Single And Frustrated

Reading through fonts on this forum's trials and tribulations with men, I'm going to encourage my girls to start dating at 12 (being facetious). How are so many ladies so uncomfy with themselves and men so late?

Who ever said go out into the world and date everyone (within reason--not the toothless homeless whino) gave great advice. At 28, you've got some catching up to do. Good luck--keep us posted.
 
you've received some great advice in this thread...and im sure you will be just fine...being a cappy does have alot to do with some of your situation but again with the helpful advice provided in this thread you should be good...

just wanted to add please dont listen to anybody telling you to sleep with men just because....that's not how none of that works...be intimate with the right man who deserves it:rose:


NinasLongAmbition said:
I learned somethings but tough lessons that don't work for my personality and emotional state. I can't have sex freely without getting emotionally attached. So that won't work for me. Any other suggestions
Click to expand...
 
I'm a dry ass Capricorn. Like really dry humor, introverted, and I hate small talk/banter. So I've learned to control the conversation. This makes Me come off as hard/masculine, but I've learned to make it work for me. I have no issues getting dates and keeping it going. A new thing I've been doing is checking in with myself. I can be aloof and/or flippant so I have to be mindful of dismissing men on a whim (and how I dismiss them :look:). It took work, years of work, but apparently I've arrived, because when I'm ready for options they are not hard to rack up.

Being a Cap is no excuse. Just learn your blindspots and fix them!
 
Yeah, no, don't do that. :laugh: You don't want to have sex with random strangers. That's not a good idea. Your body is very important....and there's diseases out there. Get to know the guy first.

I wholeheartedly agree with going on a date with every guy that asks. It builds your dating skills and confidence that you need. You'll be fine. Just step out there...and tell those negative messages in your subconscious to STFU. :laugh:

ETA: I'm not talking about going out with weirdos and people that'll put you in danger. You still have to use good judgement.


NinasLongAmbition said:
I learned somethings but tough lessons that don't work for my personality and emotional state. I can't have sex freely without getting emotionally attached. So that won't work for me. Any other suggestions
Click to expand...
 
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I think you should stop waiting and start doing. If you are always waiting for the next thing to happen..ie....waiting to lose weight, waiting to finish school..you'll never get anywhere because there will always be something else that gets in the way and you'll be in this waiting cycle forever.
Don't look for Mr. Perfect look for Mr. Perfect for you. But make no mistake. He's going to come with flaws but by then you'll know which ones you can deal with and which ones you can't.
The experience factor comes with opportunity. When you get outta school you aren't going to know everything. You're not going to know what kind of nurse you are. You won't be perfect. Not every patient. Coworker, doctor etc is going to like you. You'll make mistakes. Dating is no different. You take the opportunities given to you to gain the experience and you learn from it so the next time you don't make the same mistakes..
Men have insecurities too. Believe that.
And you can't escape getting hurt or whatever else happens because sooner or later it's going to happen. You can't let that derail you. It's just a part of life. He's going to piss you off, do something stupid, say something stupid and you'll do the same to him.......it's going to happen. How well you two can process that and weather those storms is a determining factor in if you are right for each other. Checks and balances.
I met my husband at a horrible time in my life. I had the great Wall of China up and it took a lot for me to let him in and break down those barriers. I had to allow myself to be vulnerable but not to the point of losing my sense of self or having no guard up at all. Not weak or *easy* or falling for any bull#$%%. It was all about balance.....I'm a libra so makes sense.
What opened my eyes was the thought of losing him. Because I put up so many barriers and standards that didn't matter I nearly drove him away. I craved companionsjip that i didnt have before and he was trying to give it to me. He kept trying and I kept pushing back. He understood me more than I knew but I was too focused on negative things I couldn't see that this man was Mr. Perfect for me.
You have to accept people in your life and try and get to know yhem. They may only stay for a season but you won't grow personally by not giving anyone a chance.
 
Jmartjrmd said:
I think you should stop waiting and start doing. If you are always waiting for the next thing to happen..ie....waiting to lose weight, waiting to finish school..you'll never get anywhere because there will always be something else that gets in the way and you'll be in this waiting cycle forever.
Don't look for Mr. Perfect look for Mr. Perfect for you. But make no mistake. He's going to come with flaws but by then you'll know which ones you can deal with and which ones you can't.
The experience factor comes with opportunity. When you get outta school you aren't going to know everything. You're not going to know what kind of nurse you are. You won't be perfect. Not every patient. Coworker, doctor etc is going to like you. You'll make mistakes. Dating is no different. You take the opportunities given to you to gain the experience and you learn from it so the next time you don't make the same mistakes..
Men have insecurities too. Believe that.
And you can't escape getting hurt or whatever else happens because sooner or later it's going to happen. You can't let that derail you. It's just a part of life. He's going to piss you off, do something stupid, say something stupid and you'll do the same to him.......it's going to happen. How well you two can process that and weather those storms is a determining factor in if you are right for each other. Checks and balances.
I met my husband at a horrible time in my life. I had the great Wall of China up and it took a lot for me to let him in and break down those barriers. I had to allow myself to be vulnerable but not to the point of losing my sense of self or having no guard up at all. Not weak or *easy* or falling for any bull#$%%. It was all about balance.....I'm a libra so makes sense.
What opened my eyes was the thought of losing him. Because I put up so many barriers and standards that didn't matter I nearly drove him away. I craved companionsjip that i didnt have before and he was trying to give it to me. He kept trying and I kept pushing back. He understood me more than I knew but I was too focused on negative things I couldn't see that this man was Mr. Perfect for me.
You have to accept people in your life and try and get to know yhem. They may only stay for a season but you won't grow personally by not giving anyone a chance.
Click to expand...

Beautiful post.
 
Jmartjrmd said:
I think you should stop waiting and start doing. If you are always waiting for the next thing to happen..ie....waiting to lose weight, waiting to finish school..you'll never get anywhere because there will always be something else that gets in the way and you'll be in this waiting cycle forever.
Don't look for Mr. Perfect look for Mr. Perfect for you. But make no mistake. He's going to come with flaws but by then you'll know which ones you can deal with and which ones you can't.
The experience factor comes with opportunity. When you get outta school you aren't going to know everything. You're not going to know what kind of nurse you are. You won't be perfect. Not every patient. Coworker, doctor etc is going to like you. You'll make mistakes. Dating is no different. You take the opportunities given to you to gain the experience and you learn from it so the next time you don't make the same mistakes..
Men have insecurities too. Believe that.
And you can't escape getting hurt or whatever else happens because sooner or later it's going to happen. You can't let that derail you. It's just a part of life. He's going to piss you off, do something stupid, say something stupid and you'll do the same to him.......it's going to happen. How well you two can process that and weather those storms is a determining factor in if you are right for each other. Checks and balances.
I met my husband at a horrible time in my life. I had the great Wall of China up and it took a lot for me to let him in and break down those barriers. I had to allow myself to be vulnerable but not to the point of losing my sense of self or having no guard up at all. Not weak or *easy* or falling for any bull#$%%. It was all about balance.....I'm a libra so makes sense.
What opened my eyes was the thought of losing him. Because I put up so many barriers and standards that didn't matter I nearly drove him away. I craved companionsjip that i didnt have before and he was trying to give it to me. He kept trying and I kept pushing back. He understood me more than I knew but I was too focused on negative things I couldn't see that this man was Mr. Perfect for me.
You have to accept people in your life and try and get to know yhem. They may only stay for a season but you won't grow personally by not giving anyone a chance.
Click to expand...
This was a beautiful post.
I agree fear of making a mistake keeps me personally from doing certain things or allowing certain people in my life.
And the thought of letting anyone hurt me makes me homicidal :look: so I usually keep most people at arm's length
But that's obviously not conducive to building authentic friendships. :cry2:
 
@NinasLongAmbition

Show your some love. Do what makes you happy daily. My mornings are usually hectic, if I am in the mood for hot chocolate (which I love) I don't make excuses as to why I don't have time for it. I make the time. By doing this I am subconsciously letting myself know that even in this hectic moment I am important. This will also set the tone for how a man will treat you. If you make time for yourself during busy moments, when a man doesn't then you know that he is someone you shouldn't be with.

Relax in your uniqueness. Be unbashful about who you are. I am an introvert who is approaching 30 that drinks hot chocolate in the mornings. There is a poster here that is known for doing cosplay. If you snort when you laugh, own it. If you like plaid romper with kittens on them, wear them until you hate them. Don't think that you have to be or act like the next lady inorder to attract the right man, you just have to be you.
 
Yes! Love this.
LovingLady said:
@NinasLongAmbition

Show your some love. Do what makes you happy daily. My mornings are usually hectic, if I am in the mood for hot chocolate (which I love) I don't make excuses as to why I don't have time for it. I make the time. By doing this I am subconsciously letting myself know that even in this hectic moment I am important. This will also set the tone for how a man will treat you. If you make time for yourself during busy moments, when a man doesn't then you know that he is someone you shouldn't be with.

Relax in your uniqueness. Be unbashful about who you are. I am an introvert who is approaching 30 that drinks hot chocolate in the mornings. There is a poster here that is known for doing cosplay. If you snort when you laugh, own it. If you like plaid romper with kittens on them, wear them until you hate them. Don't think that you have to be or act like the next lady inorder to attract the right man, you just have to be you.
Click to expand...
 
Do you go to medical conferences and trade shows in your area?
Do you spend time by the beach?
Do you bike or walk in a nearby upscale neighborhood?
Do you go to places frequented by the type of guys that you are most attracted to?

I would start from there. With your busy schedule you may only get to do this once or twice a week for a few hours, but it's a start.

Couple that with LuckiestDestiny's advice about smiling and making eye contact.

Then couple that with the other poster's advice about accepting dates from guys that ask you out.

Put yourself in the location of the guys from which you are most willing to accept dates.

However, do not just sleep around for the hell of it. If you meet a guy and he likes you, but you slept with him early, he may still like you, but he may not respect you as much. That will/can come back to bite you in the long run.
 
NinasLongAmbition said:
Here's the thing I have a very small circle, my best friend tried to hook me up with her boyfriend's cousin. We spoke on the phone once or twice, but I didn't like him. One of my good friends is currently looking too after coming out of a bad relationship . My other friend is single too. There is literally no options in my group..
Click to expand...

I figured that was the case, that you have a small circle.
You're situation isn't that unusual and is familiar to me. I wish I had the answer. Good luck.
 
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2149832_o.gif


:look:
 
LovinLea said:
This reminds me of my best friend. Still has never dated. She has recently developed a crush on her flamboyantly gay boss and why...because there IS NO CHANCE and therefore no risk.

But OP at least you're willing to try. And I'm sure there will be a man who hates small talk as much as you do. One who complements your introverted nature. Every pot has a lid.
Click to expand...

Yooooo :lachen:
 
Bump!

I'm a Capricorn too. I'm not an introvert, and I can bs my way through any conversation. :look:
Any updates?! I think you're underestimating the importance of jumping right into this dating thing. You can pull em at the grocery store, gas station, if you're aware enough. SO'S mom is a cap too, and I notice that she has slutty tendencies, much like me. :look:
She was single for a while, and immediately started to date again. I remember her telling me that she approached a cutie at the gas station b/c he was in a tailored suit and kept staring at her. She used the "normally u don't do this, line. :look:
You truly just have to jump into it, imo. One of my friends is going through this...nothing about her is welcoming, so I can bet that she will probably be single for a while longer. You gotta be ready to accept these things that you're asking for.
 
JerriBlank said:
Bump!

I'm a Capricorn too. I'm not an introvert, and I can bs my way through any conversation. :look:
Any updates?! I think you're underestimating the importance of jumping right into this dating thing. You can pull em at the grocery store, gas station, if you're aware enough. SO'S mom is a cap too, and I notice that she has slutty tendencies, much like me. :look:
She was single for a while, and immediately started to date again. I remember her telling me that she approached a cutie at the gas station b/c he was in a tailored suit and kept staring at her. She used the "normally u don't do this, line. :look:
You truly just have to jump into it, imo. One of my friends is going through this...nothing about her is welcoming, so I can bet that she will probably be single for a while longer. You gotta be ready to accept these things that you're asking for.
Click to expand...

Okay, I'm in here like "Damn! They're giving Caps a bad name".

I'm a Capricorn but a situational extrovert. Hell, I turn it on and off in the same environment - just depends on who's around me and if I think they're fun, knowledgeable or useful.
I have RBF when I'm bored but, even then, men are drawn to me like bees to honey. I find dating fun but I do admit that I don't come across men I'm attracted to very often. I'll still go out on dates if I think a guy is generally attractive and has his stuff together.

I have "tendencies" too but I'll call them sexy and flirty. :look: I'm getting what I want from my man, a random man, a gay man, a wo-man. Everybody! :laugh:

OP, just open yourself up to the idea of getting out there and connecting, even if it's just for friendship or networking. No pressure of soul-mates, husbands and love at first sight. You don't know how to make small talk or just don't like it? Fine. Go to events or places where there is some activity that will serve as a springboard for different types of conversation. Avoid meeting up for coffee or a long dinner if you know that you're not going to have much to say and much of the night will depend on you making conversation. But honestly, the more you go out and put yourself in social situations, the easier it will be for you to let the communication flow.

I wouldn't suggest going out with any and everyone who approaches. Be clear, not everyone is worth your time. But if dude can't get a date because he's 5'11 instead of a minimum of 6'2, then you might want to start on your family of cats.
 
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