Paying Bills And Marriage

[FoxxyLocs]

In my household every dollar that comes in goes into a joint account and we budget accordingly. We each get our own spending money, which is not always equal. It depends on what we each need at the time, not on how much we make. I don't subscribe to the "my money is my money" school of thought. Everything is ours. If he makes more, if I make more, it doesn't matter. We don't hold that over each other's heads. I don't like the idea of a woman being made to feel like she's less important in the relationship because she makes less money.

I do think the man should be able to provide for his wife, especially if they want to have children. She may not plan to be a SAHM, but you never know what will happen once you actually have a child.

 

[Brwnbeauti]

I wonder if she can only eat a certain percentage of food based on her income

He gets more because his metabolism higher
Hehehe

 

[yardyspice]

I'm confused. I know marriage is a partnership, but even the 2 parties have to contribute. What is the proposed budget that is LHCF approved? That he pay all the expenses and savings and she uses her money for play? Because resentment on his side will set in real quick.

A real man won't feel resentful. A real man takes pride in taking care of his family.

 

[naturalmanenyc]

They are talking marriage but this reads like a roommate conversation. If he makes $6,200 then he should be paying the $3,500 monthly bills and her check should be for savings and household items along with the balance of his pay.

I don't like the his money v. her money idea at all. Everything is our money once you're married.

 

[cynd]

i'm shocked that they did not talk about this before they got marriederplexed.

Yep. For some reason it appears to be hard/uncomfortable for people to ask detailed questions about personal finances before they get married. I've known several people who married people whose credit was in the toilet or who had debt up the wazoo and they didn't find out until after they were married.

One of my sisters found out her husband had 40k in debt when they went to buy their first home. When i asked her how she didn't know, she said that she doesn't inquire about finances as long as he pays what he's supposed to pay. Needless to day the home purchase was put on halt until a later date

Something similar happened to my niece. They talked about buying a house even before they got married and he never said a word. How could someone think it's okay to not divulge something this significant? I'm starting to think some people actively hide the fact that they're deeply in debt from future spouses.

 

[Southernbella.]

What's so hard about that?

Dude's sitting there with a calculator. I wonder if she can only eat a certain percentage of food based on her income

Reminds me of the Joy Luck club.

Sent from my DROID BIONIC using LHCF

 

[Kurlee]

I wonder if women would be so quick to let the money "mix" in a joint account if they made more than their husbands?

 

[BEAUTYU2U]

Regardless of what the couple decides, at least they're talking about it before hand. That way if someone needs to dip, it'll be less painful Finances should not be taboo when it comes to marriage. I'm a need a credit report, AIDS test, lie detector test, and a psych eval Just saying.

 

[MrsMelodyV]

Both checks are direct deposited into the joint account. X amount goes to bills, X amount to savings/investments, X amount to private accounts if that's your thing, and X amount is mad money. No nickel and diming, no hair splitting, just our money being used for us.

Sent from my DROID BIONIC using LHCF

Thank you is not enough!!!!

 

[SuchaLady]

i wondered this very thing

I wonder if women would be so quick to let the money "mix" in a joint account if they made more than their husbands?

 

[Southernbella.]

I wonder if women would be so quick to let the money "mix" in a joint account if they made more than their husbands?

I can't imagine why not. For a very brief period when we first got married, I made a little more than dh. It never occured to me to pocket the difference or anything like that. When I say "ours", I mean it. Can't speak for other women though.

Sent from my DROID BIONIC using LHCF

 

[yardyspice]

I can't imagine why not. For a very brief period when we first got married, I made a little more than dh. It never occured to me to pocket the difference or anything like that. When I say "ours", I mean it. Can't speak for other women though.

Sent from my DROID BIONIC using LHCF

Yeah, ours is ours no matter what

 

[Kurlee]

All i'm saying is that there are many ways for a family to deal with their finances and we should be respectful of them.

 

[yardyspice]

^
That's not a "family" mentality though. Those are two individuals living under the same roof who do not trust each other enough to go all in.

 

[Mortons]

All i'm saying is that there are many ways for a family to deal with their finances and we should be respectful of them.

I get that, and I am applying family mentality to everything. I wouldn't nickel and dime my parents-they dont to me. I dont nickel and dime my sister and brother- they don't to me. So I certainly would not do so/expect it from a spouse. If others see fit to split things in a manner that works for them, that's fine, as long as they are using their family mentality to do so.

 

[carcajada]

I wonder if women would be so quick to let the money "mix" in a joint account if they made more than their husbands?

What's yours is mine and what's mine is mine.

 

[Southernbella.]

All i'm saying is that there are many ways for a family to deal with their finances and we should be respectful of them.

I thought people were being pretty respectful but the op did ask for opinions. He is a certain type of man, that's just the bottom line. If she's ok with it, then cool, but if not...I hope she knows what she's in for.

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[Dare~to~Dream]

Reminds me of the Joy Luck club.

The chick was paying "half" for ice cream that she didn't eat.

 

[calliope]

Reminds me of the Joy Luck club.

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You took the words right outta my mouth. Forget this- she should run.

What's with all this "I" and "me" business? What's so wrong with putting everything in one pot, paying the bills and budgeting out the play money?

OR

Doing the wife pays for groceries/kids/housewares and husband pays mortgage/utilities- whatever left over is yours. Why is the man in the OP so complicated and bent on nickel and diming this chick??

 

[barbiesocialite]

What's yours is mine and what's mine is mine.

This is me.

 

[doriannc]

Idk. As long as it works for them then who am I to judge. But they have to be on the same page.

I still intend on getting a prenup and separate simply because I have house and a trust in my name that I can't combine that with my future husband. My SO and I have a joint account and do the 50/50 thing. Does that make our relationship doomed? We don't fight about money ever. If I blow my personal money, I blow it, but the household account stays in tact.

So for a financial/tax planning and trust purposes to me the 50/50 thing makes sense.

 

[FelaShrine]

the thread is based on an article in the OP..why are people trying to change that and making personal remarks regarding random misers

 

[BEAUTYU2U]

You took the words right outta my mouth. Forget this- she should run.

What's with all this "I" and "me" business? What's so wrong with putting everything in one pot, paying the bills and budgeting out the play money?

OR

Doing the wife pays for groceries/kids/housewares and husband pays mortgage/utilities- whatever left over is yours. Why is the man in the OP so complicated and bent on nickel and diming this chick??

See, I was imagining it as both would direct deposit their checks into joint accounts, one for savings/bills/etc and the remainder would go to them. That's not much different than all going into one joint account then split. Does that make sense?

 

[menina]

I see 'his money is our money, my money is my money' phrase coming into this discussion.

My only question with that is: Why exclude your (general) money out of the budget if everything is 'one'?

Also my question isn't directed towards those who don't have an income/SAH or those who are with a generous rich man. I wouldn't question a woman in those positions for not contributing to the budget.

What's yours is mine and what's mine is mine.

This is me.

Oooo just the people I wanted. Lol

 

[barbiesocialite]

Oooo just the people I wanted. Lol

lol why is that?

 

[menina]

lol why is that?

My question in the first two quotes.

 

[LBoogie85]

Reminds me of the Joy Luck club.

Sent from my DROID BIONIC using LHCF

This is exactly what I thought of when I read the op. Reminds me of the ice cream situation in the joy luck club. They have $3500 in monthly expenses but she only brings home $3100?!? Whose expenses are those? But she must pay her "fair" share...:rolls eyes:

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[nlamr2013]

He's making double her salary acting all stank. He could pay all monthly expenses and still have about the same amount she does paying nothing. Smh. If anything I think each person should have set bills based on income the person with more money pays more.
Anew I thought financial people recommended saving 50% after all expenses not before?

 

[BEAUTYU2U]

WTH is Joy Luck Club?

 

[barbiesocialite]

^^^^^^

a 90s intergenerational movie about Asian women and their mothers. it's based on a book (of the same name I believe).