Relocating for a Man

[MissScarlett]

Exactly! When I got here, I was surprised to hear about the women in ATL too. I have a theory for all that people here about (black) Atlanta. I don't want to steer this thread off course, so just PM me if you want to hear it

I already know, ALOT of the women are just busted, skanks flossing fake bags and getting gussied up on the weekends trying to land some man, anybody's man, they don't care. The women in ATL are AGGRESSIVE.

They want to know what you do, where you work, what kind of car you drive, all in like 10 mins. So, yeah alot of men that are out trying to get a $5 piece of a** are giving them what they want to hear, BS, all while said woman has some lame a** job, late model car, talking about what he "can do for her". When that man turns out to be busted, I'm like, ok so what did you expect?

This is just my observation on the dating scene there. The women I know personally, have married after moving to the city but the homegrown skanks...are still skanks on the prowl. I mean if you want something, you need to bring something specific to the table. This is what alot of women are lacking. Again, that's just my observation.

 

[lexi08]

[

I keep telling single women, look up where different orgs (black acounts, drs., lawyers, etc) are having their conventions and just randomly apppear in the hotel bar or something<-----I actually know this works from experience[/QUOTE]

An ex of mine told me golddigger women show up at conventions like this looking for a husband Not saying you are a goldigger or anything, neither am I. I am going to try this hope it eventually works for me. The dudes where I live are just The good ones are really hard to come across Maybe things will get better when I move.

 

[MissScarlett]

[

I keep telling single women, look up where different orgs (black acounts, drs., lawyers, etc) are having their conventions and just randomly apppear in the hotel bar or something<-----I actually know this works from experience

An ex of mine told me golddigger women show up at conventions like this looking for a husband Not saying you are a goldigger or anything, neither am I. I am going to try this hope it eventually works for me. The dudes where I live are just The good ones are really hard to come across Maybe things will get better when I move.[/quote]

Oh I never caught a man at those, mostly cause I was always already dating someone, BUT two of my gf's did That's why I know it works

 

[Xavier]

I moved to be in a relationship with a man. We were together before I moved and I didn't want a long distance relationship. I also had family that I was very close to in the same city. I met him while I was on vacation visiting my family. I took a big chance, and the relationship shortly ended after my move. We still have very strong feeling for each other, and we a very close. I love the place that I relocated to and I would do it again but with a little more thought, since I have a child now.

I say all this to say that I don't see anything wrong with either senerios.

 

[Britt]

LOTS Of wanna be ballers with nothing but bubblegum and dingaling in their pockets, that's all they can give you. They are pushing floss rides but putting in $20 here and there BUT IMO, the women in ATL are pretty bad too Seriously.....there are some together women but alot of them are skanks on the hunt for a baller. I thnk whever you move, if you're about what you need to be out and also be accessible, get out attend events, not single hookups but you know REAL events, you should be OK.

I keep telling single women, look up where different orgs (black acounts, drs., lawyers, etc) are having their conventions and just randomly apppear in the hotel bar or something<-----I actually know this works from experience

To the bolded, that's the idea I got from long time ex.
Humm, maybe another thread should be started .
To the underlined, very good advice!

 

[Maynard]

Honestly?
I think people have exaggerated that rumor quite a bit
But that's another thread

That rumor was waaaaaay exaggerated IMO as well

 

[MissScarlett]

That rumor was waaaaaay exaggerated IMO as well

I think DC is the HOT gay spot! On CNN, it said that the rate of AIDS in black men in DC is that of an african village, VERY high numbers.

 

[N.P.R. Addict]

Neither are desperate IMO.

In the first scenario, the woman is looking to improve her life situation, find a mate, settle down, etc. I am also an advocate of moving to find a man. If getting married was your objective, as say going to law school, you would move to further your education and career right? So why is looking for a mate any different.

In the second scenario, I still feel like the woman is going after something that will improve her life situation. The difference being she has a target I guess. Years ago, I would say, I would only move to be with a man if I had a firm committment of marriage/engagement, but now...with the plight of being single...nah, I'd go. Dating someone at some point, it would be nice to co-habitate in the same area and see if its a true love thing or just "absence makes the heart grow fonder". BUT-and major but...I would only go as an independent woman, have your ish together, job, finances, make sure the area is one that is up and coming enough that if it doesn't work out, you still made a move that improved you over all. Heck, you could get there and meet a completely different person.

@ the bolded. I as going to say this when I came in because I was a bridesmaid at a wedding where my friend was marrying a guy she met after she moved to Seattle. Thing is, she moved to Seattle for another guy. They did not work out but she met someone else in his social circle. He (the one she relocated for) was a lawyer and they went to the county bar Christmas party or something like that and she met guy number 2 at the party but never saw him again until about six months after she and number 1 were off, which was about 8 months later. They were married about a year to the day they started dating.

Moral of the story it could be in your destiny to move.

 

[Syrah]

I already know, ALOT of the women are just busted, skanks flossing fake bags and getting gussied up on the weekends trying to land some man, anybody's man, they don't care. The women in ATL are AGGRESSIVE.

They want to know what you do, where you work, what kind of car you drive, all in like 10 mins. So, yeah alot of men that are out trying to get a $5 piece of a** are giving them what they want to hear, BS, all while said woman has some lame a** job, late model car, talking about what he "can do for her". When that man turns out to be busted, I'm like, ok so what did you expect?

This is just my observation on the dating scene there. The women I know personally, have married after moving to the city but the homegrown skanks...are still skanks on the prowl. I mean if you want something, you need to bring something specific to the table. This is what alot of women are lacking. Again, that's just my observation.

For Black women, ATL sounds no different than NYC for Jewish girls. It's been deemed the "Mecca" for successful blacks and with it comes the hoards of folks who they themselves are not quite successful but want to attach themselves to this breed of men.

And it's back to that thing again - if you can attract a man YOU CAN. Sure, the TYPE of men you meet probably have something to do with who you are as a person on paper (what you do, what you know, whether or not you're educated) but for the most part, it's there or it's not.

And I get the feeling, with 90% of the people who ask the question "why can't I find a man", they know why. Shoot, you know why you can't find the job you want - you might not LIKE the reason why, but if you had to articulate it, you probably could.

...meeting/finding men is no different.

 

[Syrah]

@ the bolded. I as going to say this when I came in because I was a bridesmaid at a wedding where my friend was marrying a guy she met after she moved to Seattle. Thing is, she moved to Seattle for another guy. They did not work out but she met someone else in his social circle. He (the one she relocated for) was a lawyer and they went to the county bar Christmas party or something like that and she met guy number 2 at the party but never saw him again until about six months after she and number 1 were off, which was about 8 months later. They were married about a year to the day they started dating.

Moral of the story it could be in your destiny to move.

I'm with you.

Plus, you move for jobs, which on average tend to be far less temporary than long term relationships. What's wrong with moving motivated by the prospect of another long term relationship?

I'm not saying skip town, no job, no place to live, no car. You just get set up in a different city.

 

[pisceschica]

I don't think scenario 2 is desperate but its a big risk. What if you give up a really good paying job and or turn down a good promotion to move and then the relationship goes sour. You would hate yourself.

 

[Ms Red]

I guess I'm having a hard time understanding why there cannot be a more solid commitment in Scenario #2 from the guy.

If the relationship was already mutually exclusive before the move, then I guess I can see moving.... it's just so risky. erplexed

I am in Situation #2 and it ain't pretty.

 

[foxxymami]

I guess I'm having a hard time understanding why there cannot be a more solid commitment in Scenario #2 from the guy.

If the relationship was already mutually exclusive before the move, then I guess I can see moving.... it's just so risky. erplexed

I am in Situation #2 and it ain't pretty.

Wait, you mean there have been some recent developments? :scratchch

 

[Ms Red]

You know the backstory: We talked on the phone for a few months. We started casually dating in May. We see each other once a month because he is in MD and I am in TX. He told me that he wants to be together but wants me to move up there. Ummm I don't know about that one, buddy....

I do believe that he wants to be in a committed rlshp and all that jazz but I'm not sure it's worth the risk of RELOCATING (AGAIN!).... Job/career wouldn't be a problem at all but I have issues with moving w/o a bigger commitment, an engagement, something? He obviously wants to be closer in proximity so that 'we can actually give the relationship a chance' I dunno....

He has hinted at moving down here too. Girl, I DON'T KNOW ANYMORE!

Wait, you mean there have been some recent developments? :scratchch

 

[shelly25]

I don't think it's desperate. I'm about to relocate soon to be closer to my s/o. We've been together for 2 years. We met in college in VA and I'm from Florida (he's from Virginia). I'm back here now, so we're in a long distance relationship. By the end of the year hopefully I'll be back in VA with him.

 

[MissScarlett]

You know the backstory: We talked on the phone for a few months. We started casually dating in May. We see each other once a month because he is in MD and I am in TX. He told me that he wants to be together but wants me to move up there. Ummm I don't know about that one, buddy....

I do believe that he wants to be in a committed rlshp and all that jazz but I'm not sure it's worth the risk of RELOCATING (AGAIN!).... Job/career wouldn't be a problem at all but I have issues with moving w/o a bigger commitment, an engagement, something? He obviously wants to be closer in proximity so that 'we can actually give the relationship a chance' I dunno....

He has hinted at moving down here too. Girl, I DON'T KNOW ANYMORE!

See, that is why I say, its not desperate. Some things in a relationship, you gotta be close to each other geographically to KNOW whether the relationship is real or like I said in PP-absence makes the heart grow fonder- and we all know this to be true.

 

[Ms Red]

MissS, that is EXACTLY what he said yesterday. He was like once a month is nice, you get all gussied up, etc., but I want to go through the day to day to see if its real.

Something to think about, I know...

See, that is why I say, its not desperate. Some things in a relationship, you gotta be close to each other geographically to KNOW whether the relationship is real or like I said in PP-absence makes the heart grow fonder- and we all know this to be true.

 

[foxxymami]

You know the backstory: We talked on the phone for a few months. We started casually dating in May. We see each other once a month because he is in MD and I am in TX. He told me that he wants to be together but wants me to move up there. Ummm I don't know about that one, buddy....

I do believe that he wants to be in a committed rlshp and all that jazz but I'm not sure it's worth the risk of RELOCATING (AGAIN!).... Job/career wouldn't be a problem at all but I have issues with moving w/o a bigger commitment, an engagement, something? He obviously wants to be closer in proximity so that 'we can actually give the relationship a chance' I dunno....

He has hinted at moving down here too. Girl, I DON'T KNOW ANYMORE!

Oooh ok! I'll PM cuz I have a quick question

 

[pisceschica]

You know the backstory: We talked on the phone for a few months. We started casually dating in May. We see each other once a month because he is in MD and I am in TX. He told me that he wants to be together but wants me to move up there. Ummm I don't know about that one, buddy....

I do believe that he wants to be in a committed rlshp and all that jazz but I'm not sure it's worth the risk of RELOCATING (AGAIN!).... Job/career wouldn't be a problem at all but I have issues with moving w/o a bigger commitment, an engagement, something? He obviously wants to be closer in proximity so that 'we can actually give the relationship a chance' I dunno....

He has hinted at moving down here too. Girl, I DON'T KNOW ANYMORE!

The job market in the DMV area is pretty good for the most part, but the cost of living I bet is alot more than in Texas.

 

[MissScarlett]

MissS, that is EXACTLY what he said yesterday. He was like once a month is nice, you get all gussied up, etc., but I want to go through the day to day to see if its real.

Something to think about, I know...

I would go but give it a goal date. Even if you don't mention the date to him, just have a mental time frame where you know if you don't get a committment, its time to move on. Not move but move on from the relationship. How old are you? How long have you been dating? Ok If that's too nosey just PM me sorry. YOu know my side job is relationship counseling

 

[Ms Red]

Yep, the cost of living is really high there but the job market is good.

The job market in the DMV area is pretty good for the most part, but the cost of living I bet is alot more than in Texas.

 

[locabouthair]

I guess I'm having a hard time understanding why there cannot be a more solid commitment in Scenario #2 from the guy.

If the relationship was already mutually exclusive before the move, then I guess I can see moving.... it's just so risky. erplexed

I am in Situation #2 and it ain't pretty.

I feel the same way you do. If it was a marriage proposal then I would. I guess see what your guys means by seeing if it's real.

I don't know... this is an interesting thread... Why do I have this feeling I'll be in a situation like this one day

Anyway as long as job and finances look good then I guess it's fine. I guess a plus would be you'll be experiencing something different.

Question, if you (generally speaking) relocate, does that mean automatically mean that you two will be living together?

Forgive me if thats a stupid question.

 

[MissScarlett]

I feel the same way you do. If it was a marriage proposal then I would. I guess see what your guys means by seeing if it's real.

I don't know... this is an interesting thread... Why do I have this feeling I'll be in a situation like this one day

Anyway as long as job and finances look good then I guess it's fine. I guess a plus would be you'll be experiencing something different.

Question, if you (generally speaking) relocate, does that mean automatically mean that you two will be living together?

Forgive me if thats a stupid question.

I think the face of dating has changed, online dating, etc and this will become more and more common. LIke I said years ago, I'd say hell no but in 2008, why not go for it.

 

[Ms Red]

I am 28 and he is 31. We've been dating since May and have known each for a few yrs. He knows I am interested in marriage and he is too, but the 1,500 mile long distance isn't going to work

I was initially like 'I want a commitment before ANY moving takes place' but now I don't know.. I can see his point where you need to be around each other on a normal basis (not just weekend trips, etc.)....

And I need the relationship counselor so please chime in

I would go but give it a goal date. Even if you don't mention the date to him, just have a mental time frame where you know if you don't get a committment, its time to move on. Not move but move on from the relationship. How old are you? How long have you been dating? Ok If that's too nosey just PM me sorry. YOu know my side job is relationship counseling

 

[Ms Red]

Not a stupid question. . .

I don't think you have to automatically move in... but this was one of the reasons for my thinking... if you have a more solid commitment (although we know engagements can be broken ) I could see living together.

I feel the same way you do. If it was a marriage proposal then I would. I guess see what your guys means by seeing if it's real.

I don't know... this is an interesting thread... Why do I have this feeling I'll be in a situation like this one day

Anyway as long as job and finances look good then I guess it's fine. I guess a plus would be you'll be experiencing something different.

Question, if you (generally speaking) relocate, does that mean automatically mean that you two will be living together?

Forgive me if thats a stupid question.

 

[foxxymami]

I feel the same way you do. If it was a marriage proposal then I would. I guess see what your guys means by seeing if it's real.

I don't know... this is an interesting thread... Why do I have this feeling I'll be in a situation like this one day

Anyway as long as job and finances look good then I guess it's fine. I guess a plus would be you'll be experiencing something different.

Question, if you (generally speaking) relocate, does that mean automatically mean that you two will be living together?

Forgive me if thats a stupid question.

NO!
I moved into my own space and we had been together 2.5 years at the time. If the situation is like OP presented (the woman moving to be with a man who she is not exclusively dating), then I would be even more inclined to live in my own place. That way you wouldn't be SOL if things don't go as hoped.

 

[MissScarlett]

I am 28 and he is 31. We've been dating since May and have known each for a few yrs. He knows I am interested in marriage and he is too, but the 1,500 mile long distance isn't going to work

I was initially like 'I want a commitment before ANY moving takes place' but now I don't know.. I can see his point where you need to be around each other on a normal basis (not just weekend trips, etc.)....

And I need the relationship counselor so please chime in

Again, since you've been clear with him that you want to be married, you have discussed it, I would go but with a timeline in mind. from the point of moving, I'd give it like a year to get an engagement. He probalby already knows, I believe men know fairly soon before they tell us, if we're the 'one'. That's my advice, someone might say something different. I WOULD NOT live with him though or get there and expect my entire existence of being there was dependent on him. Have your finances, career, etc together but just know that you're moving to promote the relationship, again timeline...timeline.

 

[reallynow]

Again, since you've been clear with him that you want to be married, you have discussed it, I would go but with a timeline in mind. from the point of moving, I'd give it like a year to get an engagement. He probalby already knows, I believe men know fairly soon before they tell us, if we're the 'one'. That's my advice, someone might say something different. I WOULD NOT live with him though or get there and expect my entire existence of being there was dependent on him. Have your finances, career, etc together but just know that you're moving to promote the relationship, again timeline...timeline.

I didn't read the entire thread so forgive me if I am missing anything. I did relocate because of a relationship. We had been seeing each other in a ldr for 1 yr when we had that talk. I had a job and apartment lined up so I stayed with him for all of one week while my apt. was made ready. Miss Scarlett's advice is key -although initially my move was about the relationship I made sure all of my ducks were in a row so that I would not be dependent on him. I made friends outside of his circle, did things with my job/co-workers, had my own life outside of him. I found myself getting into a rut of him and me, me and him and I could see that was not going to work. I also had a marriage timeline (in my head) and when he wasn't even having those types of REAL conversations I saw the writing on the wall.

I said all that to say, go for it but have a plan of action and above all take care of you!

 

[Ms Red]

Thank you reallynow and MissScarlett...

*If* we even begin to really discuss the possibility of me moving there, I am taking your collective advice and having my OWN (job/finances/car/etc.)...

Right now, we have been dating for 3 months ld and I want to see if he is really serious about a relationship or if he is trying to get over.

I didn't read the entire thread so forgive me if I am missing anything. I did relocate because of a relationship. We had been seeing each other in a ldr for 1 yr when we had that talk. I had a job and apartment lined up so I stayed with him for all of one week while my apt. was made ready. Miss Scarlett's advice is key -although initially my move was about the relationship I made sure all of my ducks were in a row so that I would not be dependent on him. I made friends outside of his circle, did things with my job/co-workers, had my own life outside of him. I found myself getting into a rut of him and me, me and him and I could see that was not going to work. I also had a marriage timeline (in my head) and when he wasn't even having those types of REAL conversations I saw the writing on the wall.

I said all that to say, go for it but have a plan of action and above all take care of you!

 

[Lylddlebit]

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