Single Christian Women's Support Thread

[stephluv]

I spoke about this some time ago here, on how I've been celibate for quite some time but just haven't been mentally single: every guy that just shows some interest in me, I start making up scenarios in my head. For us women I think our porn is love songs and romantic comedies, which is why I really want to see the movie 'Don Jon' so much, it addresses this issue.

@Maracujá Yes and I think we do have to address this issue among the church more...It is like Heather stated in her blog a silent sin! Churches may preach dont have intercourse before marriage but what about those intimate thoughts that may go in our mind...i constantly have to remind myself flesh die! Even at Pinky Promise 2013 earlier this yr during q&a there was a question of playing love songs/babymaking music while on your honeymoon and Heathers husband Cornelius said why do you need that stuff to put you in the mood before becoming intimate with your spouse...he said it opens up doors to without you even realizing it...i'm like wow never thought of it that way but its true.... i cant listen to certain things without sinful thoughts creeping in...but i've grown so much cause I too would create scenes in my mind about men I was really interested in but not anymore Thank God thats another hump I have overcome

 

[Belle Du Jour]

I spoke about this some time ago here, on how I've been celibate for quite some time but just haven't been mentally single: every guy that just shows some interest in me, I start making up scenarios in my head. For us women I think our porn is love songs and romantic comedies, which is why I really want to see the movie 'Don Jon' so much, it addresses this issue.

Very true. That's where the phrase "emotional chastity" comes in because our issue isn't always the flesh, it's out emotions and thoughts. I know I have personally shut down most tv shows and hip-hop/r&b/top 40 music because it's just too over-sexualized. It may seem prudish but I'm no prude I just know that it's not the time for that so why even go there.

Like Heather said, that is how Satan plants seeds and gets in. He's clever but not that clever. Satan hates obedience which is the great enmity between Satan and the woman (Mary) and her offspring (Christ and His church). Like Christ and Mary, we must be obedient at all costs even if it looks/feels extreme.

 

[Divine.]

Heather Lindsey has been such a blessing to me. I can relate to her so much. All of her blogs hit the nail on the head. I have listened to most of the Gathering Oasis podcast as well.

 

[Maracujá]

"Spending time with Him should not be a temporizing measure until Adam comes." - Sidney


Have a wonderful saturday ladies!

 

[sweetvi]

I've been celibate for a year and 2 months! the hardest part is not being celibate because I've gone longer before, it is not having sexual intimacy with someone who I am attracted to!

 

[stephluv]

Been praising God for my singleness and doing this has given me so much more peace lol....I'm not saying I'm stating to God I want to remain single lol But actually i've been thanking God for this time for preparation to one day be a Godly wife and mother. I've decided that I have to keep myself in a happy state or i'll be worried about my singleness and I aint got time for that Its working for now and i need it especially with all the recent engagement, weddings & babyshowers i've been going to...I attended 7 weddings 1yr Talk about rubbing it in my face lol

SN: So in my youth choir (age 15-30) another one of the older females got engaged...very happy for her but now its official i'm the only one left lol The other 2 older ppl in my choir are dating each other lol And they are probably going to take the next step soon Everyone else in our age group is now part of the other young adult choir (those married or with children lol) So I know soon i'm going to get even more pressure and "advice" from ppl....esp the church folks so the above strategy is also preparing me to just stay in my praise and worship even when i'm not in the mood

 

[pre_medicalrulz]

I've been celibate for a year and 2 months! the hardest part is not being celibate because I've gone longer before, it is not having sexual intimacy with someone who I am attracted to!

Good job! Ive been celibate since 2006. Its easy cause i sike myself out by saying every attractive guy i meet has AIDS. Please believe me that the thought will dry you up in that area real quick!

 

[sweetvi]

@pre_medicalrulz

girl you just killed me!!! I died laughing....... LOL now since 2006, no prospects? not sexually ( I know you know what I meant)

 

[sweetvi]

Been praising God for my singleness and doing this has given me so much more peace lol....I'm not saying I'm stating to God I want to remain single lol But actually i've been thanking God for this time for preparation to one day be a Godly wife and mother. I've decided that I have to keep myself in a happy state or i'll be worried about my singleness and I aint got time for that Its working for now and i need it especially with all the recent engagement, weddings & babyshowers i've been going to...I attended 7 weddings 1yr Talk about rubbing it in my face lol

SN: So in my youth choir (age 15-30) another one of the older females got engaged...very happy for her but now its official i'm the only one left lol The other 2 older ppl in my choir are dating each other lol And they are probably going to take the next step soon Everyone else in our age group is now part of the other young adult choir (those married or with children lol) So I know soon i'm going to get even more pressure and "advice" from ppl....esp the church folks so the above strategy is also preparing me to just stay in my praise and worship even when i'm not in the mood

\

stephluv

Do what Heather advised and smile every time someone asks you about being "single" and just listen to the advice but Guard Your Heart in the meantime. I am older than you so imagine the questions and comments I get! such as: don't let your youth go to waste, it is time, your looks shouldn't go to waste, I need to get on the ball ( so now your telling me to be desperate). Yes girl I get it all .

Im glad that I chose to lean on God for my strength because these comments would of broken me if I didn't know who my GOD is and capable of doing. He is operating behind the scenes and making my guy with intricate details that can only fit me!. I can't wait until my boaz is revealed and people will lean back in their chair like the movie Friday and go....... dangggggggggg! lol ( remember that scene)

 

[stephluv]

Good job! Ive been celibate since 2006. Its easy cause i sike myself out by saying every attractive guy i meet has AIDS. Please believe me that the thought will dry you up in that area real quick!

@pre_medicalrulz - GIRL BYE!! I'm sure that does work...i can see it now lol Oh that man is handsome...::quote above comes to mind:: whoa

\

@stephluv

Do what Heather advised and smile every time someone asks you about being "single" and just listen to the advice but Guard Your Heart in the meantime. I am older than you so imagine the questions and comments I get! such as: don't let your youth go to waste, it is time, your looks shouldn't go to waste, I need to get on the ball ( so now your telling me to be desperate). Yes girl I get it all .These ppl act like they been married they whole life lol

Im glad that I chose to lean on God for my strength because these comments would of broken me if I didn't know who my GOD is and capable of doing. He is operating behind the scenes and making my guy with intricate details that can only fit me!. I can't wait until my boaz is revealed and people will lean back in their chair like the movie Friday and go....... dangggggggggg! lol ( remember that scene)

sweetvi hahaha YES!! That is something else that keeps me pushing and keeping my faith...i'm like wait till i'm like BAM see what patience gets you lol

 

[FlyyBohemian]

This thing that many Christian women say "like Ruth I'm waiting on my Boaz". From what was written in the Bible, Boaz was surprised and thankful that Ruth gave him a chance because he was a lot older than her. Ruth pursued Boaz because of instructions from her mother-in-law Naomi. Do the women here really want a Ruth and Boaz situation? Are you willing to heed to the advice of your Christian elders on who you should marry? Are you willing to overlook factors such as looks, age, weight, and socioeconomic factors? Be honest with yourselves if you are not. Not every situation is good for everyone and that is ok. God gave us the freedom marry who we wanted in The Lord and he has called us to live in peace. At the same time, we should be realistic in what we want in a partner. That's all I have to say for now.

 

[pre_medicalrulz]

@pre_medicalrulz

girl you just killed me!!! I died laughing....... LOL now since 2006, no prospects? not sexually ( I know you know what I meant)

Girl no prospects. I think i made myself paranoid after all these years. My future husband & I will be exchanging STD statuses rather than wedding vows at the alter. Lol

I cant even bring myself to kiss a guy on the mouth without thinking, 'Is that a herpe?' Smh

 

[sweetvi]

As a matter of fact I am ( don't know if the question is for me). Boaz was an example that was used not because of how old he was but of someone who pursued and courted Ruth. She wasn't looking but there she was, she was at a place where she did not feel worthy, yet there he was and he looked beyond that and saw her beauty. Not everyone who gives advice (even elders) is necessarily within God's will for your life. That's why guarding my heart and praying, fasting and being obedient is very important. The lord opened up Ruth's heart for Boaz. If he did not intend Boaz for Ruth, no advice from her mother-in-law would have persuaded her IMO. People may mean well but no one knows what God has for your future.

Now I agree with the age? socioeconomic? weight, etc. factor. That is something that I've been praying about. It is to have an open heart for his will in my life and for him to choose the best person for me regardless of who I think he should be.

Thanks girl. You make some valid points. once again, Boaz was a metaphor...

 

[sweetvi]

Girl no prospects. I think i made myself paranoid after all these years. My future husband & I will be exchanging STD statuses rather than wedding vows at the alter. Lol

I cant even bring myself to kiss a guy on the mouth without thinking, 'Is that a herpe?' Smh

LOL your in medicine so I see your point.. lol

 

[Belle Du Jour]

sweetvi I love it. Claim it. I believe God gives His very best to those who expect it from Him--not because they are worthy, but because they are humble enough to know how GREAT He is and how small/unworthy/weak they are.

Lord, give me faith like the Roman centurion that amazed You.

 

[pre_medicalrulz]

Any ladies on the board obsessed with grammar and the 'passive voice'? PM ME. I need your help. Thanks! (Note: I don't like starting new threads - I'm shy!)

 

[Maracujá]

God is clear and simple. And this is not to diminish some of the demands God makes of us but just to say that what He requires of us is the same in each season and each generation. Countless books are being written by men about what they want, how they wish to be treated,...etc. It changes from year to year and each author says something different. Not God though. I'm sorry if this seems like it's coming out of nowhere, just a particular situation that's going on at my church that's got me a bit sad.

 

[Belle Du Jour]

Waiting on God to Do Something

Sometimes it feels like God takes way too long. He could stop all the pain and confusion in a moment. He could meet the need. But He doesn’t.

Waiting on God is often confusing. He has operated this way for a long time.

When Mary and Martha of Bethany sent a message to Jesus that their brother Lazarus lay sick, Jesus stayed right where He was. When He finally did arrive, He found that Lazarus had been dead four days.

In other words, Jesus took His sweet time showing up.

Why does He do this?

Waiting on God is Hard

From all appearances, Jesus’ delay betrayed His lack of concern. Or maybe even a lack of ability (John 11:21, 32, 37). Pain always tempts us to view Jesus this way.

But this story reveals the exact opposite. Remarkably, Jesus delayed because He loved them (John 11:5-6).

As hard as we try, we often struggle to wrap our minds around the contradiction. After all, it’s hard to feel God’s love when we cry out to Him, perhaps for years, but He seems to ignore us.

Our pain blurs what Jesus sees clearly. We need to begin to look with eyes of faith as we’re waiting on God.

What Waiting on God Can Teach Us

Jesus saw what Lazarus’s death would produce—an opportunity to believe for those who would witness a miracle. He knew the sisters would grow to see that God loved them on a level deeper than simply removing pain.

Here we must grow as well.

Because Jesus waited, we can know He wants to give us more than relief.
Because Jesus wept, we can know He feels our pain, strengthening us with His presence along the path His sovereign will sees as best for us.
He loves us enough to let us hurt so that we will gain what we could not otherwise.
He walks with us—and weeps—along the painful road that leads to death . . . but then, also to resurrection.

“God aims to exalt Himself by working for those who wait for Him.”—John Piper

Most of the time we want God doing our will, not His (whatever it is). How blessed we are that He lovingly ignores our ignorant protests at His unreasonable ways. He loves us enough to allow the pain that will ultimately benefit us far beyond what feeling good ever could.

We need eyes to look at life with His perspective that sees the end in spite of the road that takes us there.

http://www.waynestiles.com/waiting-on-god-to-do-something/

 

[Belle Du Jour]

Delays are sometimes God's plan: http://www.nuggetsoftruth.com/delays_are_not_denials.htm

 

[Maracujá]

^^^^Thank you so much for posting this, I saved it on my computer

 

[pre_medicalrulz]

Waiting on God to Do Something

Sometimes it feels like God takes way too long. He could stop all the pain and confusion in a moment. He could meet the need. But He doesn’t.

Waiting on God is often confusing. He has operated this way for a long time.

When Mary and Martha of Bethany sent a message to Jesus that their brother Lazarus lay sick, Jesus stayed right where He was. When He finally did arrive, He found that Lazarus had been dead four days.

In other words, Jesus took His sweet time showing up.

Why does He do this?

Waiting on God is Hard

From all appearances, Jesus’ delay betrayed His lack of concern. Or maybe even a lack of ability (John 11:21, 32, 37). Pain always tempts us to view Jesus this way.

But this story reveals the exact opposite. Remarkably, Jesus delayed because He loved them (John 11:5-6).

As hard as we try, we often struggle to wrap our minds around the contradiction. After all, it’s hard to feel God’s love when we cry out to Him, perhaps for years, but He seems to ignore us.

Our pain blurs what Jesus sees clearly. We need to begin to look with eyes of faith as we’re waiting on God.

What Waiting on God Can Teach Us

Jesus saw what Lazarus’s death would produce—an opportunity to believe for those who would witness a miracle. He knew the sisters would grow to see that God loved them on a level deeper than simply removing pain.

Here we must grow as well.

Because Jesus waited, we can know He wants to give us more than relief.
Because Jesus wept, we can know He feels our pain, strengthening us with His presence along the path His sovereign will sees as best for us.
He loves us enough to let us hurt so that we will gain what we could not otherwise.
He walks with us—and weeps—along the painful road that leads to death . . . but then, also to resurrection.

“God aims to exalt Himself by working for those who wait for Him.”—John Piper

Most of the time we want God doing our will, not His (whatever it is). How blessed we are that He lovingly ignores our ignorant protests at His unreasonable ways. He loves us enough to allow the pain that will ultimately benefit us far beyond what feeling good ever could.

We need eyes to look at life with His perspective that sees the end in spite of the road that takes us there.

http://www.waynestiles.com/waiting-on-god-to-do-something/

I so enjoyed this!

 

[Belle Du Jour]

I'm feeling very discouraged tonight so I need to re-read those links myself *sigh*

 

[Rae81]

How do y'all deal with the thoughts that it will never happen. I'm just to to give up. I just feel like it will never ever happen, like I will never get married. This year has been filled with rejection and I know deep down God did it because those people needed to be out of my life. But I don't know somedays I wonder if it will happen

 

[Divine.]

How do y'all deal with the thoughts that it will never happen. I'm just to to give up. I just feel like it will never ever happen, like I will never get married. This year has been filled with rejection and I know deep down God did it because those people needed to be out of my life. But I don't know somedays I wonder if it will happen

I know this is easier said than done but you have to refocus your mind. If every conversation that you have with God is marriage focused, then that's a problem. It's okay to think about it happening, but you have to get to a place spiritually where you're okay with just God.

This is something I had to do. I used to be obsessed with getting married. I think in the process I scared away tons of guys. Then I would get my little attitude with God and start questioning him. At one point I thought I wouldn't get married ever. But I challenged myself to learn to just be content with myself and God. That's the only way you're going to overcome those attacks. Satan will take what you like and dangle it front if your face just to tease you.

Do I still want to get married? Yes. I am pressed about it? No. Being honest with yourself helps too. If God gave you what you wanted, how much time would you give Him? When you're single your number one priority is God. When you're married, your husband and family comes first (1 Corinthians 7:34). God will not give us anything he knows that will divide our attention. Or He will just delay it.

You should try challenging yourself in this way. God will reward it when you least expect it.

 

[Maracujá]

^^Everything she said. I struggle with it too from time to time to the point that it paralyzes me, I just sit in front of the computer digging up articles and self help books on marriage but two days ago I was reading articles on crosswalk.com geared to single Christians and it just dawned on me that right now it's about me and God. Not to mention that I have to conquer my lustful thoughts aswell.

 

[Rae81]

Thank u for your responses. I don't know if it's because I'm about to turn 32 this week and I always thought that I would be married with kids by now. I have to remember my plans are not God's plans.

 

[Divine.]

^^Everything she said. I struggle with it too from time to time to the point that it paralyzes me, I just sit in front of the computer digging up articles and self help books on marriage but two days ago I was reading articles on crosswalk.com geared to single Christians and it just dawned on me that right now it's about me and God. Not to mention that I have to conquer my lustful thoughts aswell.

If it wasn't for this thread... chile I would be so off course it's ridiculous. I also go back and read articles that are relevant to what I may be feeling at the moment. Every so often my thoughts starts going there. I find that when I'm doing something I shouldn't be doing or I'm over dealing with reality, my mind starts to go places it shouldn't. Definitely still a work in progress over here lol

Rae81 That's what we're here for! I think just about everyone in here is dealing with the same things. It gets hard but it's much easier when you have a support system.

 

[AnjelLuvs]

^^Everything she said. I struggle with it too from time to time to the point that it paralyzes me, I just sit in front of the computer digging up articles and self help books on marriage but two days ago I was reading articles on crosswalk.com geared to single Christians and it just dawned on me that right now it's about me and God. Not to mention that I have to conquer my lustful thoughts aswell.

Maracujá, I knew it was a reason I kept this tab open to read... I needed this thread, this post... I am complaining about what i not here... Playing with the fact that I should be growing closer to God, questioning the why's/how comes/But not truly trying to discover self and my relationship with him... This is an awakening moment, truly!

 

[DreamLife]

Thanks guys for keeping this thread going, lots of useful info and encouragement. Right now I'm tired of counterfeits. Meeting someone and getting hopeful only to realize that it's not it and then it's back to nothing. I'd rather just be alone than to get that false hope and excitement because its draining. I guess that's why when I meet someone I need to be really prayerful. Since some bad experiences last year I always ask God to remove the person if its not for me, and He does with the quickness lol. Just tired of it all right now.

 

[Maracujá]

Hope your sunday is going better than mine ladies. I won't go into it here though, I'll just say something that I heard Zac Poonen say: the most important days for a Christian are monday to saturday. Meaning that it truly matters what you do after you've left the church building. I would like to add that it is very important that you read and study the Bible for yourself, as single women we are bombarded with scriptures that talk about how it is God's will for us to be married. But no one ever mentions other scriptures that administer to us singles while we're in the waiting season. There is scripture that says that in heaven we will all be single (like the angels), very few pastors go in to the fact that Jesus himself was a single man,...etc.