Cheating

[lildhe]

Sorry about your pain but please listen to your sistas. I mean the decision is yours but take the advice. I am going through the same thing except it's not a boyfriend it's my husband i've been married to for 7yrs. and it started just like that. I had all the signs...the lying,the cheating , the making you feel like you did something wrong and I married him anyway...I realized that my husband"s unfaithfullness had nothing to do with me but it is something that he is not happy with within himself...After I found out he was cheating in 06 I stayed and tried to make it work(after I said I would NEVER take that kind of s%^&!)It wasn't just with one chic but with several different women within months of each other...He was busted with e-mails and text messages...and still lying about what was going on...it was always that girl took things the wrong way or your read that wrong...It got to the point that he thought that he could try whatever and I would be kool with that...NOT...It got to the point that I saw myself being on SNAPPED becuz I was to the point I wanted to hurt him but he is not worth my freedom...So with all that said I finally left on May 1st and cant wait to put his name in the mail to him because I don't want that sh%$ anymore. Just take heed. sorry so long ..I guess I needed to vent also..If i had lhcf before I got married i wouldn't be in this mess.these sistas give it to you straight with no chasers !!!

 

[controlFreak]

Sorry about your pain but please listen to your sistas. I mean the decision is yours but take the advice. I am going through the same thing except it's not a boyfriend it's my husband i've been married to for 7yrs. and it started just like that. I had all the signs...the lying,the cheating , the making you feel like you did something wrong and I married him anyway...I realized that my husband"s unfaithfullness had nothing to do with me but it is something that he is not happy with within himself...After I found out he was cheating in 06 I stayed and tried to make it work(after I said I would NEVER take that kind of s%^&!)It wasn't just with one chic but with several different women within months of each other...He was busted with e-mails and text messages...and still lying about what was going on...it was always that girl took things the wrong way or your read that wrong...It got to the point that he thought that he could try whatever and I would be kool with that...NOT...It got to the point that I saw myself being on SNAPPED becuz I was to the point I wanted to hurt him but he is not worth my freedom...So with all that said I finally left on May 1st and cant wait to put his name in the mail to him because I don't want that sh%$ anymore. Just take heed. sorry so long ..I guess I needed to vent also..If i had lhcf before I got married i wouldn't be in this mess.these sistas give it to you straight with no chasers !!!

Well done to you hun, you are strong for walking away after 7 years...and i'm here struggling after 6 months!

 

[Lady Esquire]

I have just discovered my partner of 6 months has cheated on me with a girl he met. He claims to have only kissed her, but i don't know whether this is true.

I found messages from her on his email...it seems they have been 'talking' for 2 months or so.

Been having a debate with my friends, they say I am over reacting. I want to leave him.

Do you guys think i'm being OTT? To me, cheating is cheating, be it intercourse, kissing or whatever

Yeah, in my book cheating is cheating. Follow your gut. Women are blessed with intuition. You KNOW when something just isn't kosher. Be honest with yourself, whether you two have two different definitions of "commitment" at this stage in your relationship. Six months for some is a long enough time to be "committed", and to others it is still "new"... but only you know how serious you two are at this point in time. Either way, do not sell yourself short. You deserve someone who wants you and only you. Good luck with whatever you decide.

 

[PeopleTalkDaily]

You go with your gut..

I think you already know the answer to your question..
he didn't do this once you said three times..
So you must be out..

 

[ilovezag]

I say leave cuz you can't trust him. If you forgive him for this that's makin it ok for him to do more in the future. If it was just a kiss, you know what comes next. I would rather be single then to deal with that mess. You deserve better girl, he's a playa..

 

[discobiscuits]

I have just discovered my partner of 6 months has cheated on me with a girl he met. He claims to have only kissed her, but i don't know whether this is true.

I found messages from her on his email...it seems they have been 'talking' for 2 months or so.

Been having a debate with my friends, they say I am over reacting. I want to leave him.

Do you guys think i'm being OTT? To me, cheating is cheating, be it intercourse, kissing or whatever

What would you do in this scenario:

You are 'seeing' a guy. This guy has a gf, but you have met up on several occassions...on each occassion you have been intimate, but have never slept with thr guy.

Girlfriend then finds out about the 2 of you, then leaves bf.

What would you do? You like the guy, and are willing to accept that he is not of the best character (he is a cheat), but you want a serious relationship with him. Would you make the move to take it further? Would you wait a while, give him time to get over the heartbreak?

Thanks

ControlFreak, I'm confused. Are you the GF or are you the other woman in your Hypothetical thread? What's going on here? are you trying to determine if you want to keep a cheater, or are you trying to determine if you want to become the GF of a cheater? I posted in the other thread but I did so thinking you were the "other" in the hypo, not the GF. But in this tread you are the GF/Partner so I'm confused.

 

[Keep1Belle]

Thanks for the responses ladies.

It just so happens that the other girl is a friend of one of his close friends. My guy confessed all to him after he came to the flat and saw the girl there.

It has gone further than kissing (he hasn't slept with her, YET) and apparently he has been telling her that his relationship with me is good, but isn't really going anywhere/no future.

I feel like such a mug, I can't believe he could do this, and worst of all, in front of our friends.

I know you feel like crap right now. I am in the same situation I just saw my bf of 6 mos perusing match.com ( I didnt snoop, he left the screen up). when I asked him about it he suggested we take a break because although what we have is good he is feeling restless and so that may mean we have no future.

Whuch was a surprise to me, seeing as though we had been making futute plans less than 2 days prior.

Anyway just keep your head up. I know it hurts to hear it.

Its really simple to say let him go and let him see what a mistake it is. THe grrass is not always greener, yada yada. But I know its not that easy to let the person go.

That said, let go and if he comes back then that may mean something, then you decide if you can forgive.

If he doesnt come back you know you made the Right decision by leaving.

Hugs to you I know its hard.

 

[MissMeWithThatIsh]

I think it's quite obvious he has no respect.
I dont care how intoxicated a man is, if he cherishes what he has it would not have happened.

 

[doublejo]

......................

 

[controlFreak]

ControlFreak, I'm confused. Are you the GF or are you the other woman in your Hypothetical thread? What's going on here? are you trying to determine if you want to keep a cheater, or are you trying to determine if you want to become the GF of a cheater? I posted in the other thread but I did so thinking you were the "other" in the hypo, not the GF. But in this tread you are the GF/Partner so I'm confused.

sorry, i know my posts are quite confusing. to keep it simple, i am the gf to the cheating guy, my flatmate is the girl he has cheated with. flatmate was a very good friend and is also distantly related to me. so obviously, i care about her...even though i think she is a cold hearted cow she has explained the situation..but i still think its all wrong...and i think she should be done with him too.

 

[Syrah]

I have just discovered my partner of 6 months has cheated on me with a girl he met. He claims to have only kissed her, but i don't know whether this is true.

I found messages from her on his email...it seems they have been 'talking' for 2 months or so.

Been having a debate with my friends, they say I am over reacting. I want to leave him.

Do you guys think i'm being OTT? To me, cheating is cheating, be it intercourse, kissing or whatever

Why do you want to leave the relationship? I know it sounds like a rhetorical question - but I'm serious, what's the worst thing about his actions?

Is it the lack of trust?
Is it the deceit?
Is it that his cheating has made you feel in some way inadequate?

And how long have you and SO been together?

 

[Tallone]

It doesn't matter if your friends think you are over reacting. If you don't want to invest anymore time into him/the relationship, be out!

 

[Pheonixx]

Thanks for the responses ladies.

It just so happens that the other girl is a friend of one of his close friends. My guy confessed all to him after he came to the flat and saw the girl there.

It has gone further than kissing (he hasn't slept with her, YET) and apparently he has been telling her that his relationship with me is good, but isn't really going anywhere/no future.

I feel like such a mug, I can't believe he could do this, and worst of all, in front of our friends.

I've been in this boat.Except I was the cheater and no I'm not the cheating type either.
Long story short I've always been the giver and was involved with a taker. Ever been with someone who drains you? Or been in a relationship and felt completely alone?
It was my first adult relationship. I was very young and that man put me through it! He was cheating but I was so blind to the fact.

Well one night while out with friends my girls introduced me to a guy. I was talking about my man troubles and somehow we ended up kissing and necking. erplexed
I had all this pentup emotion and it just became unleashed.
I just remember feeling very sad and glad that I had someone to talk to and also---wishing that it was my man who was there with me in that moment.
I dunno....yeah--I was drunk off my ***. So drunk that I was actually trying to call my man on the guy's cell phone! That woulda been disastrous.

But--
ironically it was that situation that propelled me to end the realtionship.
Cause first and foremost when I'm with someone I'm WITH them. I'm faithful and loyal. I don't think to do things like that.
My cheating made me face some hard facts about the relationship. If I could do this then something had to be done. I'd have to wrestle him into a conversation and talk about our problems or...end it.
I chose to end it.
He was cheating on me. With multiple women. Yep found out when I went to break up with him. Caught the female there. No--I didn't act a fool with her because she ain't got nothing to do with it (unless she'd started popping off then she woulda got knocked somewhere). I acted a fool with him though and dropped him on the spot.
This was 5 yrs ago and he still begs me to take him back.

Anyway--
Cheating denotes a problem. Either with him or the relationship.
There are cracks in the relationship.
I won't go into a schpeal because I mean no one can tell you what to do.
As far as I see you already know what's up. You already know what to do or what you want to do you're just not doing it.

Personally I don't deal with cheaters. Never have.
You need to get to the bottom of it or end it.

 

[controlFreak]

Why do you want to leave the relationship? I know it sounds like a rhetorical question - but I'm serious, what's the worst thing about his actions?

Is it the lack of trust?
Is it the deceit?
Is it that his cheating has made you feel in some way inadequate?

And how long have you and SO been together?

As each day passes, I find out more and more that makes me sure that I did the right thing in leaving.

The worst thing is whom he cheated with, but I didn't who it was at the time I found out.

He 'fessed up when I saw the messages, even though the messages were not too incriminating.

I just feel that he is not serious about me. If he was, he would not have cheated in the way that he did. I could forgive a drunken one night stand, but to see the same girl on more than one occassion? It's like having a second relationship.

One of the messages she sent went like this:

Other Girl: I don't want to get hurt.
My Ex: Then let's stop now. I can not, and will not guarantee anything -Just being honest.

That message hurt me a lot.

Was with him 6 months

 

[controlFreak]

Cheating denotes a problem. Either with him or the relationship.
There are cracks in the relationship.
I won't go into a schpeal because I mean no one can tell you what to do.
As far as I see you already know what's up. You already know what to do or what you want to do you're just not doing it.

Personally I don't deal with cheaters. Never have.
You need to get to the bottom of it or end it.

There were problems in the relationship...we were going to break up 2 months ago, but decided not to.

I thought we had overcome the problems though..but I guess not.

I hate myself for saying this and for feeling this way, but I am cool with us breaking up now...but I don't want to see him in a relationship with the girl he cheated with.

 

[MissMeWithThatIsh]

There were problems in the relationship...we were going to break up 2 months ago, but decided not to.

I thought we had overcome the problems though..but I guess not.

I hate myself for saying this and for feeling this way, but I am cool with us breaking up now...but I don't want to see him in a relationship with the girl he cheated with.

Okay, but I don't want to see you sticking with him just so HE won't be with her

 

[controlFreak]

Okay, but I don't want to see you sticking with him just so HE won't be with her

I'm not with him anymore. I'm hurt enough as it is, but IF I see him with the girl, I won't be accountable for my actions.

 

[MissMeWithThatIsh]

I'm not with him anymore. I'm hurt enough as it is, but IF I see him with the girl, I won't be accountable for my actions.

Why? She's a slore, and so not worth your attention. It would only show her that you think she has the upper hand on you. That who angers you controls you! She'll get hers when he is done with her and plays the same game on her.