This. Just had a recently married friend complain that she didn't realize her DH had so much debt. Now she's torn between putting everything in a community pot or having him pay off his old debts before they consolidate their money. People really need to talk about all aspects of finances before they jump the broom.
I haven't read the entire thread but I have a new found appreciation for DH. We don't have a joint account for bills. He pays the mortgage and the utility bills get stuck on the fridge, and depending on what expenses I have, I might pay them. If they are still on the fridge close to the due date, he pays them.
When we shop, we decide in line who will pay. If we buy big ticket items, I normally chip in.
We both know he carries the bulk of our cost of living, but I have no problem pitching in if need be.
People should do what works for them.
i don't think that's fair.
Whatever Kurlee. Just admit that you are just as set in your thinking as those you preach to (which is also annoying in every thread). You say people should do what works and nobody should judge, then turn right around and judge people for saying that something you don't like works for them.
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My brother is making his fiance pay off a certain portion of her personal debt before he will marry her.
They delayed the wedding by a year so that she can fix her credit and get her debt under control.
He wants them to buy a house together right after they marry, but he wants her to be fiscally responsible first .
Y'all would think this was your budget
wow.
most husbands/FHs have the integrity to pay off their wife's debt.
My brother is making his fiance pay off a certain portion of her personal debt before he will marry her.
They delayed the wedding by a year so that she can fix her credit and get her debt under control.
He wants them to buy a house together right after they marry, but he wants her to be fiscally responsible first .
My brother is making his fiance pay off a certain portion of her personal debt before he will marry her.
They delayed the wedding by a year so that she can fix her credit and get her debt under control.
He wants them to buy a house together right after they marry, but he wants her to be fiscally responsible first .
Why?
If she is racking up debt why should he foot the bill, thats only telling her that she can do whatever she wants and buy whatever she wants and someone else will foot the bill. That is irresponsible.
Why?
If she is racking up debt why should he foot the bill, thats only telling her that she can do whatever she wants and buy whatever she wants and someone else will foot the bill. That is irresponsible.
Because that's what men do: take care of their women (wives/mothers/daughters).
clearly she racked up a bunch of debt by herself. She did this on her own accord. Doesnt take a rocket scientist to see she's bad with money. She's going to do it again too. Her DH should want to assist and protect her. If her DH isnt wiling or doesnt feel it's his place to help maneuver, buffer or fix the situation to help her it says a lot about him as a man
Assist, not pay it in full. Help her, not coddle her. There is a big difference. Paying it off for her will only allow her to do it again. If anything she needs counseling to figure out why she is spending so much and recklessly.
I have never understood this. Wouldn't living under the same roof, sharing costs, being on his insurance, etc help her pay off the debt faster than remaining unmarried, living apart, receiving none of the marital benefits? erplexed
IMO, money issues are the #1 reason for divorce because so many people (foolishly) think their finances will organize themselves... they don't. I'd take breaking up with a SO because of differences in handling money over constantly battling with and ultimately divorcing a husband any day of the week.This. Just had a recently married friend complain that she didn't realize her DH had so much debt. Now she's torn between putting everything in a community pot or having him pay off his old debts before they consolidate their money. People really need to talk about all aspects of finances before they jump the broom.
I already know your POV. explains a lot. Def isnt mine tho.
They are living together already. He already pays the rent and all living expenses.
I was a little taken back at first when they both told me this, but see why now. I like the girl, but she is a little financially irresponsible and has taken out loans for her family, and did stupid things with her money when she was younger. She can't say "no" to family and her credit has suffered because of it.
He is not talking about student loans, or making her pay off all the debt just, just a certain portion of her cc debt from family loans, shopping ,etc..
He wants her cut that debt in half, by herself
If he is footing all the bills that sounds like a plan. Matter a fact, he better hope that she sticks with him after that debt is paid and she has lived rent free j/k
OT: What's with the sudden distaste for the word "fair?" So there's a new definition, now?
To ME, fair is knowing that should DH and I ever split, we aren't gonna have a D. Wade type situation where he's trying to ruin my image and take my kids from me. Taking the kids' feelings into consideration is fair. That's what I'd attribute to being fair and a main attribute I'd look for in a man in general. Or he isn't gonna get mad and post intimate pics to some website for revenge. That is fair. Y'all talking about "I don't want a fair man," or "everything in a marriage won't be fair" so casually as if he were to decide not to be fair in a situation that would put you at a disadvantage, then that'd be ok. You know you wouldn't accept that.
They are living together already. He already pays the rent and all living expenses.
I was a little taken back at first when they both told me this, but see why now. I like the girl, but she is a little financially irresponsible and has taken out loans for her family, and did stupid things with her money when she was younger. She can't say "no" to family and her credit has suffered because of it.
Do y'all want a husband or a daddy? This thread is getting weird.
Why?
If she is racking up debt why should he foot the bill, thats only telling her that she can do whatever she wants and buy whatever she wants and someone else will foot the bill. That is irresponsible.
A husband that spoils them like their daddy did. He set the standard and a potential DH can do no less. Girl you aren't new here