POLL: Why do YOU think Black Women Relax Their Hair??

[CurlsBazillion]

@CurlsBazillion
Who's "blasting" anyone??

Idk where some of you are getting the impression that I'm blasting people with a simple question/poll??

Again like I stated in the outset, it was NOT my intention to offend anyone. It wasn't supposed to be anything negative.

And btw....I use "quotation marks" to denote the fact that this comment is not of MY own origin, but of what I have heard OTHERS say. So the poll choices that have quotation marks on them are not intended to be "negative". If you see it that way, then I'm sorry. *shrugs*

Is there a reason why so many of you seem to be so touchy with this subject? I mean, if you're happy relaxing, keep on relaxing! It's not a big deal imo. I was relaxed for 20+ years, so I think I know a little something about relaxed hair.

Crystalicequeen123 You know what....I'm sorry if I took all general Natural Nazi ideals that bother me out on you. Maybe you really didn't mean to be so down on relaxed women, maybe you don't think most of them hate their natural hair and that's why they relax. I love my curls and being natural is a beautiful thing but not more beautiful than texlaxed/relaxed hair. And that is not saying you think so but that in general this "natural is better" thing just bothers me. Since you were relaxed for so long and know about relaxed hair, then tell me how it would make you feel to have another black woman suggest you hate yourself or just don't know what to do with your natural hair or that you're conditioned to want to achieve the european standard of beauty? It's not cool to suggest that to anyone and if you were not natural you probably wouldn't like it. Just the fact that you left out the most simple and normal choices out of the poll set the wrong tone for this thread.

 

[LexiDior]

Ive tried to be natural but my hair came out and i couldnt mange it so its better if im relaxed. I dont like the 'underlying self hate' option because it has nothing to do with that. If you dont like your heritage then you have more problems than just your hair.

 

[CurlsBazillion]

Ive tried to be natural but my hair came out and i couldnt mange it so its better if im relaxed. I dont like the 'underlying self hate' option because it has nothing to do with that. If you dont like your heritage then you have more problems than just your hair.

Thank you LexiDior This really should be the answer to all the questions in this thread

 

[PeaceFlow]

The LHCF bubble is so comforting lol.

Generally when I hear 4 a/b/z BW talking about relaxing and straightening IRL they will tell me EXACTLY what they think about tight black hair aesthetically. Both through speech and screwed up facial expression lol. Manageability is a common element, but it tends to be mixed with other things from the list.

I'm not saying its every BF relaxer, but a high proportion don't think afro hair is desirable IME (the non 3b variety anyhoo).

Not sure about the self hate thing. Its possible to dislike something about yourself that doesn't conform to the ideal, or cannot be styled easily the way you want without it hating your racial background. Women want things about themselves to be different all the time, especially when younger.

The difference with LHCF is some women have thought natural was pretty, tried it, but couldn't hack it. This is pretty different from many women I meet that don't have positive feelings towards 4 type hair at all, don't want to be seen with it and don't try it. I'm sure there are posters who feel this way, but they will not post LOL.

 

[MrsJaiDiva]

The LHCF bubble is so comforting lol.

Generally when I hear 4 a/b/z BW talking about relaxing and straightening IRL they will tell me EXACTLY what they think about tight black hair aesthetically. Both through speech and screwed up facial expression lol. Manageability is a common element, but it tends to be mixed with other things from the list.

I'm not saying its every BF relaxer, but a high proportion don't think afro hair is desirable IME (the non 3b variety anyhoo).

Not sure about the self hate thing. Its possible to dislike something about yourself that doesn't conform to the ideal, or cannot be styled easily the way you want without it hating your racial background. Women want things about themselves to be different all the time, especially when younger.

The difference with LHCF is some women have thought natural was pretty, tried it, but couldn't hack it. This is pretty different from many women I meet that don't have positive feelings towards 4 type hair at all, don't want to be seen with it and don't try it. I'm sure there are posters who feel this way, but they will not post LOL.

Yea, this has been my experience too. Of all my friends, I have one who is a natural Type 4 and totally embraces it (although even she was a bit disappointed to be a 4 at first...you could see it in her face). All of my other friends are relaxed, and have No plans to be natural anytime soon....and it's mostly because they all assume they're type 4's. All I hear is "I'd go natural if my hair were like yours!"...to which I can only say "How do you know, unless you grow it out and see?". And not a single one is going for that.

I love type 4 hair...it's always so THICK!! :lovedrool:

 

[divachyk]

Wow....I didn't realize relaxed hair was such a debate on here. Actually I thought the "natural" hair debate was more so involved than relaxed hair. I thought relaxed hair was the "default"!!

Honestly though, even relaxed ladies HAVE asked me why I went natural, so it does happen. I don't get offended, I just answer them honestly. Plain and simple. Questions don't bother me as long as they are coming from a place of general interest and wanting to learn. You can ask the craziest question and I won't flinch.

I think some need to keep in mind that not ALL questions are intended to offend/be snarky/or stir up contention. SOMETIMES people ask questions simply because they just want to know your opinions/thoughts on a particular topic. It opens things up and makes things interesting imo.

If we never went through life asking questions, how boring would that be??

*shrugs* Idk...I guess I never expected this thread/question to turn out like this. I usually spend most of my time on the ET board, so I haven't been on this board like I used to.

Perhaps I should just remain on the ET board from now on.....





Honestly I had no idea this was going to spark up such a debate.

It wasn't a question asked to judge or put down others. I really just wanted to know people's HONEST opinion on why they feel black women in GENERAL tend to relax their hair. You can add your own personal reasons of course, but I was just asking an innocent question.

The movie and the discussion w/my mom sparked up the question in my mind.

If people are giving their honest reasons/answers, then I'm cool with that! Even if someone were to say: "I hate my kinky hair", I'm like okay....that's cool! I just wanted HONEST responses. No judging, no "hating", just honest topic for discussion.

But....it seems like this has turned into something else...erplexed


[/B]

Well first of all, I really don't think we can honestly put women of other races and African American women and the historical reasons behind OUR hair practices together in the same boat. I'm sorry.....that's just not imo possible. That's like saying that a white woman and a black woman have had the same experiences in the US just because they are simply WOMEN. Nuhhh uh....

However, I WILL say that even WHITE women do conform and straighten and blow out their wavy or curly hair every morning, and if you ask them why, they say they do it to get it straight. So even WHITE women (yes...even THEM!) have the pressure to "conform" and get their hair as straight and "sleek" as possible.

So if it affects them, why do you think it wouldn't affect US??

I know some people say they relax/go natural because they "WANT TO", but even the reason for WANTING to has a reason.

If you don't want to state it, then that's perfectly fine!

I was just trying to open up a topic for discussion. Nothing more....nothing less.

Crystalicequeen123, I am not offended either. I was simply stating not sure why this is so debated which I honestly don't. These topics take a negative turn quickly for some reason which is why I rarely engage in these threads. My guess is both natural and relaxed feel strongly about their decision and don't want to be questioned or made to feel their decision is not the right one.

Also, I said I don't see many relaxed ladies asking. I didn't say no relaxed ladies ever asked. Just clearing that up as I am sure the question gets asked. I was just saying I don't see it happening as much from relaxed heads although I could be wrong. I am not natural thus a relaxed head will not present the natural question to me.

Maybe not on the hair forums, but in real life people definitely ask that all the time..

Oh ok cool, thanks for sharing beingofserenity.

 

[Natty_Virgo]

I am so ashamed to admit that I never even thought about going natural before finding this board. Getting perms was just routine and I was one of the ones that thought if I didn't relax for 6 months all my hair was natural lmao. Found this board, saw how dope natural hair was and the rest is history.

 

[sunnieb]

I am so ashamed to admit that I never even thought about going natural before finding this board. Getting perms was just routine and I was one of the ones that thought if I didn't relax for 6 months all my hair was natural lmao. Found this board, saw how dope natural hair was and the rest is history.

See, this right here is the beauty of websites such as this!

Before LHCF, I would never have dreamed of going more than 4-5 weeks without a relaxer. I had a standing appointment at the salon. It was just a part of life.

I found what I was looking for when I joined. I wanted to achieve healthy, thick, long relaxed hair others discovered they wanted to go natural.

It's all good.

 

[MaylaMae]

@lovebug10 - I'm right there with ya girl.

I stated the bolded because that seems to be the "underlying" reason for relaxing that we get accused of.

Yes, just because that was the original reason, doesn't mean it's still true for us today.

Obviously we all can point to a black woman we know who won't be seen in pubic with so much as a kink.

Choices is what it's all about. Some just refuse to believe that we relax simply because we want to. No underlying issues going on here.

I don't think that the OP meant for the thread to be personal and I don't think anyone who responded was targeting a particular person here. Everyone is giving their own opinion on why they believe black women in general relax their hair. No one person can speak for all relaxed or natural women, it is all speculation.


Although there may be some black women who relax because they hate themselves, I don't think that is the reason for most. I do think there is an underlying reason why straightening our hair has become a part of our culture. I believe that black people ( I don't know why we only talk about women) have insecurities about our blackness in general, including our hair (e.g. relegating things with a predominant black affiliation as ghetto, saying that someone is "pretty to be dark skinned", good hair = mixed/light skinned, etc).

If a good portion of our community didn't have disdain for kinky hair Martin's "demeaning" jokes on Pam's beady beads, buckshots, and naps wouldn't have landed so well with most of us. He used those jokes on almost every episode and it never got old.

Still, this is only one person's opinion and should be taken as such.

@Crystalicequeen123 You know what....I'm sorry if I took all general Natural Nazi ideals that bother me out on you. Maybe you really didn't mean to be so down on relaxed women, maybe you don't think most of them hate their natural hair and that's why they relax. I love my curls and being natural is a beautiful thing but not more beautiful than texlaxed/relaxed hair. And that is not saying you think so but that in general this "natural is better" thing just bothers me. Since you were relaxed for so long and know about relaxed hair, then tell me how it would make you feel to have another black woman suggest you hate yourself or just don't know what to do with your natural hair or that you're conditioned to want to achieve the european standard of beauty? It's not cool to suggest that to anyone and if you were not natural you probably wouldn't like it. Just the fact that you left out the most simple and normal choices out of the poll set the wrong tone for this thread.

If I didn't hate myself, I wouldn't give a f*** and if I did hate myself, I still wouldn't give a f***. You can't let anyone's perception of you bring you down.

I am so ashamed to admit that I never even thought about going natural before finding this board. Getting perms was just routine and I was one of the ones that thought if I didn't relax for 6 months all my hair was natural lmao. Found this board, saw how dope natural hair was and the rest is history.

Me too! I was always fascinated with my new growth, but it never dawned on me that I could wear just my "new growth". It sounds so silly.

 

[MyInvisibleChyrsalis]

When I relaxed, I did it because I preferred the straight look on me, and I had no idea that natural hair was something that I could deal with. I still love sleek straightened styles on me which is why I wear wigs. It's just easier for me to have long hair natural than it was when I was relaxed. Plus I love color and bleach + relaxer =

 

[CurlsBazillion]

If I didn't hate myself, I wouldn't give a f*** and if I did hate myself, I still wouldn't give a f***. You can't let anyone's perception of you bring you down.

MaylaMae I would never let anyone, especially not IRL bring me down. I do take offense, get annoyed, and humored by others perception of me and topics like this in general.

 

[Meritamen]

I think it's a bit of all the above.

 

[mochalocks]

I relax my hair because I want to, and because I missed straight hair. I was natural before, but I wanted a change...but a las putting a perm in my hair was the choice.

I guess I loved myself more because I was natural?, but I must hate now myself because I now relax my hair??

 

[Poohbear]

I voted: "Just a force of habit...it's just ingrained in black culture"

When my mother was relaxing my hair, I thought it was something all black women did to their hair. I didn't see natural hair as an option. I thought as long as I didn't have weave or a wig, I had natural hair when it was relaxed. I knew nothing about the whole "trying to be white" or "appeal to the European standard of beauty" until I discovered online hair forums.

 

[all_1_length]

I would say it's part management and part people being taught that there is something unacceptable about their natural hair and that it needs to be "managed" in order to be presentable. In my case my mother had disdain for the look of our natural hair and always kept it straightened. She did not however hate our. In those days we didn't have the knowledge of what black hair needs to thrive. I was told to grease or oil my scalp whenever it was dry. Thank goodness there is more awareness of how to care for our natural hair or else some people would still be on the loop de loop of relaxer, straighteners, blowouts, weaves, wigs etc. until they found something that they can live with. I know I would be straightening the heck out of my hair, causing it to thin out and I could guarantee you that I would have the bushiest broken ends from blowing out my hair with a blow dryer pik. Being on a hair journey taught me how to really care for my hair by listening to it and accepting what my hair can and cannot do/handle.

 

[Cherokee-n-Black]

I think straight hair on black women confuses white people. I actually think they are more comfortable with our hair natural.

 

[Honey Bee]

Crystalicequeen123, Looking at your join date, I really find it hard to believe you had no idea how this would turn out.

Anyway, to answer the op, I relax because I want to. I'm disabled and dealing with that takes a lot of my time. There are times when I don't even think about detangling or m&s'ing.... for days. I think that would cause a problem if I were natural.

But even if I weren't too busy to deal with natural hair, I'd still probably be relaxed because I don't follow trends. I'm obstinate and contrary. In the 90's when everybody was weaved up and doobied down, I was natural. I dress how I want, I do my hair how I want, when people told me I 'read too much', I kept right on reading, etc. I do me and encourage others to do likewise.

 

[QueenAmaka]

I relax because I want to and because there is no magic pill that would allow me to have natural hair without transitioning or doing the big chop.

 

[naturalTAN]

I hate when I see y'all acting brand new. Everybody knows why MOST black women relax their hair. They have been taught that nappy hair is unsightly and needs to be tamed. If you feel like you're a unicorn and do it for some special reason, then so be it. Swing your hair and keep it moving. Please don't reply to me, because I'll just laugh and hold on to my opinion.

I personally don't care what the next chick does with her hair, but when the MAJORITY of black women are doing something and it's negatively affecting all of my little cousins who hate their hair, then that's when I begin to care. People need to stop acting like it's not an issue or a sign of cultural shame when it clearly is. How come we can say Asians who have surgery to change their eye shape to look less Asian and Indians who bleach their skin is sad, yet ignore the fact that most of the black women that we know relax their hair? Hypocritical, much?

Our hair and skin are things that are distinctive to US. Everytime a bleaching thread comes up, we always shake our heads and wonder why so-and-so couldn't just be happy with the skin that they were in. How come there isn't such outrage at relaxers? Why can't Beyonce just be happy with her naps like Solange? Whether you acknowledge it or not, there IS a problem when 2/3 of all American black women have received a relaxer at some point in their lives. When something is that widespread, you have to go beyond the "because I want tos" and "it's not that deeps" because it is.

And no, I'm not a nazi. I'm sitting here drooling over the relaxed hair in this thread as I type. I can appreciate it, while also acknowleging that it is an issue in our community. And before someone asks again, yes, I wear make-up occasionally and wear wigs and extensions that are the same texture as my hair. I do not color and I have a few wonder bras. What does that have to do with the price of tea in China? Nothing. Questions like these come from insecure people who like distract from the real issue at hand.

Simply put, I want the next generation to know that there's nothing wrong with their hair and that's why I care what other women do to their hair not because I really care.

 

[Lilmama1011]

Because they don't know how to take care of their natural hair or was taught when you get older you suppose to relax your hair

 

[Rufigirl]

I voted reasons have evolved because I have learnt that why I relaxed the first time and why I would relax now is totally different.
First permed my hair in 1983 because it was new and we were allowed to do it only on school holidays, and wanted to be Michael Jackson, TV then was a mystery to most of us very few people had it and the photos I had seen of black women were of natural hair. first relaxed in 1989 when hair in schools was no longer regulated also because it was new and I saw some black American with relaxed hair on TV, went back to my natural hair since it was the easiest thing but then the products we grew up with disappeared from the shelves and the up keep became difficult.
But my daughter who grows up in the Hollywood force fed lifestyle thinks to be beautiful she has to relax her hair and her role model is her teacher who happens to be white ( you see when growing up I had other ideas about white people – role model was far from it), she knows that her hair is beautiful but it would be nice if it was straight and blonde she is 7.
I grew up in the old south Africa TV was introduced to the black community in the late 70 but most people were able to afford it toward the late 80s

 

[Guinan]

Crystalicequeen123, that's a good question. I will admit I have contemplated on going back to natural as I see more women around me with natural hair and since researching my hair type and finding the right products I think I would have a better experience with my natural hair. When I BC, I was 17 (I'm 29 now) and there weren't alot of naturals at the time and I had no idea how to care for my hair. Now I feel more confident with my hair and can manage it better. I think back 10yrs ago when I was natural and all the mistakes I would make. The thing I miss most about being natural is the freedom and how fast my hair would grow and the strength of my hair. But what I didn't like about it was the matting and the knots. I do think one day I will go back to natural but for right now, I'm loving texlaxing. With texlaxing I feel like I have the best of both worlds, without having to put alot of time into my hair. However, w/ texlaxing my hair is def more fragile.

I think this is a GREAT topic...btw

 

[outspokenwallflower]

Personally, for me at least, it's about managability. I know what I'm capable of, and I don't have the patience to devote the time and effort it takes to care for natural hair. Heck, I sometimes get frustrated with my relaxed hair. I also like the straight look on myself (if I were natural, I'd be using heat on my hair on a regular basis anyway). My sister has very soft, natural hair; her wave pattern has always been looser and more well behaved than mine; she went natural a few years ago, and it has been hard work and ups and downs for her, but she's willing to do that per her preference. While her hair used to look thin and lifeless when relaxed, my hair has never had that problem. Natural hair now gives her the look she desires whereas being relaxed has always just worked for me.

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

Wow....I think some on this board are seriously projecting their own feelings of frustration/insecurity/confusion on to me and others on this board.

I think it's sad that this thread has turned into some kind of hair "war" when it was NOT intended to be that at all.

Crystalicequeen123 You know what....I'm sorry if I took all general Natural Nazi ideals that bother me out on you. Maybe you really didn't mean to be so down on relaxed women, maybe you don't think most of them hate their natural hair and that's why they relax. .

CurlsBazillion
I accept your apology. I don't know where you (or others) have gotten this idea that everyone who is natural is a "Natural Nazi". I sure am not. I don't think my OP was being "down" on relaxed women....I don't know where anyone got that impression from. I was simply stating a conversation that I had w/my mom while watching "Good Hair". That's IT!

Idk where some of you all got the impression that I somehow look down on women w/relaxed hair, but that is simply not the case at all. It's a shame that even on a hair board where all of us have the same goals (HEALTHY hair) some women here still feel like others are out to "Get them". Smh....

Even when I was relaxed, I didn't "hate myself" no....I just relaxed because I thought it looked better than natural hair, and I thought that it was easier to manage. It was really just a force of habit honestly. Going natural didn't even seem like an option to me...relaxing was just done...no questions asked! But make no mistake, I DID know that instinctively the MAIN underlying reason why black women relaxed is because society has taught us unfortunately that our natural hair is not anything to be desired. Even when I was RELAXED for 20+ years I knew this fact. And I gladly admitted that when relaxed AND when natural.

So....why are some of you all acting so brand new??

See, this right here is the beauty of websites such as this!

Before LHCF, I would never have dreamed of going more than 4-5 weeks without a relaxer. I had a standing appointment at the salon. It was just a part of life.

I found what I was looking for when I joined. I wanted to achieve healthy, thick, long relaxed hair others discovered they wanted to go natural.

It's all good.

Isn't that the truth!

I am definitely grateful for this site, because I have learned to take care of my hair and to try new things that I NEVER would have thought possible had I never joined LHCF.

I am so ashamed to admit that I never even thought about going natural before finding this board. Getting perms was just routine and I was one of the ones that thought if I didn't relax for 6 months all my hair was natural lmao. Found this board, saw how dope natural hair was and the rest is history.

Yep! Same here!

I never saw natural hair as even an option for me before joining this site.

I told myself, I would give myself 2 years being natural, and if I liked it, I would stay natural. If I didn't like it, then hey...I could always go back to getting a relaxer! No biggie to me! At least now I know that I have OPTIONS.

Crystalicequeen123, Looking at your join date, I really find it hard to believe you had no idea how this would turn out.

Actually, to be honest Honey Bee,I really did NOT know that this thread was going to turn out the way that it did.

And to be truthful, this board has SERIOUSLY changed since I first joined in 2004. Over the past few years it has taken a steady decline and has become much more argumentative, contentious, and overly pretentious than it was in years past. When I first joined 8 years ago, this board used to be so FRIENDLY and supportive (especially the Hair Board ). Everyone was so nice and supportive of EVERYONE...no matter what your hair goals. Even the ET forum wasn't that bad. NOW days however......

But anyway....I digress......erplexed That's a topic for a whole different discussion altogether.

So, in answer to your question, NO I honestly did NOT know this thread was going to turn out this way. You can even take a look at my posting history and see that I barely frequent the Hair Forum much these days. I'm usually on the ET forum anyway lol. In the past that was different. When I first joined I was on here 24/7. But now that I have my general routine down, and I have a general idea which products usually work for me and which ones don't, I don't frequent this side of the board much.

This experience certainly hasn't encouraged me to frequent it much anymore either.

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

This is not directed towards anyone in particular, just my two cents. BTW, I think people who start these types of threads are attention getters, nothing more or less.

Sent from my iPhone using LHCF

No "attention getter" here.


The presumptiousness here is really baffling. erplexed

I hate when I see y'all acting brand new. Everybody knows why MOST black women relax their hair. They have been taught that nappy hair is unsightly and needs to be tamed. If you feel like you're a unicorn and do it for some special reason, then so be it. Swing your hair and keep it moving. Please don't reply to me, because I'll just laugh and hold on to my opinion.

I personally don't care what the next chick does with her hair, but when the MAJORITY of black women are doing something and it's negatively affecting all of my little cousins who hate their hair, then that's when I begin to care. People need to stop acting like it's not an issue or a sign of cultural shame when it clearly is. How come we can say Asians who have surgery to change their eye shape to look less Asian and Indians who bleach their skin is sad, yet ignore the fact that most of the black women that we know relax their hair? Hypocritical, much?

Our hair and skin are things that are distinctive to US. Everytime a bleaching thread comes up, we always shake our heads and wonder why so-and-so couldn't just be happy with the skin that they were in. How come there isn't such outrage at relaxers? Why can't Beyonce just be happy with her naps like Solange? Whether you acknowledge it or not, there IS a problem when 2/3 of all American black women have received a relaxer at some point in their lives. When something is that widespread, you have to go beyond the "because I want tos" and "it's not that deeps" because it is.

And no, I'm not a nazi. I'm sitting here drooling over the relaxed hair in this thread as I type. I can appreciate it, while also acknowleging that it is an issue in our community. And before someone asks again, yes, I wear make-up occasionally and wear wigs and extensions that are the same texture as my hair. I do not color and I have a few wonder bras. What does that have to do with the price of tea in China? Nothing. Questions like these come from insecure people who like distract from the real issue at hand.

Simply put, I want the next generation to know that there's nothing wrong with their hair and that's why I care what other women do to their hair not because I really care.

naturalTAN

Because "thanks" is not enough!!! I couldn't have said it better myself.

People are acting like society/habits/cultural "norms" have not affected their choices in life. Ummmm...yes it has. It affects us in EVERYTHING we do!

Even when I was relaxed I recognized the reasons WHY I was doing it. It wasn't "just because". Just like I don't think people go natural "just because". NO! People do things for a REASON, whether you like to believe so or not.

Now, if you're ashamed of that reason then of course you're going to try to sugar coat it and try to make it seem like it's just a "preference". Sure....okay.

I like the color purple! (Not the movie lol...the actual color ) And even something as simple as my favorite color I can tell you WHY I like it. It's not "just because".

If someone has gone natural there was a reason why. If someone is relaxed, there is a reason why. Plain and simple. Idk why this concept is so hard to believe for some.

I'm tired of people associating relaxers with some kind of negativity and self hatred but then being natural as the next thing better than the coming of Jesus Christ.

lovebug10
Ha....that's funny, because I see far more negativity in society directed towards those who are natural. That has been going on for CENTURIES!

Anywhoo....I personally wasn't directing anything "negative" to people being relaxed. Like I said again, I have BEEN relaxed for over 20 years. If I felt "negatively" about relaxed hair, I wouldn't have been relaxed for as long as I was. That doesn't even make sense now does it?

I don't frequent this side of the board as much as some of you might, so maybe there IS some type of negativity associated w/relaxed hair that I personally don't know about here. But even if there IS.....society in general still adores straight hair, so I really don't think you have anything to worry about.

If you are natural and you believe that relaxed ladies are trying to assimilate or hate themselves then you better not be wearing weave. Why are you weaving it up? Isn't your natural hair good enough. You also shouldn't wear makeup. Because if you were so confident in your beauty then you wouldn't wear make up because thats showing that you aren't confident in your looks and that you don't look good in your natural state. And if you wear makeup and choose to "contour" your face to give yourself a slimmer nose and such... whats wrong? You don't like your African features coming out? Also you wouldn't wear colored contact lenses because whats wrong with the God given eye color that you were born with?

But here, you're associating not wearing makeup, not wearing colored contacts etc as something NEGATIVE. Do you also view natural hair as something negative?

Some women really DON'T wear much makeup (if at all)...they just don't feel comfortable with it, and many don't wear contacts (let alone color contacts).

Also for you ladies who don't let your hair out in its truly KINKY state. I'm talking about no heat, no diffusing, no shingling, no excessive curing custard and styling products You really must not love your self. I know some naturals who claim they love their natural hair yet they will only wear their 4ZZZ hair unless they can find a miracle product to make it look like 3a or unless they apply heat or something. And not because they are scared of SSKs and whatnot but because they dont like their hair out unless it looks like a silkier hair texture. Does that mean they only want "good hair" and they don't love what they got and they must hate all their african roots?

Just my 2 cents

I'm sorry but this doesn't make sense!

A woman with natural hair going out with NAKED hair (absolutely NO product whatsoever) doesn't even make sense....let alone is NOT healthy or conducive for OUR AA type textured hair. You are just ASKING for matts and tangles if you wash your hair and don't condition it, put moisturizer/product in it. Our hair loves and NEEDS moisture. Plain and simple. Leaving it product free ALL the time is just asking for a dry mess...and not only that, but it would cause our hair to break off and get brittle. It wouldn't be healthy for our hair at all. Even RELAXED hair needs products and moisture...think about it!

That's like asking a white person to walk out of the house with conditioner and oils in their hair. Oils are NOT conducive to their hair because a lot of times their hair has too much oil....our natural hair oils don't come down our hair shaft that easily, so we NEED moisture in our hair. White people wash their hair to get RID of extra oils/buildup.

So...idk, your argument doesn't really make too much sense when asking a natural to leave the house product free.

 

[Honey Bee]

Wow....I think some on this board are seriously projecting their own feelings of frustration/insecurity/confusion on to me and others on this board.

I think it's sad that this thread has turned into some kind of hair "war" when it was NOT intended to be that at all.

Crystalicequeen123, I hear you about the changing tone of the board, but I really do think you're being disingenuous. I wasn't even gon get into it that deep, but since you persist in acting like you don't get it:

1. Your title opens the discussion up to those who aren't currently relaxed which leads to the inevitable 'self-hate' responses.

2. You're responding to and co-signing everybody who says what you obviously believe: self-hate.

Both of which lead me to believe you aren't really interested in the responses of women who are relaxed. It's that simple. No subliminals required.

 

[APrayer4Hair]

This thread immediately came to mind when the whole Gabby news broke

Just saying....

*drops mic and exits stage left*

 

[mochalocks]

The presumptiousness here is really baffling. erplexedPeople are acting like society/habits/cultural "norms" have not affected their choices in life. Ummmm...yes it has. It affects us in EVERYTHING we do!

Even when I was relaxed I recognized the reasons WHY I was doing it. It wasn't "just because". Just like I don't think people go natural "just because". NO! People do things for a REASON, whether you like to believe so or not.

Now, if you're ashamed of that reason then of course you're going to try to sugar coat it and try to make it seem like it's just a "preference". Sure....okay.

because to some it REALLY is their preference on how they choose to wear their hair. And why should you, or anyone else care or make assumptions about why some girl's choose to have their hair?

As long as the hair is healthy.

If I want to go back to being natural I'll do that, but I will have locs again because that's my preference. Locs was much easier for me to maintain than loose hair.

A main reason why I'm glad I'm not natural anymore because they always seem to divide the girls who wear weaves, braids, or relaxed hair. Like it was a natural hair clique. You'd think as black women we'd bond together over our different hair styles and not bash each other.

 

[IMFOCSD]

Neither did I, but I agree manageability. Clearly the poster is biased and linking the way you wear your hair to some sort of self-hate and I dont subscribe to that at all. Im just unapologetically prissy, prefer my hair straight, and like options. I also paint my nails every two days and my hair is an accessory that I love to play with at my whim.

I love all thinks beauty and hair...thinking of getting a weave.

I havent had one in since last summer, but I have worn my cilp ins.

I see relaxing your hair no different from the style of clothing, makeup, earrings, shoes, music, you like. DO You regardless of why you like it

Yes yes yes

 

[IMFOCSD]

The options are all negative & biased, in my opinion... and none of them apply to me. I know how to manage my natural hair... I was natural for 8 years. I definitely don't have any "self hate" issues. I'm not doing it for a man and I don't want to be white

I'm texlaxed. Manageability may be a perk (For a hot minute. I only texlax 3 times per year, so I'm dealing with 2 textures most of the time. That takes patience and hard work), but it's not the main reason. My hair takes to moisture better, my ends are thicker, and my hair has never been longer. The truth is, my hair thrives better with the texlax & I like showing my length. Long story short: I relax because I want to and it works for me. We need an option for that