It's Sexy To Me When A Woman Has Her Own

mstar said:
You are absolutely correct that it has more to do with the man's concept of self, than with actually finding the extremely basic quality of working as 'sexy' in a woman. This type of man might need to see himself as part of a power couple so that his choice of woman can reflect back to him (and bolster) his image of himself, or he might have deep seated (and often well-hidden) fear or resentment of women.

Why do you think this?

I re-read your post, and sorry--the bolded is definitely abnormal for a real man. Real men absolutely love for women to look to them for things. This guy has masculinity issues that he just unknowingly laid bare for you to see.
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This isn't someone who I'm dating. But he's known as a player type. 6'5", nice body, used to be a professional athlete but got injured. He's dated plenty of good looking women though.

He's as dumb as a box of rocks also.
 
Honey Bee said:
Maaaaaaaaaan, listen. Y'all have to stop excusing these men for half stepping. They're betting on you saying, 'Yeah, I'm a strong, independent bw, I can handle it.' When you end up splitting the rent, don't be surprised.

But I'm a man-coddler, so don't listen to me. :lol:
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And thank you!

Yes, I can take care of myself if I have to but what I need you for if I'm going to pull all or most of the weight? No.
 
Personally when I hear someone say 'take care of business', I think they are talking about tangible success and power, not the fact that a person pays their electric bill every month and their rent is paid on time.

I believe power and acclaim is alluring to some men also, but it doesn't mean that because they find it attractive that those men won't fulfil their role as the man in their relationships and protect and provide for their women.

Now if he has nothing and is trying to hook powerful, accomplished women to use/lean on that is an issue for sure. But I don't get what is wrong with being part of a power couple?
 
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lesedi said:
Personally when I hear someone say 'take care of business', I think they are talking about tangible success and power, not the fact that a person pays their electric bill every month and their rent is paid on time.

I believe power and acclaim is alluring to some men also, but it doesn't mean that because they find it attractive that those men won't fulfil role as the man in their relationships and protect and provide for their women.

Now if he has nothing and is trying to hook powerful, accomplished women to use/lean on that is an issue for sure. But I don't get what is wrong with being part of a power couple?
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BINGO. I know bums who can pay bills, so I didn't think of it like that lol I knew immediately what my ex meant when he said such things and I also personally desire to be 1/2 of a power couple, but my parents were...so the example I grew up with (two educated, high-income Black ppl coming together, falling in love, & partnering up) is very different from the kind of relationship a lot of women seem to value in this forum. Nothing is wrong with either, but that's why that statement wouldn't immediately "red flag me" unless I had supporting info on him, as it sounds like the OP may. Idk too many women who want bums who cant handle financial responsibility lol
 
MissNina said:
very different from the kind of relationship a lot of women seem to value in this forum.
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Not necessarily. What you see in this forum are women who want the freedom to stay home with their newborns without worrying about who owes whom. I think you're younger than most of us, so that might not yet be on your list of concerns. For me, I had serious health issues very early on(straight out of undergrad) which precluded our power couple dreams, lol. It's nice knowing the relationship will survive regardless of your earning power. Comforting.
 
Honey Bee said:
Not necessarily. What you see in this forum are women who want the freedom to stay home with their newborns without worrying about who owes whom. I think you're younger than most of us, so that might not yet be on your list of concerns. For me, I had serious health issues very early on(straight out of undergrad) which precluded our power couple dreams, lol. It's nice knowing the relationship will survive regardless of your earning power. Comforting.
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But from what I can tell on this forum, you are a powerful woman. You come across as intelligent, accomplished, educated and worldly. Whilst you may not be working at the moment, there is no doubt that you can take care of business.

Adult relationships aren't about splitting things down the middle, I agree with you 100%. I wouldn't want to be in a relationship where I owe my man, no. That isn't the type of man I am referring to.
 
lesedi said:
But from what I can tell on this forum, you are a powerful woman. You come across as intelligent, accomplished, educated and worldly. Whilst you may not be working at the moment, there is no doubt that you can take care of business.
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Awww! You so nice! :cry4::sneakyhug:

Let me tell y'all something :sekret: : if not for my skill set in handling men, I would really be ass out right now. Despite a million dollar education. :rolleyes: (You know how mad I was?! :wallbash: :lol:) Life happens, and it messes up all your plans. Best to yoke yourself to someone who, a, values you enough to work for you, and b, has enough earning power on his own to sustain you. Cuz it gets real out here.
 
Honey Bee said:
Not necessarily. What you see in this forum are women who want the freedom to stay home with their newborns without worrying about who owes whom. I think you're younger than most of us, so that might not yet be on your list of concerns. For me, I had serious health issues very early on(straight out of undergrad) which precluded our power couple dreams, lol. It's nice knowing the relationship will survive regardless of your earning power. Comforting.
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Yass..That power couple stuff crumbles after the baby comes and she's right back at work because they need her check :look:
 
Covagirlm said:
Yass..That power couple stuff crumbles after the baby comes and she's right back at work because they need her check :look:
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But surely if you want to be in a power couple, a prerequisite for a partner is that he is successful? I think we are talking about two different things here. I 100% expect my (future) man to want to cover and carry me. That is a must. I just won't be offended or turned off if he finds my career success/power a turn on. That doesn't take him off the hook!
 
lesedi said:
But surely if you want to be in a power couple, a prerequisite for a partner is that he is successful? I think we are talking about two different things here. I 100% expect my (future) man to want to cover and carry me. That is a must. I just won't be offended or turned off if he finds my career success/power a turn on. That doesn't take him off the hook!
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Turn on? Cool. Expectation? Not cool.
 
Honey Bee said:
Exaaaaaaactly. But it must have worked on somebody cuz he still out here trying it. :rolleyes:
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No man should be counting a woman's pockets. If he got goals about a certain kind of life he wants, he needs to work on obtaining that first. You have too many women going to school, learning skills and trades, building their credit, building their network, etc...no more excuses for men, men that have the potential to out earn and move up quicker, men that choose to not plan for a family, men that don't plan to build credit, save money, build on networking etc.. no more of that.

Men were providers, so women could stay home and be their for their children, or make a house a home. Now you take women out of the home, since people got it twisted that if they create all of this debt to keep up with the Jones, two incomes are needed. a woman should have her own for because she should have her own.

jay-z was strategic in getting with Beyoncé. She had her own, but she was the key to help him get into doors he might havr not been able to, or it would have taken him longer. He knew her name and status in entertainment was golden. But he could afford to be with her. He could take her where she wanted to go, he could buy her what she wanted, etc.. when he was a dope boy on the block, he knew that wasn't the type of woman he could have at that moment, so he was with the likes of Foxy, Amil, etc.
Being with a woman that has her own should compliment, and or open doors for a man. My wife is smart, she knows how to do this and that, my wife understands the value of owning property, my wife understands what it takes to have good credit, my wife understands saving and investing, those things as a man are gonna take me further in where I'm trying to go in this thing called life. But don't count her pockets. The playing field changes.
 
lesedi said:
But isn't that what OP was talking about? The sexiness of an accomplished woman?
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Yeah.... but. This early on, he's supposed to be wooing her, putting his best foot forward. This kind of passive aggressive mitchmadeness (cuz Neyo is gay) should not be his opener. :lol:

This early in, barely 'talking', he's supposed to be caught up in the glory of her, her body, her mind, that which she is inherently. Not what she got.
 
shortdub78 said:
No man should be counting a woman's pockets. If he got goals about a certain kind of life he wants, he needs to work on obtaining that first. You have too many women going to school, learning skills and trades, building their credit, building their network, etc...no more excuses for men, men that have the potential to out earn and move up quicker, men that choose to not plan for a family, men that don't plan to build credit, save money, build on networking etc.. no more of that.

Men were providers, so women could stay home and be their for their children, or make a house a home. Now you take women out of the home, since people got it twisted that if they create all of this debt to keep up with the Jones, two incomes are needed. a woman should have her own for because she should have her own.

jay-z was strategic in getting with Beyoncé. She had her own, but she was the key to help him get into doors he might havr not been able to, or it would have taken him longer. He knew her name and status in entertainment was golden. But he could afford to be with her. He could take her where she wanted to go, he could buy her what she wanted, etc.. when he was a dope boy on the block, he knew that wasn't the type of woman he could have at that moment, so he was with the likes of Foxy, Amil, etc.
Being with a woman that has her own should compliment, and or open doors for a man. My wife is smart, she knows how to do this and that, my wife understands the value of owning property, my wife understands what it takes to have good credit, my wife understands saving and investing, those things as a man are gonna take me further in where I'm trying to go in this thing called life. But don't count her pockets. The playing field changes.
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I don't know why we mention celebs in these kinds of threads :laugh:normal people have got to stop applying these rich folks moves to our lives.
 
shortdub78 said:
No man should be counting a woman's pockets. If he got goals about a certain kind of life he wants, he needs to work on obtaining that first. You have too many women going to school, learning skills and trades, building their credit, building their network, etc...no more excuses for men, men that have the potential to out earn and move up quicker, men that choose to not plan for a family, men that don't plan to build credit, save money, build on networking etc.. no more of that.

Men were providers, so women could stay home and be their for their children, or make a house a home. Now you take women out of the home, since people got it twisted that if they create all of this debt to keep up with the Jones, two incomes are needed. a woman should have her own for because she should have her own.

jay-z was strategic in getting with Beyoncé. She had her own, but she was the key to help him get into doors he might havr not been able to, or it would have taken him longer. He knew her name and status in entertainment was golden. But he could afford to be with her. He could take her where she wanted to go, he could buy her what she wanted, etc.. when he was a dope boy on the block, he knew that wasn't the type of woman he could have at that moment, so he was with the likes of Foxy, Amil, etc.
Being with a woman that has her own should compliment, and or open doors for a man. My wife is smart, she knows how to do this and that, my wife understands the value of owning property, my wife understands what it takes to have good credit, my wife understands saving and investing, those things as a man are gonna take me further in where I'm trying to go in this thing called life. But don't count her pockets. The playing field changes.
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You preaching in here, girl! :lol: All of this. :yep:
 
Covagirlm said:
I don't know why we mention celebs in these kinds of threads :laugh:normal people have got to stop applying these rich folks moves to our lives.
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But it kinda works for regular people in this one example. Like, I'm able to advance SO's professional interests due to my education and overall manner. I can get him into certain doors, and have. But those are intangibles and homie in the op ain't counting those, I dont think. :lol:
 
Covagirlm said:
They usually think it's sexy because in their minds they won't have to carry you, but women usually don't find this out until it's too late.
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They don't even wanna take you out! Lol
They wanna come over and cook for you, get some take out, or come and watch a movie.
Nope boo brittney may like bundles just like Tamika! You still gotta pay! Tamika like beauty supply hair and brittney like hair flown in straight from Brazil. You in brittney's face well now you gotta spend more money feeding brittney than you would Tamika. Brittney likes Morton's and Tamika likes the Cheesecake Factory.
You gotta pay more!
In the words of Jay-Z
She used to million Dilla vacations
F ya'll gone do wit that?
 
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