Rough........

[bongolady]

So I have to be honest I am of African descendant (my mom is from Namibia) and I have lived with a lot of cultures in my life and I have not been with an African man for about 5 years +.....
So .... from past experience ...... African men that I have been with have been a bit .... basic when it comes to terms with lovemaking........

I am with one now and I found myself falling in love, love with this a "wonderful", well-educated (aka he has traveled a lot) African dude BUT......... we had our first night and I am bruised from head to....p..... to toe.......

I thought that this was excitement from the first night on his part but now it has gotten worse....... so.........
I have told him to take it slow and that it hurts me (he can see all his goddamn bruises but he won't listen)and he says I am too soft and have been lacking a REAL MAN... to do me right.....

Do I teach or do I let it go......

.....

P.S. His goods are not big at all nor attractive

 

[BrickbyBrick]

Something's got to give. If you're not happy, he's either got to change or you may have to let this fish off the hook.

 

[ackee walk]

Wait, he's hurting you, you told him to take it easy and he basically said no??

Move on. Quickly. He sounds inconsiderate and selfish at best and abusive at worst.

 

[Bublin]

OP,
If he can see your bruises, can hear and see that you are upset then under no uncertain terms he should cool down his act.

To me this is abusive as he is very dismissive of your physical wellbeing and quite frankly starting head games by telling you that you have 'lacked a real man'. A real man would not want to hurt you.

If this was the first encounter and he is ignoring your concerns I can bet things will only get worse.

Girl you are going to black and blue all over by the end of the month....people will start asking questions.

 

[kismettt]

ITA w/ what everyone else said. walk away. that is NOT okay.

 

[yynot]

Let him gooooooo. He is selfish and inconsiderate and stubborn too. He should have responded more thoughtfully when u expressed your concerns. Bad sign IMO

 

[LivingInPeace]

Flag on the play!!!! Timeout!!!! Run fast...run far. Now!!!! He is physically abusing you. I suspect some psychopathy. I say this as someone who works in law enforcement.

 

[Bublin]

Something is telling me the OP had better let this guy down very gently.

 

[Sosoothing]

He insists you just haven't had a real man even though you have expressed you are in pain?? I would let him go.

 

[TrueToHair]

........................

 

[loolalooh]

Sex aside, I don't think he's the man for you if he can see that he's hurting you and doesn't even care.




Then there is not even an excuse. NEXT.

This right here ... especially the bolded.

 

[gabulldawg]

See, I'll reserve my thoughts on African men. But bruises?? You in danger, girl.

 

[FlyyBohemian]

See, I'll reserve my thoughts on African men. But bruises?? You in danger, girl.

Ignorant. Abusive men come in all forms. To the one who posted this thread, he sounds like trouble. Get your mind right and run.

 

[Anakinsmomma]

Run!! Just drop him!! He sounds like he's trying to set you up for a lifetime of abuse....

 

[yardyspice]

OP, I wish you hadn't brought race into this because bad lovers come in all colors. Are you white?

 

[menina]

whoooaaaa girl you should not continue with him.

 

[LuvlyRain3]

Wait you two had sex for the first time and you ended up covered in bruises??? How does that even happen??? Unh unh... No mam.

 

[loolalooh]

OP, I wish you hadn't brought race into this because bad lovers come in all colors. Are you white?

I understand that there are white Africans, but her OP implies she's black (of African descent).

Either way, I agree and wish race (or ethnicity) hadn't been brought into this. Hopefully this thread doesn't explode.

 

[ackee walk]

So was he beating you and sexing you at the same time? Can you give more details? BDSM?

Wait. What? erplexed

 

[yardyspice]

Wait. What? erplexed

Yeah, what?

 

[MsDee14]

...

Do I teach or do I let it go......

You can't teach someone who doesn't want to learn.

As others have stated..let it go and do it in the nicest possible way you can because he sounds a little erplexed

 

[prettynatural]

You know what to do, just get the courage to do it. Dont waste your time on maybe, probably

 

[gabulldawg]

Ignorant. Abusive men come in all forms. To the one who posted this thread, he sounds like trouble. Get your mind right and run.

Ditto. It's not even about the sex. It's the mindset. Basically you won't be able to change his mind about this. You will either have to deal with it or let him go. Probably won't change.

 

[Princess4real]

...................................

 

[AHeadOfCoils]

Bruises? I don't understand. . . He is punching you, biting you, or squeezing you too hard? Not that it matters.

I still say that if you are hurting and in pain, you need to let him go.

 

[melissa-bee]

Break up with him in a public place.

 

[awhyley]

You can't teach someone who doesn't want to learn.

EXACTLY!!! It doesn't make sense wasting your time trying to change someone who isn't with the program.
He's not as perfect as you hoped. It's time to move on. (eta: Someone suggested a public breakup, which would probably be best).

 

[Tamster]

OP please tell somebody that you trust where you will be when you break up with him. Do it iin a public place, maybe have a friend go with you and wait a bit farther off? Or pick you up?

he makes me very uneasy, to be honest.

 

[allmundjoi]

Run! Red flag!!!!! His sex is a trailer for the movie! And it sounds rated R due to sexual content, strong language and depictions of mental anguish and torture. GET OUT! You can't fix this.

 

[Evolving78]

you need to exit left asap! let him go in a public place. be very firm with your words. don't lie and sugar coat.