Only dating people who are raised in a two-parent home

[femalegold]

The other day I was having a conversation with one of my coworkers and she mentioned that she only have relationships with guys who were raised in a two-parent home. Well I was speechless. As we continued talking about the subject others (three guys) chimed in on the conversation as well. They felt the same way, about being in a relationship with someone who was raised in a two-parent home. I guess I didn't realize that you weren't good enough for some people because you weren't brought up by both parents. I walked away from that conversation feeling many different ways.

How do you feel about your mate or future spouse being raised by one parent or both? Does it really matter as long as the person is good, respectful, and has their priorities in order?

 

[Connie]

My ex-hubby and almost 2nd hubby were both raised in two-parent homes, and they both fell very short in the Mr. Right department for various reasons.

 

[phynestone]

There are exceptions on both sides, but I can see the logic in that argument. She probably believes people from two-parent homes are more likely to have been raised in a stable home, and therefore, are probably stable. However, this doesn't account for those whose parents divorced/becamed widows/er and were still provided with a stable environment. Not all two-parent homes are necessarily great and neither are one-parent families.

I would prefer someone who came from a stable, two-parent home (the word 'stable' is debatable), but I won't rule out the others. I would also need to see evidence of stability in their own lives, such as work habits, personal/living habits, relationships with others as well as other examples.

 

[femalegold]

There are exceptions on both sides, but I can see the logic in that argument. She probably believes people from two-parent homes are more likely to have been raised in a stable home, and therefore, are probably stable. However, this doesn't account for those whose parents divorced/becamed widows/er and were still provided with a stable environment. Not all two-parent homes are necessarily great and neither are one-parent families.

I would prefer someone who came from a stable, two-parent home (the word 'stable' is debatable), but I won't rule out the others. I would also need to see evidence of stability in their own lives, such as work habits, personal/living habits, relationships with others as well as other examples.

See this is how I looked at it. It doesn't really matter as long as the person has stability in their life. I also agree that a two-parent home can be just as bad if not worse than being raised by a single parent.

 

[FluffyRed]

I used to feel that way.

I married a 2parent hsehold man where the dad beat the mom - he told Harpo to beat me!!!
#ilefthim

My cuz married a single-mom hsehold brother who is now a law professor who makes their daughters pancakes every saturday morning so mom can sleep in. He is the man!

 

[sylver2]

Jeffrey Dahmer was raised in a two parent home Good luck with that.

 

[firecracker]

A two parent home doesnt mean it is/was a good marriage or family life. Dsyfunction comes in all shapes and sizes. Tell her to hire a detective b4 dating. Lol. Alot of folks fake the funk in front of outsiders and visitors for eons.

 

[FlowerHair]

It would make sense if it wasn't for the fact that almost 100% of children just 50 years ago were born into two parent homes where the parents were married. And look at us now

I do focus on men that have a healthy relationship with their parents though...

 

[Okay]

I think that is so wrong and unfair on so many levels.
How is it a childs fault growing up if the parents marriage didnt work out?
Lol. Not all parents are good parents first off all, and sometimes a person can be unstaple BECAUSE of that. So that means they arent good enough?
I will never judge anyone based on that. People need to stop generalizing!

 

[Dellas]

I was raised in a one parent household. Men have been told all the time to look for females who were raised by two parents and who have a good relationship with their father. I was offended by it but I do understand. I have personally found that men who were raised by great fathers were more likely to be family oriented and great providers. Men raised by uncles, guys on the corner, the street.... did not know how to be good fathers...it takes them awhile to get themselves together. Also, they were harsher on women...meaning... you were about to hustle like they had. Don't think about being a stay at home mom with them.

 

[Dposh167]

the guy i'm seeing had no father all his life.
I was raised with both parents in a loving marriage.
He has treated me the best out of all the guys i ever dated (even the ones raised in 2 parent households).

"Being raised by both parents"= greatness ....holds no weight imo

 

[Dellas]

Obama was raised in a one parent household...but he had a good role model-grandad.
Tiger Woods was raised in a two parent household....but his father ...was already
married when he met and married Tiger's mom....I don't know how it was
like in his family but I had heard it was difficult.
The Jacksons were raised in a two parent household.

My Point--> everything depends on who was the role model.

 

[Okay]

^^ exactly. and so many other things decide in shaping a person.
childhood has alot to say, yes, but not all parents are responsible.

what about kids in foster homes? children of abusers? drug add? etc etc
they are automatically excluded?

 

[Krymsonkween]

Bah hahahahthis is so funny. My grandmother raise me and my sister. She was very loving and yes I had mom and dad but they fought all the time. My brother was raise by my mom and dad. He hasdheated on my sister-in-law since they have been married. My husband was raise by his mom and dad his mom had several affairs and took him with her his dad is a severa alcholic, but he is a very caring man.

I am so well rounded. I luv my granny and hats off to the one parent households. They work extra hard to take care of business and some do a darn good job!

 

[MzLady78]

Jeffrey Dahmer was raised in a two parent home Good luck with that.

Okay!

This isn't the first time of heard of this, and while I kind of understand the reasoning behind it, I definitely think it's flawed.

The last guy I was involved with was raised by both parents and I don't think I've ever met anyone with such a horrible viewpoint of relationships and women in general. I feel very sorry for the one who ends up with him.

Now that I'm thinking about it, the 2 guys I put on the top of my list as far as treating me well didn't have relationships with their fathers.

 

[KEWLKAT103]

What if it's a dysfunctional 2 parent home? Even if it was, the person could still come out stronger because of it.
They're going to miss out on a whole lot of good people by pre judging this way.

 

[BellaLunie]

Wow you would think of the state of families in this day and age people wouldn't be so quick to judge. I can understand women or men choosing not to date someone because they have children because that's controlable but something like not having a nuclear family. That's crazy to me I've never heard this before

 

[Almaz]

Some 2 parent homes are JACKED up

 

[DMJ's Mom]

When I was single I didn't rule out anybody as long as I felt they were a good person whether it was a 2 parent, single parent or even no parent upbringing

 

[Bunny77]

I don't have this as a qualification for who I date, but in my dating experience, it has been "different," I guess I'd say, dating someone who grew up without his father around versus someone from a two-parent family.

This is not at all to say that the guys from two-parent families were all sweet angelic types (ha!!), but we saw eye-to-eye on more things regarding marriage and family. Also, there was more of a comfort level dealing with families where there were two parents (even if the parents were divorced), than one parent and a usually deadbeat "baby daddy" with his other kids by other women... good lawd.

That being said, I would be open to a man who didn't come from a two-parent home, but as I would with anyone else, I would look to make sure that our values were in line in terms of believing in the importance of marriage, involved fathers, NOT expecting wife/mother to be superwoman, etc.

 

[msdeevee]

I don't know if your friend is AA or Caucasian but as for BW just another disqualifier to further narrow the field.

I was raised in a 2 parent household and my Father was abusive, controlling and made all of us nervous wrecks with other probs. I wish my Mother had left him years ago before the stress killed her.

My DH was raised with his Dad alone after his Mom died with a non-caring step family...he is supportive, loving, generous and everything else. I count my blessings that I was able to meet and marry him.

Did you ever read the story of the girl whose Mom was on drugs and she virtually raised herself living on the subways and suffering . She went on to Harvard and made her life a great success, Nothing is set in stone for anyone just because of the circumstances of their birth .

We have to get over this he gotta be taller, darker, lighter, curlier, AA, YT, rich, older, younger... now 2 parent household for me to Marry him so that we won't remain the 70% unmarrieds.

Not to say that we shouldn't have standards or preferences but some of this stuff is getting really crazy.

 

[ambergirl]

Yeah it really depends....

And some of these men raised in two parent households learn to expect and mimic that macho, man of the house, mentality if that's what Dad was representing

 

[ladysaraii]

I do understand where they are coming from.

I dont have that requirement, but I've learned how important it is to look at a person's relationship with their parent(s) b/c that can affect a lot.

People might not just be looking at how kids turn out, it might be a parental care issue. Like, what supports are in place as the parent ages. If they are a single parent, more work might fall on you. Just a thought that occured to me

sorta OT: Didn't Obama's mom remarry his sister's father? Cuz I could have sworn there were 2 parents around for a while.

 

[Okay]

I don't know if your friend is AA or Caucasian but as for BW just another disqualifier to further narrow the field.

I was raised in a 2 parent household and my Father was abusive, controlling and made all of us nervous wrecks with other probs. I wish my Mother had left him years ago before the stress killed her.

My DH was raised with his Dad alone after his Mom died with a non-caring step family...he is supportive, loving, generous and everything else. I count my blessings that I was able to meet and marry him.

Did you ever read the story of the girl whose Mom was on drugs and she virtually raised herself living on the subways and suffering . She went on to Harvard and made her life a great success, Nothing is set in stone for anyone just because of the circumstances of their birth .

We have to get over this he gotta be taller, darker, lighter, curlier, AA, YT, rich, older, younger... now 2 parent household for me to Marry him so that we won't remain the 70% unmarrieds.

Not to say that we shouldn't have standards or preferences but some of this stuff is getting really crazy.

well said..
its getting crazy.. everything isnt so black and white.

 

[makeupgirl]

That's not fair but it is her opinion and preference but I wasn't raised by my dad and come from a single family home isn't that the majority now. My dad came from a 2 parent home and he's (I love him unconditionally) but I don't know what's it like to have a father because my dad was all about him. My mom came from 2 parent home and my grandparents split in her late teens, early twenties but she's ok. She did tell me that she married my dad just to get away from her household (grandma drank a lot) but there is obviously no stability no matter how you came up. That's something I'm sure that with the help of the Lord that is created (I hope that made sense I'm so sleepy now)

 

[makeupgirl]

I don't know if your friend is AA or Caucasian but as for BW just another disqualifier to further narrow the field.

We have to get over this he gotta be taller, darker, lighter, curlier, AA, YT, rich, older, younger... now 2 parent household for me to Marry him so that we won't remain the 70% unmarrieds.

Not to say that we shouldn't have standards or preferences but some of this stuff is getting really crazy.

I agree with your post. My preference as I get older is more opened and not about looks, its about attraction physically and spiritually. Plus, God knows who we're going to end up with before the foundation of this world so I'm glad that he's picking out the mate and not me.

 

[pisceschica]

No it really doesn't matter.

There are many people that are raised in very dysfunctional and abusive two parent households. And there are others that have been raised in very healthy and functional one parent households.

No one chooses their family (parents) or the household structure in which they grow up in.

 

[femalegold]

No it really doesn't matter.

There are many people that are raised in very dysfunctional and abusive two parent households. And there are others that have been raised in very healthy and functional one parent households.

No one chooses their family (parents) or the household structure in which they grow up in.

This is a very true statement! This is why I walked away from the conversation with so many mixed feelings mainly disbelief that people think like this. I come from a single parent home and I turned out great.

 

[femalegold]

I don't know if your friend is AA or Caucasian but as for BW just another disqualifier to further narrow the field.

I was raised in a 2 parent household and my Father was abusive, controlling and made all of us nervous wrecks with other probs. I wish my Mother had left him years ago before the stress killed her.

My DH was raised with his Dad alone after his Mom died with a non-caring step family...he is supportive, loving, generous and everything else. I count my blessings that I was able to meet and marry him.

Did you ever read the story of the girl whose Mom was on drugs and she virtually raised herself living on the subways and suffering . She went on to Harvard and made her life a great success, Nothing is set in stone for anyone just because of the circumstances of their birth .

We have to get over this he gotta be taller, darker, lighter, curlier, AA, YT, rich, older, younger... now 2 parent household for me to Marry him so that we won't remain the 70% unmarrieds.

Not to say that we shouldn't have standards or preferences but some of this stuff is getting really crazy.

My coworkers 2 guys 1 black 1white 1 black girl.
The book your referencing was turned into a movie and I say it on lifetime.
I agree 100% with you that this is something we need to get over.

 

[Bunny77]

This is a very true statement! This is why I walked away from the conversation with so many mixed feelings mainly disbelief that people think like this. I come from a single parent home and I turned out great.

You know, in these types of situations, you just can't take things personally. If they have that opinion, then that's on them. It doesn't reflect on you or your ability to be a good mate.

I know that there are a lot of men not checking for me because of whatever reason. I used to be mad, but you know what? They can choose whomever they want... I just know I'm a great catch, so I'll just worry about the people who do include me in their pool and go from there.

And you don't have to prove anything to anyone just because of your background.