Man With Prestigious Career - How To Handle This

Ipanema

Ipanema

Well-Known Member
*Please don't quote* I’m dating a man who is rich and has a prestigious career. When we’re out, people come up to him and start talking to him. The problem is, they act like I don’t even exist. They will interrupt our conversation like it’s nothing. It’s usually men who do this. Of course, my husband--er, um date--will introduce me, but then they will carry on for a good while until the man leaves. If the man has a woman with him, the woman and I will usually make small talk. This bothers me, but I haven’t said anything. I don’t want to come across as insecure since this is budding, and I want things to go well. I’m a bit tired of my single parent lifestyle. :look:
 
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I think you just have to step back and let him do his thing. Play your part. Stand there and smile. He will need someone to compliment him, not be the center of attention. Rude people are going to interrupt but he has a reputation and must look good at all times, I'm guessing. He probably is annoyed too getting interrupted but he can't just say, “step off!”. He has to play his part and be cordial to them for appearances right? You have to do the same.
 
Early on, i had a similar issue with my ex. I wear my emotions all over my face and it probably wasn't the best way to handle it... but I pouted. Lol. He got the hint.

In his circle, I've seen women handle it in two ways. 1. They let the "men" talk.. or 2. Some interject into the conversation early, so they don't disappear into the background.

They have no control over who comes up to them... but having a long winded conversation is a no-no during a date.
 
Hmm. My boyfriend and I are both in "prestigious" careers and it can go both ways when we are interacting with his colleagues. Most of them are aware of what I do and include me in whatever conversation they are having. If their spouses/girlfriends (they usually work, but not in fields that are considered "prestigious") are there the groups can separate into gender groups or into couple groups.

These are fairly young and arrogant men and while they are being rude, they aren't doing it on purpose. They are used to arm candy that doesn't participate in the high level conversation because that's how it's always been. And most of the time they are talking about work specific things that are boring anyway.

Basically, if you can hold your own, go for it. If you don't want to, talk to the other women. If you're the only woman there it is rude for them to exclude you from the conversation entirely and your date should steer the conversation to a topic that includes you.
 
a few ways to handle this.....not giving advice just how i handle this early on...but if yo man is a talker....this can be so annoying lol

early in dh and i relationship i introduced a time where we can air out whats on our mind...so that we always kept the communication open...gave me an oppty to get him on the team lux train...without being annoying and nagging lol

during one of our convos " where we discussed things to make our relationship better or things that were on our minds" lol:look:

i said babes you know when people come by to talk with you and have face time...is there a way that we can cut the convo short such that we can get back to our qt
i suggested him closing the convo with "we definitely need more time to talk about this...you know what would be great, lets catch up next week, i want to follow-up with you on xyz..." bro handshake...they agree.... convo closes....

and back to the qt time with you at dinner or etc:toocool:

in the end i want dh to get the business and also strengthen the business contact but not on my got damn time bro lolol

if there is a wife or gf there i would suggest we grab a drink at the bar or excuse ourselves to the ladies room....or lets go see the outdoor patio area

if i felt like being relevant i would chime in on the topic...

but there is a way to communicate this.....early on without being team to much...

im a bit more direct so i gave pre-dh cues that if i excused myself to the ladies room..that was his 7 min time frame to wrap it up....lololmaooo

goodluck op :rose:
 
Just don't take this on as your problem to solve. If he wants a real relationship the two of you should be able to figure things out. If not this issue will continue and you will begin to feel like you are the problem. Lots of men with prestigious careers don't want a partner or companion, but instead arm candy or someone who will sit back and let them do their thing all of the time. And it can be hard to see as they can be very charming and covertly manipulative.

I would suggest really observing how he handles things and not being overly compliant or agreeable. And being open to moving on if necessary. Being single is hard, and having access to more money may make things easier, but if you end up feeling somewhat iced out, lonely, disrespected, being single will start to look pretty good. I'm just saying be careful. Oftentimes what you perceive as a small problem is actually a sign of a potentially much bigger problem. Keep your needs, emotionally, romantically, financially, and otherwise, front and center in your mind.
 
I think we can talk about what he should be doing until we are blue in the face but all of that means nothing if you haven't even communicated to him how you feel. I'm not the nagging type of girl but I couldn't care less how prestigious a man's career is. I WILL let him know (nicely) how I feel in the proper setting.

Failing to communicate is like sitting on your hands during a card game...you have zero chance of winning if you're not even participating.
 
To me you have to decide if you can deal or not.

I'm not suggesting that you deal with it. I'm simply saying that you need to decide if you are okay with this or not. You have to do what's right for you.
 
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Bunnyhaslonghair said:
I think you just have to step back and let him do his thing. Play your part. Stand there and smile. He will need someone to compliment him, not be the center of attention. Rude people are going to interrupt but he has a reputation and must look good at all times, I'm guessing. He probably is annoyed too getting interrupted but he can't just say, “step off!”. He has to play his part and be cordial to them for appearances right? You have to do the same.
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THIS. If you can't do this. He isn't the man for you. This is one of those "things" that comes with who he is and you have to decide if you are okay with that or not.
 
toaster said:
Basically, if you can hold your own, go for it. If you don't want to, talk to the other women. If you're the only woman there it is rude for them to exclude you from the conversation entirely and your date should steer the conversation to a topic that includes you.
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This is true too. He should be polite enough to find a way to include you. But still there will be down time and you'll have to be okay with that especially if they talk about something in which you can't hold your own, or you don't have a clue about it. Ideally he will steer it to you, but sometimes it is impossible. It's hard for me to gauge because I don't have an idea what he does to determine if it's a career where they will talk shop after hours (work) and that's just a part of their life. Like even if they're golfing or playing tennis, or at a dinner party they are going to close deals or open the talks, etc. In a situation like that, you have to know how to play your part if you want to be involved.
 
Sorry OP, but this is rude. My SO would cut them off and introduce me. Sometimes, he is not so nice about it and will ask if the man if he saw me standing there. I am a bit disturbed that your dude has not realized this on his own.

A dude did that to me recently with SO and he roared back at him for his rudeness. The guy goes out of his way to say hi to me now.

If I ever see anyone I respect/admire out I automatically introduce myself and apologize for the brief interruption.
 
Mai Tai said:
I think we can talk about what he should be doing until we are blue in the face but all of that means nothing if you haven't even communicated to him how you feel. I'm not the nagging type of girl but I couldn't care less how prestigious a man's career is. I WILL let him know (nicely) how I feel in the proper setting.

Failing to communicate is like sitting on your hands during a card game...you have zero chance of winning if you're not even participating.
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Yeah, the OP is going to have to speak up.

Me and the old man can't go anywhere without somebody coming up to him to talk. He's obnoxiously likeable. :2inlove:
I'm a stranger hating introvert and usually just leave him to do enough talking for the both of us. I told him early on that he needs to make eye contact with me to see if I'm ready for him to cut things short. We also have an innocuous 'safe phrase' that we use in front of other people which is code for 'shut up/you're doing too much right now'.
 
Lucie said:
Sorry OP, but this is rude. My SO would cut them off and introduce me. Sometimes, he is not so nice about it and will ask if the man if he saw me standing there. I am a bit disturbed that your dude has not realized this on his own.

A dude did that to me recently with SO and he roared back at him for his rudeness. The guy goes out of his way to say hi to me now.

If I ever see anyone I respect/admire out I automatically introduce myself and apologize for the brief interruption.
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I agree with you completely. I think it's a sign of respect and protectiveness. In this situation IMO if I have to ask or explain how I feel then he's probably not the guy for me. I need a more sensitive guy who pays attention.
 
I really, really feel that there is no way I can confront him about this at this stage. I can just see him looking at me like I have two heads because he's feeling like he had a great night, and I'm complaining about something he doesn't even realize has happened. I don’t want him to change himself, anyway. I might just have to change my mindset. I’m going to have to smile politely while he is the center of attention--act like I have manners (even if they don’t). While inside I feel like :whip:

TayMac said:
Do you want to be included in the convo, not ignored or for them not to talk so long? That would determine an approach to the issue.
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Not talk too long. The ignoring bothers me, but I can handle it if it's brief.
 
OP ...No one is telling you to complain or to try and change him but what he is doing is flat out rude. What is the point of steaming inside? Because he makes a lot of money? Naw...that's not a good way to start any relationship.

Next time it happens, on your ride back home just say "I had such a good time tonight and I love seeing you in your element. Do you mind introducing me next time because I feel so lost in the conversation and I want to start to get to know those important to you." Girl...you gotta throw some sugar on your issue and know how to talk to these men.
 
Ipanema said:
I really, really feel that there is no way I can confront him about this at this stage. I can just see him looking at me like I have two heads because he's feeling like he had a great night, and I'm complaining about something he doesn't even realize has happened. I don’t want him to change himself, anyway. I might just have to change my mindset. I’m going to have to smile politely while he is the center of attention--act like I have manners (even if they don’t). While inside I feel like :whip:



Not talk too long. The ignoring bothers me, but I can handle it if it's brief.
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I agree with @Mai Tai

Don't put him on a pedestal due to his career and wealth such that you don't feel you can speak freely or voice a concern. You don't have to be rude at all..don't think of it as a confrontation. Keep it light.
 
Mai Tai said:
I think we can talk about what he should be doing until we are blue in the face but all of that means nothing if you haven't even communicated to him how you feel. I'm not the nagging type of girl but I couldn't care less how prestigious a man's career is. I WILL let him know (nicely) how I feel in the proper setting.

Failing to communicate is like sitting on your hands during a card game...you have zero chance of winning if you're not even participating.
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All of this x10
 
Mai Tai said:
OP ...No one is telling you to complain or to try and change him but what he is doing is flat out rude. What is the point of steaming inside? Because he makes a lot of money? Naw...that's not a good way to start any relationship.

Next time it happens, on your ride back home just say "I had such a good time tonight and I love seeing you in your element. Do you mind introducing me next time because I feel so lost in the conversation and I want to start to get to know those important to you." Girl...you gotta throw some sugar on your issue and know how to talk to these men.
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Yes!
 
Ipanema said:
I really, really feel that there is no way I can confront him about this at this stage. I can just see him looking at me like I have two heads because he's feeling like he had a great night, and I'm complaining about something he doesn't even realize has happened
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I don't have any advice on what you should do, but from the outside looking in it seems like you're making it bigger than it actually is when this honestly seems like a very ordinary scenario. Is this so large and looming that it should be classified as a confrontation? What are you so afraid of?
 
It's normal.

Get used to it.

And no, it's not his job to introduce you. It's your job to accept the situation. Smile, nod and play the backburner.
 
you said in the OP that he does introduce you, so there's no problem there. It's just for him to learn how to cut the conversations short(er), and depending on if they are clients and/ or people who will help him grow his business or reputation it may be difficult if the other person is rambling on.
 
Y'all most of these men know what they are doing. They enjoy the attention of their "public," "admirers," "contacts," etc. and they want the women they are with to know that they are important and wanted, and they want the women to know and accept their place. Be pretty, smile, and let me do my thing. Accept the attention I give you because I'm an important and busy man. He sees himself as the prize and she is lucky to be with him, to have been chosen.

He knows he's on a date and if he's over 25 knows the woman wants his mostly undivided attention. He of course will feign innocence and will say he will do better, while also subtly hinting that she is a little too needy and doesn't understand how things in his world work.

I'm sure this doesn't apply to all men in this position, but I believe it applies to many.
 
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