Dating African Men...

[MissJ]

You seem obsessed.

No, you do.

 

[aleemah]

Most of the African men I have met seem to be HARD WORKING, intelligent and family oriented. Its ironic to me because they have a lot of stories to tell about Black american women. So I guess the boat float both ways..

 

[NaijaTroll]

No, you do.

Not really and IF I were, Im allowed to be.

 

[ThickHair]

No, you do.

Not really and IF I were, Im allowed to be.

Awwww come on ladies. Please please please play nice. This thread has been on track for the most part.

 

[itsallaboutattitude]

Bmack

I have met over the years met men from different african countries and Haiti as well who claimed France as their place of origin or even the Virgin Islands.

Well I am from the Virgin Islands, so when someone tells me they are French but the accent does not sound "right" to me. I wonder wth?!

I have verified with these specific individuals where their place of birth actually was (once they realized I was from the Caribbean or even the specific Virgin Island they were claiming). They explained that they did this because in their experience American women would discriminate if they knew they were from Nigeria, Haiti, etc...

Since I can't relate, i just can't have an opinion other than to say to them, if you feel the need to lie about this, what else you gonna lie about?

For me and my friends and their children, we from the VI. Don't matter if child was born in Grady, Northside, or Egleston Hospital right here in GA, you still claim "Home" first an foremost. Shoot, kids get sent "Home" Summer and Christmas, as often as possible.

So I can't relate to that right there. Sounds like they are running from their culture.

I have a question and I do not want to offend anyone because Oreo's can be found in AA's too. However, I am friends with the Nigeria man who got his PHD in Germany and lived there for some years. Everytime he makes a reference to his culture back home, it is "Oh, in Germany we do it like this or that," but never in Africa/ Nigeria WTF?

Additionally, his daughter who is very young (pre-teen) says that she is from Germany, but was born here in the US, after they moved from Germany. I just find this strange. I suppose I want to know if I am the only person who experienced this

 

[Guitarhero]

Scam....looking for victims. Any guy that has to lie to get a girlfriend, not trustworthy...any race or culture of man.

 

[EmeRaldPrinXess]

Some of these posts have me rolling and shaking my head at the same time. There's an art to handling naija men, a woman just has to know how to play her cards right. I love my naija men. Yes they can be annoying, overbearing, and a host of other unsavoury things but those things aren't unique to them. The naija men I know value family and take responsibility for their loved ones especially their kids- wedlock or not.

ETA: I was hanging out with a naija guy the other day. I said something like "excuse my attitude" can't remember exactly what I said. He laughed and said, "all Nigerian women have attitude." We laughed and moved on.

Now that I think about it, a typical Nigerian woman in the US is goal-oriented, professionally-inclined, and opinionated (though her personality may modify how she expresses her opinions, she still expresses them clearly). She may come across as aggressive because of these traits. When your parents send your behind to the US, you know you aren't coming here to play, there's too much to achieve. It's competition from day one.

Naija women don't typically take trash from anyone and our men know this. There are things a Nigerian man knows he will get away with in a relationship with a non-Nigerian that he would not dare try with a Nigerian woman. I'm sure it's the culture and the way we're raised. I would hypothesize that the Naija mentality in the US leans more toward type A, dominate-as-best-as-you-can. It makes sense for our men to be aggressive because our women aren't pushovers either. When you have women raised to be as aggressive as naija women are, you need men who can handle the pressure and hold their own.

Also, I think Naija men (especially those who have not lived in the US for a long time) are more aggressive in relationships or male-female interactions because back home, you're expected to be aggressive. Nobody needs a mumu or a mugu stalking her. Where I grew up, if a guy steps up to a naija girl with weak game he more than likely will get put in his place with the harshest of words. Sisters will tell him his family history and show him where to go sit. After she's done cutting him to pieces, if he can handle it and still be persistent, she'll more than likely date him That's the environment many of these men are coming from.



This is just my hypothesis and evaluation of course.

Sent from my E10i using Long Hair Care Forum App

I have a question and I do not want to offend anyone because Oreo's can be found in AA's too. However, I am friends with the Nigeria man who got his PHD in Germany and lived there for some years. Everytime he makes a reference to his culture back home, it is "Oh, in Germany we do it like this or that," but never in Africa/ Nigeria WTF?

Additionally, his daughter who is very young (pre-teen) says that she is from Germany, but was born here in the US, after they moved from Germany. I just find this strange. I suppose I want to know if I am the only person who experienced this

If they were born in Germany, and never been to Nigeria and their parents didnt instill their culture to them, then they aint gonna be saying their from Nigeria (or be calling Nigeria home) now are they.....

ex. my cousins born in Malta to 2 Nigerian parents, when asked where they are from used to say Malta, then they got wiser lol...... Now they say they're Nigerians & were born in Malta

 

[GeorginaSparks]

I think I'm beautiful and I am not light skin or have light eyes so....that's not what I meant. I think some of the most beautiful women in the world are dark, mid, light...don't matter. I was just stating they we're pretty. It didn't have to do with the fact that they are Nigerian.

That's why I said you all are ALWAYS reaching to start something with someone. ALWAYS!!! Thats why sooo many of the hair legends & veterans on this board are no longer here. Its almost a completely new set of active participates. Some of you feed on drama. You talk about me tearing down...what about you tearing me down. I apologized and i guess thats just not good enough. Maybe you just misunderstood. You'll want blood and you want a fight. I never have problems on this forum but I guess it's inevitable.

You could ask for clarification instead of hoping for oh she ignorant or oh she under a rock. Whatever, think what you want. No backtracking.


Sent from my iPhone using LHCF

Someone call the whambulance. Sorry I have no sympathy for you because you mentality is inexcusable.

I never reach on this forum to offend. I never attack anyone. I always look to educate and uplift or I dont say anything at all.

I started a thread a while back about the beauty of black women in the world and on this forum in Off Topic. I am a black women champion. I adore and glory in all different skin tones and features...So give me a break...Aint no black women bashing here...Black women are the most beautiful women in the world....like I said...reaching...

It didnt speak on the personality because I geniunely dont know. I have never had African female friends. *Shrugs*

Wow what a reach....Their wives dont have to be Americanized. Who said that? I just stated they arent very Americanize and they take pride in their culture (true to culture). I am Trini so I am all about country pride. My comment was I've noticed Nigerian men to marry Nigerian women and that my friends were always really sweet to me. I gave more detail then I should. Knowing how you'll operate I should have known better. Any honest/personal comment could be picked for an attack. SMH

And because I am a Christian doesnt mean I dont have an opinion. Being a Christian doesn't make me perfect. SMH. In fact, it means I recognize I fall short and I need help. You could pray for me.

I have traveled the world. Greece, Israel, Carribean, etc...they know I am 'American' and I talk like an 'American' and I dont get offended because they think of me in this sense. I guess I am not easily offended person. I dont attack when people see me they place me in a box. That's a natural, human thing to do. It doesnt make they 'slow', 'ignorant', 'under a rock'. Most geniunely dont know because they are not around it on a regular basis and TV tells them about the world as the media sees fit. I can be a black B and give them attitutde and solidify their misconceptions...but I prefer to educate, enlighten, smile and help boarden their horizans.

This is just like when a white person says they're not racist because they have black friends. Traveling all over the world doesnt make one more sensible. I think I've made my point to you.

RossBoss, Preach!

And that goes for the little unfortunate sidebar that took place with prettyfaceANB. Not saying she was trynna start stuff because she doesn't come off like that, but you see how, soon as you fix your mouth to say something about an African woman, it's on and poppin. Meanwhile... you know the rest...


ok, enough derailing for me, back to African men. It was an interesting read.

Yeah she had to take the jab at African women and I had to say something.

I have a question and I do not want to offend anyone because Oreo's can be found in AA's too. However, I am friends with the Nigeria man who got his PHD in Germany and lived there for some years. Everytime he makes a reference to his culture back home, it is "Oh, in Germany we do it like this or that," but never in Africa/ Nigeria WTF?

Additionally, his daughter who is very young (pre-teen) says that she is from Germany, but was born here in the US, after they moved from Germany. I just find this strange. I suppose I want to know if I am the only person who experienced this

I wouldnt consider him an oreo. He hasnt been back home in a while so he can claim whatever country he wants to.

Oh but he was! You just don't understand his princley ways. Infact he was a KANG!

STOP. You're KILLING me.

 

[BeautifulFlower]

Someone call the whambulance. Sorry I have no sympathy for you because you mentality is inexcusable.


This is just like when a white person says they're not racist because they have black friends. Traveling all over the world doesnt make one more sensible. I think I've made my point to you.

Ok, who cares... not looking for your approval.

 

[GeorginaSparks]

Ok, who cares... not looking for your approval.

Im not giving you any approval. Not worth it. Go play with some non-African ppl.

 

[MissJ]

OMGoodness. These 2 sound like real winners The Afrincan Man #1 was a first rate a-hole.

How African Man #2 fixed his mouth to say those things to you. He definitely had no class. It's obvious he wasn't a Prince.

No, he wasn't a prince. As for the type of language he used, I don't think he knew any better. Imagine coming to America, running into hoodrats who proposition you to have the experience of sleeping with an African, hearing music where all the women are called Bs and Hs with the rappers saying they want to F them. Those are the things he learned when he moved here a few years ago. He also learned enough about the black women he was around to tell me that "black women don't give a sh!t [who they sleep with]. I don't know the last time I wore less than two c*ndoms!" My reaction:

I guess it should have been a tip off the first time I spoke to him over the phone. He asked me who my ex-boyfriend was. I said he was my boyfriend but now he's just my friend. Then he asked me if my ex was my "friend with benefits." I like to give people the benefit of the doubt, so I just thought he didn't know what that meant. Sure enough, he did! Do I look like I would even entertain the idea of being anybody's friend with benefits? I don't think so! I don't think he knew that this was inappropriate language to use with anybody, not just me. But hey, he had girlfriends and random black women willing to sleep with him, so maybe they found it charming.

 

[Zuleika]

Scam....looking for victims. Any guy that has to lie to get a girlfriend, not trustworthy...any race or culture of man.

Who gon scam me boo?

 

[Bmack]

Was he born In Nigeria? Has he even be to Nigeria?

YES!!!!!!! That is why I am likeerplexed whenever he talks about Germany!!!

 

[GraceV]

YES!!!!!!! That is why I am likeerplexed whenever he talks about Germany!!!

With all the bad press Nigerians get, I can see why someone would choose a different nationality if he/she has dual citizenship.

There are over 150 million Nigerians, one less isn't hurting our numbers *Kanyeshrug*

 

[Bmack]

Thanks for the response. He has no reason to lie to me as we are just friends, but I always wondered why he goes hard body claiming Germany, when he was born and raised in Nigeria!

His siblings and mother still reside in Nigeria too. I am just like especially for his daughter who was not born there, but here. The funny thing is he is extra excited and brags to me about his daughter havin white girls as friends. I know it sounds crazy, but its real.

He will say, "oh daughter is spending the night with her friends, you know she hangs out with those little white girls..." and in such a happy way too

I thought it was something I was missing.

Bmack

I have met over the years met men from different african countries and Haiti as well who claimed France as their place of origin or even the Virgin Islands.

Well I am from the Virgin Islands, so when someone tells me they are French but the accent does not sound "right" to me. I wonder wth?!

I have verified with these specific individuals where their place of birth actually was (once they realized I was from the Caribbean or even the specific Virgin Island they were claiming). They explained that they did this because in their experience American women would discriminate if they knew they were from Nigeria, Haiti, etc...

Since I can't relate, i just can't have an opinion other than to say to them, if you feel the need to lie about this, what else you gonna lie about?

For me and my friends and their children, we from the VI. Don't matter if child was born in Grady, Northside, or Egleston Hospital right here in GA, you still claim "Home" first an foremost. Shoot, kids get sent "Home" Summer and Christmas, as often as possible.

So I can't relate to that right there. Sounds like they are running from their culture.

 

[Bmack]

With all the bad press Nigerians get, I can see why someone would choose a different nationality if he/she has dual citizenship.

There are over 150 million Nigerians, one less isn't hurting our numbers *Kanyeshrug*

Okay, but be proud is all I am saying- I am not sure if he even had a citizenship there as he just got his PHD there, but I can't be sure so I won't debate it....

He goes back to Nigeria to visit family-so I am still likeerplexed again since his daughter was not born there, but here and she even claims Germany.

 

[Bmack]

I wouldnt consider him an oreo. He hasnt been back home in a while so he can claim whatever country he wants to.QUOTE]

He actually just went back about a year ago to visit. So...


U know I just want to say that I already think he is a damn uncle Tom due to other comments he has made, but I was more bothered with this particular one as he does it frequently. His DD being born in the US makes me when she claims Germany too. That needs to be corrected. I could care less where you lived, be proud of who the hell you are.

All that extra excuse

 

[GeorginaSparks]

I wouldnt consider him an oreo. He hasnt been back home in a while so he can claim whatever country he wants to.QUOTE]

He actually just went back about a year ago to visit. So...


U know I just want to say that I already think he is a damn uncle Tom due to other comments he has made, but I was more bothered with this particular one as he does it frequently. His DD being born in the US makes me when she claims Germany too. That needs to be corrected. I could care less where you lived, be proud of who the hell you are.

All that extra excuse

Yeah that's kinda odd. And he even goes home to visit?

 

[jerseygurl]

Bmack I think he's a loser. He's the kind of man I would run far from. Rejecting your heritage like that is deep

 

[Honey Bee]

Yeah she had to take the jab at African women and I had to say something.

shockolate, Girl, bye. I thanked whoever initially called her on it, so calm yourself.

 

[Bmack]

Bmack I think he's a loser. He's the kind of man I would run far from. Rejecting your heritage like that is deep

I totally agree. He is only a friend, but I feel really disappointed in the things he says. I told him he was an uncle Tom and he just laughed so

 

[lalla]

I can see where he's coming from. I grew up in various African countries ( at least 4 years in 3 different countries) and I've been living in France for 7 years.

Even though I speak the languages of my parents' country and I know the culture, I've never felt at home there. I spent my teenage years abroad and I've always been made to feel like an outsider, mostly because I wasn't submissive and focused a lot on my education. I am not a conformist nor a very diplomatic person and people react quite negatively to that. The other African country is closer to home but difficult to claim as I don't speak the local language so well. The third one is where I've met very close friends. I would call it my country if the people there were not so nationalistic. I can comment on anything happening there without people reminding that I'm a foreigner and need to minf my own busiess.
This makes it quite difficult to explain to anyone where I'm from.

Then there's France. I've met most of my friends here. I love living here and I feel like I can be free and happy here. There are quite a few elements of my culture that come from France.It is the country I feel closer to. It's simpler to say I'm from Paris of from France (I also am a French national) than go into the details of my whole life.

JME

Thanks for the response. He has no reason to lie to me as we are just friends, but I always wondered why he goes hard body claiming Germany, when he was born and raised in Nigeria!

His siblings and mother still reside in Nigeria too. I am just like especially for his daughter who was not born there, but here. The funny thing is he is extra excited and brags to me about his daughter havin white girls as friends. I know it sounds crazy, but its real.

He will say, "oh daughter is spending the night with her friends, you know she hangs out with those little white girls..." and in such a happy way too

I thought it was something I was missing.

 

[LovelyNaps26]

Off topic: I thought most African (well, West African) women wore either weaves, wigs or had relaxed hair. I remember reading that the whole "natural hair phenomenon" wasn't really pervasive in Africa the way it is in the U.S in recent years. i didn't know natural hair was typical. Can someone from west Africa (Nigeria, Ghana) confirm or deny this based on your experience?

As to the OP: I have nothing to add, as I don't have any personal experience.

 

[loolalooh]

Deny natural hair being typical.

Off topic: I thought most African (well, West African) women wore either weaves, wigs or had relaxed hair. I remember reading that the whole "natural hair phenomenon" wasn't really pervasive in Africa the way it is in the U.S in recent years. i didn't know natural hair was typical. Can someone from west Africa (Nigeria, Ghana) confirm or deny this based on your experience?

As to the OP: I have nothing to add, as I don't have any personal experience.

 

[january noir]

There was one African man that I was attracted to quite a few years ago. His first name escapes right this second (I'll remember it later I'm sure), but his middle name was Kwaku (sp?).

He was tall, smart, handsome, built, educated and a real good talker. SWOON. He could of had it! :eyebrows2 We worked on a company-wide diversity program and every day spent with him made me fall harder and harder day by day. He was awesome. He belonged to someone else though, but as a consolation, I named my dog after him. He never knew that though.

Yoo hoo, if you're out there and you're not attached, CALL ME! :eyebrows2 Seriously.

 

[PraisedBeauty]

It saddens me that so many women have a negative view of African men. All of the African men in my life are caring, loyal, and endearing. They look after their women and their children. I have nothing but good things to say of African men. Possibly men American women have a negative perspective because some African men look at them as "easy" which is not true. But in their minds they may see it that way, and take advantage of them and walk over them. It's just a cultural difference. Some of the things done in America are not accepted back home... So some African men do things they can't get away with when dealing with the women back home. But that is not the majority of them. I love African men and I will never bash them.

 

[MissSenegal]

Off topic: I thought most African (well, West African) women wore either weaves, wigs or had relaxed hair. I remember reading that the whole "natural hair phenomenon" wasn't really pervasive in Africa the way it is in the U.S in recent years. i didn't know natural hair was typical. Can someone from west Africa (Nigeria, Ghana) confirm or deny this based on your experience?

As to the OP: I have nothing to add, as I don't have any personal experience.

All of the African women I knew growing up were natural but usually wore braids. My mother is anti relaxers. I didn't get my first relaxer until 21. I notice more of my relatives are relaxed now than they were in the 90's-2001.

 

[wednesday]

Off topic: I thought most African (well, West African) women wore either weaves, wigs or had relaxed hair. I remember reading that the whole "natural hair phenomenon" wasn't really pervasive in Africa the way it is in the U.S in recent years. i didn't know natural hair was typical. Can someone from west Africa (Nigeria, Ghana) confirm or deny this based on your experience?

As to the OP: I have nothing to add, as I don't have any personal experience.

Most African women i know (mom, sister, aunts,cousins,friends) have natural hair. In my experience i don't think the desire for relaxed or straight hair is so deeply ingrained in our culture that we would have a natural hair "phenomenon" or "movement".
I'm wondering what would lead you to believe that most "West African" women wear weaves, wigs and relaxed hair as opposed to east/central/southern Africans? Is this from your personal experience?

 

[nappystorm]

Off topic: I thought most African (well, West African) women wore either weaves, wigs or had relaxed hair. I remember reading that the whole "natural hair phenomenon" wasn't really pervasive in Africa the way it is in the U.S in recent years. i didn't know natural hair was typical. Can someone from west Africa (Nigeria, Ghana) confirm or deny this based on your experience?

As to the OP: I have nothing to add, as I don't have any personal experience.

I agree. The first time I got my hair braided at an African shop, that heff@ nearly pulled my hair out. Now I blow it out before I get it braided. Most the ones *I know* are weaved and relaxed. Of course, I can't speak for all or the majority

 

[loolalooh]

Well, there we have it. This is one of many reasons why using the word "typical" along with Africans causes confusion.

One thing we have to understand is that Africa consists of over 50 distinct countries. Nigeria, alone, (I can't speak for the other countries) consists of over 200 languages and dialects. It has numerous states and tribes. That being said, while it may be appropriate (or is it?) in the US to generalize that "most African American women are relaxed and wear weaves", it is not as black and white in Africa (a continent) ... unless each individual fills out a survey.

I (personally) can't even claim that "typical West African" women wear their hair a certain way though I'm Nigerian (one of a few countries in that region). My experience includes includes: seeing natural hair out in the village, seeing weaves, braids, or relaxers in the city, seeing mostly weaves in Nollywood films, and seeing Nigerians in the US rock either natural, wigs, or relaxed. And I'm only speaking of one individual experience viewed from one fragment of Nigeria - again, a country that consists of numerous languages and tribes.

I think the best thing to understand is that Africans, even West Africans, can vary. That includes both African women and African men.