]

Right! If I had told my dh to do XYZ, because I already know I like it, then I'm essentially saying, "do XYZ because that's how Joe did it, and I liked when he did it".

I think anyone entering a marriage, regardless of how many partners they've had in the past, should start fresh. Forget about the past and what you think you like. Explore eachother. You have the rest of your lives to learn, so take it slow and have fun while you're learning.

ITA.................

 

[Shimmie]

Right! If I had told my dh to do XYZ, because I already know I like it, then I'm essentially saying, "do XYZ because that's how Joe did it, and I liked when he did it".

I think anyone entering a marriage, regardless of how many partners they've had in the past, should start fresh. Forget about the past and what you think you like. Explore each other. You have the rest of your lives to learn, so take it slow and have fun while you're learning.

Beautifully said, Lauren....

I love what the word of God says... "All things are past away and all things become new."

 

[Shimmie]

I am not looking to marry a virgin, but I don't want my future husband to have had a lot of casual sex. For example, if he was in 5 serious, long-term relationships and had 5 partners, I can understand that.

Hi Caligirl...

For some reason I smiled when I read (the bolded sentence). I wondered how long-term and how serious can any man/woman have been with 5 partners? It made me think of Hollywood. He/She wasn't too serious.

But I understand what you meant...okay?

(((( hugs ))))

 

[caligirl]

Even for those who have had previous experience, I'd prefer for both of us to 'learn' each other as if we were 'Virgins' and enjoy the wonder of 'the new'... a new life; a new heart, a new begining; discovering who we are as one; a place where no one else has ever been with us...before. What we share is ours and ours alone.

You know, this makes me think. It may not be a man or woman's "first time" but it is there "first time together." Isn't this what its really about anyway?

 

[Shimmie]

You know, this makes me think. It may not be a man or woman's "first time" but it is there "first time together." Isn't this what its really about anyway?

Yes Caligirl, it sure is. I love how you shared that...'their first time together' and that is truly what it is really all about. . For both it is a brand new beginning.

Thanks angel...

 

[Browndilocks]

I am not looking to marry a virgin. I am not a virgin and I personally cannot require a man I'm dealing with to have something, when I cannot offer the same thing in return. That wouldn't be fair. I'd expect this POV to be reciprocated from any guy that I deal with as well. There are already a few things that I require of men that I date, all of which I have or don't have myself, such as education, no kids, a real job, etc.

And actually - the idea of dating a guy who is a virgin kind of intimidates me. I feel like my life experiences (some of which include sex) have brought me to a certain level of maturity and new understanding that I'm uncertain I'd be able to share with a virgin. Just being honest, and that's without being sexually active at all at the moment.

I have a friend who wasn't always as conservative as she is today and she was dating this guy who is a virgin. It's one of the main reasons why she wants to marry him. I personally don't think I could do it. I found him to be corny, immature and dare I say - childish and I really believe that him being an almost 30 year old virgin has something to do with it.

 

[princezz]

Hmmm...

Here's a question... who are you telling this? The reason I ask is because I don't think one needs to disclose his or her sexual status (virgin, non-virgin, 1 partner, 30 partners, etc.) to just anybody because then one will be more likely to hear ignorant comments.

One of my friends who is a virgin (at 29) does not just tell anyone that she's a virgin -- not because she's ashamed (she isn't at all) but because it's nobody's darn business but her own! She and I have discussed it because we're good friends and the guy she's dating now knows (for obvious reasons), but she didn't tell him right off the bat either.

It's just like I'm not going around telling people how many partners I've had or haven't had or if I'm not a virgin -- why do they need to know?

I'm just saying if you want to avoid negative comments, then don't even make your status a topic of discussion because really, it shouldn't be!

yup completely utterly totally agree..23 yr old virgin..who is just like your 29yr old, i def excercise discrestion in who i tell.

 

[Blu217]

I don't know any man who'd want to marry an inexperienced woman. Every guy I've talked to wants a woman who knows what she's doing in the bedroom and understands how to pleasure a man; a lot of men prefer older women for that reason. Of course, my acquaintances and I are all in our 30s or beyond and I don't run in a religious/churchy circle, so notions of virginal partners are a little quaint to us.

Personally I'd much rather have a great lover. The thought of awkward sex with a neophyte who is eventually going to wonder what else he's missed out on, what other women are like, does nothing for me. At my age, the idea of a man looking lovingly into my eyes as he discloses that he's "saved" himself only for me would wig me out more than a little.