Is Sex Really All That Important? (Yes I'm Serious)

[Shimmie]

Ladies, Yes, I really asked. Oh please keep this a clean thread. I'm just curious about your answers. So, clean answers only.

As many of you know, I've been celibate for 25 years (by Choice) and I have never regretted it. I look at all of the diseases that I have been spared and other heartaches. Anyway, my focus for the past 2 and 1/2 decades has been living my personal faith in the Lord. I'm still 'human', but my yield and focus is looking forward to the very special day when I am with the Right Man . That and my love for God is what keeps me.

NOTE: This is not condemnation for those who are active. NO...I won't allow that judgment to take place. I do not want anyone's feelings hurt in this thread. Feelings matter and each of us have reasons for our choices in this life. This is only a place to share the importance of sex in a non-judgmental and clean way. Agreed?

My heart and love to all of you. No condemnation. My life is no better than anyone elses. Nor will it ever be. Okay?

Extra Note: I may not be back to this thread until a little later. So please don't feel that I may have abandoned this thread.

See you soon angels...

 

[Summer_Rain]

Yes, I believe that sexual compatibility is very important. The act itself is secondary to compatiblity

 

[newflowers]

Sex is important and compatibility makes it even better. I would not be involved in a long-term relationship with a man if there were no sex, and I would not stay long if it were not good sex.

 

[Shimmie]

Yes, I believe that sexual compatibility is very important. The act itself is secondary to compatiblity

I totally agree with this. To me compatibility means loving the person enough to be completely one with him...growing in tune to each other...no inhibtions, just the love and the caring of each other.

I allow him to be 'him' the man that he is; and he allowing me to be me, the woman that I am.

 

[Shimmie]

Sex is important and compatibility makes it even better. I would not be involved in a long-term relationship with a man if there were no sex, and I would not stay long if it were not good sex.

Your answer inspires me to share this....

Sex is a beautiful communication between a man and a woman that no other can match. The beauty of it is such a rare gift meant to be treasured. So if the sex is not good, this means the communication is not good, hence the lack of compatability.

 

[good2uuuu]

Good thread. I am married, so sex is very important to me. When Iw asn't married, there was no sex. I don't understand how some married folks remain celibate.

 

[CAPlush]

Well, I've had several phases in my life, some where I could not stand to be touched, some where sex was more important than good conversation. So, I guess it really hasn't been something important in my life or in my relationships because it definitely has not been a constant.

I understand what others mean about compatibility, I have to be with some one, who can kind of role with the punches and make the best of it.

 

[Honey6928215]

WOW!! TWENTY FIVE YEARS!

I truly admire your strength. Honey, with the way things are going I might be heading down that road. But that's o.k. because I was spared from diseases, drama and heartache. It's been almost 8 years for me. Dont' get me wrong I get those urges and have 'fantasy' of making love to that potential guy BUT I will not act on them.

Eventhough I don't plan to marry anytime soon which is okay I feel sex is important as well as compatibility which makes it even better. Until then I'm continuing with my dry spell.

 

[newflowers]

Your answer inspires me to share this....

Sex is a beautiful communication between a man and a woman that no other can match. The beauty of it is such a rare gift meant to be treasured. So if the sex is not good, this means the communication is not good, hence the lack of compatability.

I so agree. In a marriage, if there are problems with sex, there is a problem with the relationship. Sex alone will not solve that problem, but I think it is the area where you may see the first overt signs of a relationship in trouble.

 

[Radianthealth]

Shimmie you have been celibate for as long as I have been on this Earth. Is sex important to me? Yes
Is it as important as society makes it seem? No

I feel that people glamorize sex too much in this society. Sex is great especially when it is with someone you love. I think some people just do it like it is eating a meal or something I guess everyone has their own thing but I don't think sex is as important as other people make it seem. Am I glad that God gave us this gift...YES

I am also unhappy at how crazy people get with it and how people lose control over it, it really is not that serious

 

[hotshot]

Shimmie you have been celibate for as long as I have been on this Earth. Is sex important to me? Yes
Is it as important as society makes it seem? No

I feel that people glamorize sex too much in this society. Sex is great especially when it is with someone you love. I think some people just do it like it is eating a meal or something I guess everyone has their own thing but I don't think sex is as important as other people make it seem. Am I glad that God gave us this gift...YES

I am also unhappy at how crazy people get with it and how people lose control over it, it really is not that serious

I agree. I think alot of very young people think that having sex and being sexually "down for whatever, whenever", are principal ways to define one's self. I think sex can be an expression of one's self but it should not drive or inspire most of your character.

 

[Farida]

Sex is very important to a marriage. Especially for a man...correct me if I'm wrong. It is important to keep ur DH happy and hence keep each other from temptation.

I agree compatibiliy and chemistry are important too, coupled with a willingness to learn and cater to each other.

 

[MrzLadyBuggz]

I totally agree with this. To me compatibility means loving the person enough to be completely one with him...growing in tune to each other...no inhibtions, just the love and the caring of each other.

I allow him to be 'him' the man that he is; and he allowing me to be me, the woman that I am.

ditto, ditto

 

[caligirl]

I think sex can be a very pleasurable experience with someone that you love and trust.
That being said, there are a lot of ways to be intimate without having sex e.g. cuddling, kissing, having "deep" conversations. You can also be "sensual" with the other person by enjoying good food together or good music (think about all the five senses).

 

[BlkManWithSomeSense]

Sex is not important. Intimacy is.

 

[FlowerHair]

I believe sex is very important if you are in a (sexually active) relationship. It's important that you are on the same page - that you are compatible.
It's also important for men to have physical closeness, that is one of the only ways some men show emotions.
It's important for me as a woman to feel loved and adored in all ways...

 

[Afrolinda]

Shimmie you have been celibate for as long as I have been on this Earth. Is sex important to me? Yes
Is it as important as society makes it seem? No

I feel that people glamorize sex too much in this society. Sex is great especially when it is with someone you love. I think some people just do it like it is eating a meal or something I guess everyone has their own thing but I don't think sex is as important as other people make it seem. Am I glad that God gave us this gift...YES

I am also unhappy at how crazy people get with it and how people lose control over it, it really is not that serious

I agree with you. I know married couples who have not been sexually active with each other for years because one of them is very sick, honestly to me this is much more important than sex knowing that the other one will stick around even if you can't satisfy him or her in a sexual way anymore. kissing, touching, spending time together, looking at each other are just as important if not more because as we get older there will always be a time were the sex won't be as important anymore.

 

[Ucha123]

Thanks Shimmie for starting this thread. i have opened my mind with some of the responses here, thanks everyone who responded

 

[dimpalz]

Hi Shimmie! I'm only 21 and right now for me sex is important. But only because that's where I am in life. I was celibate for a year, (I know it seems so small) partly by choice because I didn't really notice the time going but there were opportunities and I didn't take them.

I don't do one night stands or anything like that, mainly because I don't like "first time sex" it may have something to do with BMWSS's post: there's no intimacy there for me. I can understand people that love one nighters because they're looking for something different in their sex, they're not looking for that deeper connection which IMO makes it so much better. (ETA: Not dissing the one-night lovers no matter how that comes across)

I'd like to think I'm quite sexually liberal, but I still like a connection, some might see that as contradictory but I'm a serious backtracker. I don't feel wrong sleeping with my exs, and I can do so without thinking I want to get back with them or worrying about where its gonna go.

In a relationship I think its important that both people are fulfilled, whether that means loads of sex or no sex at all. For some people it's just not that important, whilst other can't get enough of eachother. Trimbride said sex isn't as important as society makes it and it's true, your relationship doesn't need to be based on it but I think it should play a part especially ensuring you're both satisfied.

If I don't have sex, I do miss it, but I guess the key to that year of celibacy was the fact that there was no intimacy potential, sure I could've just had sex with anyone but then what's the point? He's gonna get up and go after and in all likely hood I'll never speak to him again, the sex may have felt great but you can't remember physical feelings forever so after a while all you've got is the memory of an encounter with essentially a ghost.

Well that's my 2 cents anyway, I can't wait to read more responses =)

 

[dlewis]

I need to have intimacy first before the sex can happen.

At times when I have not felt close to DH, I had no desire to have sex with him at all.

I believe sex is very important in a marriage.

 

[Ayeshia]

Depends on the couple. Some place a greater value on sex than others. For me it would be high up there on the priority list.

 

[Tenejita10473]

Thank you for this thread. I was THE biggest virgin before I had sex. I lost it at a somewhat early age, never thought I would before I was married. I had a strong belief in waiting. But like most people, I was with him for a year (which at that time seemed like forever, but alas it wasn't so- I left him, he still loves me tho) Anyway, I think after the fear was gone and the disappointment set in, Sex wasn't a big deal anymore. Several partners later, I am asking myself WHY.
Sex is not all that important, good and can be great or can feel like nothing at al, therefore meaningless and for me, comes with many consequences-- not STDs. Actually sex IS important, I think that is why people put so much focus on it. It can be very powerful. (sorry for the contradiction)However, it is hard to stop. I think most women use sex, w/out realizing, as a way to gain a closeness and a relationship, which IMO doesn't usually work.
At this point in my life, I want to stop. Although, I like to think of myself as not your typical woman or person...my sexual past says otherwise. Sometimes, I feel like its too late- I know its not but it seems so. Sex has taken alot from me BUT I also know it can be a BEAUTIFUL experience. I think someone needs to start a celibacy challenge (if there isn't one already).

(Alittle off topic but: Just curious, does oral sex or other like activities count as sex in your opinion?)

 

[dlewis]

Thank you for this thread. I was THE biggest virgin before I had sex. I lost it at a somewhat early age, never thought I would before I was married. I had a strong belief in waiting. But like most people, I was with him for a year (which at that time seemed like forever, but alas it wasn't so- I left him, he still loves me tho) Anyway, I think after the fear was gone and the disappointment set in, Sex wasn't a big deal anymore. Several partners later, I am asking myself WHY.
Sex is not all that important, good and can be great or can feel like nothing at al, therefore meaningless and for me, comes with many consequences-- not STDs. Actually sex IS important, I think that is why people put so much focus on it. It can be very powerful. (sorry for the contradiction)
However, it is hard to stop. I think most women use sex, w/out realizing, as a way to gain a closeness and a relationship, which IMO doesn't usually work.
At this point in my life, I want to stop. Although, I like to think of myself as not your typical woman or person...my sexual past says otherwise. Sometimes, I feel like its too late- I know its not but it seems so. Sex has taken alot from me BUT I also know it can be a BEAUTIFUL experience.
I think someone needs to start a celibacy challenge (if there isn't one already).

(Alittle off topic but: Just curious, does oral sex or other like activities count as sex in your opinion?)

yep....................

 

[Shimmie]

There is nothing more beautiful, than intimacy. Sex alone cannot stand on its own, nor can it fulfill the true desires of one's heart and soul. It takes God's love for a man and woman to fulfill this.

 

[Shimmie]

I thank you so much for your replies and for keeping this discussion clean and respectful. It's just that serious.

You have made this a wonderful topic and your answers are wonderfully in good taste and with honest heartfelt sharing.

I'm still reading through your posts now and I will comment to each of you as soon as I can.

Love and blessings to each of you...

 

[Shimmie]

Good thread. I am married, so sex is very important to me. When Iw asn't married, there was no sex. I don't understand how some married folks remain celibate.

You know what? During a marriage workshop in our Bible study class, our Pastor made this comment which really shocked me.

He said, "I have more trouble getting the married couples to HAVE sex than I do getting the unmarried members to STOP having sex. "

I sat there and wondered, it this for real? But then I remembered my marriage when my ex-husband and I were not 'communicating'...

So why is that with 'some' married couples? In my case, I was tired of my ex having affairs and he was on drugs. But this is not always the case with other celibate Married couples.

 

[Shimmie]

Well, I've had several phases in my life, some where I could not stand to be touched, some where sex was more important than good conversation. So, I guess it really hasn't been something important in my life or in my relationships because it definitely has not been a constant.

I understand what others mean about compatibility, I have to be with some one, who can kind of role with the punches and make the best of it.

I went through a long phase where I hated the thought of sex. I just hated it. So I think I understand.

 

[Shimmie]

WOW!! TWENTY FIVE YEARS!

I truly admire your strength. Honey, with the way things are going I might be heading down that road. But that's o.k. because I was spared from diseases, drama and heartache. It's been almost 8 years for me. Dont' get me wrong I get those urges and have 'fantasy' of making love to that potential guy BUT I will not act on them.

Eventhough I don't plan to marry anytime soon which is okay I feel sex is important as well as compatibility which makes it even better. Until then I'm continuing with my dry spell.

I won't lie and call it strength. I just had a stronger focus for my life, which overrode the desire to be sexuallly active. I've had a very, busy and full 25 years and I have no regrets. God gave me a promise and He has never lied to me. That I would be blessed for waiting.

 

[Shimmie]

Shimmie you have been celibate for as long as I have been on this Earth. Is sex important to me? Yes
Is it as important as society makes it seem? No

I feel that people glamorize sex too much in this society. Sex is great especially when it is with someone you love. I think some people just do it like it is eating a meal or something I guess everyone has their own thing but I don't think sex is as important as other people make it seem. Am I glad that God gave us this gift...YES

I am also unhappy at how crazy people get with it and how people lose control over it, it really is not that serious

Hey Darlin.... how are you? .

In response to you.... Yep It's really funny when you think of it that way.

I agree with you about sex being over-glamorized. That's where it has lost its true beauty and meaning...that's where Intimacy has been given an eviction notice.

 

[patient1]

When I'm in love and I'm getting it and it's good, it's VERY important. Other than that, I'm cool. I don't have a maintenance man and all that stuff.

The longer I abstain and the older I get, the more this little Renaissance sonnet runs through my mind. It's telling a virgin to gather her rosebuds while she can because eventually that garden will be wormfood!

I'm halfway to 70 and I am on a mission, but I have to be honest. If I'm not married prior to menopause, I might fornicate just in case. You know, a last hurrah for the road....

p1