My BFF just found out her husband is cheating on her with a MAN

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NAPPYCHICK86

New Member
:ohwell:. IDK what to tell her. Actually there isnt much I can tell her. But my body did go numb when she told me. Her husband doesnt look like the "typical" gay male. She wants to come spend a few days at our place but I just dont know how to handle this particular situation. Any Advice?
 
If she really is your best friend forever then she will need your support and rational thinking. I have never been married but regardless of who he was unfaithful with, she is hurting.

If you cannot open your home to her do you think you could take her away somewhere for a few days so she can process, cry and grieve the relationship?
 
diadall said:
If she really is your best friend forever then she will need your support and rational thinking. I have never been married but regardless of who he was unfaithful with, she is hurting.

If you cannot open your home to her do you think you could take her away somewhere for a few days so she can process, cry and grieve the relationship?
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I am opening my home to her but ive never dealt with this before. IDK what to expect. She is hurting VERY bad and there are kids involved. Its a sad sad situation. This happened about 3 weeks ago but she just told me. My heart is aching for her.

She feels that she hasnt been "woman" enough for him if that makes since. I dont think she ever suspected anything.
 
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Can she stay with you? I'm sure she needs to go away and clear her head to process her next steps...hopefully a divorce. Did he reveal to her or did she discover on her own?

I hope they don't have kids as that will make it much more difficult.
 
NAPPYCHICK86 said:
I am opening my home to her but ive never dealt with this before. IDK what to expect. She is hurting VERY bad and there are kids involved. Its a sad sad situation. This happened about 3 weeks ago but she just told me. My heart is aching for her.

She feels that she hasnt been "woman" enough for him if that makes since. I dont think she ever suspected anything.
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She has never dealt with this either. I don't know what to say except to try your best to be there for her.
 
NAPPYCHICK86 said:
:ohwell:. IDK what to tell her. Actually there isnt much I can tell her. But my body did go numb when she told me. Her husband doesnt look like the "typical" gay male. She wants to come spend a few days at our place but I just dont know how to handle this particular situation. Any Advice?
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Exactly how few are these "few days"? It's easy for people to move in, but a whole other thing to have them move out.
Maybe go somewhere for a few days. She will need to talk to counselor though... process everything with an unbiased person.
 
OMG this is horrible...and there are kids involved :(

My heart goes out to your friend, I can't even fathom how she's feeling right now.

I really can't wrap my head around this, it's just :nono: :nono:
 
TayMac said:
Can she stay with you? I'm sure she needs to go away and clear her head to process her next steps...hopefully a divorce. Did he reveal to her or did she discover on her own?

I hope they don't have kids as that will make it much more difficult.
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She discovered on her own. He had a whole apartment with this man. He was lying to her BIGTIME everytime he said he had a "business meeting" He was not smart about his cheating either(imo) I cant believe she didnt know sooner.
 
zenith said:
Exactly how few are these "few days"? It's easy for people to move in, but a whole other thing to have them move out.
Maybe go somewhere for a few days. She will need to talk to counselor though... process everything with an unbiased person.
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We agreed to a week. She needs it and we've been friends for 10 years. She definately needs counseling ive already told her.
 
Oh Wow :nono:

Your friend is going to need a lot of support, and counseling--I don't see how she'll get over it without counseling.

He was leading a double life :nono: and putting her and his children in danger (are the children his also?)
 
Just be there for her. Listen to her and just be a friend. Since you nor she has ever dealt with this before its rather shocking and neither of you really know how to handle it so all you can do is just support her in any way you can.

Please tell her tho, that him cheating with a man has absolutely NO reflection on her womanhood. None.
 
~~HoneyComb~~ said:
Oh Wow :nono:

Your friend is going to need a lot of support, and counseling--I don't see how she'll get over it without counseling.

He was leading a double life :nono: and putting her and his children in danger (are the children his also?)
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Yes, they have 2 daughters. I told her to get herself checked asap for stds.
 
First of all, take her the clinic to get tested in case he was having unprotected sex. Then tell her to get a divorce. The man probably has a lot of identity issues and he needs to work them out. But their marriage is over.

She really need your support right now. But none of this is her fault. A lot of men try their best to "do the right thing" and marry a woman when they have feelings for men. Help her understand that and focus on the kids. Direct her to a lawyer and a counselor and be a good friend. That's the best thing you can do.
 
An apartment. Wow! I can't imagine how I'd a feel..shock, anger, hurt all mixed together. I hate that she is blaming herself. Are the children young? Does she have family in the city?

He needs to move out of the house immediately. I would insist upon it.

Be an ear and shoulder for her..which it sounds like you are.
 
NAPPYCHICK86 said:
I am opening my home to her but ive never dealt with this before. IDK what to expect. She is hurting VERY bad and there are kids involved. Its a sad sad situation. This happened about 3 weeks ago but she just told me. My heart is aching for her.

She feels that she hasnt been "woman" enough for him if that makes since. I dont think she ever suspected anything.
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Ah, Reality Check: He wasn't man enough for her. He apparently was leaning toward this or was bi/homesexual or questioning before her. I doubt to turned to men for the feminine qualities

End rant: I mean just be there for here. I would just let her get it out before you help her try to rationalize. Comfort food, Comfort convo, and comfort movies.
 
TayMac said:
An apartment. Wow! I can't imagine how I'd a feel..shock, anger, hurt all mixed together. I hate that she is blaming herself. Are the children young? Does she have family in the city?

He needs to move out of the house immediately. I would insist upon it.

Be an ear and shoulder for her..which it sounds like you are.
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Her family doesnt even know . She is VERY ashamed. I am the only person she's told so far. The kids are 1 and 4 still very very young. She took a leave of absence from work and shes being very hard on herself. I just dont understand why he would do something like this. Looking at her cry makes me break down. Im so glad I have this forum to come to when I need advice. This board is so much more than just a hairboard.
 
NAPPYCHICK86 said:
Her family doesnt even know . She is VERY ashamed. I am the only person she's told so far. The kids are 1 and 4 still very very young. She took a leave of absence from work and shes being very hard on herself. I just dont understand why he would do something like this. Looking at her cry makes me break down. Im so glad I have this forum to come to when I need advice. This board is so much more than just a hairboard.
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Well you can tell her chocolatelove2010 knows aswell.

On a serious note, time is the best healer.

Tell her she did NOTHING wrong. How can she think she wasn't womanly enough? huh... clearly she wasn't manly enough. Tell her it's ok... there are plenty of men out there who appreciate the titties.

Don't worry, she'll be alright. I wish her the best.
 
NAPPYCHICK86 said:
Yes he knows. And even had the nerve to bring dude over once the **** hit the fan. She was hysterical. And demanded that they leave. She just wants out of her home environment for a while
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What an awful man. Who brings their mistress or lover to their wive's place? :barf:
Her husband probably wants all of them to become friends and have Sunday dinners together. :nono:
 
geez i wonder about these men :nono: i mean i understand you wanna keep it on the low but you don't gotta be on the downlow. If you don't want society to find out you're gay then act like you ain't dating anybody and do your dirt behind closed doors, why drag someone else into your mess? Now she waisted years of her life on you and sorry "sir" but you ain't worth $hit.
Looking back, does she now recognize ANY signs? What a selfish man! Cause he knew since before he made a mockery of their marriage that he was gay! :wallbash:
how exactly did she find out?
 
This is quite sad. All the movies and even some male coming out stories that involve deceiving a woman (for even years of a marraige) make it seem like a wonderful thing, but in the end I'm left ticked off. Like really? Okay so you met BOB while married to CINDY knowing darn well that you were gay. Heck you were attracted to Tim, and Rick, and Joe (and possibly banged them too) before marriage, and now during. Oh... But you were scared of being perceived as a homosexual and that's why you did it? So you basically just cheated (possibly) years of her life that she could've had with a man that actually wanted to be with her, because you're selfish? All that so that you could look straight? And I don't care that you're scared of perceptions (black people have to deal with that stuff all the time and don't get me started I'm sure black homosexuals ), or being mistreated. It really doesn't give you a righ to mistreat someone else, and basically turn their world upside down for a lie. I mean that's all about him him him, it's not noble, or a good for you moment where he deserves a pat on the back for coming out. He deserves a kick in the you know what if I were a violent type....


And then if kids are involved it's even worse. I'm not against coming out (come out bravely without using someone as a shield for years to deflect from your sexuality), but I just wish it wasn't as if the woman in the situation was a silent victim so to speak (when it comes to marriages). There's no support for her, just for a guy like congrats! When really everyone should be just as livid as if someone cheated who was heterosexual because this person betrayed their mate and not only that did it deliberately from the beginning of the marriage. I feel sorry for her, and I wish her all the best. I hope that you will be a supportive friend and I hope she knows she has the right to grieve and doesn't have to be a "cheerleader" so to speak for her ex. I've never been in a situation like this. I can't even fathom the hurt (of a guy cheating() and betrayal (cause he knew from the beginning) of someone so conniving and selfish. Not to mention the fact that her health is at risk. How does she know he's used protection. How many other men has he been with over the course of the marraige? (I'd say this even if he's been with women). I think people should realize that there's more than heartbreak at stake these days. There are stds that can't be cleared up with medicine too. Okay so I snapped for a second. Please wish her the best, and also advise her to get herself tested.
 
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I would send the kids to my parents' house. There is no need to subject them to the drama. Then I would commence to the separation proceedings. What state do they live in, if you don't mind me asking?
 
Op, I am praying for your friend. This is very sad situation especially for the children. He sure has a lot of nerve bringing the man to their home! I would be so hurt. Just keep being the great friend you are already being and continue to give her love and support. Time will have to heal a wound that deep.

Sent from my HERO200 using Tapatalk
 
ThatJerseyGirl said:
I would send the kids to my parents' house. There is no need to subject them to the drama. Then I would commence to the separation proceedings. What state do they live in, if you don't mind me asking?[/QUOTE

The kids are with her parents as of now even though they have no idea why. Louisiana is the state that we live in.
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lea86111 said:
geez i wonder about these men :nono: i mean i understand you wanna keep it on the low but you don't gotta be on the downlow. If you don't want society to find out you're gay then act like you ain't dating anybody and do your dirt behind closed doors, why drag someone else into your mess? Now she waisted years of her life on you and sorry "sir" but you ain't worth $hit.
Looking back, does she now recognize ANY signs? What a selfish man! Cause he knew since before he made a mockery of their marriage that he was gay! :wallbash:
how exactly did she find out?
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She found out after finding several emails between him and his lover. He'd planned to divorce her in the coming months. I just dont understand why he produced children if he knew the lifestyle he wanted to live.
 
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