Lets hang at the crib!!!!!!

[BeautifulNameX]

Man why do guys always want to chill at the house (yours or his). Is that the norm now?? Im old school im not letting no random guy come over. or Go over there. And they want to get mad when I say no.

Ha I dont know people like that to be inviting them in my house . . Its not about trust. . people have bed bugs you have to be carefull. Sorry I had to rant.

HUH!!! How do you all respond to that?

 

[BeautifulFlower]

I just say no...I wanna go out somewhere. If you dont want to take me out, to me, that means your cheap, hiding or lazy. Cheap men cant do anything for me. If you hiding, thats drama. Laziness is never accepted. So on to the next one.

 

[ThickHair]

This is my respond in the thread about what consitutes a date. I have a strong Anti House Dating policy. The following was a question posed to me by another poster.

[ETA: What did you mean by you do not 'house date'? By 'house date' you mean 'just hanging over someone's house' as opposed to going "out" out?] (see my answer below)

Correct, especially in the beginning of the relationship. That is the point in time when a person should be trying to impress you not chilling on your sofa. Housing dating is how people sometimes end up having sex when they really don't want too. First it is holding hands on the couch, then one little kiss it won't hurt, then next thing you know, he figures you need a massage. I will admit that a massage is foreplay for me. So if I don't want to end up having sex then massages are out. When you house date it is so easy to end up in bed, point blank.

House dating:
Movie and take out on your\their couch
Movie and take out over a friends house
Cooking dinner at your\their house
Dinner over your\their families house
Coming over to "talk"

Now I understand that some folks have $$ issues, what is wrong with going to the park and feeding the ducks. Picnic with one pack of lunchables. Free concert in the park. Those are dates, you have to make a PLAN for. The stuff listed as house dating are things you just END UP doing.

 

[Imani]

This is stuff people do in undergrad and even then as was previously mentioned if it was a real date there are other free/cheap things college students can do like the park, coffehouse, poetry night, etc.

Now that I'm grown and in the real world, I don't play that. If a dude ever mentions that he wants to invite me to his house, especially early on- or god forbid, uses this term: "come through", I probably wouldn't even explain it to him, I'd just stop returning calls and ex him off the list. Maybe thats extreme but thats how I roll. I cannot stand to hear a grown @ss man trying to get with me talking about yeah, you can "come through". If a guy is truly interested, he will put forth the effort, there is no effort involved in me "coming through". Ninja please.

 

[ThatJerseyGirl]

don't start none won't be none. if u start doin house dates, then that is how he will treat you. stand for sumfin or fall for anything. just be straight up and say i don't do house dates. set the standards.

why chill at his house when u can do that by urself. men always wanna do house dates, let me cook u dinna, etc. nawwww...next thing u know..u done gotcha belly full, now he wanna phuck. chile puleez... das a set up.

 

[bluediamond0829]

Please you have some guys that still want to try this "house dating" at all different ages . It is a good sign of being cheap and IMO of basically not wanting to take you out because they want it just to be about sex. The first time in the getting to know you phase and dating phase they mention hey why dont i come over to your place and we chill out or watch some movies...u already know what time it is. They dont want you to come over to their place or go over to your place for nothing.

And oh the ones that say oh you dont have any kids, and then when you ask why they use the line i can hardly believe that as good as you look LOL. Yes thats another one because they know that they won't have any interruptions or issues with having to wait until you find a babysitter for them to try to come over. Now you do have some guys that think of this as a plus, but other times its just IMO of thinking no worries about interruptions.

 

[LovelyLouboutin]

I think it depends. If you guys have just started dating then don't do house dates. Dont do it either if its his saving mint mechanism. But if you want to spend time with your guy and you don't feel like going out then it's fine. I love having movie nights at the house with my guy. I cant lay in his arms on the couch and watch back to back movies at the movie theater.

 

[mrselle]

If I had known then what I know now...

House dating (or dorm dating) wasn't all that uncommon when I was in college. It was used as a means to get to know a person a little better in a relaxed setting or that person's natural environment. I think older men may do it to save money. My husband and I always joke and say that if we were dating now our dates would consist of a lot of eating at home and renting movies from red box. Dinner and a movie is much more expensive now than it was 11 years ago.

 

[2tonzafun]

DON'T DO IT...RECONSIDER *Andre 3000 voice*

"When you tryin to chill?" NEVER!!! That's my answer. Bc that's nothing but a ploy to have sex. That man is not interested in me. He just want some good good. And I'm not down with it. So if that's the standard set from jump, that will always be the standard. Wind up always in the house, never going out.

I had one guy just recently keep asking me over. Saying he was lonely. Asking me, asking me, asking me. I always said no. I don't respond. He still tries gets no response from me. Lose my # dude. And I told him flat out. People who ask that all the time are either broke, horny, and/or in a relationship. I'm good.

 

[ThickHair]

If I had known then what I know now...

House dating (or dorm dating) wasn't all that uncommon when I was in college. It was used as a means to get to know a person a little better in a relaxed setting or that person's natural environment. I think older men may do it to save money. My husband and I always joke and say that if we were dating now our dates would consist of a lot of eating at home and renting movies from red box. Dinner and a movie is much more expensive now than it was 11 years ago.

No, it was never uncommon. I would still prefer to get to know a person, but not on my couch or his couch or friends couch. In college, dates for broke college kids were going to the on-campus park, free movies\concerts in the auditorium, there was always some type of symposium or "meeting" going on and even a Micky D's date. Those sitting in the dorm room, usually ended up having sex and some of that sex produced babies during sophomore year. I am not saying all, but a lot.

ETA: Actually what I term "house dating" was what was done back in the day. A gentleman caller came to the young ladies house (after clearing it with her parents)( and they sat in the front room, while Daddy, Granddaddy and uncles looked on to make sure he was being proper. Those were the days when single women did not live alone. A young lady never went over to a single gentleman's house, it was unheard of unless she was loose. Also rememeber that ladies were allowed to have many gentleman callers until her family felt that they had selected the correct man for their daughter. After that then the gentleman would take the lady out on proper dates until they were married. They usually had chapereon's anyway to keep the horny man at bay. LOL Those days are when "house dating" was acceptable, there were clear boundaries (daddy, granddaddy, uncles).

 

[phynestone]

I also think it's a ploy to have sex. Especially in this area. There are too many free things to do.

 

[dlewis]

This is my respond in the thread about what consitutes a date. I have a strong Anti House Dating policy. The following was a question posed to me by another poster.

[ETA: What did you mean by you do not 'house date'? By 'house date' you mean 'just hanging over someone's house' as opposed to going "out" out?] (see my answer below)

Correct, especially in the beginning of the relationship. That is the point in time when a person should be trying to impress you not chilling on your sofa. Housing dating is how people sometimes end up having sex when they really don't want too. First it is holding hands on the couch, then one little kiss it won't hurt, then next thing you know, he figures you need a massage. I will admit that a massage is foreplay for me. So if I don't want to end up having sex then massages are out. When you house date it is so easy to end up in bed, point blank.

A massage got me in trouble with DH. Don't do it.

 

[ThickHair]

A massage got me in trouble with DH. Don't do it.

Girl a massage always gets me into trouble. KWIM

 

[lux10023]

true--this is what i luv about nyc--there r too many got damn things to do--to be layin up in the house period..so no bueno papi..u betta KIM with the cheap house dates..get the *** outta here

im no longer in the dating arena--but ladies...he will treat you how you allow him to..and thats with everything..

set the standard earlyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy....set the tone divas...


there are a few exceptions to this rule though...a few

this sound like some dr. tiy-e mess..when he was talking about why do i gotta feed u to see you..

don't start none won't be none. if u start doin house dates, then that is how he will treat you. stand for sumfin or fall for anything. just be straight up and say i don't do house dates. set the standards.

why chill at his house when u can do that by urself. men always wanna do house dates, let me cook u dinna, etc. nawwww...next thing u know..u done gotcha belly full, now he wanna phuck. chile puleez... das a set up.

 

[Nyssa28]

I've never EVER been fond of house dates. It requires more effort than that to "woo" me. And in the early stages, that's what a man who was interested in dating me, goal should've been.

 

[ONAMSHN]

JUST SAY NO!!!!

 

[Lovelylocs]

They are either losers, really young, or both. Look elsewhere for dates and don't limit yourself by race. (It's unfortunate; I know.)

 

[cheetarah1980]

Hell to the no! The minute a dude asks me to come over to kick it before he's even taken me out on a date, he gets the deuces. I already know where his mind is at. I shouldn't have to tell a grown man that sitting on his couch is NOT a date. And that whole, "Come over and I'll cook for you" shiznit ain't the business either. Men like to make it seem like that's romantic. Even if he prepares a 5 course gourmet meal it still doesn't sit right with me. A date should be out in public and if we're not out in public there's a reason and it ain't never good.

 

[phynestone]

Hell to the no! The minute a dude asks me to come over to kick it before he's even taken me out on a date, he gets the deuces. I already know where his mind is at. I shouldn't have to tell a grown man that sitting on his couch is NOT a date. And that whole, "Come over and I'll cook for you" shiznit ain't the business either. Men like to make it seem like that's romantic. Even if he prepares a 5 course gourmet meal it still doesn't sit right with me. A date should be out in public and if we're not out in public there's a reason and it ain't never good.

Exactly and they know they wouldn't want their daughters in the same position.

 

[MuseofTroy]

A man who suggests hanging out at my house when he is trying to court me eliminates himself as a prospective love interest. I don’t deal with men like that. A man who even suggest such as thing tells me he lacks respect and is lazy when it comes to planning our dates. I also wonder what other areas he is lacking in that I should be aware of. Hanging out at the house can also lead to inappropriate sexual contact. Call me old fashion but “The Rules” and tons of other experts have it right when they advise women to hold off on sex. Personally I think one should wait until marriage but I understand most folks don’t roll like that. To me sex is a privilege you get when I’m your wife. As your girlfriend you get privileges associated with that title. If my date respects my beliefs and does not push my establish boundaries then he is already ahead of the game because most men fail in that area.

 

[darlingdiva]

Man why do guys always want to chill at the house (yours or his). Is that the norm now?? Im old school im not letting no random guy come over. or Go over there. And they want to get mad when I say no.

Ha I dont know people like that to be inviting them in my house . . Its not about trust. . people have bed bugs you have to be carefull. Sorry I had to rant.

HUH!!! How do you all respond to that?

 

[ThatJerseyGirl]

i rememba a loooooong time ago, this guy invited me ova to his place. i never did see him in a romantic i wanna phuck u kinda way so i was like...ok.

lawd...i went over there and was like..wtf. he was pushin a nice ride, rims, etc. but he was living in a studio apartment. and on top of that, i saw some roaches in da kitchen. right then, my phone rang, and i was like i gotta go. i ain't even sit down. didn't walk all the way thru..wasn't no where to go. he lived in a studio apartment.

dat bama would BLOW my phone up and i would neva answer. i was like he'll dummy up sooner or later n figure out i dont even want to be friends....roaches and rims? gtf.....

and see, dem be da main ones tawkin bout some i wanna cook u dinna....gtf outta hea man....

 

[qchelle]

I also think it's a ploy to have sex. Especially in this area. There are too many free things to do.

Exactly! We can def. go somewhere for free! Chill at yo house...please!

 

[cheetarah1980]

A man who suggests hanging out at my house when he is trying to court me eliminates himself as a prospective love interest. I don’t deal with men like that. A man who even suggest such as thing tells me he lacks respect and is lazy when it comes to planning our dates. I also wonder what other areas he is lacking in that I should be aware of. QUOTE]

That right there is the TRUTH!! I lose complete and total interest the second a man even suggests that crap to me.

See, I'm not gonna act like I haven't accepted that mess before. On the first occasion it was with a guy that I didn't really see like that. I was bored and he invited me over to watch movies. I figured it was alright since I wasn't feeling him like that. I knew he might like me a bit, but I told myself I could just play "keep away" if he tried to get fresh. Well that man put the voodoo on me when I got there because before the movie was over I was asking to spend the night. Having my period saved me from giving up the buns that night. However, we still had our fun. We wound up dating for a bit and in my mind the way things went down had been perfect. There was no pressure and the attraction seemed to have sprouted organically. Even after we stopped dealing with each other I got the idea in my head that that was the best way to "date." Chillin' on a man's couch, eating takeout and watching movies appealed to me so much more than awkward first dinner dates. But what I didn't realize is that the dudes who I felt so comfortable with because our "dates" were so casual NEVER upped their game to do more than just chill on the couch. That's when I realized that as awkward as real first dates can be at least the man is making an effort to curry my favor. If you let a dude start a relationship in the house you'll never leave the house. Why should he take you out? You've already set the precedent that you don't need to be treated special.

I say all of this because I know how easy it is to fall into that trap. It may feel like the relationship is happening organically, but really it's just happening lazily. Don't be surprised 2-3 months later when it's like pulling teeth to get that man to do basic stuff to maintain your relationship.

 

[Theo]

my guy friends in college were NOTORIOUS for this ish

1. its cheap, won't cost you any money

2. the bed is RIGHT THERE... easier to get the booty that night

3. its convenient.... you can send her home after its all done.

Basically, you get some food, some entertainment, and some booty without leaving the comfort of your home! You can't lose!

 

[sunnieb]

Hell to the no! The minute a dude asks me to come over to kick it before he's even taken me out on a date, he gets the deuces. I already know where his mind is at. I shouldn't have to tell a grown man that sitting on his couch is NOT a date. And that whole, "Come over and I'll cook for you" shiznit ain't the business either. Men like to make it seem like that's romantic. Even if he prepares a 5 course gourmet meal it still doesn't sit right with me. A date should be out in public and if we're not out in public there's a reason and it ain't never good.

I think everything that needed to be said about this issue has been said. However, I just wanted to comment on the bolded.

A man cooking dinner for you in his home is NOT romantic! Get over it ladies! He's going to eat everyday anyway, you're just there for an after dinner "snack" that he doesn't have to put in much effort for. Make that man take you out for a real date!

 

[MissMasala5]

Sure thing! As long as it gets played like Robin Givens did Eddie Murphy when he invited her over for dinner in Boomerang

 

[HauteHippie]

I think it depends. If you guys have just started dating then don't do house dates. Dont do it either if its his saving mint mechanism. But if you want to spend time with your guy and you don't feel like going out then it's fine. I love having movie nights at the house with my guy. I cant lay in his arms on the couch and watch back to back movies at the movie theater.

I agree with this. I actually cancelled my first date with a guy in favor of take out from the same restaurant. I was in such a foul mood, I almost canceled everything altogether. I opted to take a cab to the restaurant, but couldnt catch one to save my life, then it started pouring (ruining my hair/make-up). 1 hour and like 15 blocks later, I caught a cab. But he was great. I took a chance b/c I could've blown it with the "house date."

We've gone out together in public since then, but I was pretty apathetic initially. It was a bad day. :Kanye shrug:

 

[ThickHair]

Chillin' on a man's couch, eating takeout and watching movies appealed to me so much more than awkward first dinner dates. But what I didn't realize is that the dudes who I felt so comfortable with because our "dates" were so casual NEVER upped their game to do more than just chill on the couch. That's when I realized that as awkward as real first dates can be at least the man is making an effort to curry my favor. If you let a dude start a relationship in the house you'll never leave the house. Why should he take you out? You've already set the precedent that you don't need to be treated special.

I say all of this because I know how easy it is to fall into that trap. It may feel like the relationship is happening organically, but really it's just happening lazily. Don't be surprised 2-3 months later when it's like pulling teeth to get that man to do basic stuff to maintain your relationship.

You aint neva lied. It is a trap.

 

[SelahOco]

LOL @ the OP saying people have bed bugs.