Just Found Out My Boyfriend Has a Wife. . .

I am so sorry to hear that you went thru this. But I am glad that you know the deal so that you can move on, it sounds like he was doing a lot of using...
 
He's calling me... leaving messages asking if we can still be friends. I told him if he calls again I will call the police. I don't have caller ID on my work phone so I have to pick up.... but when I see that it's him I hang up.


I have lost 10lbs on the FatSmash diet and even though today is really stressful, I am not going to let him control me or my emotions enough to ruin all of the hard work I've been doing.

I think I will leave work early though.......... .
 
Damn these men:nono: i'm am sorry this happended to you but take it as a learning experience and keep it moving. You mentioned that you failed the bar get your ead in the game and start studying again. STOP BEATING YOUR SELF UP.
 
adequate said:
Sounds like he was a handful from the very beginning.

When I got married to my ex husband - even though everything really did seem right - we did wait till we got married to have sex - we both were in college - SOMETHING undescribable and unidentifiable (unless you want to call him GOD) was telling me NOT to walk down that aisle but I did it anyway.

After my divorce a I look back (hindsight is 20/20), I realized there WERE in fact signs that I ignored.

Honey, God has done you a tremendous favor by revealing the true nature of this man. Seems like you didn't quite listen at first so he had to make things more obvious for you but thank Him or whomever it is you thank...because he's saved you from a lot of misery that you didn't even know was on the way.

I know it's easier said than done but even with my divorce ending the way it did, I thank him everyday that it wasn't worse and you can ALWAYS be thankful at least there aren't any children involved.
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Adequate, as someone who is not married, and has never been, can you give us some “warning signs” or at least some of the signs God gave you that you ignored. Ellennicole, I’m so sorry about this. Continue to focus on your goals, and know that God is not through with you yet!
 
JamericanGurl said:
Okay you've beat up on yourself enough. But as I've stated in previous threads regarding immirant relationships....Errah there are rules that apply.

  1. How much do you really have in common with this person?
  2. What's their situation?
  3. Can they do anything for you?
  4. Don't go outta your way doing shyt for them and family members!
I'm sorry this happened to you...Really I am! But you should always be cautious and keep in mind that you could be used as a mark. it sounds like you've been okie doked.

The rules apply to American Men, but for some reason women are forever letting their guard down with foreign men:sad:

Again...Sawwy!
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Man JG where were you when i needed to hear these rules...i wish i knew you two years ago
 
ellennicole said:
I am in complete shock...... I had been dating him for almost 2 years.... He's older, Nigerian, and had just overcome a life-threatening illness when I met him. I am SO ANGRY with myself and with him at the moment. I really feel like an idiot b/c I kept making excuses for him time and time again..... I've wanted to write about this for a while, but I am so embarassed that I was so naive and STUPID.

I'll try to make this brief....

I met him in 2003. Nothing really happened b/c I was in a new relationship. I had emailed him a couple of times after my relationship ended but I never heard from him. Then, out of the blue in Jan 2006 he sent me an email telling me he had had a brain tumor and was just recovering. He asked to go out on a date, but I was studying for the bar and told him that it would have to wait until after the exam. He kept pressuring me so I decided to go ahead and meet for some down time. Anyway, when I arrived he wasn't there and that was a red flag. I called and told him my time was too valuable and left. He kept calling and calling.. So I eventually went out with him after my test. Anyway he had his own business and he kept telling me how all of his business partners were stelaing from him. He eventually fired everyone and asked me to assist him in the office. Since I was an adjunct instructor , I had a lot of free time. So, I would help him with his corespondences, budget, invoices, etcs. Basically I did everything and I feel stupid even admitting this. We hardly ever went out. We only went to his office and to his apartment. He introduced me to all his friends. When he graduated (w/his MBA) I was the only person at his graduation. Anyway he kept telling me that b/c of his illness doing his business was very difficult and he needed me to help him. He eventually moved out of his apartment and into a back room in his office.

So I flunked the tes and I decided that I wasn't going to do his work anymore. I had been so concerned and worried about him I really didn't put that much energy and effort into myself. This past February he was hospitalized. He started acting really funny... telling me that he didn't want me to come to the hospital and then I knew something wasn't right. We stopped all of the benefits of being a couple then, yet whenever he wanted me to read a contract or a response to a client complaint he called me. He even went so far as to ask me to borrow $500 this past June. I really was bitter at this point and I said no. He got really cold and distant---well he was always somewhat cold and distant and he kept telling me it was b/c he was worried about his business and his health. I told him that I was moving on and was dating someone (I was dating, but I wasn't really serious). He then said that he was too and that he was going to be married. I really didn't take it seriously b/c we talked everyday since February. Even when I said I didn't want to be friends he'd continue to call me at work 5-6 times.

Anyway we didn't that much this month and basically we had all but stopped talking. I saw one of his friends out and I guess he told him that he had seen me. This past weekend he blew up my phone.. he called five times on Saturday, once on Sunday and a couple of times on Monday--wanting to know if I had been with his friend. I didn't answer..... but, out of curiosity, I called him last night and some woman answered the phone. She basically told me that they were married and I asked her if she knew that he had been calling me over the weekend. I asked how long had they been married... she didn't answer.

I'm a little in shock and this post is waaaay longer than it should be.... I just need to vent and sort out my thoughts. I have been so hurt in this relationship and I was so numb last night. I feel relieved b/c I knew that something just wasn't right....

I feel like such an idiot for NOT following my gut instincts.... I would have saved myself a whole lot of heartache and trouble...
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First, stop thinking you`re an idot, your intentions were pure.
I`m so sorry you had to experience this...some men are such a-holes.

Leave that funky bastid to Karma...he will get his, you may not hear about it but best believe he will get his.
 
(((((((HUGS))))))))))))

Im sorry you are going thru this. Stuff like this makes me wanna get a magic bullet and jus chill:look:
 
ellennicole said:
He's calling me... leaving messages asking if we can still be friends. I told him if he calls again I will call the police. I don't have caller ID on my work phone so I have to pick up.... but when I see that it's him I hang up.


I have lost 10lbs on the FatSmash diet and even though today is really stressful, I am not going to let him control me or my emotions enough to ruin all of the hard work I've been doing.

I think I will leave work early though.......... .
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I was going to say you should call his wife and ask her to tell her husband to stop calling you but just put him on the ignore list and move on. I guess his wife decided to keep him. He doesn't sound too upset. I bet all he is thinking right now is who is going to balance his ledger.
 
Cocothekitten said:
Sorry this has happened to you.

Some men prey upon women with a good heart and trusting nature. This is a lesson learnt in trusting your gut instincts.
In the meantime - shut the door, cry your eyes out, eat ice cream, thank God that you're not married to him and never have contact with that guy again.

You'll be fine
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Nah. Shut the door, cry your eyes out, strap on some running shoes and hit the pavement, thank God that you're not married to him and never have contact with that guy again.

We don't need to get ourselves fat over these losers.:nono:
 
He wants to be friends b/c his wife is not speaking to him (his voice mail message sounds desperate).

He wants me to lie about it if she calls. To be honest, my phone is turned off. I am not going to entertain any more of this BS. I don't care whether or not they stay together. The issue was that he has been lying to ME for over a year AND that he has the nerve to call me KNOWING he was engaged (before) and married when he called me this weekend.

He's mad b/c she knows about another woman (in DC) that gave him a substantial sum of money b/c she THOUGHT he was going to marry her but he didn't.

This is NUTS and I really know that this is a true blessing. I am not married to him and I don't have to deal with the lies and deception anymore....
 
Be strong and learn from this. NOW you know that it's best to trust your intuition. If something doesn't seem right, more than likely it isn't. It's a good thing that you two didn't get too involved. Imagine if you would have gotten pregnant by him or something. Keep your head up. The best revenge is doing well.
 
ellennicole said:
He wants to be friends b/c his wife is not speaking to him (his voice mail message sounds desperate).

He wants me to lie about it if she calls. To be honest, my phone is turned off. I am not going to entertain any more of this BS. I don't care whether or not they stay together. The issue was that he has been lying to ME for over a year AND that he has the nerve to call me KNOWING he was engaged (before) and married when he called me this weekend.

He's mad b/c she knows about another woman (in DC) that gave him a substantial sum of money b/c she THOUGHT he was going to marry her but he didn't.

This is NUTS and I really know that this is a true blessing. I am not married to him and I don't have to deal with the lies and deception anymore....
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I would keep my phone turned off in regards to him. You are not responsible for fixing his relationship with his so called wife. You didn't put them together so that's his problem. He probably wants to keep you on the side to get free work done in regards to his so called business. Thank God you found out about his true character. Now you are free to move on and meet the person you are really supposed to be with and who will treasure you.
 
UmSumayyah said:
Nah. Shut the door, cry your eyes out, strap on some running shoes and hit the pavement, thank God that you're not married to him and never have contact with that guy again.

We don't need to get ourselves fat over these losers.:nono:
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You have a good point. I stand corrected :yep:
 
I'm very sorry that happened to you ellenicole, but if you want that fool to stop calling you, then ask him for a large amount of money. Tell him that you need it right away and I bet that you'll never hear from him again.
 
ellennicole said:
He wants to be friends b/c his wife is not speaking to him (his voice mail message sounds desperate).

He wants me to lie about it if she calls. To be honest, my phone is turned off. I am not going to entertain any more of this BS. I don't care whether or not they stay together. The issue was that he has been lying to ME for over a year AND that he has the nerve to call me KNOWING he was engaged (before) and married when he called me this weekend.

He's mad b/c she knows about another woman (in DC) that gave him a substantial sum of money b/c she THOUGHT he was going to marry her but he didn't.

This is NUTS and I really know that this is a true blessing. I am not married to him and I don't have to deal with the lies and deception anymore....
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Tell him to quit the BS! You are not falling for his S*** anymore! Tell him that is his problem DEAL with it. You got the right idea ignore him. Reverse it on him make him think you are serious with your man too and see how he feels.
 
I'm sorry you are going through this, but day by day it will get better. Just take some time for yourself and let the healing process begin. (((((hugs)))))
 
ellennicole said:
I had been so concerned and worried about him I really didn't put that much energy and effort into myself.
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I'm so sorry Ellen. But, now it's time to focus on you. Did you pass the bar yet? If not, put your energy into this and accomplish the goal you were going after before this loser came in, distracted, and took advantage of you.
 
ellennicole,

real sorry to read about your situation. Being a nigerian, trust me and thank God, you got off real lightly. This is in no way belittling your situation.

Just imagine what his wife is going through, she's married to him. Atleast, despite your hurt you have the opportunity to dust yourself off and move on.

Take care love and don't let him get you down. If he keeps bugging you try and see if you can get hold of his wife and tell her to tell him to quit calling you or else you'll get them both done for harrassment.

She's prob going to leave him soon anyway, then he'll be back on your doorstep with a vengeance. Don't listen to any of it, he'll never ever change.
 
Cocothekitten said:
Sorry this has happened to you.

Some men prey upon women with a good heart and trusting nature. This is a lesson learnt in trusting your gut instincts.
In the meantime - shut the door, cry your eyes out, eat ice cream, thank God that you're not married to him and never have contact with that guy again.

You'll be fine
Click to expand...

So true! I learnt a very bitter lesson years ago. A man deceived me and I sacrificed my masters, finances and the chance to buy a home. I am now trying to get back on track. God is a God of restoration and I know he will heal and restore all that I have lost.
Now, I keep it moving the MOMENT a grown man tries to tell me his problems. NO ifs and No buts and certainly NO SACRIFICES!!!I got my own problems thank you very much! :mad: One guy sent me an email 2 weeks ago asking for marriage (in an email!) and in the same email asking me for 3000 euros to pay his medical bills!!!! He has never taken me on a mere date!! Joker. I am still in shock. I told him no. But honestly I could SLAP him for such disrespect..:wallbash:

I am so sorry and angry for you. But you will overcome this. I know how you feel!!!
 
Last edited:
WOW. I'm sorry this happened.

I know you're feeling so many things right now but be thankful that YOU weren't married with kids.

He's a jerk. Good riddance I say.
 
fist i want to say I understand your pain...I went through a similar situation. Be glad your not the wife having her husband running around. and be glad God saved you from getting any deeper with this man, you could of married him and or worse gotten pregnant by him. Someone upstairs is smiling down on you. You are out and let the other women deal with him. Hugs to you and it does get better.
 
Thanks you all. I am doing much better. The weekend was difficult. I was very angry but I have a lot of friends who there to listen. I realized that I am truly blessed to have such good friends so I am definitely moving on and learning the lesson.


Thanks again.
 
ellennicole said:
Thanks you all. I am doing much better. The weekend was difficult. I was very angry but I have a lot of friends who there to listen. I realized that I am truly blessed to have such good friends so I am definitely moving on and learning the lesson.


Thanks again.
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You are welcome. Don't let him try and ease back into your life. They will try to do that.
 
Honey6928215 said:
You are welcome. Don't let him try and ease back into your life. They will try to do that.
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He's been calling all week and I've been hanging up on him. I have changed my cell phone and I am letting my work phone go str8 to voice mail. He is leaving crazy messages saying he wants me in his life b/c I understand him... CERTIFIABLE NUT.
 
Sista,

u need to get through to his wife. Find a way. She'll stop him calling. The more you hang up on him the more he'll think u're trying to get over him. He needs to know he's already history and that u've already moved on.

Get a guy with the sexiest voice to answer your cell the next time he rings. When the guy calls to u asking u to come get the phone say something along the lines of 'baby, tell whoever it is to hang on, we need to dry ourselves off first'. You know what I'm driving at.

'Understand him' my arse. This guy is a pig, a complete plonker. I bet you he's told his wife he's no longer in touch with you. And when she catches him calling you he says he's only calling returning your call to tell you to stop bugging him.

Again, u need to get thru to the wife. She'll sort him out for u. Just tell her to keep a leash on her litter and keep it off the streets.

Sorry to rant, but I can't stand men who go on abt women they mis-treat understanding them. What a pig.

I'll sort him out for u.
 
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