Single Ladies>(Or anyone)

[Ashleescheveux]

Story of my life!

I'm single because I can't attract anyone that's suitable. I tend to attract thugs, baby daddies, people old enough to be my dady, men that don't want to commit and just want to have sex, etc. Most of the "good guys" are taken or not interested in me.

I'm very extremely shy around guys too---almost afraid of them. So I'm sure I probably appear unapproachable to them. At this point of my life I tend to lock myself inside my house which I know doesn't help either..

 

[chocolat79]

Well, I think that question has multiple answers for me and I think for a lot of BW actually. Right now, it's because I choose to be single. BUT, I'm almost always approached by the broke dudes, old dudes, (black or white), or jobless dudes, LOL. I think I am unapproachable, not only due to my countenance (I've been told), but also because of my height and perhaps how I carry myself. Plus I have standards (not as strict as Chilli's) that I'm not going to compromise on because I'm not gonna be with just any ol' body just to have a man. I think honestly, MOST women could have a man if they TRULY wanted to, but I'm about quality. It just won't work for me if the quality is not there. So, I suppose I'll be single for a while, but life is good, so I'm not pressed. I'm pretty comfortable with me and my lifestyle, so if I never got married, as it stands now, I think I'd be ok. The prospects are NOT encouraging, that's for sure.

 

[ElegantPearl17]

Well OP, I too am single for a lot of reasons, but not by choice. I'm about to turn 30 in a couple months and I really am losing hope that I will ever find my true mate..but back to the topic.

I am single because:
1) I broke off an engagement a year and a half ago with a man I was in a 5 year relationship with because I realized that we were unequally yoked

2) Since then, I've only been on a couple dates because I too only attract thugs, old men, womanizing men, men who are intimidated with my education or men who pretend to like me but only want to get laid.

3) One guy that I really liked and started to pursue a relationship with..I discovered that he was still MARRIED!! He told me he was divorce...so I had to leave his trifflin' *** alone.

4) I just moved to a new city and pretty much only go to work, Walmart, then to my house. I rarely go out to meet people and I do not work with any eligible men. Plus, I'm their supervisor.

5) I tried online sites in the past, but I still never met anyone worthwhile.

So, I pass the time watching Golden Girls and learning about haircare

 

[jupitermoon]

I don't know. I'm very lonely. I get told from friends, family and friends of the family that I'm pretty and funny but I still never get approached or looked at except by thugs, homeless men, old men, guys I'd never date. The guys I'm attracted to just aren't attracted to me I guess. It just kills my self-esteem and confidence. I'm working on myself, growing my hair back out to BSL, losing weight, dressing up more, but still, I'm alone. I just want someone to love who can love me too.

I think no matter what others say, it's does make us feel good knowing that we are attractive to the opposite sex. People get mad when some of us admit this, but it's only human nature.



One thing I've noticed is that some women seem to become almost furious when a single woman admits that she hates being single and wishes she were in a relationship. Strangely, most of these women tend to be married or in relationships themselves. They'll go off on a tangent saying "I don't let a man define me." or "I don't need a man." even though they've been with their SO's for most of their adult life and haven't been single since they were 16. It's like "How dare you want someone to love and love you in return"? I can only assume they're in not so great relationships with their SO's but still...

 

[Bunny77]

One thing I've noticed is that some women seem to become almost furious when a single woman admits that she hates being single and wishes she were in a relationship. Strangely, most of these women tend to be married or in relationships themselves. They'll go off on a tangent saying "I don't let a man define me." or "I don't need a man." even though they've been with their SO's for most of their adult life and haven't been single since they were 16. It's like "How dare you want someone to love and love you in return"? I can only assume they're in not so great relationships with their SO's but still...

You know, I NEVER understood that. I thought that the married women would be most understanding or supportive of my desire, but they were often the worst!!!!

Some of the most supportive though are newlyweds... they're so in luuuuuuuuuuv that they want everyone else to be... they might be the most willing to hook you up!!!

 

[BGT]

I think no matter what others say, it's does make us feel good knowing that we are attractive to the opposite sex. People get mad when some of us admit this, but it's only human nature.

I agree My family tells me how pretty I am all the time, but when a guy I was talking to told me I was pretty, it meant more.

 

[laCriolla]

i keep meeting jerks! lol

 

[softblackcotton]

I think no matter what others say, it's does make us feel good knowing that we are attractive to the opposite sex. People get mad when some of us admit this, but it's only human nature.



One thing I've noticed is that some women seem to become almost furious when a single woman admits that she hates being single and wishes she were in a relationship. Strangely, most of these women tend to be married or in relationships themselves. They'll go off on a tangent saying "I don't let a man define me." or "I don't need a man." even though they've been with their SO's for most of their adult life and haven't been single since they were 16. It's like "How dare you want someone to love and love you in return"? I can only assume they're in not so great relationships with their SO's but still...

I took me a while to figure out these type of women. I mean like if you TRULY don't need a man why are you jumping endlessly into relationship after relationship. However, now I understand that some of these women are just projecting their unsecurities on to other people. They have to justify over and over to themselves and everyone else that they are independent and really don't need a man to define them. When in actuality they don't know how to be single and they do define themselves by their relationships/ability to get an SO. Just count the number of times they bring up their SO in conversation. Why can't they put a facebook profile pic without their SO in it? Let them be single for a short while, they would be the most desperate to get a man back into their lives. Thus, the fact they are hardly ever single for most of their adult lives. They are more likely to end up in unhappy relationships feeling trapped just because they can't stand being single. I'm not speaking from a place of envy either. I don't envy unhappy, "just because" type of relationships.

 

[Helpmeblongagain]

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[Crystalicequeen123]

Awww....this thread is making me so sad!

Here we are.....wonderful, intelligent, beautiful, educated, NICE, women who are still somehow single. If you choose to be single...then that's one thing. But if you really want to be in a relatinship then sometimes the lonliness can be agonizing!

Honestly, for me now....although I'm single, I'm not really stressing out over it. I don't know if I'm just more eager to work more on bettering MYSELF these days, or if it's simply because I'm tired of the waiting and pining after some silly guy. Did that for 3 years...now I'm TIRED. I learned my lesson. I also just broke off a relationship earlier this year because the guy (although he was great) was not at my level. He needed to get his act and his life together.

Maybe I'm single because:
-I will not settle for less than I deserve
-I am looking for MARRIAGE-minded men
-I started looking kind of "late" (age 25/26) due to being focused on school in my early 20's
-I'm just having fun right now being single and enjoying my life!

I honestly believe that there is someone out there for ALL of us. Just because he hasn't come yet doesn't mean that he will never come. Trust me, once it happens...once you meet that *special* someone, your life will change in a SNAP! Things will start happening so fast. Just when you thought you'd be single forever and never meet someone last week, this weekend you could meet someone who knocks your socks off. I'm telling you, it happens THAT fast.

So, let's keep the faith! Trust me, there is someone for EVERRRRRYBODY out here. I do mean that.

The key is living your life to the fullest NOW as a single person regardless of who's in the picture. Like another poster mentioned already, I think love happens when you least expect it. I've seen it happen many many times before to other friends of mine.

So, one day a man will come and sweep us off our feet. We'll even forget what it was like to be single. Like Michael Bublé sings: We "just haven't met him yet"

 

[HoneyBFly]

I am single for various reasons, however, I am really seeing the benefits of being single. At this point in my life, being single works best for me

 

[Angelicus]

I'm single because I need to learn how to be single. I always have a man. It's time for me to find out what it's like to do things on my own for a little while.

 

[missjones]

I'm single because I'm a homebody.

But I'm working on losing weight so hopefully after I reach my goal I'll have a little more confidence to get out more

 

[Latina17]

The story of my single life

Same here! Sometimes i think i will never be in a relationship again so why bother!

 

[Lenee925]

I am single for various reasons, however, I am really seeing the benefits of being single. At this point in my life, being single works best for me

I basically feel like singing from the rooftops because I'm am so glad to be single. I don't want to get married anytime soon either. I feel like I've finally broken past the pressure of society's clock and have stepped into what it's like to really not care anymore, but not in a negative way. I'm busy about my Father's bidness and don't have time/energy to worry about things that aren't in my control.

 

[Livingmylifetothefullest]

***LONG POST***

I'd love to know what single men are thinking because if they are feeling the same way those of us do than I would feel a little bit better. I'm not talking about those guys that are sowing their wild oats right now but those who want to be in a relationship with someone like us. I mean, are those men that terrified to approach? Are they that afraid of rejection not realizing many of us just want to have a conversation with them? How come they (men) don't ever smile first? Some of them walk around here mean muggin' just as bad if not worse than some of us. Not saying any of this is right but I firmly believe that men should do the approaching.

It's like they don't realize just how it feels to spend every Fri/Sat night without a date; constantly being told your "stuck up" when in fact, we're just shy and/or nervous; taking the time to smile and/or say hello and still be ignored; some women treating you like dirt because your prettier than them not realizing that deep down it hurts not being accepted by not only women but men. It really makes you think that there's something wrong with you even though your friends/family tell you differently.

I'll use me as an example, I knew this one guy who I'll never know for sure if he ever liked me but he was really outgoing; he could approach women like it was second nature and just strike up a conversation with them; however, when it came to me, I'd be lucky if he even said "hello" and if he did, he would starting speaking in tongues or something. Whenever, he would see me, he would go into silent mode, just stare and stare and stare and would shake like the energizer bunny. But the minute, he saw another woman, he could go up to her and just start talking. Oh, man I felt like such an idiot (I would actually smile at him) and I'll admit, it hurt. Even five years later, he still acts like this when he's around me. My question for this paragraph, how come men can be outgoing and approach all these women yet when they come around you, they get quiet as a mouse? It's almost like a slap in the face, like is there something wrong with me....

Is being beautiful a curse...yes, it is. I remember the thread I started awhile ago and the main consensus was that for women like us, it is. I don't think I'm beautiful (far from it but I think I'm pretty) but many people think that I am and what many don't realize is that it gets really lonely knowing that your this great person who no one wants to get know because of some preconceived notions. Not saying that I'm perfect (no one is) but I think I possess a great personality and it would be really nice to be able to share it with someone.

Crystalicequeen123, her post really keeps my hope alive. She stated that this thread was sad and to be honest, it is. I know I'm not the only one to feel this way. But what really stood out was "The key is living your life to the fullest NOW as a single person regardless of who's in the picture. Like another poster mentioned already, I think love happens when you least expect it. I've seen it happen many many times before to other friends of mine."

I'm going to continue to live my life and just go down the path that God has set forth for me. And hope that Mr. Right is also somewhere on my path. I understand how you ladies feel which is why I didn't mind just putting my feelings on this issue out here. Normally, I wouldn't but just seeing how many of you ladies are in the same boat as me, I feel that some of you can relate to some of this post, if not all of it. I guess to sum up my whole post...yes, there are great things about being single but overall, it would be nice to share your life with someone who is willing to take the time to get to know you for you.

Ok, this has got to be the longest post I've ever written

 

[panamoni]

It is interesting though that once we set our intention to accomplish something, it happens. Look at Bunny and Glib...There's hope that once I treat my dating life like an important project or challenge, wonderful rewards can await me. Though I also think there's somehting to the "it will happen when I least expect it." I guess positive thinking all around, taking care of myself whether someone's in the picture or not, and enjoying each moment contribute to the hope I have that I will one day find Mr. Right.

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

***LONG POST***

I'd love to know what single men are thinking because if they are feeling the same way those of us do than I would feel a little bit better. I'm not talking about those guys that are sowing their wild oats right now but those who want to be in a relationship with someone like us. I mean, are those men that terrified to approach? Are they that afraid of rejection not realizing many of us just want to have a conversation with them? How come they (men) don't ever smile first? Some of them walk around here mean muggin' just as bad if not worse than some of us. Not saying any of this is right but I firmly believe that men should do the approaching.

It's like they don't realize just how it feels to spend every Fri/Sat night without a date; constantly being told your "stuck up" when in fact, we're just shy and/or nervous; taking the time to smile and/or say hello and still be ignored; some women treating you like dirt because your prettier than them not realizing that deep down it hurts not being accepted by not only women but men. It really makes you think that there's something wrong with you even though your friends/family tell you differently.

I'll use me as an example, I knew this one guy who I'll never know for sure if he ever liked me but he was really outgoing; he could approach women like it was second nature and just strike up a conversation with them; however, when it came to me, I'd be lucky if he even said "hello" and if he did, he would starting speaking in tongues or something. Whenever, he would see me, he would go into silent mode, just stare and stare and stare and would shake like the energizer bunny. But the minute, he saw another woman, he could go up to her and just start talking. Oh, man I felt like such an idiot (I would actually smile at him) and I'll admit, it hurt. Even five years later, he still acts like this when he's around me. My question for this paragraph, how come men can be outgoing and approach all these women yet when they come around you, they get quiet as a mouse? It's almost like a slap in the face, like is there something wrong with me....

Is being beautiful a curse...yes, it is. I remember the thread I started awhile ago and the main consensus was that for women like us, it is. I don't think I'm beautiful (far from it but I think I'm pretty) but many people think that I am and what many don't realize is that it gets really lonely knowing that your this great person who no one wants to get know because of some preconceived notions. Not saying that I'm perfect (no one is) but I think I possess a great personality and it would be really nice to be able to share it with someone.

Wow...LHCF2009 I could have written this entire post myself! Especially the comments in bold above. Sometimes I do wonder if some of the guys out there feel the same way sometimes?

What I really end up resenting however is the fact that even the quote-unquote "NICE guys" you see walking around here are (a lot of times) hooked up with a woman who's not-so-nice. I can't explain it...maybe it's a good guy/bad-girl syndrome or something like that. Sort of like that good girl/bad boy phenomenon.
But what about those nice girls who really just want a GOOD guy too?? Who's left for them? I just simply can't believe that only the butt-ugly, broke, down-on-his-luck, ghetto, needs-to-get-his-act-together, gold-tooth wearing men are the ONLY ones confident enough to "holla" at a decent woman. I'm sorry, but I'm just not buying it. There are other decent guys out here for decent women. It may take a longer time to find these types of guys, but then again...so does ANYTHING that's valuable...like gold, diamonds, etc. The same as it will take patience, effort, and diligent searching for these decent men to find DECENT women such as ourselves. In the meantime, we just have to make sure that we're the best that we can be...that we're living up to our own potential. Are we showing that we're the type of woman that a "good man" would be attracted to? :scratchch

Crystalicequeen123, her post really keeps my hope alive. She stated that this thread was sad and to be honest, it is. I know I'm not the only one to feel this way. But what really stood out was "The key is living your life to the fullest NOW as a single person regardless of who's in the picture. Like another poster mentioned already, I think love happens when you least expect it. I've seen it happen many many times before to other friends of mine."

I'm going to continue to live my life and just go down the path that God has set forth for me. And hope that Mr. Right is also somewhere on my path. I understand how you ladies feel which is why I didn't mind just putting my feelings on this issue out here. Normally, I wouldn't but just seeing how many of you ladies are in the same boat as me, I feel that some of you can relate to some of this post, if not all of it. I guess to sum up my whole post...yes, there are great things about being single but overall, it would be nice to share your life with someone who is willing to take the time to get to know you for you.

Ok, this has got to be the longest post I've ever written

Aww thanks for the props LHCF2009. I firmly believe that there is hope for EVERYONE out here. And honestly, when it comes to marriage, I usually notice that a lot of times it doesn't have much to do with looks, how much money you make, where you went to school, how long your hair is, etc. It really has to do with a certain type of "feeling" that you give that person. And vice versa.

So, don't be too hard on yourself...whether you're beautiful or just average. Personally, people say I'm pretty/beautiful often, but when I look in the mirror I just think I'm average. Not ugly, but not stunning either. Just normal I guess. But it really is the inside that counts.

I think that taking matters into your own hands by just meeting MORE men will definitely increase your chances. Keeping your options open and not being afraid to try something "new" is also something that helped in Bunny's case.

 

[Strangefruittree]

Im single because I am not focused on being married. I'm very passionate about developing my trade and I have a life filled with love, so nothing seems lacking. I find that guys that come into my life have alot of excess baggage i cannot, don't know how to, dont feel i should have to deal with. I dont want to be married just to be married because i do so well with the life i have. If i get married, he would have to be "the one" he might be lurking around me right now and i just dont see him

 

[Bunny77]

It is interesting though that once we set our intention to accomplish something, it happens. Look at Bunny and Glib...There's hope that once I treat my dating life like an important project or challenge, wonderful rewards can await me. Though I also think there's somehting to the "it will happen when I least expect it." I guess positive thinking all around, taking care of myself whether someone's in the picture or not, and enjoying each moment contribute to the hope I have that I will one day find Mr. Right.

Hey! I heard my name called out!


You know, I think that there's wisdom in both approaches and one doesn't contradict the other. The danger is when we apply one-size-fits-all advice/cliches to every person when they don't always apply!

For example...

1. Let's say you have a woman who ALWAYS has a man. She had her first boyfriend at 15, was with him three years, broke up with him, got with a new man two months later, was with him two years, broke up, found another man three months later, was with him three years, etc., etc., etc.

By the age of 25, this woman could still be unmarried, but has spent 95% the last 10 years of her life in a relationship.

This would be a person I would definitely advise to stop "looking" to make every man she met into a potential boyfriend/husband and that she should stay single for a while and learn who SHE is. This woman would probably be the type to meet her husband when she "least expected it," because she finally got to a point in her life where everything wasn't always about having a man. Does that make sense?

2. On the other hand, you have women like me. I was always dating -- like, just going on a date or two -- but I went a LONG time without being in an actual relationship in which I could really call a man my boyfriend. Some of that time was by choice, other parts, not so much.

I was also hoping for a "least expected it" moment, but it was kinda hard to do that when I was doing the exact opposite of what I needed to do to bring a healthy relationship into my life. I do think there is a tipping point in which you become SO focused on being the best single you can be (whatever that means) that you actually make it harder on yourself when you're trying to find a relationship. I was an EXCELLENT single woman... I didn't need one mo' person telling me how to maximize my single life or how I didn't need to worry about finding a man because I should just enjoy my singleness and all that jazz.

No, I needed to get into a relationship... seeing that I did want to marry and this was an area in which I was having little success, I needed to figure out how I could make relationships more likely to happen. So that's why I had to treat dating as an important project or challenge, because I never really had before.


I am bothered when I read various black women's message boards and women are asking for advice about getting to marriage, and all they're told is to stop looking and it will happen when they least expect it. That used to frustrate me so much, because that alone is not very helpful advice... especially when they didn't know my background and the place from which my question was coming.

I'll close with this... although I definitely set an intention to pursue dating for the purpose of marriage, the "least expect it" element was there to a degree in that I went on every date with an open mind and didn't ask myself after each date, "Did I just meet my future husband?" When I did go on my first date with FH, after it was over, I was like, "Okay, he was nice and interesting. I'd go out with him again if he asked."

Did I see him as FH at that time? NO!!!! I was just open to whatever possibilities came along... I put the intention out there and just waited to see how it would manifest!

 

[runwaydream]

im single bc im EXTREMELY picky, im hard to deal with. i have a strong personality i've been told. im kinda out there and thats not for everyone, which is fine. but im looking for some1 who's kinda out there too. someone who is as unique as i am and intrigues me. also our zodiac signs have to match up, i have to be physically attracted to him, he has to be completely chivalrous and he has to be doing better than me finanically and a whole other laundry list of requirements. plus did i mention im shopping for a husband? i still date other guys and all but i dont get into relationships just to get in them. i treat relationships VERY srsly. almost as srsly as i would treat a marriage. i guess i just havent found any1 special enough to make me wanna take that srsly. but i believe it will happen soon. i can feel it.

 

[NYAmicas]

Well after realizing I havent been single since HS, I decided that I need to devote me to me. I dont have the time, patience, or interest to be seriously involved in a relationship so rather than waste another's time I'm going solo. When I get self, finances, and career in order than perhaps I'll seek a partner but right now I like being single.