so, he broke things off

[Glamorous_chic]

well, i guess friday the 13th strikes again. lolol btw, this is just a vent and is kind of long. i've been dating an older man (he's about 10 years older than me) for the past few months. he was always the perfect gentleman, and was very intelligent. we'd usually speak almost daily for a few hours each day, and would meet up often for lunch or drinks. after a while, he began to express his interest in sex with me. i explained to him that i wanted to take things slow, and he understood my reasons.

not to long ago we were talking, and he made a comment about people wasting his time, and he doesn't prefer to deal with people like that. the comment didn't seem to be directed towards me, but then when i started thinking about the conversation, and wondering if he was hinting at something, but thought maybe i was "overanalyzing things" i've been having a really rough week, and he mentioned taking me out since i've been really stressed. so, we meet up yesterday, and he was there with a couple of his friends, and we had alot of fun. i didn't drink much, but forgot that i hadn't really eaten anything all day, so, i got very tipsy. when i asked him if i could sleep on his couch, since i was really far from my place.

he told me he still lived with his sons mother but they weren't in a relationship. now, this was a complete shock to me, b/c we talked almost daily for hours. not to mention that his son 18 years old!! wallbash: were my emotions when he told me this. i was furious b/c if i'd known that i never would've agreed to the date to begin with. and when i asked why he never told me this, his response was i never asked. WOW. so, we ended up talking some more, and ended up fooling around, but i refused to have sex with him then he suddenly had to leave to go home. erplexed so, i spoke with him today, and he tells me that he's gonna try to work things out with her, and apologized for misleading me. i appreciated his honesty, in atleast telling me, and not just avoiding me, but then i was even more confused b/c he just asked me this week to go on vacation with him. and if he was trying to work things out with her, why ask me out and introduce me to your friends? this is a retoricle question, i do know why and there is no point in questioning his logic. lolol

apart of me thinks he really broke things off b/c i wouldn't have sex with him, and he thought i was "wasting his time" i'm still in shock, b/c i really didn't see that coming. although when i look reflect on it, he would usually bring up the subject of sex alot. i'm glad we didn't have sex, b/c i know that i wouldn't be so calm, about this situation had we. my mind and judgement would've been clouded. the sad part is, i really did want to with him, it never seemed like the right time.

 

[Country gal]

Paragraphs are our friends. How long did u know him? It sounds like he was trying to make you his jump off girl. He probably always was with his son's mother.

 

[vivEz daNs lamouR]

How did he leave to go home if you guys were staying at his place? Or, did you go to yours?

I agree w/ Country Gal, too.

 

[Glamorous_chic]

i just edited it. yeah, when i think about it, i really do think he was with her the whole time. but, i haven't known him long, just 4 months. so, i didn't have too much invested in it.

 

[Glamorous_chic]

How did he leave to go home if you guys were staying at his place? Or, did you go to yours?

I agree w/ Country Gal, too.

we were at my place.

 

[vivEz daNs lamouR]

we were at my place.

I wouldn't have allowed him the privilege to still come back to my place after he let me know that he still lives with his child's mother.

 

[ultrasuede]

He seems to be a deceptive person. Hiding the fact that he was living with another woman is major. You should not have had to ask him, he should have told you . Then you could have made a decision about whether you wanted to date somone with his situation.

 

[brownelovely]

Be glad you found out early on. Fact is, he was still with her anyway. That's a lame excuse saying that he just lives there for convenience or whatever. He knew you wouldn't come once you found that part out, so he was pretty much betting to go to your place. I'm glad to see you didn't succumb to his wish, your instincts told you right.

sheesh, i don't know why men still use that "I still live with my child's mother b/c she needs help with the bills but we're not together" line. SMH

 

[Glamorous_chic]

Be glad you found out early on. Fact is, he was still with her anyway. That's a lame excuse saying that he just lives there for convenience or whatever. He knew you wouldn't come once you found that part out, so he was pretty much betting to go to your place. I'm glad to see you didn't succumb to his wish, your instincts told you right.

sheesh, i don't know why men still use that "I still live with my child's mother b/c she needs help with the bills but we're not together" line. SMH

but, see that's the part i don't get. it doesn't make sense. he's not even from this area. i knew his son lived here, but thought he lived with his mom.and the more i think about it, we'd talk about his son, and how his son came over. and i meant to ask him, did the mom and son move here to be close by. b/c of his job, he moves every few years. so i thought it was really sweet that the mom moved here so the son could be close to him. never thought to ask do you live with her. lolol and i'm a pretty inquisitive person. the excuse doesn't really make sense either because the son is 18, not a 2 or 3 or 4. but, 18 years old. i'm glad i found out early on. and after the way he suddenly had to leave, i knew that there was still more to the story, and had planned on not seeing him anymore already. i was just surprised at his reasoning for not wanting to see me anymore.

 

[locabouthair]

He's not worth your time. He's living with his BM but they arent together anymore?

He sounds like a jerk.

 

[growth2come]

Something tells me that this man however charming he may have been wanted a girl on the side for one thing only(even though convo was thrown in...) just be glad you have a clear picture of his situation and with his attempt for a vacation I am sure he probably things once there you will give it up!

 

[deltadreamland]

Trifling...to say the least. He knew what he was doing. Good riddance to bad rubbish!

 

[MissYocairis]

but, see that's the part i don't get. it doesn't make sense. he's not even from this area. i knew his son lived here, but thought he lived with his mom.and the more i think about it, we'd talk about his son, and how his son came over. and i meant to ask him, did the mom and son move here to be close by. b/c of his job, he moves every few years. so i thought it was really sweet that the mom moved here so the son could be close to him. never thought to ask do you live with her. lolol and i'm a pretty inquisitive person. the excuse doesn't really make sense either because the son is 18, not a 2 or 3 or 4. but, 18 years old. i'm glad i found out early on. and after the way he suddenly had to leave, i knew that there was still more to the story, and had planned on not seeing him anymore already. i was just surprised at his reasoning for not wanting to see me anymore.

It doesn't make sense because you are missing the main point...everything you posted above, was not the main point...he was trying to make you his side piece. Without telling you he lives with the woman he has a FAMILY with.

You made him wait for the cookie, but that's not going to make a man say, "well, she's making me wait this long so I'm just going to bounce"....no....they'll wait for the cookie, as long as it takes.

The invitation to a vacation was to GET THE COOKIE. He would have told his "commonlaw wife" (who, may actually be his legal wife) that he was going out of town on a business trip. You and he would have gone out of town...you would have given up the cookie because it appeared he was investing something real into your relationship and the timing (a vaca) would be PERFECT for your first time together. And then, when the vaca was over, he'd have gone home to his wife(y) and you would go home alone...and then, he would have never told you still....that he lived with a woman.

And, him introducing you to his friends should not be seen as an indication that he was serious about a relationship. It's a ploy. Men do this all the time and the only one who is clueless in the room would be the woman...all his boys already know about his "situation"....therefore, they know who the girl is to him even though she is none the wiser. Focus on the RED FLAGS...it wasn't that you didn't give it up...it was that he told on himself when he was put on the spot and that made you slam on the brakes....he then realized this thing was a no-go.

And, please believe, I wouldn't be suprised if he comes back and tries again. Just anticipating your naivite...counting on you to be clueless so he can establish a nice stable side-piece situation. I'm glad you cut him loose. Think about how he misrepresented himself to you ALL THAT TIME. In four months of speaking everyday and sometimes for 2 hours at a time, he NEVER told you that one, simple fact. Nah...he's not worthy of your trust and friendship. He's a snake. I feel sorry for his wife(y).

 

[honeybadgirl]

totally KEEP IT MOVING!! he wanted what he couldnt get and thats ALL he wanted. move on and dont look back!! he's a loser anyway!

 

[hrtbndr21]

He was wasting YOUR time.

Hmm... is a baby mama still a baby mama when the "baby" is 18? LOL He probably was living w/ this woman the whole time and like somebody else said might even be married. He was just trying to secure some out of town nanni on the side. Good riddance.

 

[blasianbeauty]

He was wasting YOUR time.

Hmm... is a baby mama still a baby mama when the "baby" is 18? LOL He probably was living w/ this woman the whole time and like somebody else said might even be married. He was just trying to secure some out of town nanni on the side. Good riddance.

I believe he is married also. Yeah, good riddance to that trash!

 

[SelahOco]

OP, it sounds like he was only in it for the sex. He never intended to be in a relationship with you...and after 4 months and all of his ploys, he felt he was wasting his time. He'll likely find another woman to do this to and have sex with her while he's trying to "work things out" with his grown baby's mother.

 

[Glamorous_chic]

thanks everyone for the words of encouragement. and honestly everything said was on point. and i even considered that he may in fact be married, not just living with his "ex". sad part is my first instinct was that was what he wanted the whole time, but having a convo about it, he convinced me it wasn't. so, really i am sure that really all he wanted was a side piece who didn't ask questions. he accused me of being over analytical and asking too many questions and how it can be annoying, definitely a red flag in retrospect. he was definently a smooth one. thanks everyone.

 

[Country gal]

I would not move to my son's father area just so my son can be close to him. My son's dad is in the military so he moves every few years. He makes efforts to have my son fly anywhere he is at. I don't need to move for them to have a relationship. she moved because he was having a relationship with her.

 

[bimbabe]

I say good riddance OP. He showed his behind before you gave up the goods. KIM!!!!

 

[Ms_Delikate]

Good job O.P. for not falling for the okey doke...He is probably married.

 

[naturalmanenyc]

He was trying to make you his 20%. He is probably married but calling it "a situation." Be grateful that you found out when you did....before his wife/live-in found out.

She says it so much better than me - turn up the volume http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jra1iB5K1Hc

and this is where it cold have gone - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CoAZWF6naTY

 

[naijaGal]

This was def a lucky escape so count your blessings.

 

[Imani]

...........................

 

[c0urtr0cbaby]

It doesn't make sense because you are missing the main point...everything you posted above, was not the main point...he was trying to make you his side piece. Without telling you he lives with the woman he has a FAMILY with.

You made him wait for the cookie, but that's not going to make a man say, "well, she's making me wait this long so I'm just going to bounce"....no....they'll wait for the cookie, as long as it takes.

The invitation to a vacation was to GET THE COOKIE. He would have told his "commonlaw wife" (who, may actually be his legal wife) that he was going out of town on a business trip. You and he would have gone out of town...you would have given up the cookie because it appeared he was investing something real into your relationship and the timing (a vaca) would be PERFECT for your first time together. And then, when the vaca was over, he'd have gone home to his wife(y) and you would go home alone...and then, he would have never told you still....that he lived with a woman.

And, him introducing you to his friends should not be seen as an indication that he was serious about a relationship. It's a ploy. Men do this all the time and the only one who is clueless in the room would be the woman...all his boys already know about his "situation"....therefore, they know who the girl is to him even though she is none the wiser. Focus on the RED FLAGS...it wasn't that you didn't give it up...it was that he told on himself when he was put on the spot and that made you slam on the brakes....he then realized this thing was a no-go.

And, please believe, I wouldn't be suprised if he comes back and tries again. Just anticipating your naivite...counting on you to be clueless so he can establish a nice stable side-piece situation. I'm glad you cut him loose. Think about how he misrepresented himself to you ALL THAT TIME. In four months of speaking everyday and sometimes for 2 hours at a time, he NEVER told you that one, simple fact. Nah...he's not worthy of your trust and friendship. He's a snake. I feel sorry for his wife(y).

Couldn't have said it better myself.

 

[blue_flower]

That a**hole wasted your time too. Don't touch that fool with a 12 ft pole. Just leave him alone and move on.

 

[NYAmicas]

Like the other ladies have said OP, he seemed to be recruiting you to be the chick on the side. Even if that is not the case, he was not being honest with you and him pressuring you for sex before he could be completely honest with you is a bad omen. Dont let him take any more of your time.

 

[hurricane]

OHHH Girl, that bastid!!!!! Please, please, please take your mind off of him. Start a new hobby, learn a new language. Whatever you do cut that blankidy, blank off. Trust me. He will start playing with your mind,then you will end up devestated and on nerve pills. Sorry, but I have some experience here. It is not worth it.

 

[Glamorous_chic]

thanks ladies for the kind words. i will definitely not be talking to him ever again. this was definitely a learning experience. and another poster suggested that i listen to his actions and not words, and he actually followed through on everything he said he'd do. no suddenly disappearing, no not answer phone calls, which was why this took me by surprise. but, this was definitely a learning experience for me. you live and you learn. even the seemingly "nicest" guys can be jerks in disguise, which i already knew.

 

[Butterfly08]

It doesn't make sense because you are missing the main point...everything you posted above, was not the main point...he was trying to make you his side piece. Without telling you he lives with the woman he has a FAMILY with.

You made him wait for the cookie, but that's not going to make a man say, "well, she's making me wait this long so I'm just going to bounce"....no....they'll wait for the cookie, as long as it takes.

The invitation to a vacation was to GET THE COOKIE. He would have told his "commonlaw wife" (who, may actually be his legal wife) that he was going out of town on a business trip. You and he would have gone out of town...you would have given up the cookie because it appeared he was investing something real into your relationship and the timing (a vaca) would be PERFECT for your first time together. And then, when the vaca was over, he'd have gone home to his wife(y) and you would go home alone...and then, he would have never told you still....that he lived with a woman.

And, him introducing you to his friends should not be seen as an indication that he was serious about a relationship. It's a ploy. Men do this all the time and the only one who is clueless in the room would be the woman...all his boys already know about his "situation"....therefore, they know who the girl is to him even though she is none the wiser. Focus on the RED FLAGS...it wasn't that you didn't give it up...it was that he told on himself when he was put on the spot and that made you slam on the brakes....he then realized this thing was a no-go.

And, please believe, I wouldn't be suprised if he comes back and tries again. Just anticipating your naivite...counting on you to be clueless so he can establish a nice stable side-piece situation. I'm glad you cut him loose. Think about how he misrepresented himself to you ALL THAT TIME. In four months of speaking everyday and sometimes for 2 hours at a time, he NEVER told you that one, simple fact. Nah...he's not worthy of your trust and friendship. He's a snake. I feel sorry for his wife(y).

I know it's been said but I'll say it again anyway. YOU.BROKE.IT.DOWN.