SHACKING up..... are you down?

[tHENATuRALhAiRpRoJEcT]

This question has come up, routinely in my past dating life.
SHACKING UP before MARRIAGE?
(for this poll.... you are NOT engaged but in a relationship)

HOW DO YOU LADIES FEEL ABOUT IT? would you do it?

WHAT DOES IT MEAN (your opinion) WHEN A GUY ASKS YOU TO MOVE IN WITH HIM (or he with you).... but has NOT proposed?​

 

[LatterGlory]

1Co 6:18 Flee fornication. Every sin that a man doeth is without the body; but he that committeth fornication sinneth against his own body.

 

[kismettt]

my friend was telling me about her friend. just moved in with her bf of a few years. they broke up after 3 months & still have a lease. and are stuck together until they can find someone to take over it. bummer. when we break up, i want you to gtfo. not come back every night & sleep on the couch.

so i'd probably wait until we are engaged. i also think it may be unnecessary for some couples because i have friends who basically live at their SOs, but still have their own place. so living together before getting married isn't really necessary.

some people do just want to live together/be together & marriage isn't their ultimate goal. or they don't see implications in him asking to live together (or she is the one who suggests it).

dowatchawant.

 

[Goombay_Summer]

Due to inflation as a direct result of the recession the price of milk has gone up substantially I can't afford to be giving it away for free

 

[Renewed1]

During my lifetime, I had/have friends that moved in with a guy. One girl moved in with her boyfriend, because the understanding was they would be married within a year. They didn't get married until 4 years later and they went to the justice of the peace.

My other friend lived with her boyfriend and LEFT him after 6 months.

I'm not for shacking up before marriage. I have yet to see anything positive stem from it....besides babies and one instance of a STD.

 

[JayAnn0513]

None of the above. It's ok if you have already talked marriage and you 100% know this is not a long term situation. I did it, and it worked out fine but it's not for everyone. I moved in his house in August, was engaged by February, married 13 months later. We dated for 2 yrs before we moved in together. I think the mistake a lot of people make is moving in with someone they don't really know. Dh and I already knew we wanted to get married before we moved in together. Dh wanted me to finish my BA before we got engaged and 2 months after I finished he put a ring on my finger.

 

[Livingmylifetothefullest]

No

My plan is to move from my own place to a place with my husband. Husband being the key word.

 

[FemmeFatale]

Only if we're engaged to save money for the wedding, future home, etc.

 

[locabouthair]

I dont think I would do it but to each his own.

 

[BrandNew]

I won't do it and when asked I advise my friends not to.

 

[tHENATuRALhAiRpRoJEcT]

Due to inflation as a direct result of the recession the price of milk has gone up substantially I can't afford to be giving it away for free

brilliantly put

 

[nikolite]

Due to inflation as a direct result of the recession the price of milk has gone up substantially I can't afford to be giving it away for free

But what about for half the price of rent?
jk

I see no problem with it if its with the right intentions. That's obviously coming from someone whose done it before. My husband and I moved in together before marriage or even a proposal, but we both KNEW that we were to get married someday without really ever stating it. We were one of those madly in love fresh out of high school couples and we saw no other option but to move in together when the time came (before our sophomore year of college). It was almost natural and without thought.

For both of us, legal marriage was more about getting a piece of paper and providing a special day for our parents/family. We moved in together because we never wanted to be away from each other and it made perfect financial sense too. He was my best friend and so the perfect roommate, and we were too young to afford living on our own. He eventually proposed 3 years later (in a hot-air balloon while we watched the sunset!), but I'd never pressured him to. We had a discussion a few months prior about how much we could save on taxes and legal benefits if we were actually married all this time and then I think we started thinking why we hadn't done it already. The wedding (a few months later) was a cute, romantic ceremony that we enjoyed (a formal way to express our love to each other) but it wasn't really much more than that.

In both our minds we were ALREADY married in some spiritual/emotional way years ago when we first had sex. That was nearly 10 yrs ago and I don't regret living with him one bit. Married or not, we never gave up on each other, so we acted like we were married anyway even when we were just bf/gf to everybody else. My husband actually told me a few years ago that he knew I would be his wife one day when we were both 17, while he was watching me raid my parents' fridge for a snack. I have no clue why that was "the moment" of his revelation because I remember I was wearing some house sweats and we just sat around watching TV that afternoon.

But after all that, I still wouldn't suggest to most women to do the same unless they were absolutely sure about the intentions going in and both were fully in love. Some women seem to get duped and for some it works out. But for others even if it doesn't work out, marriage only would have made them try to work it out and stay together instead of splitting up. People can choose to do that without the contract if they want, but they typically don't.

 

[LongTimeComing]

Naw son!!!!

 

[ThickHair]

Nope, didn't do it and won't do it.

 

[BroadstreetBully]

During my lifetime, I had/have friends that moved in with a guy. One girl moved in with her boyfriend, because the understanding was they would be married within a year. They didn't get married until 4 years later and they went to the justice of the peace.

My other friend lived with her boyfriend and LEFT him after 6 months.

I'm not for shacking up before marriage. I have yet to see anything positive stem from it....besides babies and one instance of a STD.

That was bad judgment on her part. If we are supposed to get married within a year, then let us get a one year lease and if there is no ring/wedding during that time frame, once the lease it up I'm moving out.

I don't see a problem with it if both parties are satisfied with the situation. I feel like some women think that playing house will automatically guarantee marriage. These women do too much too soon. They move in and start paying bills, cook, clean, wash his dirty boxers, etc... without a ring. Meanwhile, the men sit back and enjoy husband perks without having gone through the process.

In many cases shacking makes sense. For example, in a long distance relationship, sometimes it makes sense to live together for a little while before marriage. Some people do it to save money for their future, especially college students. I'm not sure if I'd like to do it because I enjoy having my own space and see no reason to give it up until I get married, but you never know.

 

[BriDa5242]

weird story I know a PASTOR who was living with his GF and , she was upset because there were together 10 years and he never proposed. She felt stuck and hurterplexed

 

[BriDa5242]

That was bad judgment on her part. If we are supposed to get married within a year, then let us get a one year lease and if there is no ring/wedding during that time frame, once the lease it up I'm moving out.

I don't see a problem with it if both parties are satisfied with the situation. I feel like some women think that playing house will automatically guarantee marriage. These women do too much too soon. They move in and start paying bills, cook, clean, wash his dirty boxers, etc... without a ring. Meanwhile, the men sit back and enjoy husband perks without having gone through the process.

In many cases shacking makes sense. For example, in a long distance relationship, sometimes it makes sense to live together for a little while before marriage. Some people do it to save money for their future, especially college students. I'm not sure if I'd like to do it because I enjoy having my own space and see no reason to give it up until I get married, but you never know.

Wow great point !

 

[babyb900]

I had the same situation as nikolite (high school lovers, college lovers, blah blah lol). I did it with my ex and I wouldnt do it again.The relationship actually started to deteriorate after we moved in together, then a year later we were planning our wedding (stressful and crazy) living under the same roof. It ultimately broke down our relationship. Now that we're living separate, we get along better and have considered possibly getting back together one day in the future.

However, we've already came to the agreement that if we were to live together again, it would be right before the wedding. Its much much easier to leave someone when youre not engaged or married, and you dont have that strong sense of...home. Its more like "our place" instead of "home" so the bond isnt as strong compared to engaged/married life.

On a sidenote, it never made any sense to me how a man could sign a legal contract to live with you, but wont sign a contract saying he's your man. I dont advocate divorce, but lets not pretend like its not an option when you get married, just like its an option to break your lease when you move in together. Maybe I'm not looking deep enough into it, but whatever.

 

[awhyley]

Guys get too 'comfortable' with this shacking up situation, so I don't suggest it.

 

[comike]

Nope......

 

[ambergirl]

Been there, done that, not doing it again.

 

[tHENATuRALhAiRpRoJEcT]

Been there, done that, not doing it again.

do tell! i often wonder i've been head over heels in love TWICE, absolutely consider one of them to be my soulmate, yet have refused BOTH times to shack...... still often wonder
just always felt as if i would be selling myself short... BUT I WILL ADMIT, I MADE THOSE DECISIONS WITH MY HEAD, NOT HEART <<<< when in love, sometimes i think you should think with your heart, and not over analyze things
however, i may wax and wane on personal decisions...... but i'm crystal clear that I would never, ever ever want my daughter to do so (if under the age of 30)

 

[dlewis]

Having shacked up with two dudes, I don't agree with it now.

 

[butter_pecan]

I guess I'm "shacking" and I see no problems with it for two reasons:

1) I'm 23, and still moving to different places for jobs to advance my career. I'm not ready to settle down.

2) It's cheaper than having my own place. And I'd rather live with FH than be in the dreadful roommate situation I was in when I first moved to DC. Female roommates are a trip (and can be nastier than dudes).

 

[sprungonhairboards]

Yeah I did it a couple of times waaay back in the day but wouldn't do it again nor advise anyone else too. Engaged or not as engagements don't always lead to marriage. Hell I didn't agree with it when I did it but I did it anyway. In one instance we were engaged, ring and a date, and living 40 miles from each other. After the first time I swore I'd never do it again but we were 'serious' and either I was always at his place or he was at mine so it made sense to meet in the middle and move to a new place together to save for the wedding. The marriage never happened. It works for alot of people but I'd never do it again.

 

[ladysaraii]

I dont think it's for me, but if i did, it would only if engaged

 

[tHENATuRALhAiRpRoJEcT]

Yeah I did it a couple of times waaay back in the day but wouldn't do it again nor advise anyone else too. Engaged or not as engagements don't always lead to marriage. Hell I didn't agree with it when I did it but I did it anyway. In one instance we were engaged, ring and a date, and living 40 miles from each other. After the first time I swore I'd never do it again but we were 'serious' and either I was always at his place or he was at mine so it made sense to meet in the middle and move to a new place together to save for the wedding. The marriage never happened. It works for alot of people but I'd never do it again.

 

[ThatJerseyGirl]

As an olda woman, *looks around n pulls my newport one hunnits outta my bra....and blazes up* i wouldn't suggest u do it cuz all it is to me is to keep tabs on each other and for the convenience and easy access to some dyck and vice versa.

no woman, who is girlfriend status (or think she is. jump offs get move-in invites too) should be auditioning for the role of wifey, unless the following:

1. engaged;
2. are getting married with all the plans in place; and
3. are closing on a home that they are moving into two weeks prior to the wedding.

all live in situations turn into disasters and it's called settling. make the man EARN his keep. in other words, he should date you accordingly, etc. no woman should lower her standards and move in, for what? save money? don't think so. cuz see, the more money you free up, the more you spend, taking advantage of the situation. It's not fair to you as a woman. stop making excuses for yourselves when it comes to these things. it's not worth it.

God Bless the child that has her own. Trust me on this one.

but then again, what do i know...

*puts out cig n runs to da licka sto to put my day numbas in befo da m'chine cut off*

 

[caltron]

It's really not a good idea unless you are either engaged or *very* absolutely positive you're going to get married in the *very near* future. If there's any kind of doubt about your status or his future plans then it could end in disaster. I shacked up with an ex and it just made the breaking up process that much harder.

 

[blue_flower]

Hell no. Hell no. Hell no.