Why do you relax?

[Parvathi]

This thread wasn't meant to be a debate. However, people have reasons for doing. As we see, the ladies who have voted have different reasons for choosing to relax. The main reason I even started this thread was because I was considering going natural. I do love the thickness of my natural strands and felt that my relaxed hair was too fine. However, something kept holding me back. So I was wondering why some of us relax while others are going natural.

on another note...
I think sometimes people read too much into things. The whole idea of using the word "slave" was not to offend, it's just a saying. Slave to the music, slave to fashion, and in the case of appearance, slave to a diet. When feminists were burning their bras I'm sure there were women out there who wondered why some chose to follow in this practice and others didn't. It's curiosity. I just wanted to see why other women relax to perhaps find the reason why I still don't have the desire to go natural. Nothing was meant to offend. This thread was not meant to turn into a debate.

Great post and I agree.

Fact of the matter is ALL who are currently relaxed ARE SLAVES to social conventions which have been formulated and supported by the white man. So don't come up in here saying you are NOT a slave to relaxers because you have the OPTION of going natural. Whether or not you have that option does not change the fact that you CURRENTLY use chemicals in your hair and hence blindly support social constructs. Once its in use you have a master.

And whoever said you can have healthy hair while relaxed is lying to themselves. Relaxers can NEVER contribute to healthy heads...no matter how many protein treatments, deep conditioners, or moisturizers you place on your head of hair.

It's a shame seeing so many black women brainwashed. I hope you all eventually come to your senses before its too late.

And redriot, I highly recommend you go natural. You were/are held back because of what society tells you is the best course for your hair. Defying those conventions would and can result in ridicule but your strands would thank you for it.

You can perhaps get two sides to the story and ask naturals both here and on Nappturality why they chose to STAY AWAY from relaxers.

I hope you make the best decision for you and your hair.

 

[Parvathi]

ITA. For crying out loud, Japenese people straighten their hair! Do the ones that don't straighten call the other ones TR slaves. I doubt it.

We, no one else, are making slaves of each other. The fact of the matter is most cultures use some kind of straightening method. To me unless you're sportin' a fro it ain't natural anyway. Temporary manipulation with twist or braidouts or permanent with relaxers if it isn't YOUR natural texture it ain't natural.

That's it. I'm relaxing my hair! Just 'cause I hate people thinkin' I'm a flunky that does stuff just 'cause everybody is doing it.

Are you doing some sort of comparative study to support your claims? What do the doings of one culture have to do with black culture? Are you inferring that if one culture does it, well hey, it shouldn't be a big deal if black women do it too?

After all we are just followers right, and validity of what we do can only be supported on the basis of similar actions done within different cultures...not only within White culture but now Asian cultures?


Thanks for the laughs.

 

[Trini"T"]

Parvathi, is that a picture of you in your avatar? If so, shooo if I had hair like that I would not be relaxing. I relax my hair because it's easier to manage and style. I'm sure you have your own struggles with your hair but at least your hair looks like THAT when you wear it out natural. All I would have is an afro and I don't feel like rocking one. I would love to have the spirals you have in your head though. I do find it funny tho when those with "easier to manage" hair tell people with "not so easy to manage" hair to put down the relaxer.

 

[Tene]

All I'll say is I'm so glad I don't relax my hair anymore.

 

[WomanlyCharm]

I do find it funny tho when those with "easier to manage" hair tell people with "not so easy to manage" hair to put down the relaxer.

Thank you! If they had to work with 4z type hair, they might not be so quick to judge!
Just let people wear their hair the way they want to, dang, it's a personal choice. Don't call the hair police!

 

[Parvathi]

Parvathi, is that a picture of you in your avatar? If so, shooo if I had hair like that I would not be relaxing. I relax my hair because it's easier to manage and style. I'm sure you have your own struggles with your hair but at least your hair looks like THAT when you wear it out natural. All I would have is an afro and I don't feel like rocking one. I would love to have the spirals you have in your head though. I do find it funny tho when those with "easier to manage" hair tell people with "not so easy to manage" hair to put down the relaxer.

No its not. That is Cree Summer.

And FYI, I have "not so easy to manage" hair

 

[Poohbear]

You know what I want to know from those of you who say 'I relax my hair because it's easier to manage'...

What is your definition of 'manage'? Especially for those of you who have never experienced dealing with natural hair...

For me, I have found that having relaxed hair and natural hair takes a lot of 'managing' EQUALLY.

When I was relaxed, I would either blowdry my hair straight or rollerset it after washing which takes time. At night, I would have to wrap it around my head. Then in the morning, I still have to fix it up to make it look half way decent.

Now that I'm natural, I will have to detangle and braid or twist my hair after washing which takes some time. At night, I either braid it up if I want to wear a stretched out puff. But sometimes I really don't have to do anything if I wear my hair in two strand twists. If I'm wearing a wash n go, I just wash/rinse in the morning and wear a satin bonnet at night. No biggie.

So what is is manageable hair? Faster time to style? Easier to comb? I find that they both have the same amount of manageability.

I really don't see 'easier to manage' as an excuse to relax... especially since I have been relaxed before... You ladies may not realize this or are not aware of this but the reason why you relax is because of what Parvathi has been trying to say... I know it sounds harsh to say 'slave to relaxers' but think about it... Do you feel you need relaxers? Do you feel like you cannot do without a relaxer? Do you hate your natural hair? Do you feel straight hair is the only standard of beauty for hair? Are you unknowingly relaxing your hair out of habit? If you said yes to more than one of those questions, then you are definitely a slave to relaxers... in other words, you depend on or are bounded by relaxers.

Don't take it personally becuase I can say for myself that I was a slave to relaxers. I didn't hate my natural hair since that idea never came to mind because I never had to deal with my natural hair myself when I was younger. My mom was the one who dealt with it. My hair was being relaxed out of habit. Once I saw that nappy new growth grow out, my mom slapped a relaxer in. I thought all black women relaxed their hair. I'm so glad I found this forum where I found out that there are actually black women who wear their hair chemical free. After discovering this, it did not make sense to relax my hair anymore and go through the pain of getting a touchup and possibly getting scalp burns from them.

So relaxed ladies, really rethink deeply about why you relax...you really may not know the answer if you've only dealt with your hair in a relaxed state. I didn't know the answer when I was relaxed... but whatever answer it is falls under the category that you, your mama, or someone in history felt that our God-given hair texture was ugly, unacceptable, or inappropriate and the society's standard of beauty of having straight hair. No, this isn't just a Black problem, I'm sure everyone understands that...just don't use it as an excuse to relax your own hair.

Just my 2 cents...

 

[deejoy]

I'm too lazy to transition.

 

[Southernbella.]

So relaxed ladies, really rethink deeply about why you relax...

I like wearing my hair in straight styles and it's easy to do them with relaxed hair.

Someone else on this board said it best...unless you only wear your hair in an afro with no product, you're a slave to something.

 

[sweetcashew]

You know what I want to know from those of you who say 'I relax my hair because it's easier to manage'...

What is your definition of 'manage'? Especially for those of you who have never experienced dealing with natural hair...

For me, I have found that having relaxed hair and natural hair takes a lot of 'managing' EQUALLY.

When I was relaxed, I would either blowdry my hair straight or rollerset it after washing which takes time. At night, I would have to wrap it around my head. Then in the morning, I still have to fix it up to make it look half way decent.

Now that I'm natural, I will have to detangle and braid or twist my hair after washing which takes some time. At night, I either braid it up if I want to wear a stretched out puff. But sometimes I really don't have to do anything if I wear my hair in two strand twists. If I'm wearing a wash n go, I just wash/rinse in the morning and wear a satin bonnet at night. No biggie.

So what is is manageable hair? Faster time to style? Easier to comb? I find that they both have the same amount of manageability.

I really don't see 'easier to manage' as an excuse to relax... especially since I have been relaxed before... You ladies may not realize this or are not aware of this but the reason why you relax is because of what Parvathi has been trying to say... I know it sounds harsh to say 'slave to relaxers' but think about it... Do you feel you need relaxers? Do you feel like you cannot do without a relaxer? Do you hate your natural hair? Do you feel straight hair is the only standard of beauty for hair? Are you unknowingly relaxing your hair out of habit? If you said yes to more than one of those questions, then you are definitely a slave to relaxers... in other words, you depend on or are bounded by relaxers.

Don't take it personally becuase I can say for myself that I was a slave to relaxers. I didn't hate my natural hair since that idea never came to mind because I never had to deal with my natural hair myself when I was younger. My mom was the one who dealt with it. My hair was being relaxed out of habit. Once I saw that nappy new growth grow out, my mom slapped a relaxer in. I thought all black women relaxed their hair. I'm so glad I found this forum where I found out that there are actually black women who wear their hair chemical free. After discovering this, it did not make sense to relax my hair anymore and go through the pain of getting a touchup and possibly getting scalp burns from them.

So relaxed ladies, really rethink deeply about why you relax...you really may not know the answer if you've only dealt with your hair in a relaxed state. I didn't know the answer when I was relaxed... but whatever answer it is falls under the category that you, your mama, or someone in history felt that our God-given hair texture was ugly, unacceptable, or inappropriate and the society's standard of beauty of having straight hair. No, this isn't just a Black problem, I'm sure everyone understands that...just don't use it as an excuse to relax your own hair.

Just my 2 cents...

I sat and wrote a long response to this but where did it go? I'm just going to make it short this time.
I remember what my hair was like as a natural and it was freaking lovely. Waist length, curly and blond. Everywhere I went people talked about my hair. So I have no natural hair hate.
So even though it's difficult for you to believe that some women relax for only manageability that's exactly the reason why i do. My one and only reason.
It's just hair. It ain't that serious for me.

 

[Poohbear]

I like wearing my hair in straight styles and it's easy to do them with relaxed hair.

But why do you like wearing it straight?

Someone else on this board said it best...unless you only wear your hair in an afro with no product, you're a slave to something.

This may be very well true, but we're talking about hair in this thread...

 

[Poohbear]

I sat and wrote a long response to this but where did it go? I'm just going to make it short this time.
I remember what my hair was like as a natural and it was freaking lovely. Waist length, curly and blond. Everywhere I went people talked about my hair. So I have no natural hair hate.
So even though it's difficult for you to believe that some women relax for only manageability that's exactly the reason why i do. My one and only reason.
It's just hair. It ain't that serious for me.

I know it's not that serious... I was just giving a perspective on this issue....

And that's great that you do not hate your natural hair.... If you loved your natural hair so much, why do you relax now?

And what does manageability mean to you?

 

[sweetcashew]

Ok lets put it this way....I love working out but I don't have the time to do it anymore. I loveeeee Shrimp but I'm allergic to it. I love my ex but he's not good for me. I love my natural hair but it would consumes too much of my time on a daily basis. We can't always do the things we love. Unfortunately
I love my natural hair but I love my hair relaxed also.
Manageability, to me, means the ability to managing or control. In my case it's easier to control my hair if it's relaxed. Maybe someday when I'm not busy running two businesses, working on a novel and all the million other things I do, I might take the time to go natural.
Because then I guess I could afford to walk around with a wet head for 2 days because my hair's too thick to dry, or spend hours each day detangling my hair.
My hair is not my statement. My deeds are, my character is. The hair on my head is just something I was born with.
For me, every time I get a touch-up I'm making the choice to make my hair easier to handle on a day to day basis. Nothing more, nothing less!

I know it's not that serious... I was just giving a perspective on this issue....

And that's great that you do not hate your natural hair.... If you loved your natural hair so much, why do you relax now?

And what does manageability mean to you?

 

[Candy_C]

You know what I want to know from those of you who say 'I relax my hair because it's easier to manage'...

What is your definition of 'manage'? Especially for those of you who have never experienced dealing with natural hair...

For me, I have found that having relaxed hair and natural hair takes a lot of 'managing' EQUALLY.

When I was relaxed, I would either blowdry my hair straight or rollerset it after washing which takes time. At night, I would have to wrap it around my head. Then in the morning, I still have to fix it up to make it look half way decent.

Now that I'm natural, I will have to detangle and braid or twist my hair after washing which takes some time. At night, I either braid it up if I want to wear a stretched out puff. But sometimes I really don't have to do anything if I wear my hair in two strand twists. If I'm wearing a wash n go, I just wash/rinse in the morning and wear a satin bonnet at night. No biggie.

So what is is manageable hair? Faster time to style? Easier to comb? I find that they both have the same amount of manageability.

I really don't see 'easier to manage' as an excuse to relax... especially since I have been relaxed before... You ladies may not realize this or are not aware of this but the reason why you relax is because of what Parvathi has been trying to say... I know it sounds harsh to say 'slave to relaxers' but think about it... Do you feel you need relaxers? Do you feel like you cannot do without a relaxer? Do you hate your natural hair? Do you feel straight hair is the only standard of beauty for hair? Are you unknowingly relaxing your hair out of habit? If you said yes to more than one of those questions, then you are definitely a slave to relaxers... in other words, you depend on or are bounded by relaxers.

Don't take it personally becuase I can say for myself that I was a slave to relaxers. I didn't hate my natural hair since that idea never came to mind because I never had to deal with my natural hair myself when I was younger. My mom was the one who dealt with it. My hair was being relaxed out of habit. Once I saw that nappy new growth grow out, my mom slapped a relaxer in. I thought all black women relaxed their hair. I'm so glad I found this forum where I found out that there are actually black women who wear their hair chemical free. After discovering this, it did not make sense to relax my hair anymore and go through the pain of getting a touchup and possibly getting scalp burns from them.

So relaxed ladies, really rethink deeply about why you relax...you really may not know the answer if you've only dealt with your hair in a relaxed state. I didn't know the answer when I was relaxed... but whatever answer it is falls under the category that you, your mama, or someone in history felt that our God-given hair texture was ugly, unacceptable, or inappropriate and the society's standard of beauty of having straight hair. No, this isn't just a Black problem, I'm sure everyone understands that...just don't use it as an excuse to relax your own hair.

Just my 2 cents...

Hi, that was a nice post, i totally understand you. but sometimes its just what people wanna do! its a style option. its like saying..."why do women wear trousers..." its a statement, a style. i really dont think its such a deep issue with some people as it is to others. i think my relaxed hair is gorgeous, more so than my natural texture...i cud not do a thing with it, and i personally look better with less coiled hair...thats not to say i wouldnt go natural...but not for a looooooong time yet... i wud like to style and "change" it in the future to let my hair grow out natural. i definately want to experience it again with all this lhcf knowledge!! but then i would PROBABLEY add a colour on it...does that mean i'm a slave to colour? not being cheeky or anything girl u know i love your hair and was very proud as to how u transitioned so well. but its just a matter or individuality..for me anyway. even though my mum was ready 2 slap on that relaxer, i was coming of age and i loved having a new "style". transitioning is always an option, and the only way to consider a hair slave would be if one had surgery to permanently change the hair from the inside so that it always came through straight...that..i dont think i would ever do because then thats my choice for life!! i'm so happy that i could transition any time, i feel i have power over myself this way. thats why i think relaxers are great! i want to experience this type of hair (3a/b) before i go back to my natural roots (3c/4a) as its easier to check out length and have a straight style, if i want, and its basically just more easy 2 style.

Not everyone has had the same experience with relaxers, i remember you having trouble when relaxed and u was in a kind of limbo whether to relax or go natural. thankfully i'm not in that limbo AS YET. if i really wanted to go natural i would, but to be honest i really love this hair i have (relaxed) and i dont feel i need 2 justify or look "deep" into myself to fish 4 things that are not there.

xXx

 

[Southernbella.]

But why do you like wearing it straight?

Because my hair looks good in straight styles, and they compliment my face. I don't know how I would look with twists or a puff or whatnot (I tried bantu knots, and they didn't work for me), but I don't particularly care for those styles. They look good on others, but I don't think they're for me.

This may be very well true, but we're talking about hair in this thread...

I think it's relevant. People love to ask why we relax, but I know that if we really get down to it, a lot of naturals will tell you they are natural because their hair didn't look good relaxed. It was thin, breaking, or not growing. Well, that's fine, but why judge those of us who's hair is thriving? Why can't we enjoy having healthy relaxed hair the way you are now enjoying healthy natural hair? Why all the questions and concerns about things that really don't concern those of you who aren't relaxed anymore? I just don't think it adds much to the board, and frankly, it's not anyone's concern but ours why we do what we do.

I'm not trying to sound snotty, but I really don't get why this keep coming up. Does it make some naturals feel superior to point out that relaxed women are "slaves" and "ignorant" and what have you? I'm just curious. And that's why I said what I said.

 

[hopeful]

Because my hair looks good in straight styles, and they compliment my face. I don't know how I would look with twists or a puff or whatnot (I tried bantu knots, and they didn't work for me), but I don't particularly care for those styles. They look good on others, but I don't think they're for me.



I think it's relevant. People love to ask why we relax, but I know that if we really get down to it, a lot of naturals will tell you they are natural because their hair didn't look good relaxed. It was thin, breaking, or not growing. Well, that's fine, but why judge those of us who's hair is thriving? Why can't we enjoy having healthy relaxed hair the way you are now enjoying healthy natural hair? Why all the questions and concerns about things that really don't concern those of you who aren't relaxed anymore? I just don't think it adds much to the board, and frankly, it's not anyone's concern but ours why we do what we do.

I'm not trying to sound snotty, but I really don't get why this keep coming up. Does it make some naturals feel superior to point out that relaxed women are "slaves" and "ignorant" and what have you? I'm just curious. And that's why I said what I said.

Lauren, I don't understand why this keeps coming up either. And thank you for saying "some" naturals feel superior because I think many naturals could care less about what somebody else does with their hair. I think you can be pro-natural without being condescending. If somebody wants my opinion or advice I'll give it but I won't be questioning a grown woman about her hair choices. I like hair in general, I love OUR hair in particular, natural, relaxed, texturized or transitioning, and especially if it is healthy, thriving AND long.

 

[Aubergold]

Because my hair looks good in straight styles, and they compliment my face. I don't know how I would look with twists or a puff or whatnot (I tried bantu knots, and they didn't work for me), but I don't particularly care for those styles. They look good on others, but I don't think they're for me.



I think it's relevant. People love to ask why we relax, but I know that if we really get down to it, a lot of naturals will tell you they are natural because their hair didn't look good relaxed. It was thin, breaking, or not growing. Well, that's fine, but why judge those of us who's hair is thriving? Why can't we enjoy having healthy relaxed hair the way you are now enjoying healthy natural hair? Why all the questions and concerns about things that really don't concern those of you who aren't relaxed anymore? I just don't think it adds much to the board, and frankly, it's not anyone's concern but ours why we do what we do.

I'm not trying to sound snotty, but I really don't get why this keep coming up. Does it make some naturals feel superior to point out that relaxed women are "slaves" and "ignorant" and what have you? I'm just curious. And that's why I said what I said.

ITA. I am natural and I can really feel your energy coming from this post. I think we've asked this question enough. Either people will extract a message from it or they won't. We all ( at least on this board) know why we started relaxing and now we can make desicions based on that. While I don't like some people making ignorant comment about my natural hair, asking we why the hell I would choose to wear my hair like that, I also don't like people who deem themselves natural missionaries: ready and willing to convert everyone at the drop of a hat.

BTW, Lauren you're hair is purrrty.

 

[sweetcashew]

Because my hair looks good in straight styles, and they compliment my face. I don't know how I would look with twists or a puff or whatnot (I tried bantu knots, and they didn't work for me), but I don't particularly care for those styles. They look good on others, but I don't think they're for me.



I think it's relevant. People love to ask why we relax, but I know that if we really get down to it, a lot of naturals will tell you they are natural because their hair didn't look good relaxed. It was thin, breaking, or not growing. Well, that's fine, but why judge those of us who's hair is thriving? Why can't we enjoy having healthy relaxed hair the way you are now enjoying healthy natural hair? Why all the questions and concerns about things that really don't concern those of you who aren't relaxed anymore? I just don't think it adds much to the board, and frankly, it's not anyone's concern but ours why we do what we do.

I'm not trying to sound snotty, but I really don't get why this keep coming up. Does it make some naturals feel superior to point out that relaxed women are "slaves" and "ignorant" and what have you? I'm just curious. And that's why I said what I said.

The bolded part is what I was thinking but just didn't want to go there. The naturals I know in real life only went natural because their hair was badly damaged by relaxers. Not for any deeper reason. And a lot of them plan to relax again in the future.
I just don't understand why it's so difficult for some naturals to really believe that there's no deep seated reason why some people relax their hair.
And as for being a slave to a relaxer I just don't get it. Slaves didn't have a choice. I do. I choose to relax my hair.
And as I said before I liked my natural hair. I don't see why it has to be more to it. My natural hair color is blond but I dye my hair sometimes. Most summers I let my color wash out and I use my natural color. Does that mean I hate my natural color. Nope. It just means I do what I feel like doing at the time.
Same thing with a relaxer. I could go natural anytime I choose to but nobody knows better than me how difficult my hair is to handle as a natural.
Relaxing my hair doesn't make me less black. I'm still the same girl I was as a natural.
I just wish that naturals would stop digging so deep into people's hair choices. Maybe to a rasta, his hair is a statement, maybe to some naturals their hair is a statement. Maybe to some relaxed ladies it's a statement. But it's not to me.

 

[carpediem628]

I just saw the most beautiful afro I've ever seen in my life. I also just saw a beautiful head of relaxed hair.

People kill me with "the white man" thing. It's simply a preference. I prefer fried chicken and collard greens......is it because of "the white man"?? I prefer my jeans tight and not baggy...."the white man" again?

Do some of you naturals not relax because of a deep rooted anti-white man issue? Or do you simply do it because you like it that way?

Seriously, it is not that deep. Stop judging.

 

[Crackers Phinn]

I think it's relevant. People love to ask why we relax, but I know that if we really get down to it, a lot of naturals will tell you they are natural because their hair didn't look good relaxed. It was thin, breaking, or not growing. Well, that's fine, but why judge those of us who's hair is thriving? Why can't we enjoy having healthy relaxed hair the way you are now enjoying healthy natural hair? Why all the questions and concerns about things that really don't concern those of you who aren't relaxed anymore? I just don't think it adds much to the board, and frankly, it's not anyone's concern but ours why we do what we do.

I agree completely.

I'm not trying to sound snotty, but I really don't get why this keep coming up. Does it make some naturals feel superior to point out that relaxed women are "slaves" and "ignorant" and what have you? I'm just curious. And that's why I said what I said.

It sure does. There is no curiosity or concern in this topic. This is a pissing contest where the prize is a fleeting moment of feeling superior.

 

[Crackers Phinn]

Fact of the matter is ALL who are currently relaxed ARE SLAVES to social conventions which have been formulated and supported by the white man. So don't come up in here saying you are NOT a slave to relaxers because you have the OPTION of going natural. Whether or not you have that option does not change the fact that you CURRENTLY use chemicals in your hair and hence blindly support social constructs. Once its in use you have a master.

I see plenty of healthy and beautiful heads of relaxed hair in this thread and even more on the board as a whole. You ever consider that some folks who relax their hair do it because it looks good on them?

And whoever said you can have healthy hair while relaxed is lying to themselves. Relaxers can NEVER contribute to healthy heads...no matter how many protein treatments, deep conditioners, or moisturizers you place on your head of hair.

Again, I present this board as exhibit A,B,C & D that you are incorrect in your assumption.

It's a shame seeing so many black women brainwashed. I hope you all eventually come to your senses before its too late.

I feel that this board above all else promotes sisterhood, it's a shame to see that some folks let a box of relaxer dictate whom they can be sisterly to.

 

[myco]

I see plenty of healthy and beautiful heads of relaxed hair in this thread and even more on the board as a whole. You ever consider that some folks who relax their hair do it because it looks good on them?


Again, I present this board as exhibit A,B,C & D that you are incorrect in your assumption.


I feel that this board above all else promotes sisterhood, it's a shame to see that some folks let a box of relaxer dictate whom they can be sisterly to.

This is so true. Also, will there ever be an answer to this question that will be "satisfactory"? On the flipside, does it matter if the answer is not good enough?

 

[sweetcashew]

Great post and I agree.

Fact of the matter is ALL who are currently relaxed ARE SLAVES to social conventions which have been formulated and supported by the white man. So don't come up in here saying you are NOT a slave to relaxers because you have the OPTION of going natural. Whether or not you have that option does not change the fact that you CURRENTLY use chemicals in your hair and hence blindly support social constructs. Once its in use you have a master.

And whoever said you can have healthy hair while relaxed is lying to themselves. Relaxers can NEVER contribute to healthy heads...no matter how many protein treatments, deep conditioners, or moisturizers you place on your head of hair.

It's a shame seeing so many black women brainwashed. I hope you all eventually come to your senses before its too late.

And redriot, I highly recommend you go natural. You were/are held back because of what society tells you is the best course for your hair. Defying those conventions would and can result in ridicule but your strands would thank you for it.

You can perhaps get two sides to the story and ask naturals both here and on Nappturality why they chose to STAY AWAY from relaxers.

I hope you make the best decision for you and your hair.

Let me ask you this question. Did it ever occur to you that you may be the one who's a slave to your natural hair and your way of thinking?
Slave means to be in bondage to something. Do you honestly think that's what relaxed women are? In bondage to a relaxer box?
I have to laugh at that. Simply because you believe what you believe and I know what I know about me. The difference between you and me is that I actually like my hair natural and I like it relaxed. You obviously have something against relaxers. I don't have anything against natural.
I admire both natural and relaxed heads of hair.
I won't try to even debate this issue anymore because a man convinced against his will is of the same opinion still. Therefore you think what you want to think. Maybe it makes you sleep easier at night thinking that relaxed ladies are slaves, and none of us have healthy hair. It amuses me that you feel you could speak for all relaxed heads of hair. I guess you have an up close and personal relationship with my hair so you would know just how unhealthy it is.

 

[so1913]

Lauren, I don't understand why this keeps coming up either. And thank you for saying "some" naturals feel superior because I think many naturals could care less about what somebody else does with their hair. I think you can be pro-natural without being condescending. If somebody wants my opinion or advice I'll give it but I won't be questioning a grown woman about her hair choices. I like hair in general, I love OUR hair in particular, natural, relaxed, texturized or transitioning, and especially if it is healthy, thriving AND long.

Yep......

I've gotten to this point in thought.
*snacking on my popcorn as I read through the thread...*

 

[Crackers Phinn]

This is so true. Also, will there ever be an answer to this question that will be "satisfactory"? On the flipside, does it matter if the answer is not good enough?

The answer to both your questions is 'no'.

If every black woman in the world became natural tomorrow, it wouldn't solve the least of black womens self esteem issues. AND it wouldnt' stop the nonstop bickering. In that world the new 'slaves' are the folks who wear twist outs or don't wear fros or GOD FORBID want curl/coil definition.

Nope this hair thing will be a neverending pissing contest. Folks need to understand, it's not what's on your head, it's what's in it and kill all this damn noise.

 

[WomanlyCharm]

The answer to both your questions is 'no'.

If every black woman in the world became natural tomorrow, it wouldn't solve the least of black womens self esteem issues. AND it wouldnt' stop the nonstop bickering. In that world the new 'slaves' are the folks who wear twist outs or don't wear fros or GOD FORBID want curl/coil definition.

Nope this hair thing will be a neverending pissing contest. Folks need to understand, it's not what's on your head, it's what's in it and kill all this damn noise.

And let the church say Amen!

 

[1QTPie]

ITA. For crying out loud, Japenese people straighten their hair! Do the ones that don't straighten call the other ones TR slaves. I doubt it.

We, no one else, are making slaves of each other. The fact of the matter is most cultures use some kind of straightening method. To me unless you're sportin' a fro it ain't natural anyway. Temporary manipulation with twist or braidouts or permanent with relaxers if it isn't YOUR natural texture it ain't natural.

That's it. I'm relaxing my hair! Just 'cause I hate people thinkin' I'm a flunky that does stuff just 'cause everybody is doing it.

I understand exactly what you are saying trust me. But I think you have to admit that the reason black/brown women across the world straightened and bleached their skin in the first place goes a lot deeper than just a style. I guarantee if there were more naps on the news, in the music industry, on talk shows and in Congress that there would be more naps everywhere. Look what happened in the 60-70s when it was all about black pride.

With that being said,

I used to relax my hair because I didn't know that we weren't supposed to do that. I was taught indirectly that naps were a bad thing and that I looked better with my hair flowing down my back. I was taught that my curls and kinks were ugly and that I NEEDED to straighten my ish. Of course when it was relaxed I was called a white girl because of how flat my hair was. Can't win for losing. erplexed

 

[1QTPie]

I relax because it's my choice, my business and no one else. I never give in to people telling me what to do - not now and not ever. The first time I relaxed my hair was because my Pastor told me (when I used to go to church) it's a sin to relax my hair and if I did, I was no longer a member of the church. So guess what, the very next day I relaxed and I was in church the Sunday doing my thing. I haven't been to that church in years but almost every member's hair is now relaxed.

Your pastor back then was a fool. What kinda nonsense?

but for real, that's not a good decision. What I mean is, you do things just because people tell you not to? Maybe that's not what you meant, but don't do that anymore, it could be dangerous.

 

[locabouthair]

well when i was relaxed it did it because i thought that's what black women are supposed to do. shoot i remember begging my mom for a perm at 4 lol. even when i started growing out my perm i never had intentions on wearing it natural. i was going to keep pressing it straight. anyway i like both natural and relaxed hair. i dont like it relaxed heads tell me i need a perm cuz i wouldnt tell them to go natural. i will never understand why when black women straighten their hair we are sell outs and trying to look white but when indian, hispanic and other raices straighten their hair no one says anything.

 

[Poohbear]

sweetcashew and Candy C... thank you for your response to my post...

lauren450... do not take my post as a put down on women who relaxed... I used to relax my hair too... I was simply asking out of curiosity... seriously. I was not judging you in any way and I do not feel superior to anyone, that would be ridiculous to think that... I didn't say anything about not letting women wear their hair relaxed... I don't see where you got that from my post... I apologize if I got carried away with the questions (trust me, I'm Ms. Inquistive on this board, you can ask anyone who been a member here longer than I have... I tend to ask a lot of questions when it comes to anything ). I'm not worried about you or trying to get all up in your business or anything ... I just wanted to see why, that's all....thanks for your response too.

ETA:
Another reason why I ask questions about this is because of the things people (mostly extremely militant nappies) say about women who relax/straighten their hair... A lot of those women will just flat out say most black women relax because they want to be white or they hate their natural hair or hate themselves... I know for a fact that women relax their hair for other reasons and I want to see what ladies here at LHCF have for reasons to relax their hair... not to prove you all wrong or anything like that... just trying to see through the logic of it all. I know it's not that serious, but this is a discussion board so I'm going to inquire as much as I'd like.