Just Found Out My Boyfriend Has a Wife. . .

[Blackoutzangel05]

The point is just because someone of the same ethnic group makes the statement doesnt make it any more valid.

I m going to go ask some AA men who only fool with white women what he thinks of AA women....and then I am going to use that as my basis to judge the entire group...he is AA he said it must be so.

People are using episodes of Good Times as a valid way to judge an entire ethnic group of men. Its funny that the group judged the most in this country seems to dish it out just as much.

I thought that example was funny...I couldn't believe that comparison was made LOL And you are right ONAHairQuest...AA do dish out stereotypes just as much as we have them placed on us...

 

[zora]

That was a nice response. To people who want to generalize all Nigerian men because they were used....Thats what you get and thats why you are BITTER now! Don't fault Nigerian men for taking advantage your dumb #$$es. Live and learn

Alrighty then.

I think as women, we need to be smart and responsible for what happens to us no matter what ethnicity. But let's call a spade a spade.

Are ALL nigerian men dogs? Of course not. But there's something to be said about stereotypes. They are based on something.

Can ALL black people dance? No, but a lot of us sure can. Are ALL black people lazy? No, but a lot of the ones who work for the gov't sure are. What?! You know I'm right.

 

[Integrity]

There are some simple minded people on this site. It seems any ethnicity outside of AA is fair play for stereotypes to just fly with reckless abandon.


To the OP I am so sorry all this happened to you.

hmmm i noticed this too! some of the blanket statements shocked me too. yet i have read time and time again complaints about 'white folx' stereotyping AA /blacks on here........erplexed

 

[Integrity]

Alrighty then.

I think as women, we need to be smart and responsible for what happens to us no matter what ethnicity. But let's call a spade a spade.

Are ALL nigerian men dogs? Of course not. But there's something to be said about stereotypes. They are based on something.

Can ALL black people dance? No, but a lot of us sure can. Are ALL black people lazy? No, but a lot of the ones who work for the gov't sure are. What?! You know I'm right.

We need to wake up and smell the coffee. I agree................

 

[Integrity]

The point is just because someone of the same ethnic group makes the statement doesnt make it any more valid.

I m going to go ask some AA men who only fool with white women what he thinks of AA women....and then I am going to use that as my basis to judge the entire group...he is AA he said it must be so.

People are using episodes of Good Times as a valid way to judge an entire ethnic group of men. Its funny that the group judged the most in this country seems to dish it out just as much.

No of course it does not! But when someone from the 'inside' 'confirms'.....
It may not be true at all but that is just how it seems to go!

ETA: I personally would not go as far as saying 'deception is a way of life' for a particular group. That is just overstepping the boundary and exaggerating

 

[sweetwhispers]

There are some simple minded people on this site. It seems any ethnicity outside of AA is fair play for stereotypes to just fly with reckless abandon.


To the OP I am so sorry all this happened to you.

This is why i stay out of threads like these. African people are continually trashed on this forum. I've heard so many disgusting comments from so called "educated" people. If i were to say the things i've heard about African men/people in general about african- americans or afro-Caribbean men( because they are angels aren't they) i would be run out of this forum. There is no use attempting to reason with these people. Deception is a way of life? WTF?

 

[harigeek]

The Nigerians on here need to take a chill pill, OK! The man was Nigerian and he was no damn good - those are the facts, not stereotypes, it actually happened! And the OP has every right to feel outraged and if she decides to be more cautious of Nigerian men because of this she has every right to!
I am part Nigerian myself - born and raised there - so I know a thing or two about our men!

 

[Integrity]

The Nigerians on here need to take a chill pill, OK! The man was Nigerian and he was no damn good - those are the facts, not stereotypes, it actually happened! And the OP has every right to feel outraged and if she decides to be more cautious of Nigerian men because of this she has every right to!
I am part Nigerian myself - born and raised there - so I know a thing or two about our men!

lol. i see where you are coming from. defensive is what comes to mind. i actually saw the thread rated one star at first and i think that may have something to do with (i ain't accusing anyone particular of doing it). I just hear tooo much of these things with a particular group of people (not necessarily nigerians only!) and then after a while it makes you start going 'hmmmm'.

 

[Golong]

I've been learking in this thread. My dad is Nigerian and I find it quite intersesting how AA sterotype. Anyway I closed this thread and turned on Oprah-why were Nigerians profiled for scamming people....I just had to shake my head. Bad day for Nigerians I guess.

 

[Bint Yusef]

This is why i stay out of threads like these. African people are continually trashed on this forum. I've heard so many disgusting comments from so called "educated" people. If i were to say the things i've heard about African men/people in general about african- americans or afro-Caribbean men( because they are angels aren't they) i would be run out of this forum. There is no use attempting to reason with these people. Deception is a way of life? WTF?

I see that now. People will "agree" with you and then in the next post find some thread to try to justify the stuff they say. It amazes me the number of people that get called out in these forums for the trash that they say, and they dont once reflect on how their statement could be offensive. They rather hang on to the stereotype than examine their logic, but that is the mark of a miseducated people lack of critical thinking.

 

[Integrity]

I've been learking in this thread. My dad is Nigerian and I find it quite intersesting how AA sterotype. Anyway I closed this thread and turned on Oprah-why were Nigerians profiled for scamming people....I just had to shake my head. Bad day for Nigerians I guess.

True. I hear Africans stereotyping AA and afro Caribbeans in the same way

 

[junipertree]

The point is just because someone of the same ethnic group makes the statement doesnt make it any more valid.

I m going to go ask some AA men who only fool with white women what he thinks of AA women....and then I am going to use that as my basis to judge the entire group...he is AA he said it must be so.

People are using episodes of Good Times as a valid way to judge an entire ethnic group of men. Its funny that the group judged the most in this country seems to dish it out just as much.

I'm going to put my hard hat on for this one. Here goes - the fact of the matter is, even as it pertains to AA women there is usually SOME truth to stereotypes. I do agree, however that it becomes dangerous to use that as your basis for an entire group of people (i.e. not dating ALL black women because of these stereotypes that may or may not be true). It's a touchy subject. I don't agree with stereotyping but I think to a certain extent it is normal to use information that you hear continually about a certain ethnicity/nationality/gender and use it as some basis when interacting with them. Even the poster who accused Bublin of stereotyping Nigerian men turned around in the same breath and stereotyped ALL MEN. Why is that okay? Just my 2 cents.

 

[Mortons]

lol. i see where you are coming from. defensive is what comes to mind. i actually saw the thread rated one star at first and i think that may have something to do with (i ain't accusing anyone particular of doing it). I just hear tooo much of these things with a particular group of people (not necessarily nigerians only!) and then after a while it makes you start going 'hmmmm'.

Umm I hope that other people do not take your approach when it comes to stereotypes about Black people, cause then we would all have a hard row to hoe. Wouldnt you get defensive if someone was talking about your family? I have Nigerian male friends over at Morehouse now, who are Christian, faithful, and on their way to being doctors. But no one would be interested because all Nigerian men are dogs right? Besides we always want the ones who do us wrong and skip the ones who act right

 

[junipertree]

I just wanted to add that I am sorry that ellennicole is going through this. I happens more often than you can imagine but you are doing the right thing by not putting any more energy into a destructive situation. Time will heal.

 

[Integrity]

Umm I hope that other people do not take your approach when it comes to stereotypes about Black people, cause then we would all have a hard row to hoe. Wouldnt you get defensive if someone was talking about your family? I have Nigerian male friends over at Morehouse now, who are Christian, faithful, and on their way to being doctors. But no one would be interested because all Nigerian men are dogs right? Besides we always want the ones who do us wrong and skip the ones who act right

hey, I understand!!! I do agree that the stereotyping is not right. It happens though. Just playing devil's advocate here. If you look back to my posts you will see I have argued for both sides!

 

[Mortons]

hey, I understand!!! I do agree that the stereotyping is not right. It happens though. Just playing devil's advocate here. If you look back to my posts you will see I have argued for both sides!

I see. I was responding to your last sentence on stereotypes. The last part was a general comment to the folks on this thread.

 

[Samory07]

Awww I'm really sorry to hear that.He really doesnt kno wat he lost..because you really seem like a sweet person..I cant really say that I have been there...but all I can say is that the pain will heal and God can take care of it for you. So just give it Him. Trust me I know that it is a lot easier said than done but trust me He works. HTH

 

[Bint Yusef]

I'm going to put my hard hat on for this one. Here goes - the fact of the matter is, even as it pertains to AA women there is usually SOME truth to stereotypes. I do agree, however that it becomes dangerous to use that as your basis for an entire group of people (i.e. not dating ALL black women because of these stereotypes that may or may not be true). It's a touchy subject. I don't agree with stereotyping but I think to a certain extent it is normal to use information that you hear continually about a certain ethnicity/nationality/gender and use it as some basis when interacting with them. Even the poster who accused Bublin of stereotyping Nigerian men turned around in the same breath and stereotyped ALL MEN. Why is that okay? Just my 2 cents.

Live by the sword and die by it. As long as folk dont cry foul and are prepared for the tables to be turned on them in the same manner, then fine. Live by your stereotypes, but that is rarely the case. Let me also say that AAs should have the least interest in holding up the "some stereotypes are based on truth " banner. Black people really cant afford to defend that and will suffer the most with that type of thinking...yall go ahead. Defending the weapon most often used against you is illogical and otherworldly to me. It also shows a clear lack of critical thinking skills and the ability to see the long term ramifications. Next time an innocent Black man is shot by a police department I hope you remember that they were operating on the same basis that you are now upholding, and I hope you can live with that.

Just dont get mad when you are called out on it either.

 

[naijaGal]

All,

This is turning into a complete farce. I'm confidents ellennicole didn't intend to imply that she was treated in such a way because the guy was Nigerian.

If we're honest we all stereotype. I'm a Nigerian and I'll be the first to tease my clansmen whenever I see a derogatory news items on tv. It becomes an insult when you move from mental stereotyping to treating another human being on the basis of what you've heard or read about them.

I'm going to harp on my point, a guys ethnic origin should not matter. As long as he can see from a distance that the lady won't be treated like a 2nd class citizen he'll get his act together if he hasn't already or he needs indications to move on. This obviously is in line with the theme of this thread. I'm not referring to the decent guys who know how to treat a woman. This ones for idiots only.

It's easy to say a certain guy treats a woman a certain way but if the guy finds that this is what works for him how does he change. How does he even know he's doing anything wrong?

Can we pls move off the stereotype discussion which seems way over the top now and stick to the 'man treats woman badly' topic.

I know this is an open forum for folks to express their opinions, however, the OP may have posted this topic with the intent of getting advice and comfort. All she'll prob taking away from this is that Nigerian men are wankers and there's something wrong with every male race. We trying to turn her?

Come on guys let’s keep up the support and not hijack the thread.

PS. Nigerian men are lovely, like any man, you need to know how to interact with them. And for anyone who wants to go on about the 419 scams, not that I'm condoning it, think of all those greedy beggars who want to make millions from a 2 sec transaction. If it smells like ****, it ain't nothing else.

 

[Country gal]

I just wanted to add that I am sorry that ellennicole is going through this. I happens more often than you can imagine but you are doing the right thing by not putting any more energy into a destructive situation. Time will heal.

Co-signing. I am putting the focus back on EllenNicole. We have all be lead a stray at some point by conniving men. At least you found out early enough and did not waste too much time on this loser. Bad men come in all races and color.

 

[junipertree]

Live by the sword and die by it. As long as folk dont cry foul and are prepared for the tables to be turned on them in the same manner, then fine. Live by your stereotypes, but that is rarely the case. Let me also say that AAs should have the least interest in holding up the "some stereotypes are based on truth " banner. Black people really cant afford to defend that and will suffer the most with that type of thinking...yall go ahead. Defending the weapon most often used against you is illogical and otherworldly to me. It also shows a clear lack of critical thinking skills and the ability to see the long term ramifications. Next time an innocent Black man is shot by a police department I hope you remember that they were operating on the same basis that you are now upholding, and I hope you can live with that.

Just dont get mad when you are called out on it either.

I don't because they don't apply to ME. Truth is truth.
And why shouldn't black people make the statement that some stereotypes are based on truth if in fact they are?? I think it is illogical to say that because black people have suffered from negative stereotyping to an extreme that they should all therefore conclude that certain stereotypes do not exist. Those are two different arguments that, to me, shows a clear lack of critical thinking (i.e. I am black therefore I should not believe stereotypes exist.)

 

[Bint Yusef]

I don't because they don't apply to ME. Truth is truth.
And why shouldn't black people make the statement that some stereotypes are based on truth if in fact they are?? I think it is illogical to say that because black people have suffered from negative stereotyping to an extreme that they should all therefore conclude that certain stereotypes do not exist. Those are two different arguments that, to me, shows a clear lack of critical thinking (i.e. I am black therefore I should not believe stereotypes exist.)

Sounds like white privilege masquerading in Black face to me.
You know they dont apply to you, but do the people applying them know that? This is a prime example of someone endorsing problematic ideology because they feel the they can dodge the bullet. The gun will eventually be pointed at you. The shooter does not care because according to them they already have you figured out, according to you, you are not like *them* but you are still going to take the bullet. And in that scenario you cant even fool anyone that you would not want to plead your individual case to spare you from whatever consequences come from oversimplified preconceptions.This is much bigger than a young lady being hurt by a man, there are people making important decisions and laws/regulations based on stereotypes. What is wrong with taking people on a case by case basis? .Where is the proof that *all insert group here* think/say/do/act *insert fault here*? How many stereotypes are based on faulty or anecdotal data? If you have proof that a certain group does something the majority of the time, then you have a FACT or TRUTH and no longer have to rely on "stereotypes" To say that Nigerians live a deceptive way of life is bogus regardless of the way you try to slice it. You say TRUTH is TRUTH, then please prove it. Please prove right now that the majority of Nigerians live a deceptive way of life, or that the majority of Nigerian men are dishonest. Since stereotypes are based truth and fact this should be very easy for you to do.

 

[junipertree]

Sounds like white privilege masquerading in Black face to me.
You know they dont apply to you, but do the people applying them know that? This is a prime example of someone endorsing problematic ideology because they feel the they can dodge the bullet. The gun will eventually be pointed at you. The shooter does not care because according to them they already have you figured out, according to you, you are not like *them* but you are still going to take the bullet. And in that scenario you cant even fool anyone that you would not want to plead your individual case to spare you from whatever consequences come from oversimplified preconceptions.This is much bigger than a young lady being hurt by a man, there are people making important decisions and laws/regulations based on stereotypes. What is wrong with taking people on a case by case basis? .Where is the proof that *all insert group here* think/say/do/act *insert fault here*? How many stereotypes are based on faulty or anecdotal data? If you have proof that a certain group does something the majority of the time, then you have a FACT or TRUTH and no longer have to rely on "stereotypes" To say that Nigerians live a deceptive way of life is bogus regardless of the way you try to slice it. You say TRUTH is TRUTH, then please prove it. Please prove right now that the majority of Nigerians live a deceptive way of life, or that the majority of Nigerian men are dishonest. Since stereotypes are based truth and fact this should be very easy for you to do.[/QUOTE

The truth I was referring to was that stereotypes exist. There is plenty of proof of that in this thread alone. The truth is also that they are based on a persons experiences with certain nationalities/GENDERS/etc. (as limited or expansive as those experiences might be) or based on what they are told repeatedly about certain groups of people. They are mostly not drawn out of thin air. Here we agree - people use them uncritically to form prejudicial opinions about those certain groups of people. I do not condone that and I don't live my life that way. I happen to judge people on a case by case basis lest I am lulled by a false sense of security by forming a skewed view of someone based on a "good stereotype" or, alternatively, fail to form a relationship with someone good based on a "bad stereotype". No one should use stereotypes as a basis for forming/not forming a relationship with someone - that is dangerous. All I am saying is that they exist and they come from somewhere. Are they right? No. Ideally people would think critically and logically and not depend on stereotypes as a basis for forming an opinion about an individual.

Also, I don't need to prove that Nigerians are "deceptive by nature" because I never made such a conclusion. Nor have I any such experience to even make an attempt at forming such a conclusion, prejudicial as it might be. However, why don't you request the same proof that all men are deceptive from the poster who stated as much? Is that not stereotyping as well?

 

[SleekandBouncy]

Live by the sword and die by it. As long as folk dont cry foul and are prepared for the tables to be turned on them in the same manner, then fine. Live by your stereotypes, but that is rarely the case. Let me also say that AAs should have the least interest in holding up the "some stereotypes are based on truth " banner. Black people really cant afford to defend that and will suffer the most with that type of thinking...yall go ahead. Defending the weapon most often used against you is illogical and otherworldly to me. It also shows a clear lack of critical thinking skills and the ability to see the long term ramifications. Next time an innocent Black man is shot by a police department I hope you remember that they were operating on the same basis that you are now upholding, and I hope you can live with that.

Just dont get mad when you are called out on it either.

So friggin' brilliant. I love it.
As black ppl (regardless of your origin) we cannot afford to endorse stereotypes because we're usually the first to suffer regardless of how "different" we are. Policies, laws and the division of wealth is often made based on the beliefs of the those in power. Unfortunately we are not in power and those that are in power often hold very negative stereotypes of black people. Many of those stereotypes existed long before we did anything to endorse them, back when we were first "discovered" and delivered to the four corners of the world.

 

[Integrity]

Umm I hope that other people do not take your approach when it comes to stereotypes about Black people, cause then we would all have a hard row to hoe. Wouldnt you get defensive if someone was talking about your family? I have Nigerian male friends over at Morehouse now, who are Christian, faithful, and on their way to being doctors. But no one would be interested because all Nigerian men are dogs right? Besides we always want the ones who do us wrong and skip the ones who act right

Oh I did not even answer your question above.

At the family level YES I would get ‘defensive’. But if someone was bashing Ghanaians as a whole I would not get defensive (or try not to) because such a person is clearly ignorant. No point in getting all hot and fired up over that! In most cases getting defensive does not change the ignorant mindset. But that is just me….