It's Sexy To Me When A Woman Has Her Own

[GraceJones]

What is life? I heard this guy say that he thinks it's sexy when a women has her own because she doesn't have to look to him for anything.

Now I'm starting to suspect brother is broke. A man should be a provider. A man should want to help. Since when is it sexy for a woman to provide? What do you need him for then?

 

[ava2]

did he say it with a straight face?! lol

 

[Evolving78]

What is life? I heard this guy say that he thinks it's sexy when a women has her own because she doesn't have to look to him for anything.

Now I'm starting to suspect brother is broke. A man should be a provider. A man should want to help. Since when is it sexy for a woman to provide? What do you need him for then?

These DL men are something else.

 

[RocStar]

Was it Neyo?

 

[JFemme]

Was it Neyo?

 

[GraceJones]

Was it Neyo?

It wasn't LMAO.

It was from a so called ”player” type

 

[bellatiamarie]

"It's sexy to me when a woman has her own" AKA "I'm a bum ass n**** looking for a woman to take care of me."

Bye sir. All the byes.

 

[Gin&Tonic]

He's broke and not ready for prime time. Next!

 

[MissNina]

What is life? I heard this guy say that he thinks it's sexy when a women has her own because she doesn't have to look to him for anything.

Now I'm starting to suspect brother is broke. A man should be a provider. A man should want to help. Since when is it sexy for a woman to provide? What do you need him for then?

My ex has similar thoughts and he is a multimillionaire he was pretty generous in our rlshp, so don't rule this guy out just yet. He may be like my ex where he prefers "I CHOOSE to take care of her" vs. "I HAVE to take care of her". You should inquire more.

 

[michelle81]

My ex has similar thoughts and he is a multimillionaire he was pretty generous in our rlshp, so don't rule this guy out just yet. He may be like my ex where he prefers "I CHOOSE to take care of her" vs. "I HAVE to take care of her". You should inquire more.

These are my thoughts as well. I know a millionaire who will not date someone that can not support herself. He got burned really bad in a marriage and will have to support his ex for many years to come after a relatively short marriage with no children from that relationship. Right or wrong, he will only date/marry someone with a solid career, white collar, and making close to 6 figures if not more. Not that she would ever have to use her money for bills, dates, trips, etc - he just wants to not ever experience what he did with his failed marriage.

 

[lesedi]

The fact that he wants someone who can take care of herself isn't wrong IMO. It's whether he intends to look after the woman that is the real issue. If he wants to provide for his woman but finds her success a turn-on , I don't see anything wrong with it. I would want my son to choose an independent, successful woman to date and marry; I think determination and ambition are admirable qualities.

Now if he is targeting well-to-do women so that he doesn't have to step up to the plate, than obvs that is a different scenario.

 

[C@ssandr@]

Many men like independent women because they're less likely to be leeches.

Op, are you seeing this guy or was it someone random? Was he talking to you? If so, you should take that as a compliment.

 

[bellatiamarie]

But isn't that what grown, single/unmarried people do? Don't they take care of themselves? What's so sexy about providing for self as a single person?

That's what makes me think he's tryna run game talmbout "it's sexy." boy, gone on.

I could understand if he said something like I appreciate a woman that's able to take care of herself.... but you find it "sexy"?

I must be missing something in the game. All of the single women I know work to care for self.

 

[MzLady78]

The fact that he wants someone who can take care of herself isn't wrong IMO. It's whether he intends to look after the woman that is the real issue. If he wants to provide for his woman but finds her success a turn-on , I don't see anything wrong with it. I would want my son to choose an independent, successful woman to date and marry; I think determination and ambition are admirable qualities.

Now if he is targeting well-to-do women so that he doesn't have to step up to the plate, than obvs that is a different scenario.

This.

I'm a firm believer in being able to handle my own business, but that doesn't mean I don't want someone who can take care of and provide for me.

 

[C@ssandr@]

But isn't that what grown, single/unmarried people do? Don't they take care of themselves? What's so sexy about providing for self as a single person?

That's what makes me think he's tryna run game talmbout "it's sexy." boy, gone on.

I could understand if he said something like I appreciate a woman that's able to take care of herself.... but you find it "sexy"?

I must be missing something in the game. All of the single women I know work to care for self.

No. Not all of us do. Also, plenty of women use men for a come up. Come on, groupie tactics are not unheard of.

 

[LiftedUp]

That is not the type of man for me. I don't want any man expecting me to "have my own" and not be a "leech". It says more about his mindset than his money and that's not what I'm into.

 

[LiftedUp]

.

 

[awhyley]

But isn't that what grown, single/unmarried people do? Don't they take care of themselves? What's so sexy about providing for self as a single person?

You'd be surprised at the number of people (male and female), looking for the next RobK.

 

[Brwnbeauti]

The kind of man who constantly finds himself in the company of women who cannot take care of themselves is keeping the wrong company.
Because otherwise, why would he feel the need to make this comment? Taking care of yourself isn't some monumental task. A lot of adults do it.

 

[bellatiamarie]

No. Not all of us do. Also, plenty of women use men for a come up. Come on, groupie tactics are not unheard of.

I get it. But most single women aren't getting all their bills paid by men. I refuse to believe it.

 

[beingofserenity]

someone who respects your mind and professional capabilities instead of just your looks/body and your baby making abilities is a bad thing?

 

[movingforward13]

These are my thoughts as well. I know a millionaire who will not date someone that can not support herself. He got burned really bad in a marriage and will have to support his ex for many years to come after a relatively short marriage with no children from that relationship. Right or wrong, he will only date/marry someone with a solid career, white collar, and making close to 6 figures if not more. Not that she would ever have to use her money for bills, dates, trips, etc - he just wants to not ever experience what he did with his failed marriage.

Smart man!

 

[movingforward13]

The fact that he wants someone who can take care of herself isn't wrong IMO. It's whether he intends to look after the woman that is the real issue. If he wants to provide for his woman but finds her success a turn-on , I don't see anything wrong with it. I would want my son to choose an independent, successful woman to date and marry; I think determination and ambition are admirable qualities.

Now if he is targeting well-to-do women so that he doesn't have to step up to the plate, than obvs that is a different scenario.

Same here- I am instilling now in my son to look for a woman who have something to offer- not just a big butt and a nice smile. Not overtly, I just talk about college a lot and making sure his mind is in that frame. I want my son to have an educated, independent, and successful woman. Not someone who is looking for him to be her provider. If he CHOOSES to be her provider (which he more than likely will), that is his decision. But he needs to stay clear of women who are just looking for him to be the provider and she has nothing going on herself.

 

[C@ssandr@]

I understand both sides. Only a certain type of guy would keep bringing this up. However many men desire a woman who is making moves. They don't feel the need to say it out loud because they actively avoid leeches without having to explicitly say so.

 

[mstar]

My ex has similar thoughts and he is a multimillionaire he was pretty generous in our rlshp, so don't rule this guy out just yet. He may be like my ex where he prefers "I CHOOSE to take care of her" vs. "I HAVE to take care of her". You should inquire more.

Yeah I was gonna say that a lot of black guys who are far from broke have this mentality. Even some of the wealthy ones.

They're just really averse to the idea of being "forced" to provide for a woman. There's a twisted mentality there where they will respect, perhaps even deeply respect, a woman who can work like a man and provide for herself...but will not fully respect a woman who doesn't, no matter how great she is in other areas. I think they secretly feel anxiety at the thought of potentially having to shoulder all the weight of providing for the household.

I also think it has to do with issues of masculinity amongst BM.

 

[Evolving78]

That is not the type of man for me. I don't want any man expecting me to "have my own" and not be a "leech". It says more about his mindset than his money and that's not what I'm into.

That shouldn't even have to come out of his mouth. And just because she has her own means nothing. He still about to come out of pocket. Women that have their own usually expect more from men.

 

[sky_blu]

A woman should have her own! I know women that work but I know females who will take a man to the bank! Don't take care of themselves i.e. live with mom, no stable employment, bum rides, etc. My only problem is men who hate that I have my own and dont need them financially to survive. I've worked too hard to be dependent on a man to make me whole.

 

[LiftedUp]

Yeah I was gonna say that a lot of black guys who are far from broke have this mentality. Even some of the wealthy ones.

They're just really averse to the idea of being "forced" to provide for a woman. There's a twisted mentality there where they will respect, perhaps even deeply respect, a woman who can work like a man and provide for herself...but will not fully respect a woman who doesn't, no matter how great she is in other areas. I think they secretly feel anxiety at the thought of potentially having to shoulder all the weight of providing for the household.

I also think it has to do with issues of masculinity amongst BM.

I had and ex come at me with that "strong black woman" rhetoric because his mother and grandmother were single parents. Oh how has his tune changed .

 

[mstar]

But isn't that what grown, single/unmarried people do? Don't they take care of themselves? What's so sexy about providing for self as a single person?

That's what makes me think he's tryna run game talmbout "it's sexy." boy, gone on.

I could understand if he said something like I appreciate a woman that's able to take care of herself.... but you find it "sexy"?

I must be missing something in the game. All of the single women I know work to care for self.

You are absolutely correct that it has more to do with the man's concept of self, than with actually finding the extremely basic quality of working as 'sexy' in a woman. This type of man might need to see himself as part of a power couple so that his choice of woman can reflect back to him (and bolster) his image of himself, or he might have deep seated (and often well-hidden) fear or resentment of women.

I heard this guy say that he thinks it's sexy when a women has her own because she doesn't have to look to him for anything.

I re-read your post, and sorry--the bolded is definitely abnormal for a real man. Real men absolutely love for women to look to them for things. This guy has masculinity issues that he just unknowingly laid bare for you to see.

 

[Honey Bee]

Maaaaaaaaaan, listen. Y'all have to stop excusing these men for half stepping. They're betting on you saying, 'Yeah, I'm a strong, independent bw, I can handle it.' When you end up splitting the rent, don't be surprised.

But I'm a man-coddler [eta to allay confusion lol], so don't listen to me.