Paying Bills And Marriage

[FlyyBohemian]

Looking at this post makes me laugh. Men have no problem footing the bill for a woman. They foot the bill for strippers, prostitutes, and potential easy sex, but for whatever reason they want things to be FAIR when it comes to the women they want to make their other half. Then they still want to be respected as the man of the house and make most of the decisions. I can't with dudes like this! Should she charge for cooking, cleaning, having a compromised body due to having babies, taking care of kids, taking care of SICK kids, making appointments for shots, driving them to activities, etc.? Men say this stuff without really realizing all that women actually do in a marriage. I should become a butch lesbian so that I can get a wife!

 

[SincerelyJane]

LOL if its that much of an issue she can just break up with him and go back to living off of 3K a month

I don't see her doing that tho.

 

[FlyyBohemian]

Yep. For some reason it appears to be hard/uncomfortable for people to ask detailed questions about personal finances before they get married. I've known several people who married people whose credit was in the toilet or who had debt up the wazoo and they didn't find out until after they were married.

Something similar happened to my niece. They talked about buying a house even before they got married and he never said a word. How could someone think it's okay to not divulge something this significant? I'm starting to think some people actively hide the fact that they're deeply in debt from future spouses.

I'd be so pissed if my man did that to me!

 

[NOEChic]

What's so hard about that?

Dude's sitting there with a calculator. I wonder if she can only eat a certain percentage of food based on her income

But that is what he did. He did it in a fair way though.

 

[FlowerHair]

We put all our money into one account (mine ) and we decide together how much to spend and save etc. It really makes life easy!

Especially when you have kids, it will be so difficult if you have his and her money. Are you going to keep tabs on who bought diapers the last time etc?

I know a couple that save all their receipts and go over them every 3-4 months and divide everything equally. That means, of course, that the woman in the marriage has much less money. Why?! That doesn't make any sense to me. How can they enjoy anything if they have to adjust to a low income level?! His money is just growing in the bank.

 

[NOEChic]

We put all our money into one account (mine ) and we decide together how much to spend and save etc. It really makes life easy!

Especially when you have kids, it will be so difficult if you have his and her money. Are you going to keep tabs on who bought diapers the last time etc?

I know a couple that save all their receipts and go over them every 3-4 months and divide everything equally. That means, of course, that the woman in the marriage has much less money. Why?! That doesn't make any sense to me. How can they enjoy anything if they have to adjust to a low income level?! His money is just growing in the bank.

That is petty.

Now with the diapers thing is you either us the joint account to pay for it, or you suck it up and use your money to pay for it, its your child too. But for things like that for me I would use the money in the joint acct.

Joint Account bills
-car notes
-car ins
-rent/mortagage
-cell phones
-electricity
-credit cards
-groceries
-medical expenses (co pay)
-household itesm including electronics, decorations, repairs
-cable
-internet
-water
-daycare
-after care
-anything invovling the children


Seperate Account bills (mine)
-my clothes (if I didnt put it on the credit card)
-my food for lunch (if i didnt pack a lunch from home)
-my spending money when I go out with friends
-my book money
-my app money
-my if i want to buy a new phone money
-my if i want to buy his nosey but a gift and dont want him to know i am buying one or how muuch it cost money
-my i want to get my hair did money
-my product junkie money

Seperate Account bills (his)
anything he wants to spend his money on except for other women lol

 

[Kurlee]

^
That's not a "family" mentality though. Those are two individuals living under the same roof who do not trust each other enough to go all in.

so then you're saying there's only one "right" way to deal with finances?

 

[Kurlee]

What's yours is mine and what's mine is mine.

i don't think that's fair.

 

[IslandMummy]

*looks at c section scars and stretch marks*


Grabs knife; you know so we can be equal and whatnot

Purple font

 

[Kindheart]

*looks at c section scars and stretch marks*

Grabs knife; you know so we can be equal and whatnot

Purple font

LMAO ...girl I don't think men understand what we REALLY go through

 

[NOEChic]

so then you're saying there's only one "right" way to deal with finances?

there is only one way with some of these people on the board. Their way. Even if you have a successful marriage, upbringing, child rearing, career, growing hair, doing nails or doing the boogey, if it is not their way, then it is wrong.

 

[RUBY]

Men looking for roommates with a side of sex these days.

I feel if a man can't afford a wife, stay single.

I agree with the bolded. It definitely seems that way these days.

 

[carcajada]

i don't think that's fair.

Well everyone is different. And at least I'm consistent from thread to thread.

 

[RUBY]

There's a difference between assisting and paying half of the bills IMO. It also depends on which bills like big/small, necessity/extra, etc.

If it's 50/50 financially I might as well be single. I'm not as extreme as him contributing 100 and me 0, I will help, but it's not in the plans for me to provide that way.

The bolded is how I feel. If the guy wants me to pay 50/50 then I might as well be single. Its like friends just hanging out and everyone doing their own thing and covering themselves for their own fair share.

And if a guy wants to be that way early on then a precedent is set and its real hard to change things later on when circumstances change.

 

[FlowerHair]

*looks at c section scars and stretch marks*


Grabs knife; you know so we can be equal and whatnot

Purple font

Haha! You don't know how often I mention that I was cut up like a pig in slaughter to give birth to his son.

 

[FemmeCreole]

He isn't prepared for her to possibly be a stay at home wife

and he's going to make sure she gets a job when the kids go to school bc he'll make sure to point out that she's laying around all day, using his money and not contributing.

That's making assumptions. Lets stick to what is known.

 

[PerplexingComplex]

Double post.

 

[PerplexingComplex]

You guys do realize he isn't splitting bills 50/50. He's paying the majority, twice as much as her. He's also putting twice as much as her into savings. After he's spending the most money she wants to complain about things being equal because she ends up with less play money than him?
She's the one that sounds selfish to me.

However, I'm also thinking about guys that I date when reading the op, and assuming me quite a bit of his play money would be used on her anyway.

 

[Kurlee]

Well everyone is different. And at least I'm consistent from thread to thread.

what do you mean by this?

 

[Tolle]

I haven't read the entire thread but I have a new found appreciation for DH. We don't have a joint account for bills. He pays the mortgage and the utility bills get stuck on the fridge, and depending on what expenses I have, I might pay them. If they are still on the fridge close to the due date, he pays them.

When we shop, we decide in line who will pay. If we buy big ticket items, I normally chip in.

We both know he carries the bulk of our cost of living, but I have no problem pitching in if need be.

People should do what works for them.

 

[FemmeCreole]

there is only one way with some of these people on the board. Their way. Even if you have a successful marriage, upbringing, child rearing, career, growing hair, doing nails or doing the boogey, if it is not their way, then it is wrong.

This^^^erplexed

 

[MissAmy]

I don't really see an issue with the scenario since he makes more. If she wants more discretionary money, get a better job.

When my boyfriend & I lived together, we (in theory) split things 50/50, but in reality was probably more like 75/25. We split the rent, & i did groceries & cable/Internet, and a lit of baby related things ( I had cable/internet in my name long before knowing him). He paid (still does) for us to go eat, pays my gas, he was paying the whole cost of daycare, he pays the dog expenses, pays for my parking when I've got appointments, buys my parking pass for school, usually pays half of my textbooks, if I decide I'm going to the US to shop for the day,, he'll usually pay for the shopping trip, he pays for the movers everytime we move... Even now not living together, it's basically the same split minus rent.

we always said 50/50 from the start but it never actually worked that way, and we both knew it.

 

[BEAUTYU2U]

You guys do realize he isn't splitting bills 50/50. He's paying the majority, twice as much as her. He's also putting twice as much as her into savings. After he's spending the most money she wants to complain about things being equal because she ends up with less play money than him?
She's the one that sounds selfish to me.

However, I'm also thinking about guys that I date when reading the op, and assuming me quite a bit of his play money would be used on her anyway.

Also, the fact that they're putting 50% in savings, let's me know they're prepared for the possibility of children.

And to me, it sounds like her only argument seems to be is the spending allowance, not the entire arrangement.

 

[fluffyforever]

So how do y'all organize your budget? No snark, not trying to be all in your Kool-Aid but I'm curious about what the "norm" is.

Budget wise we live on 30% and use the remaining 70% to make additional debt payments. We combine all of our take home pay in a joint account that all bills are paid through. A percentage (70%) of combined income is transferred to my personal savings that is used to pay extra on debt since we are getting out of debt before marriage. The rest of the discretionary income after bills is transferred to another checking account to spend on whatever we want. We don't divide it up, it's there for us to use how we see fit. I will say that SO knows better than to make a large purchase without my consent. And I wouldn't make a large purchase without letting him know. But how we spend discretionary income isn't always selfish, most of the time he buys me things just because that is the type of person he is. Or it's spent on activities we do together.

After marriage it will be pretty much the same way, except the income transferred to my savings will just remain in my savings since we will be debt free.

 

[Southernbella.]

i don't think that's fair.

Aren't you an advocate of people doing what works for them? Or does that only apply to situations that you think are right?

Sent from my DROID BIONIC using LHCF

 

[LiftedUp]

i don't think that's fair.

"fair" in this situation is subjective though.

It's what works for the couple.

 

[Kurlee]

Aren't you an advocate of people doing what works for them? Or does that only apply to situations that you think are right?

Sent from my DROID BIONIC using LHCF

"fair" in this situation is subjective though.

It's what works for the couple.

Don't try the gotcha crap. It's wack and annoying in every thread. This isn't personal.

I find these arguments confusing.
One minute you guys are advocating for things NOT to be 50/50, even though the man is spending more money. Next, it's not "fair" because she has less spending. Then it's she's better off being single. Then after that ya'll are saying all the money should mix, but then somehow, the woman should always be the one in an advantageous position (contribute less). I'm not in any way saying one way is better than the other, I am advocating for people to be treated fairly, meaning that no one is being taken for a ride or put in a crappy position.

That's all I'm saying and as LiftedUp said, it's subjective. I just think both parties should be reasonable and while that looks different for every couple, I do believe there is some objective measure of "fairness" that we all know exists. If people want to skirt that or pretend it doesn't exist, well that's up to them.

 

[IslandMummy]

Don't try the gotcha crap. It's wack and annoying in every thread. This isn't personal.

I find these arguments confusing.
One minute you guys are advocating for things NOT to be 50/50, even though the man is spending more money. Next, it's not "fair" because she has less spending. Then it's she's better off being single. Then after that ya'll are saying all the money should mix, but then somehow, the woman should always be the one in an advantageous position (contribute less). I'm not in any way saying one way is better than the other, I am advocating for people to be treated fairly, meaning that no one is being taken for a ride or put in a crappy position.

That's all I'm saying and as LiftedUp said, it's subjective. I just think both parties should be reasonable and while that looks different for every couple, I do believe there is some objective measure of "fairness" that we all know exists. If people want to skirt that or pretend it doesn't exist, well that's up to them.

How old are you Kurlee? I'm not being facetious at all and you don't have to answer if you feel I'm being snarky or facetious in any way

 

[Southernbella.]

Whatever Kurlee. Just admit that you are just as set in your thinking as those you preach to (which is also annoying in every thread). You say people should do what works and nobody should judge, then turn right around and judge people for saying that something you don't like works for them.

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[natura87]