Blackoutzangel05
New Member
I am so sorry to hear that you went thru this. But I am glad that you know the deal so that you can move on, it sounds like he was doing a lot of using...
I didn't even read the whole post. Once I saw that he was Nigerian, I knew what was up. They tend to like of women.
Sounds like he was a handful from the very beginning.
When I got married to my ex husband - even though everything really did seem right - we did wait till we got married to have sex - we both were in college - SOMETHING undescribable and unidentifiable (unless you want to call him GOD) was telling me NOT to walk down that aisle but I did it anyway.
After my divorce a I look back (hindsight is 20/20), I realized there WERE in fact signs that I ignored.
Honey, God has done you a tremendous favor by revealing the true nature of this man. Seems like you didn't quite listen at first so he had to make things more obvious for you but thank Him or whomever it is you thank...because he's saved you from a lot of misery that you didn't even know was on the way.
I know it's easier said than done but even with my divorce ending the way it did, I thank him everyday that it wasn't worse and you can ALWAYS be thankful at least there aren't any children involved.
Okay you've beat up on yourself enough. But as I've stated in previous threads regarding immirant relationships....Errah there are rules that apply.
I'm sorry this happened to you...Really I am! But you should always be cautious and keep in mind that you could be used as a mark. it sounds like you've been okie doked.
- How much do you really have in common with this person?
- What's their situation?
- Can they do anything for you?
- Don't go outta your way doing shyt for them and family members!
The rules apply to American Men, but for some reason women are forever letting their guard down with foreign men
Again...Sawwy!
I am in complete shock...... I had been dating him for almost 2 years.... He's older, Nigerian, and had just overcome a life-threatening illness when I met him. I am SO ANGRY with myself and with him at the moment. I really feel like an idiot b/c I kept making excuses for him time and time again..... I've wanted to write about this for a while, but I am so embarassed that I was so naive and STUPID.
I'll try to make this brief....
I met him in 2003. Nothing really happened b/c I was in a new relationship. I had emailed him a couple of times after my relationship ended but I never heard from him. Then, out of the blue in Jan 2006 he sent me an email telling me he had had a brain tumor and was just recovering. He asked to go out on a date, but I was studying for the bar and told him that it would have to wait until after the exam. He kept pressuring me so I decided to go ahead and meet for some down time. Anyway, when I arrived he wasn't there and that was a red flag. I called and told him my time was too valuable and left. He kept calling and calling.. So I eventually went out with him after my test. Anyway he had his own business and he kept telling me how all of his business partners were stelaing from him. He eventually fired everyone and asked me to assist him in the office. Since I was an adjunct instructor , I had a lot of free time. So, I would help him with his corespondences, budget, invoices, etcs. Basically I did everything and I feel stupid even admitting this. We hardly ever went out. We only went to his office and to his apartment. He introduced me to all his friends. When he graduated (w/his MBA) I was the only person at his graduation. Anyway he kept telling me that b/c of his illness doing his business was very difficult and he needed me to help him. He eventually moved out of his apartment and into a back room in his office.
So I flunked the tes and I decided that I wasn't going to do his work anymore. I had been so concerned and worried about him I really didn't put that much energy and effort into myself. This past February he was hospitalized. He started acting really funny... telling me that he didn't want me to come to the hospital and then I knew something wasn't right. We stopped all of the benefits of being a couple then, yet whenever he wanted me to read a contract or a response to a client complaint he called me. He even went so far as to ask me to borrow $500 this past June. I really was bitter at this point and I said no. He got really cold and distant---well he was always somewhat cold and distant and he kept telling me it was b/c he was worried about his business and his health. I told him that I was moving on and was dating someone (I was dating, but I wasn't really serious). He then said that he was too and that he was going to be married. I really didn't take it seriously b/c we talked everyday since February. Even when I said I didn't want to be friends he'd continue to call me at work 5-6 times.
Anyway we didn't that much this month and basically we had all but stopped talking. I saw one of his friends out and I guess he told him that he had seen me. This past weekend he blew up my phone.. he called five times on Saturday, once on Sunday and a couple of times on Monday--wanting to know if I had been with his friend. I didn't answer..... but, out of curiosity, I called him last night and some woman answered the phone. She basically told me that they were married and I asked her if she knew that he had been calling me over the weekend. I asked how long had they been married... she didn't answer.
I'm a little in shock and this post is waaaay longer than it should be.... I just need to vent and sort out my thoughts. I have been so hurt in this relationship and I was so numb last night. I feel relieved b/c I knew that something just wasn't right....
I feel like such an idiot for NOT following my gut instincts.... I would have saved myself a whole lot of heartache and trouble...
He's calling me... leaving messages asking if we can still be friends. I told him if he calls again I will call the police. I don't have caller ID on my work phone so I have to pick up.... but when I see that it's him I hang up.
I have lost 10lbs on the FatSmash diet and even though today is really stressful, I am not going to let him control me or my emotions enough to ruin all of the hard work I've been doing.
I think I will leave work early though.......... .
Sorry this has happened to you.
Some men prey upon women with a good heart and trusting nature. This is a lesson learnt in trusting your gut instincts.
In the meantime - shut the door, cry your eyes out, eat ice cream, thank God that you're not married to him and never have contact with that guy again.
You'll be fine
I would keep my phone turned off in regards to him. You are not responsible for fixing his relationship with his so called wife. You didn't put them together so that's his problem. He probably wants to keep you on the side to get free work done in regards to his so called business. Thank God you found out about his true character. Now you are free to move on and meet the person you are really supposed to be with and who will treasure you.He wants to be friends b/c his wife is not speaking to him (his voice mail message sounds desperate).
He wants me to lie about it if she calls. To be honest, my phone is turned off. I am not going to entertain any more of this BS. I don't care whether or not they stay together. The issue was that he has been lying to ME for over a year AND that he has the nerve to call me KNOWING he was engaged (before) and married when he called me this weekend.
He's mad b/c she knows about another woman (in DC) that gave him a substantial sum of money b/c she THOUGHT he was going to marry her but he didn't.
This is NUTS and I really know that this is a true blessing. I am not married to him and I don't have to deal with the lies and deception anymore....
Nah. Shut the door, cry your eyes out, strap on some running shoes and hit the pavement, thank God that you're not married to him and never have contact with that guy again.
We don't need to get ourselves fat over these losers.
I didn't even read the whole post. Once I saw that he was Nigerian, I knew what was up. They tend to like of women.
He wants to be friends b/c his wife is not speaking to him (his voice mail message sounds desperate).
He wants me to lie about it if she calls. To be honest, my phone is turned off. I am not going to entertain any more of this BS. I don't care whether or not they stay together. The issue was that he has been lying to ME for over a year AND that he has the nerve to call me KNOWING he was engaged (before) and married when he called me this weekend.
He's mad b/c she knows about another woman (in DC) that gave him a substantial sum of money b/c she THOUGHT he was going to marry her but he didn't.
This is NUTS and I really know that this is a true blessing. I am not married to him and I don't have to deal with the lies and deception anymore....
Puck that busta. You wanna go bust his *** upside the head in the spot he had that tumor?
ellennicole said:I had been so concerned and worried about him I really didn't put that much energy and effort into myself.
Sorry this has happened to you.
Some men prey upon women with a good heart and trusting nature. This is a lesson learnt in trusting your gut instincts.
In the meantime - shut the door, cry your eyes out, eat ice cream, thank God that you're not married to him and never have contact with that guy again.
You'll be fine
Thanks you all. I am doing much better. The weekend was difficult. I was very angry but I have a lot of friends who there to listen. I realized that I am truly blessed to have such good friends so I am definitely moving on and learning the lesson.
Thanks again.
You are welcome. Don't let him try and ease back into your life. They will try to do that.