that's interesting. the black men at my gym seem to flock to white women. they give me the 50 ft side eye like, "don't even THINK about smiling at me"
sigh 
Ladies is it/was really that hard to find a good man?!
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that's interesting. the black men at my gym seem to flock to white women. they give me the 50 ft side eye like, "don't even THINK about smiling at me"
sigh 
20Pearls_Girl
New Member
There are no hard fast rules to finding a guy. Some may find their good guy in the night club... because not all people who frequent the night clubs are bad people just like every good guy isn't found in church, Home Depot and the like.
I've met guys in a variety of venues and they have ranged from good to fkkn nuts.
I met my current guy on moving day. He's someone I probably wouldn't have thought twice about in another arena. However, after spending 3 or so hours together moving, we conversed a lot, exchanged numbers and haven't separated since that day.
I've met guys in a variety of venues and they have ranged from good to fkkn nuts.
I met my current guy on moving day. He's someone I probably wouldn't have thought twice about in another arena. However, after spending 3 or so hours together moving, we conversed a lot, exchanged numbers and haven't separated since that day.
natural_one
Well-Known Member
i met a good guy, but he has a gold tooth. 
i met a good guy, but he has a gold tooth.
Shucks. I wonder if he plans to keep it forever.
It depends...
What is the definition of "good"? I mean, I know there are the cliche, general things like: trustworthy, caring, affectionate with a sense of humour, good job, etc, and all that, but some women are really picky and some have a totally different view of what "good" means.
There are just so many factors into finding a good man.
I'm just waiting for someone who is compatible! That sums it up for me.
What is the definition of "good"? I mean, I know there are the cliche, general things like: trustworthy, caring, affectionate with a sense of humour, good job, etc, and all that, but some women are really picky and some have a totally different view of what "good" means.
There are just so many factors into finding a good man.
I'm just waiting for someone who is compatible! That sums it up for me.
NuBraveHeart
Well-Known Member
nope.
good men are every where. problem is, so many women are putting aesthetic or external factors on what they THINK they need to define a good man. or seeing some schmuck they will triumphantly MOLD into a good man for themselves somehow. i think when women learn to get out of their own way, they will see that good men don't have to be "this tall" or "this chocolate" or make "this amount of money" or have "this much stuff". good men approach you all day, but sometimes we're so in the zone for "black, successful, no children, lives own his own in a penthouse, at least 6'1", drives a benz, makes me feel secure, makes me feel confident, blah blah blah."
YOU make you feel secure, you make YOU feel confident, get your own penthouse, stop narrowing yourself to black men (i love brothas, but i love ALL brothas). sometimes we need to get over our own crap before a good man wanna delve into the remaining crap to deal with us. by no means am i saying lower your standard, because you deserve someone good if you are good. but stop imposing impossibilities on men, when you know yo boo boo stink too three days a week.
they're out there.
good men are every where. problem is, so many women are putting aesthetic or external factors on what they THINK they need to define a good man. or seeing some schmuck they will triumphantly MOLD into a good man for themselves somehow. i think when women learn to get out of their own way, they will see that good men don't have to be "this tall" or "this chocolate" or make "this amount of money" or have "this much stuff". good men approach you all day, but sometimes we're so in the zone for "black, successful, no children, lives own his own in a penthouse, at least 6'1", drives a benz, makes me feel secure, makes me feel confident, blah blah blah."
YOU make you feel secure, you make YOU feel confident, get your own penthouse, stop narrowing yourself to black men (i love brothas, but i love ALL brothas). sometimes we need to get over our own crap before a good man wanna delve into the remaining crap to deal with us. by no means am i saying lower your standard, because you deserve someone good if you are good. but stop imposing impossibilities on men, when you know yo boo boo stink too three days a week.
they're out there.
Aww, that was sooo sweet!! @ the bolded. Even though I am single as a dollar bill. I always say that if a man wants to be with you he will make the time. I'm happy for you!!
I agree. this is what i told the last guy i was talking to. I felt like I was making more of an effort than he. and even though he was tall, s8xy, educated, etc., i had to let it go and realize either he was 1) a self centered jerk or 2)just not into me like that and keep it moving.
He was like, well, you know, I have all these activites I am active in and also work 70 hours/wk, etc, etc. I'm like ok, none of that matters, if you wanted me in your life, i would be in it. period. its funny how he somehow magically had time when he was trying to get me and then it all of a sudden disappeared
He was like, i don't understand what you want, I LET you come to my house and LET you be around my family, LET you come to my work christmas party. LET ME? negro please.
naturalmanenyc
Well-Known Member
Ditto. When you stop looking is when a good guy falls into your lap. I didn't notice DH for YEARS (his company worked for my company) but that is because I was so busy with the a$$ that I had been dating off & on for like 3 years.
adf23
Well-Known Member
i met a good guy, but he has a gold tooth.
Dont know if you meant that to be funny, but I LOL'd
The Princess
Well-Known Member
I think it has alot to do with location and the ole saying being at the right place at the right time, and your mindframe. I don't think it hard to fine a good man. Its if you ready at that time when I good man is approaching you.
The Princess
Well-Known Member
Is it/was it really that hard to find a good man? No. Finding a soul mate? Yes!
I stalked mine though and won my good man!
Don't you try this though.
I'm J/K.
HAHA I don't even want to ask.
2007Grad
New Member
I agree with several other posters that are saying location plays a factor. It just seems like I rarely even see black men anymore, when I do see them they are too busy trying to get at a Paris Hilton look-a-like, not me. I'm open to dating outside of my race but I rarely get approached by these men.
Magus484
New Member
Its hard to find a man, but its easy to get one.
When you are looking for a man, i think you give off a certain vibe that is not cute at all.
Besides, i think men are put off by women that hunt them down. They want to be the one doing the chasing
How to get a Man?
1: STop Looking
2: Love yourself- Not by being proud or cocky,and loud mouthing that you're all that when you know you're not, but by evaluating your self and examining your strengths and your weaknesses.
If you are chubby/fat, get your nails, skin, eyebrows, hair and clothes on point. You can still show of some cleavage, etc, but keep it classy. No micro mini skirts, hun....You'll look like you're trying too hard.
Dont squeeze into clothes that are too small either. Saying you're a size 12 when you know you're more like a 20 is fooling only you. Everyone else can see that you are a 20.
If you have spots, sort em out. Try and get nice even skin.
Highlight your best feature: If you have pretty eyes or lips, dig out the make-up. Sense of humour/wit, joke more often. A Nice voice, get your behind in a reading class or your church pulpit, intelligence, start intellectual conversations. You were given these individual strength for a reason; you must not bury them away.
3: Involve yourself in something that you enjoy, that has male and female members. So you can meet more like minded people. Be yourself to those around you, while immersing yourself in said activity....
And try to be nice.
Even if the guys are all taken, a lady there may invite you to a party or for dinner with her friends, and you get more and more opportunities to meet people and more guys.
It may take a while but you will GET a man doing the above. You will also love yourself a lot more and be able to keep the man.
Book over
Excellent post!
Xerxes
Well-Known Member
Shoot, good men are everywhere; finding a good, compatible man that you are physically attracted to is what's nearly impossible.
mrsmercery
New Member
the attributes we have are what we attract. we have to be real with our own intentions to recognize someone else's. that's when you learn the power of "no." no i'm not interested, no we can't continue this friendship, no i'm not compromising my standards, no need to lie or accept anyone lying to me... when i started saying no and stopped entertaining fools and got myself right, learned my expectations and limitations it became real easy to weed out the fakers from the real. when the real ones come along, then it's yes you can have some of my time, yes we can build on this, yes i'll marry you.
moonglowdiva
New Member
Yes, it is really that hard. I live in a small village in the southern part of the USA and all of the men here are happily married, street thugs, dead, lockup in the state pen or gay. I have resolved to live life to the fullest without a dh by my side. I can't see marriage anywhere in the future so I don't dwell on it.
ilah
Active Member
I got lucky. I wasn't looking to be with anyone when we met. It was a chance encounter and we can't be parted since. He literally treats me like a princess. I have to be honest, I'm not used to being treated that way but it is a very welcome change
I think had I been activly seeking someone our paths would not have crossed. I'm lucky and thank God for him. He's my knight in shining armor.
I think had I been activly seeking someone our paths would not have crossed. I'm lucky and thank God for him. He's my knight in shining armor.
GreenD
New Member
I put no, only because my hubby found me. I was working one summer after a horrible break up the previous school year and I just swore off of guys. I didn't want to talk to them and didn't want them talking to me. I hated men!! Then here he comes. I gave him a hard way to go at first, and it was off and on when we spoke/dated. But he was persistent, and actually courted me. He knew what he wanted. I was actually scared because what I wanted was looking me dead in the face, coming after me. I didn't know what to do. Emotionally, I don't think I was ready for him, especially because I thought he was too good to be true.
It took me a while to come around, but I finally woke when I realized how good of guy he was, and how I'd feel to know if he gave all of his attention to someone else. I realized I didn't want that to happen, so I jumped on him.
I say this to say, sometimes the man you've been looking for, is literally right in front of you. But is often discounted or considered a friend or whatever, but could potentially be the man of your dreams, if you let him be. Trust me guys know when they see something worth holding on to. He'll find you, but you have to position yourself and be open to it.
It took me a while to come around, but I finally woke when I realized how good of guy he was, and how I'd feel to know if he gave all of his attention to someone else. I realized I didn't want that to happen, so I jumped on him.
I say this to say, sometimes the man you've been looking for, is literally right in front of you. But is often discounted or considered a friend or whatever, but could potentially be the man of your dreams, if you let him be. Trust me guys know when they see something worth holding on to. He'll find you, but you have to position yourself and be open to it.
fatimablush
Well-Known Member
^^^I like that...
I just recently broken up with someone, so i am swearing off men for a while...hopefully after my break..i will be ready to meet him..but not now.
I just recently broken up with someone, so i am swearing off men for a while...hopefully after my break..i will be ready to meet him..but not now.
GreenD
New Member
^^^I like that...
I just recently broken up with someone, so i am swearing off men for a while...hopefully after my break..i will be ready to meet him..but not now.
I promise you that just when you decide to do you and not give a freakin care about guys--- they come!!! LOL, I mean you should've seen me. I had my own place, I was out of school and working, and I made up a calendar of events of things I'd do with my friends once a month. Like one month have a martini party, the next month go to bike week, the next month have a pamper day, stuff like that. Let me tell you, I don't think I even made it to my second month/event. He just came in and the rest is history.
But it only happened when my mind was completely focused on me. I mean I had my hustle too!! LOL, it's so funny looking back. I had my 5 year plan and was just getting it moving. So you really have to focus on you and when men see that you're about YOUR business and got goals they love that!! Just don't lose sight of it once you snag your man.
Good luck ladies, your knights in shining armor are preparing themselves for you, but make sure you're preparing yourself for them too!!
GreenD
New Member
LBoogie
Well-Known Member
Not for me, of all the men I dated seriously, 4 out of 5 were definite marriage material...awesome men. I finally married one of them (the best of the all). LOL
The other three, I wasn't where I needed to be at the time to be so involved in such a serious relationship. I let them all go, in hopes that they would find someone that could give them what they needed and what I wasn't willing to give. Two of them, I'm still in touch with and they're both happily married and still great guys.
And 3 of those 4 were Black.
The other three, I wasn't where I needed to be at the time to be so involved in such a serious relationship. I let them all go, in hopes that they would find someone that could give them what they needed and what I wasn't willing to give. Two of them, I'm still in touch with and they're both happily married and still great guys.
And 3 of those 4 were Black.
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