Getting A Man By Not Playing Hard To Get?

[Maracujá]

This !

Yup, that's essentially what it boils down to. It's a lot like hair care: keep it simple sista. Don't nobody got time for 50-11 rules on how to get and keep a man. Our foremothers didn't have all these rules and did a far better job in this regard than our generation. Just my 0.2 cents.

 

[ladysaraii]

Yup, that's essentially what it boils down to. It's a lot like hair care: keep it simple sista. Don't nobody got time for 50-11 rules on how to get and keep a man. Our foremothers didn't have all these rules and did a far better job in this regard than our generation. Just my 0.2 cents.

I think they did have a lot of rules, it was just understood and a part of the fabric of their lives.

 

[PrissiSippi]

I think they did have a lot of rules, it was just understood and a part of the fabric of their lives.

I think this too. Like for instance a guy couldn't take you out on a date unless he came in and picked you up from your parent's house. That weeded through the follower men. Only the men who had guts to lead were left.

Never make the first move is a dating thing back in the day. If a girl goes for a guy she will never know if he really likes her or just talking to her out of convenience. This is the equivalent to Leaning Back now.

Never kiss and tell. It kept up our mysteriousness and Jimmy didn't know that you were talking to Timmy and that allowed you to keep your reputation wholesome.

 

[phynestone]

I think they did have a lot of rules, it was just understood and a part of the fabric of their lives.

I agree. I also think the advent of feminism and changing social mores have affecting dating and relationships adversely for women. There are too many of us settling and allowing so much crap that men now think its okay and come to many of us with it. While some rules back in the day may have been old-fashioned, they protected women in many ways. For example, a man had to come to the table with something and actually provide. Now some will ask 'what do you bring to the table' when, in fact, I am the table! As women, we are GIFTS. WE ARE GIFTS! WE ARE GIFTS! Why is a grown man moving in with a woman and her child? Why isn't he providing and protecting instead of using women to get on his feet? This is why it is so important to have standards and not stand for anything for the sake of having a man. It all boils down to our self-worth, self-esteem and self-confidence.

 

[Maracujá]

^^^I'm sorta split on this one. In the sense that: I've seen relationships that would initially be deemed as dysfunctional, based on what you stated, turn out really well.

Whereas relationships that looked to be perfect on the outside: both spouses have decent jobs, they get married first before having the children, etc etc...boil down to a disaster. Riddle me this.

 

[ckisland]

I just gave myself a headache trying to mentally dance the magical "women can only be A, B or C way to get a man. Follow these 5000 rules"
I think it honestly comes down to the meeting the right man. The one that you want who wants you back, makes you feel happy and secure more times than not. Men marry women who they've slept with on the first date just like they marry women who won't have sex until marriage. A man will value you because you've got that special something that they'd rather have than live without. Sometimes men can't even vocalize why they knew that their SO was the one, and they are just as married and happy as anyone else.

 

[Reinventing21]

@Maracujá I think there will always be exceptions to the norm

@ckisland I agree that people can make themselves nuts trying to follow a zillion 'rules'.

I believe the problem with the rules in not the rules themselves, but when people try to follow them to point of destroying their own personality or what makes them unique. I think the 'rules' have value when tweeked to fit one's personality.

I remember I knew someone who always wore her heart on her sleeve, open, trusting, moved fast sexually, super passionate and sensual kind of person. She went from relationship to relationship, often heartbroken. I remember trying to tell her to at some point to maybe follow some of these rules BUT THEN I don't know why, I started thinking maybe she really didn't need to change anything, after all, many of those traits are why I liked her, why I thought she was such a good person so MAYBE it wasn't that SHE needed to change, it was more about finding the right kind of guy for her. That ended up being my final advice/thoughts to her.

And she did. Met and married the kind of guy that was not scared off by those traits. Even when I first met him during the dating stage, I was like, yep, he's the one.

 

[PrissiSippi]

^^^I'm sorta split on this one. In the sense that: I've seen relationships that would initially be deemed as dysfunctional, based on what you stated, turn out really well.

Whereas relationships that looked to be perfect on the outside: both spouses have decent jobs, they get married first before having the children, etc etc...boil down to a disaster. Riddle me this.

I didn't use the rules. My relationship looked perfect on the outside. Older women used to say....Wow he is just smitten with you. To the regular bystander....it was just perfect.

I was the science teacher and he was the engineer so we were the STEM couple. We married first before having our child. BUT on the inside it was a mess.

When we got divorced he got all the stuff that HE invested in. Needless to say he left with a Playstation, 55 inch TV, a pole saw, and his clothes. That's it. If I would have followed some rules I would have noticed a LOT of things. He never invested. Men value what they invest in. He NEVER invested in me or the house we lived in. In the course of 6 years I never met his friends. He didn't show me off. I never went to his job or his job functions. He never showed me off to anyone except his family at our wedding. He was resentful if he had to spend money on me for birthdays or anniversaries. He never had money to spend on me or things I liked. He expects 50/50 on a lot and was confused when I wasn't going for it. He lacked leadership skills and every test given for him to "save me" he failed. But I kept turning the other cheek. WHY? Because of his words he loved me (not actions) and he was willing to get married.

I truly do believe if I would have followed some of these rules and looked at the signs....I would have saved myself from a world of trouble by figuring out...he's just not that into you.

These days he is trying to come back home. But just by me merely leaning back I've noticed that his WORDS say he wants to come home but without me rowing the boat....we are stagnant. He still doesn't contact. He still doesn't communicate. He still doesn't lead. He still doesn't care enough. I think in many cases rules can protect you.