Making plates for your SO

natural2008

natural2008

Well-Known Member
Hey Ladies,
Okay here goes my man's dad and I got into a heated discussion when we were at his dad's house for New Years Day and all of the women were making the mens plates. My mans dad's father in law asked me you not going to make his plate. I said no he can make his own. My mans dad said your suppose to make his plate and I said why and he said cause in the bible it says..... i said that it does not say that in the bible and it is not cool you to gender role stereotype when you say that women should make the plates. Do yall think I was wrong? Back in the day 50-100 years ago yes making a mans plate, cleaning was the thing to do becasue the women did not work and the man brought home the money. But now-a-days things are a lot different. My man said that even now when he is at his moms home she will make him a plate and bring it to him without him asking, i said he is too grown for that and she needs to stop. he say that is just how he was raised. i feel like if a woman cooked, and everything the least he could do is make his own plate. I askd a few of my friends and they said that they did not think I was wrong. What do you all think? I am very interested in hearing your responses :yep:.
 
I'm not going to say I think you were wrong because I don't. All the women in my family make the men's plate and I don't see anything wrong with that either. With me and DH I'll make him a plate if decide I'm ready to eat after cooking and he's not but he'll make me a plate too especially if we are out at a friend's house he'll fix serve me a plate first then go and make his own. I think its a decision that should be made in your relationship and anybody that doesn't agree with it is outside the relationship anyway so their opinion doesn't make a difference. But thats just how I feel about it.
 
Hello ButterCaramel,
I totally agree with you when you say that what we decide on in our relationship is what matters.
 
I have no problem making a man a plate. I was raised to do it and I LIKE to do it. I fix my male friend's plates as well as my male family member's plates. It's not a big deal to me. If you don't feel comfortable doing it then don't do it, but keep in mind that your SO was raised in a family where the women did this without thinking about it.
 
To be honest, I always fixed my man's plate too, it was what I saw growing up.
But sometimes he fixes my plate too so it's really not a big deal for me.

Have you and your man ever discuss gender roles in your relationship?
How long have you been together?

The women in his family was probably raised the same way and do not see the problem with it. Your mom may have raised you a little more independently therefore, you will definitley have a discrepancy with it.

As for arguing with the father about it, I commend you for standing your ground but don't be too surprised if he starts looking at you like this :look: from now on.
 
No you aren't wrong.

Sometimes I make it, sometimes I don't. He makes my plate for me alot of times, too.

Sometimes if he cooks, I make the plates. If (in the rare occasion) I cook, he will make the plate.

That's what works for us :yep:
 
We have been together for 5 years and yes we have discussed gender roles. I gew up around women and was raised by a a single parent. My mom, grandma, sister, and myself are always the ones around and I am the one who takes out the garbage, it anything needs to be fixed around the house I fix it. the men in my family are sorry pieces of men. I just feel like in a relationship thingd should be both ways. I have a lot of married friends and they all say that they get tired of making plates for the hubbies. They were also raised in a household where the women made plates when they were younger.
 
I make my husbands plate, my kids to. My father and grandfather if they are visiting. I have always done it and will continue to. Why not do it? To me its one way I show him I love him.

My love language is servicing people.
 
I think it is a form of courtesy and affection. A woman fixing a man's plate is like a man opening the door his woman. yes a woman can open the door herself but it's nice when a man does because it makes the woman feel special. Men like feeling special too and a woman fixing a man's plate is just a form of affection.
 
I fix my SO plate all the time and I love to do it. I also make sure the silverware is free of any food before I hand him his plate and ask him what would he like to drink and bring it to him cold. I enjoy it! I do the same with my brother and my dad. But eh, it ain't for everybody, there is no right or wrong in the matter...you just do it or don't.
 
I'd have no problem doing it sometimes (and will when the opportunity comes), but I don't want to feel that it's a requirement that I do so. It's not going to be an automatic thing... sometimes I might make it, other times I might say, "Food's on the stove!"

However, that discussion would be between my partner and I. I would be highly offended if one of his relatives told me what I should be doing in MY relationship.
 
men dont open the doors for women all the time. My man opens the doors for me sometimes jsut like I make his plate sometime but not all the time. I think what irritated me about the new years day dinner was that they felt that I should becasue that it what works in their household. Some people are swingers in their marriages and that woeks for them ,but it does not work for others. In some relatioships men are the housewivws and that works in their relationship, but not others. I just dont see why men cannot be the ones to make the plates all of the time. I do not mind doing it here and there but it is the level of expectency that is bothersome. He knows that I love him dearly and doesn't ever question that but making plates all the time after I have worked like he has, cooked, and clean, I just strongly feel that he can do something.

Also he is now good at washing out his plate after he eats now cause to me it makes no sense not to wash you plate after you eat. I am a bit neat freakish.
 
I always do it, for my SO, my SO's father, my father and my brother, I also do it for my male friends. It's like Dlewis said, it's my way of showing them that I appreciate them and I love them.
I don't think you're necessarily wrong for not doing it. But are you not doing it because it is expected of you or because you know he doesn't care if you do or not?
 
*5+5 said:
I fix my SO plate all the time and I love to do it. I also make sure the silverware is free of any food before I hand him his plate and ask him what would he like to drink and bring it to him cold. I enjoy it! I do the same with my brother and my dad. But eh, it ain't for everybody, there is no right or wrong in the matter...you just do it or don't.
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I do the cold drink thing to. he likes his drink more like a slushy. so, on the weekend when he's head home he'll call me to let me know and I'll put his drink in the freezer and his plate is normally in the microwave.
 
tatiana said:
I think it is a form of courtesy and affection. A woman fixing a man's plate is like a man opening the door his woman. yes a woman can open the door herself but it's nice when a man does because it makes the woman feel special. Men like feeling special too and a woman fixing a man's plate is just a form of affection.
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I never thought of it that way.

I would do it for my husband or someone I was in a serious relationship with. It wasn't like it was my role or my duty. It was a reciprocated act.

For some reason I feel like if you're visiting his family, its more appropriate for him to fix your plate.
 
We are in a very serious relationship I am just so big on gender role stereotypes. My grandmother did not always make my grandpa plate. i forgot to mention that at the New Years Day dinner there was this older woman whose husbnad was also there and everyone said you aren't going to make his plate and her response was he can make his own.
 
I'm just trippin that it was your SO's grandfather telling you to fix the plate and not your SO himself. If SO doesn't have a problem with it then why should anyone else?

I personally like to fix plates though... for my SO or anyone really. Especially if I'm the one who does the cooking. It's a form of affection that I like to show. Shoot - I was serving the cake to everyone at my own birthday party. :giggle:
 
natural2008 said:
We are in a very serious relationship I am just so big on gender role stereotypes. My grandmother did not always make my grandpa plate. i forgot to mention that at the New Years Day dinner there was this older woman whose husbnad was also there and everyone said you aren't going to make his plate and her response was he can make his own.
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My grandmothers did but my mother never did. I do what I feel comfortable with. I enjoy doing these little things for my husband, brother, father, son.

So what's your issue with this? I must have missed it.
 
dlewis said:
My grandmothers did but my mother never did. I do what I feel comfortable with. I enjoy doing these little things for my husband, brother, father, son.

So what's your issue with this? I must have missed it.
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The issue might have been the grandfather or whomever basically ordering her to make the plate because that's what she's "supposed" to do.

That would make me mad too, whether I'm a plate-fixer or not!
 
I kinda agree with a lot of ladies here. Men love to get service and feel like they are being waited on, plus it is super sweet. But this only works if you were treated the same way on the other hand--like you're sick and he and the kids serve you, or he cooks and fixes you a plate. Just doing it to be loving and caring should be enough.

I think what your Dad said about it being in the Bible wasn't cool though. Women have come a long way and don't need comments like that to push us all back.

I only get irked if we are all eating and a man ask me or another woman to get up and pour him some juice or add some more potatoes...come on now, fork in my mouth, grubbing--you can get that your ownself!
 
I rarely do. At family/large gatherings, I never do. Why?
a) I'm not going to assume I know how hungry he is, what he wants more of/less of and I hate wasting food.
b) He's got two legs, two arms, two hands, two eyes, and he is just as able to fix a plate as I am - in fact, he is more able to fix his own plate than I am since he knows what he wants!
c) I refuse to end up like my 80 y/o grandmother, who will still fix my 60 year old uncle a plate. If you don't let your old behind mother SIT DOWN and get your own plate! For SHAME! And if you start it when you're young, you'll keep on doing it til your grave. No ma'am. I'm not teaching my sons to expect it, or my daughters to automatically do it, either.

At home, sometimes I'll fix his plate - if I've cooked dinner, I'll fix his plate a lot of times, esp. if he's in the middle of a game. But, he almost always does the same for me when he cooks. Most of the time, we are cooking/putting the last touches on dinner together, so we are already in the kitchen when it's done.

I'll always bring him a drink, though. :lol: Well, I should say, if I'm fixing myself a drink, I will ask him if he wants one/needs a refill - but once again, he does the same.

I'm not big on being servile, just in general. Rubs me the wrong way.
 
Hey Dlewis,
My issue is I do not feel that it was right for everyone to get on me at his dad's house for not making his plate. His dad has the mentality of if a man brings his check home a woman should do whatever but i am like no becasue we both bring the check home.
 
Were you wrong?. . . well, I'd say. . . you were. . . brave?! :laugh:

It's just 'fixing a plate' *shrugs* I don't mind at all. No biggie. It is just a small way to show him you appreciate him, think highly of him, thank, and honor him as a man . . . kind of like that next level of respect . . .

Not sure why you were so adamant about not fixing your man's plate. . . enough to out right refuse :eek: esp amongst his family an' all. . . but in five years, I suppose you two found what works for you. . .

. . . Yes, the man has the last say so in his own relationship but what his family thinks holds a LOT a weight. . .

I guarantee with him being the only man, walking in the kitchen with moms, auntie, Niecy, Ma'dear, and Grams fixing plates, THAT was not a good look. . . Someone probably snatched his empty plate and shot you a side eye. . . :lachen:

oooo, I bet once you left the room it was on!!!!!

'jus sayin
 
Yoyo girl - you made me laugh when you said you get irked when you are eating and he asks you for some potatoes and/or juice. I totally agree with you in that us women have come so far.

Just Kiya- Girl all I have to say is that i am sooo with you.

Bunny 77 - yes ma'am they said cause I was suppose to do it and to top it all of his dad mentioned it again and said your suppose to make his plate I said again no.
 
Hey sly,
No ma'am there was another womans husband in the kitchen making his own plate as well. He and I have been through a lot and his family knows not to go there about my love for him. Girl but that plate making all the time is for the birds. Like I mentioned I will do it sometimes when I feel like it.
 
dlewis said:
I do the cold drink thing to. he likes his drink more like a slushy. so, on the weekend when he's head home he'll call me to let me know and I'll put his drink in the freezer and his plate is normally in the microwave.
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I did this for exhubby he loved it.

yokoyokogirl said:
I kinda agree with a lot of ladies here. Men love to get service and feel like they are being waited on, plus it is super sweet.

I only get irked if we are all eating and a man ask me or another woman to get up and pour him some juice or add some more potatoes...come on now, fork in my mouth, grubbing--you can get that your ownself!
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Bottom part, my papa did this to us all the time and we didn't mind, he was our papa, but he ran nana like that. We only had to do that sporadically, she had to do it all the time.

Sly said:
Were you wrong?. . . well, I'd say. . . you were. . . brave?! :laugh:

It's just 'fixing a plate' *shrugs* I don't mind at all. No biggie. It is just a small way to show him you appreciate him, think highly of him, thank, and honor him as a man . . . kind of like that next level of respect . . .

I guarantee with him being the only man, walking in the kitchen with moms, auntie, Niecy, Ma'dear, and Grams fixing plates, THAT was not a good look. . . Someone probably snatched his empty plate and shot you a side eye. . . :lachen:

oooo, I bet once you left the room it was on!!!!!

'jus sayin
Click to expand...
You know Ma'dear and Grams would have been hot at you "GAL"
 
I fix his plate. I like doing it and consider it part of preparing the meal. I cooked it, here it is, isn't it pretty, do enjoy. Then I go put my feet up because I am done. FINISHED. I do not care how those plates get washed or the pots and pans get put away. HE does that part without thinking because he was taught to reward the efforts of the cook that way. So it is a little give and take there. If it not a problem or an issue for him, don't worry about it. Too many REAL problem to be entertaining someone elses(father in law) imaginary ones.
 
I would have given him the evil stare down. Old folks always try to control things with their dated nonsense.

I fix my SOs plate just to be nice. Sometimes he fixes mine. It's not rocket science.
 
dlewis said:
I make my husbands plate, my kids to. My father and grandfather if they are visiting. I have always done it and will continue to. Why not do it? To me its one way I show him I love him.

My love language is servicing people.
Click to expand...

Right; it's a display of respect and/or love. Also, it signals that the food is ready. If I'm done in the kitchen and need to get to something else, I'll go ahead and make the plate, fix something to drink, get him an apple/orange for afterwards (a new thing now) and just sit it down for him when he's ready.
Plus, he's the type that even if there's food in there, he really won't think about it or in a mad hunger rush will start putting random ish together :nono: So I just go ahead and help him out.

Oh and in regards to whether I think you were wrong :perplexed well...
Even if you don't/won't make the plate at home, you kinda should've done the token power move and honored him in public. I'm mad it turned into an argument though.
 
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I grew up seeing my mom make my dad's plate (and her Father-in-law) so when I get married, I'll make my husband's (and kids') plates too.
 
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