*Minor Vent* Need your Opinion.....

[Starronda]

I need advice b/c I’m not sure if I’m over reacting, thinking way too much or have the right to be annoyed.


I’ve been dating my SO (he’s Russian) since December 2011. He lives in Queens, NY and I live in Jersey. We have spent every weekend together since meeting in December. Prior to him, I have to admit that I’ve never been in a real boyfriend/girlfriend legit relationship. I enjoy dating and loved my single life, but this man has swept me off my feet. He has his own business and does very well in life. We do many things together (travel and eat at very fancy places) He has many things that annoy the hell out of me. I just need to know if anyone else would feel this way. I’m 34 and he’s 41.

Annoying:
Use to bother me that he gets a massage, mani and pedi each Thursday *doesn’t bother me as much now*


HATE that he gets his eyebrows waxed (even though my other boyfriend who was also white did the same)


Everything has to have a label on it (Versace sunglasses, Fendi suits etc) and sometimes I feel a little silly when he’s all dressed up and I have on a damn H&M or dress from BeBe.



We only have sex twice a day when I’m there on the weekends..I needs WAY more than this, never brought this up to him yet.



Needs to be more affectionate, when I bring it to his attention, he does it…but at that point, it seems forced


He’s always looking in a damn mirror


Pays too much attention to what people “think” of him and his image.


Things have to be a certain way at his house (bed has to be made a certain way, so I don’t bother doing it anymore, things in the fridge a certain way, he would prefer me eat things that he enjoys=healthy foods each time I’m there)


Always suggesting what I should eat when we go out (thought this was cute when we first started dating, totally annoyed at it now)

Pros:
Makes good money
Own place (stability)
No kids
I get to get dressed up each weekend to go out to nice places
Tells me that he’s never been this happy in his life
Always says he’s so happy that we’re together
Tells me he loves me
I’ve met all of his friends
I’ve met his mom and sister and I’m invited to his sister wedding in July where more of his family will be
He includes me in everything that he does

Am I just being ridiculous? He tells me I’m too sensitive, which I don’t think I am, but ok lol….What do you think of this?

 

[LifeafterLHCF]

He is controlling. I don't find that attractive and it would only get worst if you marry. I know some are ok with possessions and some would just swallow certain traits bc they know he will have great means but at the end of the day if one isn't happy then they aren't. He is a little too into himself and that is a issue because he will then make you feel as though you have to constantly be on so to speak and that's not realistic. The relationship vets hopefully come in here soon.

 

[whit923]

I mean this with all the love in the world, but yes you are being ridiculous. From the info you provided he seems to geninuely care for you. He just seems like he leans towards the metrosexual scale of masculinity. YOU even classified them as "Annoying" which in most cases never falls into the dealbreaker category.

 

[ThickHair]

What do you truly want? Can you deal right now with the things you don't like about him? Do not continue if you think he is going to change in the future, please deal with the "Right Now", not the "What if".

Personally, I couldn't deal with him, but that is just me.

 

[tinkat]

What do you truly want? Can you deal right now with the things you don't like about him? Do not continue if you think he is going to change in the future, please deal with the "Right Now", not the "What if".

Personally, I couldn't deal with him, but that is just me.

I agree with this. Can you accept him like this?

I personally couldn't and it's not bc he is high maintenance, but it seems too into himself and "image". Those kind tend to have a lot of internal baggage and prone to lying...

Wait, be positive, keep believing, and all will surely be yours. Sent from my iPhone using LHCF

 

[meesch]

sounds like you only like him because of what he has/does (money, lifestyle, words), but his actual personality (vain, not affectionate, actual relationship isnt what you want) doesnt even work for you at all.

this is literally the personification of "good on paper."

 

[LaFemmeNaturelle]

He is controlling. I don't find that attractive and it would only get worst if you marry. I know some are ok with possessions and some would just swallow certain traits bc they know he will have great means but at the end of the day if one isn't happy then they aren't. He is a little too into himself and that is a issue because he will then make you feel as though you have to constantly be on so to speak and that's not realistic. The relationship vets hopefully come in here soon.

Not to derail the thread but what part of him is controlling other than him suggesting what she eats? If that's it I guess I understand your POV. I don't view that as controlling because I do the same thing. I'm passionate about health and healthy eating so if someone comes over my house, they will eat healthy. I'm not going to have crap snacks around because I don't eat it. I also make healthy suggestions to my BF, fam and friends at restaurants because it's my passion and I want those I love to be healthy. I know this isn't about me but maybe that's how he feels. Especially if he sees a future with her. I wouldn't want a spouse who's not going to join me in having a healthy lifestyle. But I could be way off on how you view him as controlling so I'll stop now lol

OP, has he ever made comments about your non-designer clothes?

Nevertheless, the pros you listed seem to illustrate that you don't really like him for HIM but for the idea of him and what the ideal man should do (introduce you to his fam, makes good money, etc).

ETA: He says HE loves YOU but do YOU love HIM?

 

[tinkat]

^^^^^The op description of him gives me control freak (although he does not necessarily control her).

Wait, be positive, keep believing, and all will surely be yours. Sent from my iPhone using LHCF

 

[jenny87]

How do you look?? Like are you thinnish or on the chunky side?? His eat healthy suggestions could be him nicely saying that he would like it if you were in shape and actually cared about being in shape if he is. I am just realizing how important this is to some guys.

Also, you said ya'll get dressed up and go to fancy places to eat. If that's not what you're used to, he could be suggesting things in an effort to expose you to more things.

Now he does sound a bit metrosexual, but if he owns his own business and has good money then he likes to be seen and probably wants to put his best foot forward at all times. You wouldn't want to walk around with a unibrow! lol.

I don't really get the controlling vibe like a few pp's said, but you should always keep your eyes open. Ask him what he likes in a relationship and what his expectations are. That will give you a better idea of if you can/want to handle things with him imo.

Sent from my T-Mobile G2 using LHCF

 

[JinaRicci]

I'm not getting the controlling part either. How does he react when you don't follow his suggestions?

 

[LaFemmeNaturelle]

^^^^^The op description of him gives me control freak (although he does not necessarily control her).

Wait, be positive, keep believing, and all will surely be yours. Sent from my iPhone using LHCF

Yeah I get that but I was asking what specifically gives you that? Because he cares about his image? Or is "too into his image"? I just want to see things the way other people see it so I can possibly understand. He has his own business, and I don't know what it is but most times, entrepreneurs NEED to be concerned about their image because it's the first thing potential customers will see. He has to brand himself as he would be a walking advertisement for his company.

 

[Maynard]

Those don't really seem like dealbreakers, actually it sounds like you really don't like him and you are only keeping him around because he has money. The money doesn't matter..especially if he ain't giving some of it to you...

I would keep my options open...

 

[meesch]

Nevertheless, the pros you listed seem to illustrate that you don't really like him for HIM but for the idea of him and what the ideal man should do (introduce you to his fam, makes good money, etc).

ETA: He says HE loves YOU but do YOU love HIM?

i would go so far as to phrase it as she doesnt even like HIM at all

 

[tinkat]

Yeah I get that but I was asking what specifically gives you that? Because he cares about his image? Or is "too into his image"? I just want to see things the way other people see it so I can possibly understand. He has his own business, and I don't know what it is but most times, entrepreneurs NEED to be concerned about their image because it's the first thing potential customers will see. He has to brand himself as he would be a walking advertisement for his company.

The way I took it was that he was too into his image. I definitely understand the entrepreneur point of view but op brought it up so I figured it was deeper than a business aspect. I just recognized past behaviors that I dealt with but it could be different with her.

Wait, be positive, keep believing, and all will surely be yours. Sent from my iPhone using LHCF

 

[firecracker]

Hell the person that you love will always do something annoying but oh well. I bet you annoy him too! LOL

As for folks talking about you liking him because of what he has oh well its better than liking a fool that ain't got nothing, doesn't want nothing and doesn't share nothing.

Stop complaining and enjoy the relationship. Nobody is perfect. I didn't hear anywhere in that post where he treats you bad so yeah you tripping and sound ridicules. LOL

Money is important, a man needs to have it and spend it on his lady. Girl I'm glad you didn't fall in love with no broke down fixer upper! LOL

Ya'll libibdo seems off balance. Wanting to screw all damn weekend like ya my age. LOL J/K............. Just tell the man you like f'ing Fridays and Saturdays. That means sex thru-out the day on the weekends. Maybe he needs the lil blue pill. sad if he does! LOL

 

[MD_Lady]

To me, it's not about being sensitive or ridiculous... This guy is meticulous about his appearance, surroundings, and image (which he has a right to be) and you don't stress about that stuff (which is OK too). Even the whole thing about him making "suggestions" at restaurants... is he saying "hey, you really should try this" or "ew, don't order that, order THIS"?

These, on the other hand, are red flags IMO:

We only have sex twice a day when I’m there on the weekends..I needs WAY more than this, never brought this up to him yet.

Needs to be more affectionate, when I bring it to his attention, he does it…but at that point, it seems forced

This type of incompatibility is a headache you don't need and you'll only get madder as time goes on. As for the "frequency" issue, why haven't you brought that up?

 

[alwaysinchrist]

To me he is acting like a normal man who is a lil well off. He has the money to take pride in his appearances and what he wear.

 

[Starronda]

Hell the person that you love will always do something annoying but oh well. I bet you annoy him too! LOL

As for folks talking about you liking him because of what he has oh well its better than liking a fool that ain't got nothing, doesn't want nothing and doesn't share nothing.

Stop complaining and enjoy the relationship. Nobody is perfect. I didn't hear anywhere in that post where he treats you bad so yeah you tripping and sound ridicules. LOL

Money is important, a man needs to have it and spend it on his lady. Girl I'm glad you didn't fall in love with no broke down fixer upper! LOL

Ya'll libibdo seems off balance. Wanting to screw all damn weekend like ya my age. LOL J/K............. Just tell the man you like f'ing Fridays and Saturdays. That means sex thru-out the day on the weekends. Maybe he needs the lil blue pill. sad if he does! LOL

Wait, let me clarify something..We have sex twice a day (morning and before bed Friday thru Sunday), not just two times during the entire weekend LOL

Your post had me literally laughing out loud! I actually do care for him a lot, hell I drive from Jersey to NY every weekend just to see him and have been with him and only him since meeting.

You’re right, maybe I should stop “complaining” and enjoy the relationship a little more. No, he doesn’t treat me bad at all. I haven’t dated a broke man since high school, so anyone I date has to have finances in order, hell I do

 

[caltron]

IMO, none of the cons you mentioned are dealbreakers, so it really depends on whether you can accept him as he is. I agree with the previous posters who said that it seems like you really just don't like this guy but you're tolerating him because he has a lot of $$$$ and treats you will. I would think that if you really loved him, he wouldn't be as annoying to you.

 

[Starronda]

To me, it's not about being sensitive or ridiculous... This guy is meticulous about his appearance, surroundings, and image (which he has a right to be) and you don't stress about that stuff (which is OK too). Even the whole thing about him making "suggestions" at restaurants... is he saying "hey, you really should try this" or "ew, don't order that, order THIS"?

These, on the other hand, are red flags IMO: This type of incompatibility is a headache you don't need and you'll only get madder as time goes on. As for the "frequency" issue, why haven't you brought that up?

I typed it wrong...We have sex twice a day (Friday thru Sunday)..I think I need quickies in between, which I will be talking to him about this weekend.
He makes suggestions or he just orders what I usually get. He never eews it.

 

[Starronda]

i would go so far as to phrase it as she doesnt even like HIM at all

I care for him alot...enough to introduce my son to him and I NEVER do that. So it's not about whether I like him or not, I do.

 

[gabulldawg]

Sooo are you complaining or bragging? J/K. Seriously, I don't see anything worth complaining about it your post. Why not enjoy the relationship?

 

[meesch]

I care for him alot...enough to introduce my son to him and I NEVER do that. So it's not about whether I like him or not, I do.

i wonder why if every dude you date has similar cash flow why it seems like his money is the main draw for you (almost all of your positives have to do with money - his money, his stability, his job, his home, going out to fancy places, etc).

not a single one of your pros actually had anything to do with who the guy is as a person, so i thought about asking directly WHAT you actually like about this guy. but that would have been putting you on the spot, and i prob wouldnt have changed my mind anyway because i think you articulated how you really feel about the situation perfectly clearly in your original post i want a partner (a person), not a sponsor, but this aint my life so if you like it, i love it!

 

[MD_Lady]

I typed it wrong...We have sex twice a day (Friday thru Sunday)..I think I need quickies in between, which I will be talking to him about this weekend.
He makes suggestions or he just orders what I usually get. He never eews it.

I understood what you meant. I'm not knocking you for about frequency, but I think you should bring up the issue before getting too frustrated (now, if you do and he responds to it like he did your needing more affection, that will be another story ).

 

[Starronda]

How do you look?? Like are you thinnish or on the chunky side?? His eat healthy suggestions could be him nicely saying that he would like it if you were in shape and actually cared about being in shape if he is. I am just realizing how important this is to some guys.

Also, you said ya'll get dressed up and go to fancy places to eat. If that's not what you're used to, he could be suggesting things in an effort to expose you to more things.

Now he does sound a bit metrosexual, but if he owns his own business and has good money then he likes to be seen and probably wants to put his best foot forward at all times. You wouldn't want to walk around with a unibrow! lol.

I don't really get the controlling vibe like a few pp's said, but you should always keep your eyes open. Ask him what he likes in a relationship and what his expectations are. That will give you a better idea of if you can/want to handle things with him imo.

Sent from my T-Mobile G2 using LHCF

I'm very thin, that's my in my Avatar. I go to the gym Monday thru Friday, very fit and healthy.

LOL@ you wouldn't want to talk around with a unibrow, true! He meets with high end clients on a daily basis, so I guess that's obviously something I would need to deal with. My emotions are just crazy and like I said, I haven't been in a relationship in YEARS, so just needed some opinions on what I was feeling.

 

[Starronda]

Sooo are you complaining or bragging? J/K. Seriously, I don't see anything worth complaining about it your post. Why not enjoy the relationship?

Girl! Not sure why I'm having such a hard time just going with the flow and enjoying time in the "now". My mind is here, there and what if and what if not...Seeing the post and getting so much advice is actually making a few things clear for me. Yes, I need to learn how to just enjoy things.

 

[Starronda]

i wonder why if every dude you date has similar cash flow why it seems like his money is the main draw for you (almost all of your positives have to do with money - his money, his stability, his job, his home, going out to fancy places, etc).

not a single one of your pros actually had anything to do with who the guy is as a person, so i thought about asking directly WHAT you actually like about this guy. but that would have been putting you on the spot, and i prob wouldnt have changed my mind anyway because i think you articulated how you really feel about the situation perfectly clearly in your original post i want a partner (a person), not a sponsor, but this aint my life so if you like it, i love it!

Well I like what I like...I also said I have my own cash and personally just dont do broke...glad you love it though, thanks!

 

[gabulldawg]

Girl! Not sure why I'm having such a hard time just going with the flow and enjoying time in the "now". My mind is here, there and what if and what if not...Seeing the post and getting so much advice is actually making a few things clear for me. Yes, I need to learn how to just enjoy things.

Been there done that. So I know how it is. Relax!

 

[Skyfall]

...

 

[Starronda]

you need more sex than twice a day??? lol
you better get a vibrator and call it a day! or an hour lol

Ummm Yeah! Also,I do have a vibrator and that's my best friend through the weekdays. Two times a day is not enough for me