Is he really cheating?

[curlynurse]

Hello everyone I have been looking on here for the answer to my much needed question...So here is the deal just recently about 6 months ago while I was preggo my husband became VERY distant like not sleeping next to me turn his back on me while sleeping etc. So I just turned a blind eye and then finally had my baby and 1 month after something inside of me told me to look at his computer which was wide open for all to read...so he pretty much knows I'm nosy and knows I have trust issues from the beginning. So I looked on there and found plenty of emails from this site horney.com where you meet women in the community to hook up for sex...so I found him with a pic of his pee pee and responding to women etc to hook up with. I never found any emails where the act was actually solidified, but there is no knowing what really went on...

I actually found him several times watching porno with black men and white women. Anyways I confronted him and all he could say is that this was a "GAME" he was playing and that it meant nothing. That all I had said to him in the past hurt him and he wanted to play a game. He also said he left his compter on for a reason for me to see it. So I am stuck I have 2 kids with him and kind of rely on him to pay the bills...So I found it in my heart to forgive and forget for 1 week and then on new years he decides to stay out till 4am no call nothing...he said he was waiting for the taxi. THis realy ticked me off and I told him to leave anyways we talked and resolved it...currently we are trying to work on it but he still feels the need to leave me on his days off saying he has to go into work for something.

I am pretty pissed off yes he is 26 and young but I'm unsure if I should leave him and move on or stay and work on it? What do you girls think? Please be very honest.

 

[MissJ]

You know he's cheating on you. You told him that you know he's cheating on you, but you still stayed with him. You just gave him a free ticket to cheat with no consquences. Now, he's out all night with other women. If you stay with him, like you have already started to do, you're condoning his behavior. He has no reason to change. If you leave, at least you'll have peace of mind, and he can't blatantly disrespect you anymore.

 

[Jas123]

Whatever he's doing he is disrespecting you and his family. I can't/won't tell you to leave or to stay, I think deep down you know what you need/should do... Ask yourself are you happy in this situation and go from there. Please don't let money be the only reason you stay, child support/alimony is the name of the game. If you do decide to leave cover your all bases, i.e proof of infidelity/his ssn/extra cash/place to stay/divorce lawyer referral/important docs/ hopefully other ladies can chime on how you should prepare if you were to leave.
I think in a situation like this you have to be selfish..don't stay for the kids or the money... look at what YOU need and what will make you happy and if you're happy your children are likely to be happy...nothing worse than an unhappy mother in a miserable marriage, children can pick up on these things.
Whatever you decide G*d Bless, be STRONG! You can do it!

 

[curlynurse]

Thanks ladies...I know it's like one of those things...he keeps saying
I did nothing..blah blah blah

 

[gabulldawg]

Whatever you decide, PLEASE don't have unprotected sex with him! You know he's cheating, and you don't know WHO he's cheating with. My uncle caught AIDs and DIED from sleeping with white women (not to say that men can't get it any other way), but it seems like your man may have a thing for white women.

It's up to you whether you want to stay or not, but you will have to deal with the consequences. Do you have any family members that you could stay with until you get on your feet? It's time for you to find a job, babysitter, etc. if you are thinking about leaving. Make sure you have a PLAN.

 

[lexi08]

Please leave he is endangering your life and is not respecting you or his children. Don't have sex with him at all! Condoms do not protect you from everything.

 

[Bunny77]

yes he is 26 and young

That don't have **** to do with ****. 26 ain't young!

Ole' boy is triflin' and yeah, he's cheating.

 

[deltagyrl]

He's wrong and so are you for allowing it to continue.

 

[dlewis]

WOW, what are you gonna do now that you know?

 

[NewYorkgyrl]

To answer your question just based on the info you posted...if I was in that situation I would think he is cheating. You can confront him about it...that is to you. But then again I have no kids and I'm not married so you can take my advice with a grain of salt....LEAVE (I don't tolerate being disrespected, especally more than once). He is leaving this info out there for you to find with no regards to your feelings at all!!!

 

[BAP28]

i think he is cheating and when he is not with you and not at work he is havign nsa affairs and i think what is more disturbing is him bringing home any diseases to you--

a man who has taken pictures of his member and posted them online at a site that is specifically for sex--has intent and it appears he is acting on his sick intent--

i hope things work out for you and your children and you get up -do not depend on him and make a plan to make a move..asap...

 

[TowsonGirl]

OP, it is pretty clear that he is cheating. And on top of that, he is being blatantly disrespectful about it and playing you for stupid .

You cant continue to let this happen. This is why people should never depend on anyone else to make their way and have their own in case a situation like this occurs and they need to leave, but cant.

I say you should stack your chips, get a gig (if you dont have one) and set ur self up financially where you can make moves if you decide you want to leave. I think he is behaving this way because he knows you are trapped and thinks you arent goin anywhere, so he can continue doin his dirt with no consequences. You gotta show him that aint the case.

 

[SouthernJewel]

so I found him with a pic of his pee pee and responding to women etc to hook up with. I never found any emails where the act was actually solidified, but there is no knowing what really went on...
.

Stop second guessing yourself. He is doing dirt and is getting away with it. He doesn't even care enough to cover his tracks.

WE can tell you to leave all day long,it's up to you to take heed and make a move...

 

[gone_fishing]

HEY!!!!!

PREPARE NOW FOR YOUR DAY IN COURT!!!!

I'm serious. Print screen on everything you see on his computer. If you can get into that account print it out - username, pictures, emails, whatever!!!!

Print it all out because when and if you decide to leave him you can use that as evidence and I don't know what state you live in (to determine laws regarding recording conversations) but if you can catch him admitting that he cheated, then you will be better off.

But, remember if he cheats and you find out and you stay, it can be difficult to use that against him for the purposes of alimony because the Court sees that as "forgiveness" sometimes not to be used against the Defendant.

Get your ducks and your finances in a row and get out of there!

Regarding your babies, you will be a better mother when you are happy and emotionally stable. It is HARD to take care of babies depressed and obsessed with negativity in your life. Please take care of YOU first and everything else will fall into place. Don't think for a minute that you are doing your children a favor by submitting to this emotional and mental abuse because that is exactly what it is.

Also, KNOW that he is going to lie. There is not really any point in even asking questions. I think sometimes we know they cheat but we ask them anyways because we are looking for them to tell us no so we can justify believing them and staying. We want them to tell us they we are wrong because it hurts to much to think we are right. That's why I think outsiders looking in are like when they see a friend being obviously played and while it "seems" like the victim cannot see it, in their heart - I believe they do.

You will know in your heart when it's time to leave and when you feel that instinct, get out!!!

 

[monami]

I am truly sorry to hear that you are going through this ordeal. When I feel the weight of the world on me I pray. I am not sure if you are the praying type, but believe me you are not alone. There is someone out there who sees you pain and wants the best for you. Try to get your life in order so you can get up and leave this man. Life is too short my sister. Do not stay with this man any longer than you have to. I would not have sex with him..PROTECT yourself so you can have a full life to live once you have left that a$$hole.

Do not second guess that inner voice that is telling you he is doing wrong...it's your inner spirit talking to you..LISTEN!!!!

God Bless

 

[curlynurse]

So girls thanks for the advice...So I basically told him to leave and he was like "no" and was like he did this to play games because all the stuff I had done to him in the past...like calling him names etc. basically there has been a lot of drama these past years. So he said he did this to get back at me! I was kinda dumbfounded and upset that he had used me as his excuse rather than owning up to his own stuff. So anyways I listened to him and he said we should stay together for our children and he would not play games anymore. So I believe him I'm not sure...I don't believe someone would be stupid enough to leave something that they are truely hiding out in the open unless it was something they really wanted their signifigant other to see for attention etc. Which I can't say I was giving him during our relationship...but I explained to him that how he treated me was REALLY DISRESPECTFUL and have since had him sleep on the floor...I don't know what else to do ladies...I wanna leave but I kinda believe that he was truely playing games with these women and never hooked up with them.
So I am letting him prove himself I don't know what else to do...I leave I will be unhappy if I stay I will be unhappy with the possibility of forgiving and forgetting. Maybe I am blind I don't know...also I have since told his family members and they can't believe e is acting this was because they said it is wayy out of his character. What do ya think?

 

[envybeauty]

someone once told me that you don't need confirmation of things to have the proof.

the example the person used was making a hotel reservation. people all day everyday book hotel rooms in cities across the country. they don't need to see the hotel to know that when they get there, it will be there. they don't need to see the room that they will sleep in to know that they will have one when they get there. they don't need to see the bed to know that the hotel has beds. in fact, they spend other money in paying for airline tickets, rental cars, etc. all based on the knowledge that they have a hotel room waiting for them in a city far away.

that said, you are waiting for confirmation to prove something that you believe is already there. it would be like you booking a hotel room in vegas and needing to go to vegas to see the room before booking the plane ticket.

you don't need the confirmation. you don't need for him to say "yes i slept with someone else" for you to believe that he did. you know through the God given senses you have if he did.

people don't do things just for games. nobody is posting a resume on monster.com just to play games. they do it when they are looking for a job. they could look at monster.com without posting a resume if all they wanted was to get kicks out of it. but the overt act of taking that step to put themselves out there by posting THEIR information on the web means that it is not a game to them.

Same with hubby. He can browse websites without posting picks of his stuff for all to see. Because he did post his stuff to bait other women, I don't believe he was playing a game. He is for real.

 

[envybeauty]

One more thing....

you will be unhappy if you stay but you don't know if you will be unhappy if you leave. you don't know the life you will have without him but you do know the life you have with him.

plenty of women move on, meet other men, and live happier lives with the new men. women on here have posted threads about their engagements, pregnancies, etc. all with the new men in their lives.

you only know the life you are living now. you don't know what God has in store for you should you leave.

 

[firecracker]

You already know the answer to your question by his actions. You have to decide what will work for you and yours in regards to staying or leaving.

He has no business posting pics of your/ya'll/his dangalang on the internet period! WTH that act alone is enough to make me blow a gasket! Thats some freaky deeky **** right there!

ETA: I read your update. Wow if thats the kinda games ya'll like playing enjoy yourself until hospice time.

 

[vivEz daNs lamouR]

So girls thanks for the advice...So I basically told him to leave and he was like "no" and was like he did this to play games because all the stuff I had done to him in the past...like calling him names etc. basically there has been a lot of drama these past years. So he said he did this to get back at me! I was kinda dumbfounded and upset that he had used me as his excuse rather than owning up to his own stuff. So anyways I listened to him and he said we should stay together for our children and he would not play games anymore. So I believe him I'm not sure...I don't believe someone would be stupid enough to leave something that they are truely hiding out in the open unless it was something they really wanted their signifigant other to see for attention etc. Which I can't say I was giving him during our relationship...but I explained to him that how he treated me was REALLY DISRESPECTFUL and have since had him sleep on the floor...I don't know what else to do ladies...I wanna leave but I kinda believe that he was truely playing games with these women and never hooked up with them.
So I am letting him prove himself I don't know what else to do...I leave I will be unhappy if I stay I will be unhappy with the possibility of forgiving and forgetting. Maybe I am blind I don't know...also I have since told his family members and they can't believe e is acting this was because they said it is wayy out of his character. What do ya think?

I think God gives us instinct for a reason.

I think that your "husband" has betrayed your marital vows long before you finding pictures of him on obscene websites.

I think that you are lying to yourself if you for one instant believe that this was all one big practical joke.

I think you're much smarter than that to believe such stupidity.

I think that for the sake of your children and your sanity, you should leave before your regret giving even more of your life to a man who is not devoted to you.

And finally, I think that if the tables were turned, and it was you doing these obscene things and your husband found out, he would drop your butt with a quickness for being so disrespectful.

Why don't you feel you deserve better?