Is It Hard Finding Men Over 35- Spinoff of Oprah show

[ambergirl]

Oh, I agree with you. If they are interested in the woman that's approaching them in this way, then they can take it from there. If they're not interested, they don't have to pursue it. It's all done without anybody having to lose face or feeling rejected, which is the whole point of this exercise. Bottom line, the woman didn't throw herself at him.


I need to ask you : Here you have women who are complaining that they don't meet men. I am sorry, but the world is crawling with men, yet these women are not meeting them. What do you suggest they do? Should these women just wait for the seemingly elusive men to continue to elude them or can they proactive and approach men that they think are interesting? What is wrong with approaching men? Nobody is saying to approach a strange man in a deserted country road at night. We're talking about meeting men in open and safe settings. Do you have any constructive suggestion for those women other than just wait it out?

I'm really torn on this one. I've approached men and even asked out a few, but even though men say they like this, I think they really prefer to be the pursuer. I've also done a bit of coy flirting (smiling, eye contact) but that's pretty hit and miss (more miss) too. I get plenty of men I'm not attracted to hitting on me, but harder to pull in those I have my eye on.

Ladies, help a sister out, tips on how to flirt effectively needed

 

[Stormy]

NOOOOOOOOOOOOO! I've met so many more single men over 35 with no kids, never been married,nice home and a modest paycheck in the south it blows my mind!
I think the problem comes when WOMEN have a checklist that is unreasonable. No one will be 100%, so not to say settle but look for 90-85% match. Because most likely you wont be his 100% either. Look deeper to what you really dont want.

Hmmm... maybe for some. I've met a few men who said I was the total package!

 

[DragonPearl]

As I stated, I think that women should utilize the strategies they are comfortable with in the pursuit of men. Some women are comfortable with approaches that make other women feel uncomfortable. I will agree with you that if the approach you select is not fruitful, you must live with that consequence. If you ask for my personal opinion, I would network through friends, family, sorority and professional connections. I would not approach a stranger anywhere at any time or place which is the right decision for me, but not the right decision perhaps for other women.

I suspect these women have been unable to meet men through their friends, family, sororities and professional connections. That's why they're on a show complaining that it is hard to find men. What if a woman is living away from family, has only a few friends, and is not very much into keeping up with sororities and professional connections. If it's hard to talk to a "strange" man about the weather, I can't imagine being able to tell a colleague that "I am looking for a relationship, please let me know of any suitable men..."

Which makes me wonder, is it really hard for these women to find men, or is it possible that they're finding men, but not feeling a connection to them or not thinking they're suitable for them?

 

[hennagirl]

I suspect these women have been unable to meet men through their friends, family, sororities and professional connections. That's why they're on a show complaining that it is hard to find men.

Which makes me wonder, is it really hard for these women to find men, or is it possible that they're finding men, but not feeling a connection to them or not thinking they're suitable for them?

You raise an interesting point, a lot of the ladies have been posting about realistic expectations. The Oprah viewer spoke to her concerns with strategies, I didn't hear her speak about her expectations of a partner.

 

[DragonPearl]

If I had any advice to give to women, it would be to live life fully. Fully get involved in things that you love, and you will meet suitable men through these things. I love travelling, hiking, the arts, foreign movies, languages, certain exotic cuisines, health matters, antiques, music, social sciences, spirituality, and I have always met men while being engaged in activities that supported these interests.

So, figure out what you love to do, and do it!! You'll meet men doing it. And if one catches your eyes, you don't even have to speak, you can smile and look away. Many men are afraid of rejection too and they like to know that you're interested. I have many girlfriends who are Asians and White, and they don't have a problem indicating to a guy, in a coy way, that they are interested. Being interested in a guy doesn't mean that you're promising him sex... And if a guy is turned off that you might be interested in him, NEXT!!!!

 

[Stormy]

And don't look. That would be my advice.

 

[DragonPearl]

You raise an interesting point, a lot of the ladies have been posting about realistic expectations. The Oprah viewer spoke to her concerns with strategies, I didn't hear her speak about her expectations of a partner.

Now, now, now, "realistic expectations", dem fighting words!!!

In my sincere opinion, a realistic expectation is that a woman could expect to find a partner who brings the same things that she also brings to the table. That means, if she has higher education, it is not unrealistic for her to expect a partner who also has higher education. If she is fit and healthy, it is not unrealistic for her to expect a partner that is also fit and healthy. If she is childless, it is not unrealistic for her to expect a partner who is also childless. Of course, for the right person, she might be willing to lower her expectations, and there is nothing wrong with that. She may also have expectations that are not "realistic." I am not going to knock it. I have seen pairings that have surprised everyone...

 

[hennagirl]

Now, now, now, "realistic expectations", dem fighting words!!!

In my sincere opinion, a realistic expectation is that a woman could expect to find a partner who brings the same things that she also brings to the table. That means, if she has higher education, it is not unrealistic for her to expect a partner who also has higher education. If she is fit and healthy, it is not unrealistic for her to expect a partner that is also fit and healthy. If she is childless, it is not unrealistic for her to expect a partner who is also childless. Of course, for the right person, she might be willing to lower her expectations, and there is nothing wrong with that. She may also have expectations that are not "realistic." I am not going to knock it. I have seen pairings that have surprised everyone...

Why fight me? I defined no expectations. I simply stated that others had discussed realistic expectations regarding men in their posts. Come on Jessy, give me a break here.

 

[DragonPearl]

Why fight me? I defined no expectations. I simply stated that others had discussed realistic expectations regarding men in their posts. Come on Jessy, give me a break here.

Are you serious or joking? I was not aware that I was fighting you. This whole debate is not that personal to me...

I guess, next time, I need to insert more emoticons like and when I am exchanging opinions with you.

 

[MissScarlett]

lmao. Yeah...well, if thats the case - tell me why my ass is still unmarried CD!! Riddle me that!!

But thank u lol

co-signing on the hotness. I told ya i don't do chicks but ya body is bangin girl

honey you will get a man, when i was single I thought ok why are all the dog looking chicks getting men except me, i totally think SOME men might get intimidated by good lookimg professional women. AND really now...if you WANTED to get married, you could marry the first joe blow that asked but i'm sure you have standards. someone will come to you!!

 

[Lisa]

Does anyone know the name of this show or when it will air again?

 

[CurleeDST]

I saw the show, am married and my boy Scott was in the group of men who came out at the end of the show. He is mad cool, single and owns his own fitness center out in L.A. Who knew Scott Parker would go from teacher to fitness guru to the stars?

Anywho - the young lady from NC on there was very negative and acted as if she had all the answers BUT she still had no man to call her own so why resist or not even try or consider what the man was saying? She tried to blame it on her southern upbringing but I know plenty of Southern Belles who have no problem getting a date or a man to respect them and the boundaries set because they come off as warm, open and not take themselves so seriously.

I met my husband at 29 and he was 33. At the time I met him I was changing personally. I stopped cussing and swearing, I was spending more time alone and chilling, and finally did not feel like I had to be out on a date or out period to feel as if I was worthy. I would go to plays, dance theaters and the movies alone and it felt really good! Men would call but if I felt I really didn't see it going anywhere I would kindly decline the date offer. It wasn't that deep to go out on a date with someone I wasn't interested in for a free meal - I had a very good paying job.

And when I changed my attitude, outlook on life and stopped taking myself so seriously with all of these lists and requirements a good man came into my life. Another thing - I said I wanted a good man but I had to make sure I was a GOOD WOMAN and someone a good man would want to be with.

I am not talking about having a job, 20 advanced degrees and making 6 figures. I am talking about someone who is compassionate, loving, affectionate, God -fearing, sense of humor, ambitious, family-oriented and ALL the qualities I said I wanted in a man. If I took a close and good look and found I was lapsing in an area - I considered it an opportunity for further growth. Because I was not going to be a hypocrite (i.e. ask for a man with a fine body but be all flab and 100 lbs overweight with no THOUGHT of hitting the gym).

Once I made these changes, they must have shown through b/c my husband found me at a house warming party with puffy cheeks b/c I just had 4 impacted wisdom teeth pulled. Through the puffy cheeks he found a woman he wanted to get to know better. He left the party WITHOUT my number and called the hostess of the party to ask for my number. She in turn called me and the rest is history.

Be patient ladies and work on yourself and make sure you are happy with yourself and content. He will come.

 

[Country gal]

Bumping because I am loving the feedback. I think a woman should always put her best face forward. I agree with the male expert, we should look a more put together when we go out than the I just got out of bed look. Like Kimora says, dress and look like you are going to run into your worst enemy from High School.

 

[MissScarlett]

I saw the show, am married and my boy Scott was in the group of men who came out at the end of the show. He is mad cool, single and owns his own fitness center out in L.A. Who knew Scott Parker would go from teacher to fitness guru to the stars?

Anywho - the young lady from NC on there was very negative and acted as if she had all the answers BUT she still had no man to call her own so why resist or not even try or consider what the man was saying? She tried to blame it on her southern upbringing but I know plenty of Southern Belles who have no problem getting a date or a man to respect them and the boundaries set because they come off as warm, open and not take themselves so seriously.

I met my husband at 29 and he was 33. At the time I met him I was changing personally. I stopped cussing and swearing, I was spending more time alone and chilling, and finally did not feel like I had to be out on a date or out period to feel as if I was worthy. I would go to plays, dance theaters and the movies alone and it felt really good! Men would call but if I felt I really didn't see it going anywhere I would kindly decline the date offer. It wasn't that deep to go out on a date with someone I wasn't interested in for a free meal - I had a very good paying job.

And when I changed my attitude, outlook on life and stopped taking myself so seriously with all of these lists and requirements a good man came into my life. Another thing - I said I wanted a good man but I had to make sure I was a GOOD WOMAN and someone a good man would want to be with.

I am not talking about having a job, 20 advanced degrees and making 6 figures. I am talking about someone who is compassionate, loving, affectionate, God -fearing, sense of humor, ambitious, family-oriented and ALL the qualities I said I wanted in a man. If I took a close and good look and found I was lapsing in an area - I considered it an opportunity for further growth. Because I was not going to be a hypocrite (i.e. ask for a man with a fine body but be all flab and 100 lbs overweight with no THOUGHT of hitting the gym).

Once I made these changes, they must have shown through b/c my husband found me at a house warming party with puffy cheeks b/c I just had 4 impacted wisdom teeth pulled. Through the puffy cheeks he found a woman he wanted to get to know better. He left the party WITHOUT my number and called the hostess of the party to ask for my number. She in turn called me and the rest is history.

Be patient ladies and work on yourself and make sure you are happy with yourself and content. He will come.

CURLEE...ITA with your whole post especially the bolded part. thanks for sharing!!