Single Christian Women's Support Thread

[Belle Du Jour]

This website is deeeeep. That statement just comforted my heart. For the past two months I've been replaying and revisiting past relationships and wondered had I've done things differently would it have worked out. Also, what was so bad about me that it all ended drastically lol. It's so funny how my relationships ended on either the most silliest or extreme reasons. It was because they were not ever supposed to be! smh
Thank you..bookmarking for further reading

Yes, this blog has blessed me so much! She is a very wise woman. I just wish she posted more often.

 

[Belle Du Jour]

A short but excellent video by Fr. Barron on marriage: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N2fcNFHDzAE&feature=youtu.be

The highlights:

To get married in the Church before God, you're saying we've discerned that together , we are in love with God and God for His purposes have drawn us together.

Together two people fall in love with God and together they seek His purposes.

Simply looking for love is not enough. We should be looking for God's will and God's purpose, and someone who is as in love with that purpose as we are.

 

[Maracujá]

Do people sometimes mistakingly assume that you're sleeping around just because you're single, unmarried and living alone or is that just me again? Sigh.

 

[LoveisYou]

Do people sometimes mistakingly assume that you're sleeping around just because you're single, unmarried and living alone or is that just me again? Sigh.

Oh yea, and don't you dare me a single woman out and about living life...even worse

 

[Leigh]

Do people sometimes mistakingly assume that you're sleeping around just because you're single, unmarried and living alone or is that just me again? Sigh.

I never thought of this.

 

[Leigh]

Oh yea, and don't you dare me a single woman out and about living life...even worse

Why? I don't get it.

 

[LoveisYou]

Why? I don't get it.

I don't either ...I think some Christians think women should sit in the house...I don't know

 

[stephluv]

Do people sometimes mistakingly assume that you're sleeping around just because you're single, unmarried and living alone or is that just me again? Sigh.

Yes smh! You dont even have to be living alone lol Just living and being single and not being a hermit must mean your getting some smh Its really sad...its like I cant even be myself and happy and be saved lol Trust me I do want to get married but I want to do it the right way and ENJOY my singleness

 

[Incognitus]

Do people sometimes mistakingly assume that you're sleeping around just because you're single, unmarried and living alone or is that just me again? Sigh.

Oh yea, and don't you dare me a single woman out and about living life...even worse

Yes smh! You dont even have to be living alone lol Just living and being single and not being a hermit must mean your getting some smh Its really sad...its like I cant even be myself and happy and be saved lol Trust me I do want to get married but I want to do it the right way and ENJOY my singleness

Oh wow, glad to know I am not alone in experiencing this! I thought was just the people around me. It always bugs me when people make unwarranted assumptions or give me a "look"

 

[Belle Du Jour]

What are y'all ladies doing to "get out there" and have fun? I feel like I've become boring.

 

[Belle Du Jour]

This entire post gave me life: http://theveilofchastity.com/2013/04/30/fantasy-relationships/

Flirtations Are Not Dates

Many men will flirt with you and pay attention to you. They may text you or tweet with you. They may stand close to you at parties and make you swoon. They may even call you on the phone. But, these are flirtations and flirtations are not dates. Nor are they marriage proposals. The danger is that they can easily turn into fantasy relationships.

A man who is potentially The One for you will take you on dates (Ice Cream, County Fair, Boardwalk, Movies, walk your dog). Real dates. Where the two of you are alone. Where he can show you off to the world. Where he can impress you with his manners and open doors for you. Where he pays and takes a risk by asking you out formally. Everything else is a flirtation; a fantasy relationship. It does not count. As Gregg says, “Anything else is the Lazy Man’s approach!”

 

[nubiennze]

A man who is potentially The One for you will take you on dates (Ice Cream, County Fair, Boardwalk, Movies, walk your dog). Real dates. Where the two of you are alone. Where he can show you off to the world. Where he can impress you with his manners and open doors for you. Where he pays and takes a risk by asking you out formally. Everything else is a flirtation; a fantasy relationship. It does not count. As Gregg says, “Anything else is the Lazy Man’s approach!”

For emphasis.

What are y'all ladies doing to "get out there" and have fun? I feel like I've become boring.

I wanted to ask the same thing; I guess folks leave me alone for the most part because I am a hermit.

I actually encounter the opposite problem: older women offering unsolicited advice to hang out at sports bars and just find a man who "believes," rationalizing that the Lord can save him after the fact.

 

[stephluv]

What are y'all ladies doing to "get out there" and have fun? I feel like I've become boring.

Belle Du Jour- i'm a fun person that lives a boring life lol .... my Christian friends are focused on their marriages, babies or boyfriends lol Or just plain broke or too busy to hang! Since i am trying to stay on this path...i've limited places I can hang with my associates...i never was into the club lifestyle so yes in a sense i've become boring but take trips to give myself some excitement

 

[stephluv]

For emphasis.



I wanted to ask the same thing; I guess folks leave me alone for the most part because I am a hermit.

I actually encounter the opposite problem: older women offering unsolicited advice to hang out at sports bars and just find a man who "believes," rationalizing that the Lord can save him after the fact.

nubiennze- smh yes i've been hearing that lately myself about the Lord can save him later But umm that would've been fine If I wasnt trying to live save now...that is way too much temptation to backslide and I want to submit to a man that follows God I pray that I dont get desperate as time goes on

 

[Maracujá]

What are y'all ladies doing to "get out there" and have fun? I feel like I've become boring.

This probably isn't considered "fun" at all but what the heck: I've been going to alot of info sessions on personal finance and since I'm also (re)decorating my studio apartment I visit alot of department stores to get ideas. Other than that I'm just working on my dissertation Once this is done I plan to travel, travel, travel

 

[LoveisYou]

Belledujour I do a lot o daytime outings: museums, day events, brunch, exploring, wine tastings etc. This wknd I'll be getting my tan on the beach

Unless I'm going to dinner or a movie/show I don't usually go out much at night

 

[Incognitus]

I feel like I need some sort of spiritual retreat or shut in. Like I just need to pause my current life, and devote a few days or weeks to fasting, prayer, devotions, bible study...with no worldly influences. I'm in the deep funk (for lack of better word), and feel like that's the only way I can get out of it. I know it may sound strange.....I can't even explain it.

 

[Dee_33]

^^^pray about it. A year ago I prayed for the very same thing and the next day I got an email from the 1st Lady of my church inviting me to a year long women's leadership class. We meet 2x a month and I love it.

 

[Belle Du Jour]

I feel like I need some sort of spiritual retreat or shut in. Like I just need to pause my current life, and devote a few days or weeks to fasting, prayer, devotions, bible study...with no worldly influences. I'm in the deep funk (for lack of better word), and feel like that's the only way I can get out of it. I know it may sound strange.....I can't even explain it.

We had a retreat at my Church today. It's funny--the topic ended up being slightly different than they told us it would be about but it ended up matching perfectly with a book I'm reading now

 

[Belle Du Jour]

Another excellent post: "He will rule over you. . ."
http://theveilofchastity.com/2013/05/08/he-will-rule-over-you/

Original Sin

I hear you scoffing at the old fashion notion of Original Sin but please hear me out. Once I made the connection between The Fall of Mankind and my feelings, emotions, desires and weaknesses, it all began to make sense, especially these words of Sacred Scripture:

“Your desire will be for your husband and he will rule over you” Genesis 3:16

Your Desire Will Be For Your Husband

Seems like a simple little statement, right? And, it actually sounds like a good thing. But, the statement is found in the chapter of Genesis following the sin of Adam and Eve. The statement describes the consequence of Original Sin for us women. Remember, the sin of our first parents profoundly and negatively affected their relationship and this Original Sin continues to negatively affect our relationships with men and ourselves.

So, what could the statement, “…Your desire shall be for your husband…” possibly mean? What is the consequence for us women? I think the consequence is that the process of waiting for our husbands will be marked by great desire and suffering.

 

[Reminiscing]

Hi Ladies,

A question has been on my mind for a couple weeks now and I just need to get it out... Do you ever feel trapped by the way other people feel about single life?

My sister got married last year and now she's pregnant with her first child. Throughout her pregnancy and during her baby shower I've been asked some of the most ridiculous questions, two of the most popular being, "when are you having a baby?" or "so what are you doing about your love life?" These questions are just dumb to me because what does my sister having a baby have to do with me. Why can't you be happy for her and leave me out of the conversation? I'm not a person who seeks attention. I really have no problem with everyone wishing her well and giving her gifts while I standby and smile because believe it or not, I AM GENUINELY happy for my sister. But, every time I've tried to avoid the questions and explain to people "don't worry about me, I'm fine. Be happy for my sister because I'm happy for her" I'm told that I'm jealous of her and I don't trust that God can bring me a husband. WHAT??? I don't understand how those conclusions are derived from me encouraging them to be happy for my sister and leave me out of it. One person even proceeded to run down a list of all the things I'm doing wrong that cause me to still be single. Smh! I guess it would've been better if I was just direct and said MIND YOUR BUSINESS!!!

Anyway, what this all made me realize is that not only do we as single women have to deal from time to time with the loneliness of not having a significant other in our life, we also have to deal with the loneliness of keeping our true feelings to ourselves and quite honestly I experience the later much more than the former. I find myself very limited in what I can talk to people about, including my mom and sister who I'm supposedly very close with. Any twinge of sadness from me about being single or any questions that may float through my mind about why I'm still waiting, if I dare let any of that out to them, I'm hit with you're jealous or you don't believe. But I've asked God for wisdom and what I've learned is that it's not that people really think I'm jealous or that I don't believe, it's that non-single people are uncomfortable around single people because as much as they may complain about marriage, they still pity us for being alone. I'm not saying this is true for everyone but it does apply to a lot of people I encounter. So what happens is that instead of me being able to express how I feel even in moments when I am sad (notice I say moments because God has blessed with me grace so that I don't ever stay sad) or being able to ignore the dumb questions people so inconsiderately ask, I have to smile and engage in answering just so they feel comfortable and don't burden me down with their inaccurate assumptions. I have to smile 24/7 no matter how I feel, even if the lack of a smile is due to something other than being single, like my stressful new job or my annoying neighbor or maybe just a bad hair day since believe it or not, being single is NOT on my mind 24/7. I couldn't even explain what I typed here to them if I wanted to because again it would equate to you're jealous and you don't believe.

Sigh... I wasn't going to post this but I feel in my spirit that someone else here feels trapped by other people's discomfort over their single status. I just want you to know that you're not alone. I'm praying for myself and I'm praying for you as well.

 

[Divine.]

I have been lurking in this thread awhile so I decided it's time to join! I recommitted myself to Christ a couple of months ago and boy has it been a journey. One of things I have been struggling with the most is God's timing.

I had my first boyfriend when I was 12, and once that ended (it was like 6 weeks lol) I have been single ever since. I am 22. It's a struggle daily because I often wonder why God has kept me single for so long. Then I start asking, why wouldn't anyone want to be with me? It was those thoughts that pushed me away from God and led me into a lonely hole.

Fast forward today, I have given my idol (being in a relationship) to God. I used to fantasize all day about my future husband. However I realized those thoughts and my impatience were stalling my spiritual journey. God wasn't opening any doors in my life until I closed everything that I gave all of my attention to.

The hardest thing I had to do was close a door on a guy that I just knew was the man God sent me. My faith in Him was tested. I couldn't understand why God would put such an amazing man in my life and then take him away! Now I understand. I officially closed that door about a week ago and now I understand why it needed to happen.

I was making this fantasy relationship an idol. God wanted to see if I could handle a relationship responsibly by keeping Him first and I blew it big time. I didn't wait for his timing and took things into my own hands. Although I am still convinced this man could be in my future, I know that I'm not ready for it right now. I put all my cares into God's hands and I am ready to receive what He has in store. Hopefully this thread will keep me on the right track lol

I encourage any of you ladies who are struggling with the wait to be still! You have to trust God 100% or it will make it harder for Him to work in your life. Even when things seem confusing, God is greater than that. He is greater than your own understanding. So stay strong. Press into The Lord. And focus on the relationship that matters the most: with God!

 

[Incognitus]

Reminiscing Thank you for sharing! I, too, have often felt like people think my whole life revolves around finding a husband and having children, It's like they automatically assume I'm sad because I'm single and childless.

Divine. What you posted makes so much sense. You have no idea how much I can relate to your everything you've said. I feel, perhaps I am not where the Lord wants me to be....as though I need to get myself right with Him before he can "trust" me with that special person.

 

[stephluv]

But I've asked God for wisdom and what I've learned is that it's not that people really think I'm jealous or that I don't believe, it's that non-single people are uncomfortable around single people because as much as they may complain about marriage, they still pity us for being alone. I'm not saying this is true for everyone but it does apply to a lot of people I encounter. So what happens is that instead of me being able to express how I feel even in moments when I am sad (notice I say moments because God has blessed with me grace so that I don't ever stay sad) or being able to ignore the dumb questions people so inconsiderately ask, I have to smile and engage in answering just so they feel comfortable and don't burden me down with their inaccurate assumptions.

Sigh... I wasn't going to post this but I feel in my spirit that someone else here feels trapped by other people's discomfort over their single status. I just want you to know that you're not alone. I'm praying for myself and I'm praying for you as well.

Reminiscing Thank you for posting this...I think it will help others besides me! Definitely food for thought...I know I want the best for my friends so I should try to see the positive side of everyone's "concern"

 

[Belle Du Jour]

I am reminding myself that the right man for me will not pursue me in a hesitant or inconsistent manner. He will not leave me guessing or putting the pieces together about what his intentions are.

 

[pre_medicalrulz]

I am reminding myself that the right man for me will not pursue me in a hesitant or inconsistent manner. He will not leave me guessing or putting the pieces together about what his intentions are.

I have to remind myself too. But for me its hard to remember that when I'm in the actual situation. smh

 

[MrsHaseeb]

I am reminding myself that the right man for me will not pursue me in a hesitant or inconsistent manner. He will not leave me guessing or putting the pieces together about what his intentions are.

Can't thank this post enough Belle.

 

[LovingLady]

Hi ladies, I would like to share something that I was reading this morning, it's from the book: "The Power of Femininity"

Exert: "God made Adam go into deep sleep in order to create woman. He didn't awaken Adam until woman was a complete and finished work. God is waiting for you t become a finished vessel of honor - one capable of being the catalyst to making that man change his ways because of your blameless behavior.

Before He wakes up that man in your life, God is going to complete His work in you. He is not going to wake the man up to behold a half-baked cookie. He wants every women to be rooted and grounded in the full understanding of who she was created to be prior to setting her before the eyes of her own Adam. She needs to be equipped to inspire that man to be the man he's suppose to be. God knows that a complete woman is a force to be reckoned."

:Rose:

 

[Maracujá]

Hi ladies, I would like to share something that I was reading this morning, it's from the book: "The Power of Femininity"

Exert: "God made Adam go into deep sleep in order to create woman. He didn't awaken Adam until woman was a complete and finished work. God is waiting for you t become a finished vessel of honor - one capable of being the catalyst to making that man change his ways because of your blameless behavior.

Before He wakes up that man in your life, God is going to complete His work in you. He is not going to wake the man up to behold a half-baked cookie. He wants every women to be rooted and grounded in the full understanding of who she was created to be prior to setting her before the eyes of her own Adam. She needs to be equipped to inspire that man to be the man he's suppose to be. God knows that a complete woman is a force to be reckoned."

:Rose:

Thank you for this post! I woke up this morning thinking the exact same thing with the exact same word of choice (that I borrowed from a Lil Kim rhyme). I've decided that instead of working against Him I should just cooperate with the work He's doing in me.

 

[Divine.]

Hi ladies, I would like to share something that I was reading this morning, it's from the book: "The Power of Femininity"

Exert: "God made Adam go into deep sleep in order to create woman. He didn't awaken Adam until woman was a complete and finished work. God is waiting for you t become a finished vessel of honor - one capable of being the catalyst to making that man change his ways because of your blameless behavior.

Before He wakes up that man in your life, God is going to complete His work in you. He is not going to wake the man up to behold a half-baked cookie. He wants every women to be rooted and grounded in the full understanding of who she was created to be prior to setting her before the eyes of her own Adam. She needs to be equipped to inspire that man to be the man he's suppose to be. God knows that a complete woman is a force to be reckoned."

:Rose:

This is so true! I had to be honest with myself and realize I'm just not ready! Biologically I am, but spiritually I am not where God wants me to be. I'm still in the midst of fully understanding my purpose. That's what's keeping me focused right now.