POLL: Why do YOU think Black Women Relax Their Hair??

[Kiadodie]

I relax my hair so it'll be easier to manage. Point blank period. Nothing more, nothing less.

Same here.

 

[southerncitygirl]

any, some, or all of these reasons:
convenience/easy to manage
not realizing there are other options
because their mothers relaxed their hair from an early age
because of self-hatred or shame
lack of pride in their african heritage
because of work environment or whether they will perceived as professional
to gain acceptance or approval from whites or their black counterparts
lack of proper hair care or healthy hair practices, which leads to a belief that their hair is bad and chemicals are the only way
an addiction to straight or processed hair
conditioning from slavery, segregation, and the media on psychological, subconscious, and subliminal levels

 

[Nightingale]

I chose "force of habit". Growing up, I didn't even consider natural hair an option. I thought only type 3s or militants went natural (don't blame me I was young).

Now, I'm relaxed because I choose to be. I find it easier to manage since most of my styles are loosely textured or straight.

The best thing about joining the boards and this new "trend" is that I know whenever I want to I can go back to being natural. I know how to care for natural hair and I know my hair is beautiful.

 

[aquajoyice]

I wonder if women of other races ask themselves questions like these? Do WW ask why they like to tan, dye their hair blond or get weaves? Do they have polls asking if it's because of self-hate or the need to look black? Black women are so critical and hard on ourselves. Not everyone will make the same decision and it doesn't matter why. What's important is not to waste time trying to create categories for people we don't know. No offense to OP, but in trying to answer the question these are the questions I had.

 

[fairyhairy]

I think a quick trip to a library - the social science and history shelves would help in constructing an answer for you, it's amazing what you can learn away from the Internet

Sent from my iPhone using LHCF

 

[Kindheart]

I wonder if women of other races ask themselves questions like these? Do WW ask why they like to tan, dye their hair blond or get weaves? Do they have polls asking if it's because of self-hate or the need to look black? Black women are so critical and hard on ourselves. Not everyone will make the same decision and it doesn't matter why. What's important is not to waste time trying to create categories for people we don't know. No offense to OP, but in trying to answer the question these are the questions I had.

I agree but our history has been stained by both subtle and blunt racism that contributed to our obsession for "good hair" and subconsciously make us prefer loser styles more similar to caucasian hair.
Correct me if i m wrong but i don't think any white athletes have ever been criticized for their hair after winning a gold medal?

I m open minded to different styles ,i think if after years of being natural someone wants to relax ther hair it's not dictated by self hate but simple preference as they experienced and comfortable with both textures ,natural styles don't suit everyone, however when someone is permanetly hiding their hair underneath weaves , and feels the need to relax their new growth as soon as it peeks through ,that s when i think there are underlying issues .

 

[Raspberry]

I understand that this is your experience, but please know that this is not the typical experience.

If your decision to relax or go natural has anything to do with Black men (or any race for that matter) then there are deeper problems.

Are there? While I don't condone harming or disrespecting yourself to get a man's attention, there are many things that people to make themselves more attractive that I don't consider to be inherently detrimental or a sign of some mental issue.

We live in physical bodies and often judge each other, for better or worse, by appearance. Is a woman wrong if she's perceives that certain men like a curvy shape and she dresses to enhance that shape? I've heard many white women say that they get much more attention with dyed blonde hair, are they wrong to take advantage of this?

I know a guy who was cute but not a head-turner whose appeal increased like 200% after he grew locs. Now he models and can't keep the women away.. he says he will never cut his locs because women love them too much.. does he have a problem?

I'm just saying that dating and mating is often a question of getting in where you fit in, if a woman decides to focus on a certain element of her appearance as a tool for attraction I'm not mad at her. The game may be flawed but I"m not gonna say a woman automatically has issues for playing it. In the big picture, hair is a relatively small thing to alter for the sake of attracting a man. Now if we talk about morals, worldview, life goals, etc., that's a whole differernt ball game.

 

[Danewshe]

For me, relaxing my hair was strictly about manageability, so if could relax/textlax without any damage, I would. But I also believe many BW (especially the older generation) relax because it's deemed as being more socially acceptable to have straight hair.

 

[aquajoyice]

I agree but our history has been stained by both subtle and blunt racism that contributed to our obsession for "good hair" and subconsciously make us prefer loser styles more similar to caucasian hair.
Correct me if i m wrong but i don't think any white athletes have ever been criticized for their hair after winning a gold medal?

I m open minded to different styles ,i think if after years of being natural someone wants to relax ther hair it's not dictated by self hate but simple preference as they experienced and comfortable with both textures ,natural styles don't suit everyone, however when someone is permanetly hiding their hair underneath weaves , and feels the need to relax their new growth as soon as it peeks through ,that s when i think there are underlying issues .

You have a good point but the perpetuation of these ideals continue because we allow them. Most negative comments regarding Gabby's hair came from us. Like Ghandi said, "we have to be the change we want to see in the world". It isn't healthy to make each person a phsychology case because they prefer themselves with a particular style. It becomes a problem when we impose our ideals on someone else. If one day the rest of us can understand this will be the day relaxed and naturals can get along.

 

[yorkpatties]

I haven't read the entire thread, so I don't know if it's already been said, but many of these reasons are linked together, they can not exist alone. I imagine most black women BELIEVE that they relax their hair so it can be "easier to manage". But what makes our natural hair so difficult to manage......that fact that we haven't been TAUGHT to manage our own natural texture. Why didn't our mothers/grandmothers teach us? Perhaps they didn't know either, maybe it was a struggle for them too, so their habits became our habits. The answer is more complicated than we may realize.

 

[Rei]

Lol this might be off topic but my natural hair is def harder to manage than my relaxed hair was. I mean, I admit I haven't been natural for 10 years or whatever, but when I was relaxed, I washed, detangled in like 10 secs, and airdried in a bun and called it a day. The most maintenance was finding a salon to get my retouches, and its not like I did that myself.

As a natural head detangling takes like 10x longer, and i def cannot wash and go, so I've got to do something with it aftewards, whether twists/braids or stretching it to avoid ssks into a bun or whatever. I mean yeah I guess I could just let it shrink up and thats it but then detangling would take even longer, lol. So Idk...those who are dogging the relaxed heads for stating manageability are a bit wrong.

I don't mind being natural but I can def see myself texlaxing in the future as my hair grows longer. It takes forever to do now, and i'm creeping up centimeters close to BSL. I can imagine WSL will be a nightmare. Sure you can wear the same style for longer as a natural, but I feel like I wore the same style all the time as relaxed too: out.

Maybe your natural hair is super easy to manage and super quick but I wouldn't put that same onus on everyone and assume its just because of ignorance. Sometimes you're doing everything right and it just takes longer. /shrug some people don't have time for all of that.

 

[wish4length]

I don't want to sound like a broken record. if this has been stated already then I apologize, but I think its because of our mothers. when the majority of us started combing our own heads our mothers let somebody slap a relaxer on it, so relaxed hair is what we learned to work with so we see it as easier.
I think if many black girls began combing their hair at 4,5, and 6, then we would probably see less black women relaxing

 

[discodumpling]

Cause we dont know better or different.

 

[miracles11]

This is why I started the Be Relaxed hair group. I want to teach people how to take care of their relaxed hair so they will minimize the breakage and lack of retention associated with it. The past negatives associated with relaxed hair was due to lack of knowledge of how to properly maintain our hair ( raising hand). With this obstacle removed and the potential to reach hip length and beyond, our choices of hair preference can now be made on a level playing field with neither being better than the other just based on personal preference rather than growth potential which is really what most of it is about. If we want long hair we should have the ability to do it relaxed or natural. This is where knowledge comes in. Best of luck to all.

 

[sofash]

i feel that whole its EASIER TO MANAGE THING IS AA COP OUT YEA I SAID IT\.
im sure most of the owmne that say tha havent dealt with any other their natural hair besides that new growth to even know whats easier to manager.

 

[AFashionSlave]

I can't really answer the question. I guess it's all of the above.
Every woman relaxes their hair for different reasons.

 

[AudraChanell]

This may be unsettling, but Ill tell you why.
The people (and MANY OTHERS who tie their hair to some sort of innate feeling that others must surely have) and who pose these questions dohave an issue with it.

American black women have a hair sensitivity that is UNREAL due to being non-anglo western with kinks!
So unfortunate, but true

I wonder if women of other races ask themselves questions like these? Do WW ask why they like to tan, dye their hair blond or get weaves? Do they have polls asking if it's because of self-hate or the need to look black? Black women are so critical and hard on ourselves. Not everyone will make the same decision and it doesn't matter why. What's important is not to waste time trying to create categories for people we don't know. No offense to OP, but in trying to answer the question these are the questions I had.

 

[SmileyNY]

Bottom line... I think everyone needs to start speaking for themselves in this thread. If you are natural now and you feel that there just HAS to be deeper issues for those who relax... Then you need to just go ahead and say "I had self hate issues when I relaxed. I wanted to be white. I did it for men." ...Because all of the assuming and pointing fingers at others is presumptuous, unfair, and unfounded.

 

[empressri]

There's nothing light-hearted about the fact that many people have this ingrained idea that our hair is 'bad' and needs to be 'fixed'...but that notion goes wayyyyy back.

There are some women that would still keep relaxing their hair, and would just died if their natural texture showed. Doesn't matter that their hairline is nearly gone, they will keep on keeping on with that relaxer.

And then there are others that use it as another option for styling reasons or whatever. Like I swear, my mother has chopped off her hair at whim, chopped off ALL the relaxer, grew out a little fro, and then relaxed when she felt like it. She wasn't worried about people seeing her hair, unlike my ex bf's mom that kept her hair under wraps because it was 'ni**erish', quote as she told me.

(Personally, I don't think relaxed hair is any less work than natural hair. I still had to wash, condition, trim it and all just like I do now. AND I couldn't get it wet! If anything it was more work for me.

 

[nerdography]

I can't speak for anyone else. I was natural for five years, and while I enjoy the thickness and texture of my hair. It was a struggle with detangling, getting the right moisture balance, and my shrinking 75%.

I'm texlaxed now and love it, it's the best of both world for me. When I feel like wearing braid/twist outs my hair holds the style better. And if I feel like wearing my hair straight I flat iron. Plus, I've worn my hair long, short, natural, braided, relaxed and texlaxed.

Wanting straight hair isn't always about wanting white/asian/mixed/whatever. Sometimes it's just hair and sometimes people take it to seriously.

 

[sylver2]

i feel that whole its EASIER TO MANAGE THING IS AA COP OUT YEA I SAID IT\.
im sure most of the owmne that say tha havent dealt with any other their natural hair besides that new growth to even know whats easier to manager.

huh?........

 

[TheNDofUO]

What about us relaxed girls who stretch? I'm relaxed but I look like a blown out natural and I stretch for 16-22 weeks. How can I be afraid of my natural texture or feel hatred for it when I have it there more often than not.

The women you have described are generally ignorant. But they didn't relax because they were ignorant they probably relxed at a young age and then stayed that way due to their ignorance.

Do I think there should be an increase in natural hair care knowledge? Definitely.

But please don't assume things. I relaxed my hair at 10 because everytime my mother combed my hair I would cry and cry due to my tender scalp. Did we lack knowledge of dealing with tangles? Yes. But was it to 'fit in'? of course not. I wore my hair in braids and a blown out afro until my first weave at 14 and even then I would wear braids 70% of the time. Most people assume I'm natural when they see me.

I agree with an earlier poster that a lot of people pointing the finger probably had the problems they are accusing others for and are suffering from a guilty conscience and want to pass it along. Well, sorry, I don't want it.

 

[gabulldawg]

i feel that whole its EASIER TO MANAGE THING IS AA COP OUT YEA I SAID IT\.
im sure most of the owmne that say tha havent dealt with any other their natural hair besides that new growth to even know whats easier to manager.

Well I can only speak for myself, but I remember my natural hair very well. I didn't start getting relaxers until I was in my teens. Please don't generalize to all of us. Some of us haven't been relaxed since age 5.

 

[EbonyCPrincess]

Well I can only speak for myself, but I remember my natural hair very well. I didn't start getting relaxers until I was in my teens. Please don't generalize to all of us. Some of us haven't been relaxed since age 5.

Amen. I refused to even respond to this post until I saw this. I have relaxed hair but know for a fact that I wore my hair natural more/longer than a lot of natural ladies who were relaxed "ever since they could remember." I was in high school with my first relaxer (not even early teens) and was natural again in college. And honestly 'easier to manage' nor any of the alleged reasons in the poll apply to me either, but yeah....not every relaxed head is unfamiliar with their natural hair. I can think of many ladies with long hair that were natural until high school or later who achieved long healthy relaxed hair, some decided to transition back to natural while other are still relaxed. *shrugs* Some naturals...and I stress SOME love to think they know more.

 

[sofash]

im not saying ALL yall that have relaxed hair that say its easier to manage im saying I have seen cases like that...where hey say its easier to manage when in fact they have never even handled their natural hair.
btw im not an anti relaxer person. i got relaxers when i was young. i was forced to, and may get one again when I reach my goal length

 

[IMFOCSD]

Bottom line... I think everyone needs to start speaking for themselves in this thread. If you are natural now and you feel that there just HAS to be deeper issues for those who relax... Then you need to just go ahead and say "I had self hate issues when I relaxed. I wanted to be white. I did it for men." ...Because all of the assuming and pointing fingers at others is presumptuous, unfair, and unfounded.

I agree 100% with this...and I see there is a "things people assume because you are natural" thread (or something along those lines). Obviously naturals dont like when people make assumptions about why they are natural...SO STOP MAKING ASSUMPTIONS ABOUT WOMEN WHO RELAX!! PERIOD...smdh.

 

[DrC]

Because they want their hair straight? I don't know. It could be for various reasons. I don't see the problem with a black woman wanting relaxed hair, and I'm natural. Some people make it seem like black women are rejecting their blackness when they relax.

 

[MystiqueBabe]

im not saying ALL yall that have relaxed hair that say its easier to manage im saying I have seen cases like that...where hey say its easier to manage when in fact they have never even handled their natural hair.
btw im not an anti relaxer person. i got relaxers when i was young. i was forced to, and may get one again when I reach my goal length

I agree. I think in a lot of cases, most women just do not like their natural hair. The constant excuses of "My hair is too nappy to go natural" and relaxing at the slightest amount of new growth. No one's natural hair is THAT hard to "manage" that they need a relaxer. What does manageable hair mean or look like anyway? Getting a comb through it? Having it lay down? You tell me...

I don't think it's self hate, but the hatred for kinky/curly hair in general. Most black woman are NOT wearing type 4 weaves but rather type 1 and 2 wigs/weaves. A lot of black woman do not know the potential of their own natural hair. All the negative comments I hear about natural hair and it's sad really. All of this just for straight hair. This is proof enough that a lot of black woman either hate or are not comfortable wearing their natural hair.

A lot of womans hair can not handle being bone straight but continue to relax bone straight. And since relaxed hair is by default weak and prone to breakage it seems to be doing more harm then good if your goal is healthy hair. Most of the BW I know had healthy hair until they started experimenting with relaxers. Notice how many older black women wear wigs? I can understand why a women would texlax her hair but bone straight is just asking for a non stop cycle of breakage. Of course their are exceptions but the majority of black women with bone straight relaxed hair do not have healthy and certainly not long hair.

 

[JudithO]

i feel that whole its EASIER TO MANAGE THING IS AA COP OUT YEA I SAID IT\.
im sure most of the owmne that say tha havent dealt with any other their natural hair besides that new growth to even know whats easier to manager.

I was natural for 4 yrs in my adulthood (grew my hair to bsb).... i know how to care for it, but find my relaxed hair easier to manage... and im retaining much better too...

 

[sunnieb]

Since this thread keeps getting bumped, I’ll jump in once again.

Several questions/comments have been presented since my last response so I’ve chosen a few to answer in no particular order:

*What does manageable mean? - Sounds like a cliché, but it’s different for every person. Some women choose to go around bone straight 25/8 (relaxed and naturals can do this). Others, will sit for up to 8 hours getting braids/weave so they won’t have to touch their hair for months on end (again, relaxed and naturals).

Those two options aren’t for me. I just want to look presentable everyday without all the muss and fuss. That means that I now relax bone straight around 3 times a year. I also don’t use any direct heat whatsoever. I’m walking around today with all my hair pulled back showing off every kink, napp, and coil my 15 weeks post hairline can offer. I’m good. It’s manageable for me. Why do so many naturals have an issue this statement?

*What does manageable look like? For me, the look is clean, moisturized, and styled.

*Relaxing bone straight is asking for a nonstop cycle of breakage – Chemically straightening the hair does in fact weaken the natural strength which can lead to breakage. However, properly taking care of relaxed hair is the key. So many black women do not know how to take care of their hair period. They also don’t care to learn. Let’s not act like we don’t see some busted up fros out there walking right next to the chewed up relaxed ends.

Ladies, we have all found LHCF for one reason or another, and I think the common factor is that we all wanted healthier hair. Some of us were “enlightened” and chose to go natural. Others were “enlightened” to realize that it is possible to grow long, healthy relaxed hair with the proper care. Who’s to say which enlightened path is better than the other???

For the record, I’ve never handled my natural hair as an adult and I don’t plan to until my hair reaches booty-length – AND? Does that make me a bad person? Self-hating, less-black, a liar, don’t want to admit that I hate my natural hair – what?

I’ll answer that. It makes me a black woman who has a choice on how I wear my hair. Simple as that. As of right now, I’m proudly and resoundingly bone-laxed, straighter than skrait, chemically induced relaxed.