My date asked me why...

[aribell]

...he loves women of all colors (esp. white women), but he gets really angry when he sees a beautiful black woman with a white man. He said he knew it was a double standard but he really felt strongly about it.

I told him that it didn't have anything to do with the woman but rather with his sense of competition with white men. I said that white men dating black women is a way of white men encroaching upon the "territory" of black men (esp. since black women have traditionally been so loyal).

He then said that he believed the white men were with the black women because of sex. erplexed I told him I didn't believe that. I think that myth circulates because black men don't want to think that white men might actually have something to offer a black woman.

What do you all think? Why the double standard?

 

[Natty_Virgo]

That's a pretty open conversation to have with a date.

Sent from my DROID3 using DROID3

 

[aribell]

^^^We've known one another for a while. More friends at this point than anything else.

ETA: But he is very open and direct. I posted the nice version of what he said.

 

[Theo]

My black male friends were like that too. Any time a non-black person expressed interest in me they said it was because of sex erplexed. I accepted it at the time, but I don't really think that way any longer

 

[aribell]

My black male friends were like that too. Any time a non-black person expressed interest in me they said it was because of sex erplexed. I accepted it at the time, but I don't really think that way any longer

I'm thinking now that it may be a reflection of these men's underlying belief that white women really are better and that the only reason a white man would choose a black woman is because of sex. Like they can't conceive of any other reason that a white man would forego being with a white woman.

 

[intergalacticartist]

...he loves women of all colors (esp. white women), but he gets really angry when he sees a beautiful black woman with a white man. He said he knew it was a double standard but he really felt strongly about it.

I told him that it didn't have anything to do with the woman but rather with his sense of competition with white men. I said that white men dating black women is a way of white men encroaching upon the "territory" of black men (esp. since black women have traditionally been so loyal).

He then said that he believed the white men were with the black women because of sex. erplexed I told him I didn't believe that. I think that myth circulates because black men don't want to think that white men might actually have something to offer a black woman.

What do you all think? Why the double standard?

OP I think you already hit the nail on the head. It's all ego.
The reason why white society puts white women on a pedestal is simply...well because they're white. That's all. Plain racism.

Of course they are going to say that because that's their women!

I hate mentioning this because it makes me sick to my stomach but you know when white men say they won't be with a white women after she's been with a black men?

Like she's f*cking diseased or some sh!t?

That's the inferiority white men feel compared to black men. You know how the whole "black men are hung" business? Yeah, they feel intimidated by that.

Once again, all ego.

My black male friends were like that too. Any time a non-black person expressed interest in me they said it was because of sex erplexed. I accepted it at the time, but I don't really think that way any longer

They're jealous. They feel inferior to white men, so seek to validate themselves by having a white woman on their arm. All ego again.
That's why when you hear black men say "Black women have nappy hair" or "Black women are too dark", you can't take it to heart because that's their own inferiority they're projecting onto you.
That's how they feel about themselves.
Black women are the only guaranteed thing they've had and NOW they have to deal with yet another thing stolen by WM?
They can't handle that. Ego.

Wow...actually, I left that part of the convo out, but this guy said it was because of sex, too.

I'm thinking now that it may be a reflection of these men's underlying belief that white women really are better and that the only reason a white man would choose a black woman is because of sex. Like they can't conceive of any other reason that a white man would forego being with a white woman.

The only reason they feel that is because of the inferiority they feel. They know ALL men can't possibly just want you for sex, that's silly/

It's just jealousy OP. If I were you I wouldn't be sure if I would go out with this fool again

 

[UrbainChic]

Wow...actually, I left that part of the convo out, but this guy said it was because of sex, too.

I'm thinking now that it may be a reflection of these men's underlying belief that white women really are better and that the only reason a white man would choose a black woman is because of sex. Like they can't conceive of any other reason that a white man would forego being with a white woman.

That is a great point.

I really believe that a guy who holds this kind of double standard, that he can love " all kinds of women" but black women cannot be with white men, has some internalized problem.

Maybe its that they feel white men get what is "best" so now its a mind f-ck that they are not going for the "better" women.

 

[LadyPaniolo]

He is showing you who he is. He is a black man who believes white women are inherently better than black women (like you OP). So... the whys and wherefores are way less important than the bottom line -> he's not a good choice for you to date OR be friends with

 

[Okay]

OP I think you already hit the nail on the head. It's all ego.
The reason why white society puts white women on a pedestal is simply...well because they're white. That's all. Plain racism.

Of course they are going to say that because that's their women!

I hate mentioning this because it makes me sick to my stomach but you know when white men say they won't be with a white women after she's been with a black men?

Like she's f*cking diseased or some sh!t?

That's the inferiority white men feel compared to black men. You know how the whole "black men are hung" business? Yeah, they feel intimidated by that.

Once again, all ego.




They're jealous. They feel inferior to white men, so seek to validate themselves by having a white woman on their arm. All ego again.
That's why when you hear black men say "Black women have nappy hair" or "Black women are too dark", you can't take it to heart because that's their own inferiority they're projecting onto you.
That's how they feel about themselves.
Black women are the only guaranteed thing they've had and NOW they have to deal with yet another thing stolen by WM?
They can't handle that. Ego.



The only reason they feel that is because of the inferiority they feel. They know ALL men can't possibly just want you for sex, that's silly/

It's just jealousy OP. If I were you I wouldn't be sure if I would go out with this fool again

I LOVE THIS POST!! YOU ARE 100% CORRECT!!

 

[Raspberry]

Maybe its that they feel white men get what is "best" so now its a mind f-ck that they are not going for the "better" women.

I agree. They may think white some are inherently superior to black some so the only reason a white man would be with a black women is out of sexual curiosity. Also many black men feel inferior to white men so they think its a slap in the face of black men when black women date out..esp hot black women.

The sex argument bothers me because there are plenty of men.. black men too.. dating both black and white women for sex. I guess its ok if they use women but no one else can?

 

[aribell]

It's just jealousy OP. If I were you I wouldn't be sure if I would go out with this fool again

He is showing you who he is. He is a black man who believes white women are inherently better than black women (like you OP). So... the whys and wherefores are way less important than the bottom line -> he's not a good choice for you to date OR be friends with

You both make very fair points. TBH, we've known one another since we were in high school. He wanted to talk marriage a couple of years back, but one of my reasons for saying "no" was an underlying suspicion that what he really wanted at the end of the day was a white woman. It's not until now that we had an explicit conversation about it that confirmed what I thought was true all along.

He's really a loose cannon, and the way he says things is immensely entertaining. That's probably why I wasn't outright offended. (and I don't think he realizes what his own motive are) But some of the other things he said about black women essentially boiled down to, "Why would Tommy deal with all of Shamika's issues when he could just go and be with Cindy?"

Glad I shared this with you all. Yeah...no more dates for us!

ETA: I think he thinks I'm some kind of exception. Kind of like people with racist tendencies make special exceptions for their SOs or close friends but still hold stereotypical perceptions of the race on the whole.

 

[Okay]

How lame that he himself loves him some white women but catches feelings If a black women is dating out.

I love making cocky men with huge ego's jealous so I would have robbed in his face just to annoy him

 

[LadyPaniolo]

I'm so glad to hear you will be cutting him loose. Personally, I wouldn't even speak to him beyond what is bare-bones necessary, like saying Hi and Bye. I don't permit damaged people who hold anti-LadyP values in my sphere like that.

If a white/Korean/Mexican dude said some stuff like that (that WW are the best, the only reason to deal with a BW is for sex ) then I think MOST bw would cut that joker loose instantly, maybe with a tongue lashing first. Yet so many BW sit and listen like it's pure knowledge when a BM is talking that SAME poison

 

[Charz]

I'm thinking now that it may be a reflection of these men's underlying belief that white women really are better and that the only reason a white man would choose a black woman is because of sex. Like they can't conceive of any other reason that a white man would forego being with a white woman.

Exactly why I couldnt be "dating" or "friends" with a condescending jerk.

 

[aribell]

Exactly why I couldnt be "dating" or "friends" with a condescending jerk.

Well it generally takes actually spending time with someone to suss out their character. Many many people hold incorrect views but just know when to hold their tongue.

Sent from my LS670 using LS670

 

[RoseTintedCheeks]

Interesting thread.

I heard a white man say almost the exact same thing. It doesn't bother him to see another white man with a black man, but he hated seeing black men with white women.

I think it's a male thing more than a race thing. I don't waste my time trying to understand.

 

[lesedi]

I think it's ignorant but I kinda get it....Don't shoot!
I have no problem with interracial dating in general but when i see the type of black man who feels like he has won an oscar for being with a busted white woman, beaming while walking with one, i feel some kind of way. It takes me back to high school when the black boys would be umping over themselves to date a homely white girl for 'status'.

eta: I have dated interracially

 

[Flawless_JYM]

Interesting thread.

I heard a white man say almost the exact same thing. It doesn't bother him to see another white man with a black man, but he hated seeing black men with white women.

I think it's a male thing more than a race thing. I don't waste my time trying to understand.

ITA that's how most people are about "their" men/women don't think its wholesale people insecure about all types of extra stuff. If that's the case I guess alot of people on here are insecure but I would choose to believe that they just don't like their good man/woman taken by people from other races without saying said person is being insecure. My brother calls these types of threads Rosewood threads because whether on a male/female dominated mb certain threads you can tell the outcome/responses and all they do is rile up the mob like good ole Fanny Taylor did.

 

[Mis007]

..

What do you all think? Why the double standard?

Because it bothers some, hell, some are mad when they even *think* you like another ethnicity...they got smart *** comments about how we think we're "too good" and whatever other insult some want to hurl. They don't like not being the sole focus of our energy.

They hate the idea that BW really have options. They however can have a million reasons why BW aren't good enough and why another race/ethnicity does everything better.

BTW, When I say "they" I"m meaning some...most brothers are level headed good men and I do believe that.

 

[Raspberry]

Interesting thread.

I heard a white man say almost the exact same thing. It doesn't bother him to see another white man with a black man, but he hated seeing black men with white women.

I think it's a male thing more than a race thing. I don't waste my time trying to understand.

Interesting.. there's a ton of BM/WW couples where I lived and I've definitely noticed white men giving them the stink eye at the grocery store or mall or whatever, especially if the woman in question is cute .

 

[MD_Lady]

...What do you all think? Why the double standard?

Because men are FOREVER having double standards when it comes to sex and relationships. Something that's perfectly OK for them to do is unforgivable for a woman because it's "different".

 

[sugarwater]

I know its wrong and hypocritical, but I feel the same way.

While I've dated white guys before, but when i see a BM and WW together, i get irritated.
Mostly because most BM I know who date white women, ONLY date white women, or if they do date "all races" white women are on the top of there list and black women are at the bottom. People say preferences, we all know it deeper then that.

 

[LadyPaniolo]

Nicola.Kerwan is the one who knows him... and if SHE thinks he holds WW as and she has determined that he thinks BW are then I will give her judgment the benefit of the doubt. He would be one of legion black men who feel that way.

 

[CurlyMoo]

Men are funny because, men in general want sex.

 

[tocktick]

Interesting.. there's a ton of BM/WW couples where I lived and I've definitely noticed white men giving them the stink eye at the grocery store or mall or whatever, especially if the woman in question is cute .

I think some of this comes back to the idea in society that men can possess women. There's a "not our women" mentality at play here, where men have no problem dating women of other races but don't let it be "their" women (women of the same racial group) dating out.

 

[jeanghrey]

aren't all men ultimately interested in women for sex at some point?

 

[Dposh167]

well other races can be with BM for sex too. Hence the Mandingo complex...and BM having larger penis than white men....or they are more aggressive in the bedroom. So you can switch that excuse right back at him.

just to add. There's a difference btwn equal opportunity dating...and preferences based on self hate. I don't respect people with the latter.

 

[Charz]

well other races can be with BM for sex too. Hence the Mandingo complex...and BM having larger penis than white men....or they are more aggressive in the bedroom. So you can switch that excuse right back at him..

Agreed. This would have been a great comeback, OP

 

[lushcoils]

Would you all date/friend non-black men who said the same thing about women in their group?

 

[BeautifulFlower]

......................................