Marriages lasting 20, 30, 50 years....No infidelity?

[cocoberry10]

Not to be combatative, but how do you really know? If your husband is cheating on you (not you per se) and you call his cell phone to see what he wants for dinner, will he say, "Hey hon, I am getting head from ex-girlfriend, steak is fine, be home in 20 minutes!" I am not knocking people for believing in the people they say are faithful, but no one tells you everything.

Did you know my gynecologist asked my husband to leave when he discusses my sexual history with me. Since I have nothing to hide, I tell the doctor it's okay, but he has told me MANY, MANY women tell him in advance not to discuss "certain" things in front of their husband.

PrettyHaitian, I think the point is NO ONE knows. As I said earlier, some people are so quick to say EVERYONE cheats. Why? That seems just as extreme as saying NO ONE cheats. Obviously, neither is true (IMO).

I'm not trying to be rude (non-combative too), but sometimes, I think that some people, in trying to be so "real" are honestly negative. I'm not about being naive or living in the dark. Cheating/infidelity is real, and happens A LOT.

But, like I said earlier, how many people would have ever thought that in 2008, we would have a Black President? If you polled people in 1996, and said "will you live to see a Black President?" MOST if not almost ALL of them would have said "HELL NO!" I don't believe it, etc. But look at what we got.

Likewise, if you asked slaves during slavery would they ever be emancipated, they would have said "NO WAY."

This thread feels like that. I'm not about being naive, or in the dark. But that works both ways, and I just don't get the feeling that people seem to understand that. I'm sure there are many marriages where infidelity takes place, but I can't imagine that there aren't many marriages where it DOESN'T take place too. And honestly, there are some women and men who are faithful to each other, but they aren't in love. They aren't happy. They are living like roommates instead of spouses.

Can we guarantee that specific people haven't cheated? NO. But I am clear about the fact that not all men or women cheat. Now, that doesn't mean that the marriage is good.

I think the real flaw is assuming that somehow infidelity will DEFINITELY ruin a marriage.

I would bet money that I could take two couples, one where NO infidelity occurred, and one where infidelity occured. And believe it or not, the couple where infidelity occurred may actually have a better/stronger marriage, b/c they worked on their issues.

Staying Faithful DOES NOT equal a happy marriage.
Just like infidelity DOES NOT necessarily equal the END of a person's marriage.

If we approached it more from this angle, what more people would be working on is focusing on having a GOOD marriage!

 

[SugarBaby]

PrettyHaitian, I think the point is NO ONE knows. As I said earlier, some people are so quick to say EVERYONE cheats. Why? That seems just as extreme as saying NO ONE cheats. Obviously, neither is true (IMO).
I'm not trying to be rude (non-combative too), but sometimes, I think that some people, in trying to be so "real" are honestly negative. I'm not about being naive or living in the dark. Cheating/infidelity is real, and happens A LOT.

But, like I said earlier, how many people would have ever thought that in 2008, we would have a Black President? If you polled people in 1996, and said "will you live to see a Black President?" MOST if not almost ALL of them would have said "HELL NO!" I don't believe it, etc. But look at what we got.

Likewise, if you asked slaves during slavery would they ever be emancipated, they would have said "NO WAY."

This thread feels like that. I'm not about being naive, or in the dark. But that works both ways, and I just don't get the feeling that people seem to understand that. I'm sure there are many marriages where infidelity takes place, but I can't imagine that there aren't many marriages where it DOESN'T take place too. And honestly, there are some women and men who are faithful to each other, but they aren't in love. They aren't happy. They are living like roommates instead of spouses.
Can we guarantee that specific people haven't cheated? NO. But I am clear about the fact that not all men or women cheat. Now, that doesn't mean that the marriage is good.

I think the real flaw is assuming that somehow infidelity will DEFINITELY ruin a marriage.

I would bet money that I could take two couples, one where NO infidelity occurred, and one where infidelity occured. And believe it or not, the couple where infidelity occurred may actually have a better/stronger marriage, b/c they worked on their issues.

Staying Faithful DOES NOT equal a happy marriage.
Just like infidelity DOES NOT necessarily equal the END of a person's marriage.

If we approached it more from this angle, what more people would be working on is focusing on having a GOOD marriage!

Respectively, The question was marriage lasting 20,30 40 years... No fidelity?

In all my responses and most of the ones posted, we are all talking about marriage > 20 years.

If you are answering.... Will all marriages have cheating? Then no all marriages will not have cheating.

The question was will marriages > that 20 yrs have no fidelity?


Coco, Do you really believe a marriage > 20 yrs and the spouses are unhappy, not in love, and living as room mates (your example) somebody is not cheating?

 

[cocoberry10]

Respectively, The question was marriage lasting 20,30 40 years... No fidelity?

In all my responses and most of the ones posted, we are all talking about marriage > 20 years.

If you are answering.... Will all marriages have cheating? Then no all marriages will not have cheating.

The question was will marriages > that 20 yrs have no fidelity?


Coco, Do you really believe a marriage > 20 yrs and the spouses are unhappy, not in love, and living as room mates (your example) somebody is not cheating?

To answer the bolded, yes I do believe that a marriage > 20 yrs and the spouses are unhappy, not in love, and living as roommates, someone is NOT cheating.

Because I believe how people deal with their sorrow/issues is different. Some people will pour their sadness over the above out in a bottle. They won't go have an affair, but they will get lit up. Others will use drugs. Others will become gossipmongers. Others will commit self-mutilation. Others will fall into grave depression. Some will gamble. Others will get involved into some other destructive practice. All I'm saying SugarBaby, is that CHEATING is not everyone's issue. And I consider it cheating even if it happens ONE TIME (some people on this board and in real life don't).

Now, if you consider turning to drugs, alcohol, gambling, or some other "outlet" INFIDELITY, then we would be moreso in agreement.

I do believe everyone has an unhealthy VICE. But in MY OPINION, everyone's vice is NOT cheating. And let me say this too, I believe ANYONE CAN CHEAT, so don't think that I put people ABOVE it, because as you said earlier, EVERYONE is human. EVERYONE will fall in some way, but the way in which people fall is DIFFERENT. No one is PERFECT.

I don't put cheating in a different category than the other things I named (as well as things I didn't name).

I kind of think that's what is wrong with society. Whether you believe it or not, there really are men and women out here who can say "In 50 years of marriage, I never cheated on my spouse." And they honestly think they were a better husband or wife for it. But I would challenge that person, because although they may not have cheated, I can almost guarantee they did SOMETHING equally bad.

I mean, I liken it to asking, what's better, murder or rape? They are equally horrible in my opinion. When you murder someone, obviously you take away their physical ability to live. But when you rape someone, in essence, you are killing their soul in my opinion.

Since I am a Christian, I believe that God doesn't treat any sin differently. In our society, we "categorize wrong," but in my opinion, I don't think God does that. For example, I don't think God sees a person who murders as being worse than a person who lies than a person who gossips than a person who cheats, etc. I know this isn't religious forum, so I don't want to get too religious, but I hope that I've made my point clear!

I respect your view, I just don't agree with it! And I respect the fact that you won't agree with my view. It's okay. I still have LHCF love for you!

 

[Southernbella.]

How would anyone know?

I believe it's entirely possible, but I also believe that some people screw up one time and never tell.

I take marriage stories with a grain of salt. Nobody really knows but the man or the woman. I think what's most important is that the couple is content and happy, regardless of past issues.

 

[Southernbella.]

I guess the only person you can be sure of that hasn't cheated is yourself. Whether your spouse cheats or not, you may or may not ever find out.

I have been married for over 16 years, and I don't think my DH has cheated, but if he has, I don't know about it. I can only seriously answer for myself.

Most logical post in this thread.

 

[Carolina18]

Cheating doesn't just "happen". It's not like walking down the street and tripping on a pebble. You have to actively want to do it, and pursue it.

Sorry, found that hilarious!

 

[aribell]

But, like I said earlier, how many people would have ever thought that in 2008, we would have a Black President? If you polled people in 1996, and said "will you live to see a Black President?" MOST if not almost ALL of them would have said "HELL NO!" I don't believe it, etc. But look at what we got.

The funny thing about the Obama example is that I would have exactly that conversation with black people all the time and hear people's skepticism, and then hear people say, "Well I hope so, but I'm not really sure it's possible." But I was like, "Of course Obama can get elected! Our society is not so racist as to not elect a black president." The difference in our p.o.v's was simply that my experiences in this society, the people I know, the circles I run in, led me to say that it was entirely possible for that to happen...even though some people would look sideways at the thought.

I think it's all about what you've seen and experienced.

 

[SvelteVelvet]

This is a useless debate that can go on forever, the pessimists are raining and the optimists are holding up the umbrella. All you optimists, keep being optimistic for yourself and your life. All you pessimists, keep being pessimistic for yourself and your life.

 

[metro_qt]

I guess the only person you can be sure of that hasn't cheated is yourself. Whether your spouse cheats or not, you may or may not ever find out.

I have been married for over 16 years, and I don't think my DH has cheated, but if he has, I don't know about it. I can only seriously answer for myself.

This is what I believe.

 

[biancaelyse]

I've been married for almost 18 years and not cheated or even come close to cheating. To the best of my knowledge, my husband has never cheated on me.

My parents have been married for over 53 years and I would be shocked if either of them cheated. My mother is still my Dad's dream girl and he treats her like it!!! One sister is married to a cheater for sure, but the other one has been married for 23 years and my brother married for 20 years and I'd lay money on no cheating in their marriages.

I don't know for sure but from what I see on the outside, I'd say no.

 

[cocoberry10]

This is a useless debate that can go on forever, the pessimists are raining and the optimists are holding up the umbrella. All you optimists, keep being optimistic for yourself and your life. All you pessimists, keep being pessimistic for yourself and your life.

This is the best post!

 

[Carolina18]

I've been married for almost 18 years and not cheated or even come close to cheating. To the best of my knowledge, my husband has never cheated on me.

My parents have been married for over 53 years and I would be shocked if either of them cheated. My mother is still my Dad's dream girl and he treats her like it!!! One sister is married to a cheater for sure, but the other one has been married for 23 years and my brother married for 20 years and I'd lay money on no cheating in their marriages.

I don't know for sure but from what I see on the outside, I'd put money on it.

Not to hijack the thread, but what would be interesting to know is the differences between them.... what makes some women one man's "dream girl" for half a century, while many couples can't even stand each other after 5 years? Did your other siblings set higher standards or 'wait' longer before marrying than your one sister?

 

[SugarBaby]

Not to hijack the thread, but what would be interesting to know is the differences between them.... what makes some women one man's "dream girl" for half a century, while many couples can't even stand each other after 5 years? Did your other siblings set higher standards or 'wait' longer before marrying than your one sister?

That is a million dollar question right there!

 

[~~HoneyComb~~]

This is a useless debate that can go on forever, the pessimists are raining and the optimists are holding up the umbrella. All you optimists, keep being optimistic for yourself and your life. All you pessimists, keep being pessimistic for yourself and your life.

Just wanted to say there are some realists commenting also

 

[biancaelyse]

Not to hijack the thread, but what would be interesting to know is the differences between them.... what makes some women one man's "dream girl" for half a century, while many couples can't even stand each other after 5 years? Did your other siblings set higher standards or 'wait' longer before marrying than your one sister?

My sister that is now married to a cheater has ben married for 27 years. There were bad signs before they got married that even I could see as a kid but she was determined to marry this man. He has a roaming eye, is not a family person at all and comes from a family with high levels of dysfunction. IMO, he has never really committed himself and still acts very selfish. She married him hoping for the better and it much got worse. I think she was infatuated early on and then at some point just resigned herself to sticking it out. Sad!!

I think that the rest of us did a better job in the overall selection process and married ppl that we were more in sync with. I don't think it's necessarily a time factor. My sister married for 23 years dated her DH since she was a teen and they waited a long time to actually get married. They have been together for almost 32 years but waited until they graduated and had all their degrees in place.

My brother, my parents and I all got married within a year of meeting our spouses.

 

[heyfranz]

i believe if you are both devoted to your relationship with God, you can do it. I don't believe it can be done any other way. If you have sex with a man you are not married to, then i believe he will have sex with other women he is not married to. If he is a firm believer in waiting for marriage, then i think he will keep it in the marriage. This works both ways - men and women.

 

[SvelteVelvet]

Just wanted to say there are some realists commenting also

Of course. Keyword is the realists are commenting not DEBATING.

 

[Carolina18]

My sister that is now married to a cheater has ben married for 27 years. There were bad signs before they got married that even I could see as a kid but she was determined to marry this man. He has a roaming eye, is not a family person at all and comes from a family with high levels of dysfunction. IMO, he has never really committed himself and still acts very selfish. She married him hoping for the better and it much got worse. I think she was infatuated early on and then at some point just resigned herself to sticking it out. Sad!!

I think that the rest of us did a better job in the overall selection process and married ppl that we were more in sync with. I don't think it's necessarily a time factor. My sister married for 23 years dated her DH since she was a teen and they waited a long time to actually get married. They have been together for almost 32 years but waited until they graduated and had all their degrees in place.

My brother, my parents and I all got married within a year of meeting our spouses.

Interesting observation. Nicola Kirwan posted something about this in her blog recently. I guess finding someone whose values, goals and character are in sync with yours is an important first step to a good relationship, as is of course, heeding any red flags that crop up.

 

[Farida]

It is important to find a man who is committed to a bigger picture than you or him.

That picture may be the idea of the family unit, marriage as an institution or God.

When someone is driven by goals bigger than him/herself, it is harder to get derailed.

I also think some people never understand boundaries....treating yourself, your spouse and your marriage as if you are indestructible....admitting your weaknesses is the key to success. If you think you would never cheat and behave and interact with other people as such...you will be more likely to put yourself in situations that may ultimately lead to you cheating. Not because you are inherently a cheater, but you are human and subject to lapse of judgment.

To me there are two types of cheater
i. Inherent
ii. People who put themselves in the wrong place, with the wrong folk at the wrong time and wrong time in their marriages <<<<<this is what one must watch for.

 

[cocoberry10]

It is important to find a man who is committed to a bigger picture than you or him.

That picture may be the idea of the family unit, marriage as an institution or God.

When someone is driven by goals bigger than him/herself, it is harder to get derailed.

I also think some people never understand boundaries....treating yourself, your spouse and your marriage as if you are indestructible....admitting your weaknesses is the key to success. If you think you would never cheat and behave and interact with other people as such...you will be more likely to put yourself in situations that may ultimately lead to you cheating. Not because you are inherently a cheater, but you are human and subject to lapse of judgment.

To me there are two types of cheater
i. Inherent
ii. People who put themselves in the wrong place, with the wrong folk at the wrong time and wrong time in their marriages <<<<<this is what one must watch for.

I agree with this, especially the bolded part!

 

[LBoogie]

DH's parents have been married for 51 years. Sometimes they're more mushy and playful than we are, it would shock me out of my socks if I found out one of them EVER creep'd. I'd bet all of my shoes (I LOVE shoes) on the fact that thye both have been faithful throughout their marriage.

Another reason I beleive it can happen is because it's just not "in" some people.

In the past I was a serial monogomist and I have NEVER cheated on any of my ex's. There were times I wanted to, probably even should have (lol) but I never could actually do it, not even a kiss. And LOVE, was NOT what was stopping me. Nothing stopped me but myself.

IMO, some people just arent wired to be unfaithful.

 

[Zaynab]

I guess the only person you can be sure of that hasn't cheated is yourself. Whether your spouse cheats or not, you may or may not ever find out.

I have been married for over 16 years, and I don't think my DH has cheated, but if he has, I don't know about it. I can only seriously answer for myself.

This is EXACTLY how I feel.

I don't even discuss if dh has or has not cheated or if he will, I can only control what I do on my end--to me it's a moot point in a marriage. I can't sit around and be married worrying about if someone will or won't cheat, it's settng myself up for failure and I'm just not about that

I think marriages can go w/o infedility but I also don't think that those that do go through it are terminal or bad marriages. People are human and you never know what goes on in a marriage.

 

[cocoberry10]

This is EXACTLY how I feel.

I don't even discuss if dh has or has not cheated or if he will, I can only control what I do on my end--to me it's a moot point in a marriage. I can't sit around and be married worrying about if someone will or won't cheat, it's settng myself up for failure and I'm just not about that

I think marriages can go w/o infedility but I also don't think that those that do go through it are terminal or bad marriages. People are human and you never know what goes on in a marriage.

I wholeheartedly agree with this post! And I love what you said in the bolded part!

 

[msdeevee]

How would anyone know?

I believe it's entirely possible, but I also believe that some people screw up one time and never tell.

I take marriage stories with a grain of salt. Nobody really knows but the man or the woman. I think what's most important is that the couple is content and happy, regardless of past issues.

This is a useless debate that can go on forever, the pessimists are raining and the optimists are holding up the umbrella. All you optimists, keep being optimistic for yourself and your life. All you pessimists, keep being pessimistic for yourself and your life.

I guess the only person you can be sure of that hasn't cheated is yourself. Whether your spouse cheats or not, you may or may not ever find out.

I have been married for over 16 years, and I don't think my DH has cheated, but if he has, I don't know about it. I can only seriously answer for myself.

I'm in total agreement with all of these statements.

Marriage is very complicated in this world and with all that our society has turned it into. I believe that marriage now is far removed from what God originally intended which is a controversial statement in itself.

Like another poster stated this is a debate that can go on forever because we are all coming from our own experiences and upbringing and our environment and personal beliefs.

I just wanted to also respond to another statement made.

I've been married for 20 years and I not only love my husband , I really like him a lot and I know he likes me.

WE have arguments sometimes and I feel like cracking brotherman upside the head sometimes but more times than not We have fun together and talk and laugh together and enjoy each others company. We're not joined at the hip. I look fwd to sometimes when he is away from home for some alone time but I miss him when he's gone and pray for him to return home safely.

 

[SelahOco]

-I think it is possible. I think most people will be tempted at some point, but wisdom and discernment (and being honest with one's self and spouse) can help ensure that infidelity is not an issue.

-I also believe that a marriage can return to happiness after infidelity and I don't think infidelity happens because people don't love each other (in every case).

 

[ebonylocs]

I can only reiterate what others have said:

1) It's *possible*.
(I.e., in the entire history of the world, there has been at least *one* marriage over 20 years in which no infidelity occured.)

(Do the people who say it's not possible realise they're saying that this has never ever happened? That in *every* marriage over 20 years, someone has cheated???)

2) My parents are my prime example. (Over 30 years married, and now better than ever.)

(Of course I can't be 100% sure, but I'd put a good chunk of money on it and sit and wait for my returns. Why? it's just like they do in court, if you didn't witness anything, you can only weigh the evidence and be satisfied with what you think happened "beyond reasonable doubt."

And like crime needs motive and opportunity, cheating needs desire and opportunity.

Re desire: everything I know about both my parents tells me sex was not a huge enough priority for either of them to look outside for it, and that they satisfied each other's emotional needs. (I even discussed the latter honestly w/ my mom a few years back when I was having issues in my own relationship and she told me my father was never lacking on that score.)

Re opportunity: like kayte said, we knew where our parents were *allll* the time - and what's more, everybody else in the community did too. Nothing escaped the eagle eyes of the people in the district. If my mother's arse shook a little too hard walking down the road (and she couldn't help it sometimes, it's just how she was built), my father heard about it. With my parents, with all of us, the gossips were so hard up to find anything to say that they could only every now and then half-heartedly manufacture some random speculation that we would laugh about.

Did my parents have a perfect marriage? God, no! I was a clear-eyed child, and I saw *everything* that went down. I remember things that my siblings don't even remember. And most of it was *bad* in the early years. But not re infidelity. As others have said, cheating isn't everybody's vice. Maybe sex isn't important enough to them, or they're too risk averse, or their moral standards don't make it an option, or their religious beliefs are too important to them, or they're too proud to risk being the subject of gossip or being seen to compromise their values or their standing in the community, or there is no one to cheat with, ... etc etc. For my parents, it was all of the above, plus, like Lboogie said, they just don't seem to be wired like that.

I think this is another thing that comes down to your character and values.

Also, cheating is not everyone's weakness. Maybe those donuts are your weakness Marriage is hard and it takes work. No one is perfect. You may have a husband that never cheats, but maybe he's a grouch to be around at times

Another reason I beleive it can happen is because it's just not "in" some people.... IMO, some people just arent wired to be unfaithful.

I agree.

It's *possible*. I wouldn't say that it's probable, or likely, or common. Just *possible*, i.e. it can happen. And that's what this thread is asking. I don't even believe monogamy is natural for many people, but I believe fidelity for decades or even a lifetime is possible for some.

 

[Raspberry]

How are we defining cheating?

Sex only-Yes, I know of long-term marriages where I truly believe people have stayed faithful sexually.

Other stuff-VERY, VERY FEW... (I grew up around several couples who had 25+ year marriages, and many of them have had "moments of weakness").

The first time I understood cheating was when a little old lady asked one of the mission mothers if she could bake her husband a cakeerplexed.

I agree - there's a wide range of behavior than can count as infidelity. I remember seeing an anonymous poll of thousands of people from some years ago where 30% of respondents admitted having sex with someone besides their spouse, which means 70% hadn't. But so much is missing from that poll...
In these discussions we get caught up with the blatant cheating and gloss over the more subtle things. Yes, I do know a lot of couples who never had a full blown sexual affair, but I also know of a lot who had emotional affairs with co-workers, or porn addictions, or got drunk and got felt up at a bar, or men who came on to their wife's friends or sisters.

So yes I do think it's common for a long time married person (male or female) to struggle with infidelity in some form - even intense and frequent fantasy counts IMO. But like cocoberry said, that's just one of many issues that people deal with in marriages and can be overcome.

 

[cocoberry10]

I'm in total agreement with all of these statements.

Marriage is very complicated in this world and with all that our society has turned it into. I believe that marriage now is far removed from what God originally intended which is a controversial statement in itself.

Like another poster stated this is a debate that can go on forever because we are all coming from our own experiences and upbringing and our environment and personal beliefs.

I just wanted to also respond to another statement made.

I've been married for 20 years and I not only love my husband , I really like him a lot and I know he likes me.

WE have arguments sometimes and I feel like cracking brotherman upside the head sometimes but more times than not We have fun together and talk and laugh together and enjoy each others company. We're not joined at the hip. I look fwd to sometimes when he is away from home for some alone time but I miss him when he's gone and pray for him to return home safely.

This is such a real post!

 

[cocoberry10]

I can only reiterate what others have said:

1) It's *possible*.
(I.e., in the entire history of the world, there has been at least *one* marriage over 20 years in which no infidelity occured.)

(Do the people who say it's not possible realise they're saying that this has never ever happened? That in *every* marriage over 20 years, someone has cheated???)

2) My parents are my prime example. (Over 30 years married, and now better than ever.)

(Of course I can't be 100% sure, but I'd put a good chunk of money on it and sit and wait for my returns. Why? it's just like they do in court, if you didn't witness anything, you can only weigh the evidence and be satisfied with what you think happened "beyond reasonable doubt."

And like crime needs motive and opportunity, cheating needs desire and opportunity.

Re desire: everything I know about both my parents tells me sex was not a huge enough priority for either of them to look outside for it, and that they satisfied each other's emotional needs. (I even discussed the latter honestly w/ my mom a few years back when I was having issues in my own relationship and she told me my father was never lacking on that score.)

Re opportunity: like kayte said, we knew where our parents were *allll* the time - and what's more, everybody else in the community did too. Nothing escaped the eagle eyes of the people in the district. If my mother's arse shook a little too hard walking down the road (and she couldn't help it sometimes, it's just how she was built), my father heard about it. With my parents, with all of us, the gossips were so hard up to find anything to say that they could only every now and then half-heartedly manufacture some random speculation that we would laugh about.

Did my parents have a perfect marriage? God, no! I was a clear-eyed child, and I saw *everything* that went down. I remember things that my siblings don't even remember. And most of it was *bad* in the early years. But not re infidelity. As others have said, cheating isn't everybody's vice. Maybe sex isn't important enough to them, or they're too risk averse, or their moral standards don't make it an option, or their religious beliefs are too important to them, or they're too proud to risk being the subject of gossip or being seen to compromise their values or their standing in the community, or there is no one to cheat with, ... etc etc. For my parents, it was all of the above, plus, like Lboogie said, they just don't seem to be wired like that.




I agree.

It's *possible*. I wouldn't say that it's probable, or likely, or common. Just *possible*, i.e. it can happen. And that's what this thread is asking. I don't even believe monogamy is natural for many people, but I believe fidelity for decades or even a lifetime is possible for some.

Great post!

 

[spelmanlocks]

How would anyone know?

I believe it's entirely possible, but I also believe that some people screw up one time and never tell.

I take marriage stories with a grain of salt. Nobody really knows but the man or the woman. I think what's most important is that the couple is content and happy, regardless of past issues.

I agree with this. I have many 20+ year marriages in my family (grand parents, parents, aunts, uncles, etc) and in most of them I do not know if infidelity has taken place or not. There are some people who believe in keeping their marital business within the marriage. Me and DH are like this, we don't talk to anyone about our marriage but each other. I know on my part I will never cheat and I believe and pray my DH will be faithful to me.

Also, I don't believe a couple being mushy and kissey, kissey is good evidence that infidelity has never taken place. Oh and I do believe its possible to be faithful forever.