I just dont know what to think....Is he cheating?

EbonyYoungin517 said:
TayMac: I'm really just a very very nosy person and if anyone gives me a password to anything I can't help my big nose and snif through. It's a horrible habit I have been trying to curve for the longest.

Sapphire: Yahoo puts a notice next to the emails when you reply to the or forward them. That's how I concluded he hasnt replied to any of them.
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@bolded....that's me all the way. I've found things out like that also and I know exactly how you feel.

Confront it now and save those messages for proof. The fact is he may not have responded to those messages but he may have sent a seperate message and deleted it out his sent box. Men are crafty like that but I found other ways to keep myself 2 steps ahead.

If there is any way possible for you guys to talk confront this the very next time you talk. Trust me, this is imperative to your emotional health. If you don't deal with this you'll start checking his mail every chance you get and then get upset when you do find something. Either way, you are wrong to snoop but he's wrong for communicating with these women inappropriately and he needs to end it.

Good luck..PM if you ever need to dish, I've dealt with this personally and it's crazy to see it happen.
 
TheLaurynDoll: You're right. That is is exactly what he would do. Play with my ego. I also don't mean to say she's ugly. I apologize. That was the catty side of me but I feel that with his taste in women, he would feel I was more attractive....so what gives? You got it down pack. I don't have concrete evidence at all....pray for me plese.
 
I was never married but my kids father was just like that with the emails and they didnt make too much sense neither. Im not saying that he is doing something but if you saw the emails expect more to come I know everyones situation is not the same but just be on your p's and Q's.

NEVER NEVER EVER EVER call those women again regardless a woman might be a skank, itch, hoe and whatever but the person you should deal with is your hubby always REMEMBER that. Those so called side women dont owe any of us nothing and you never know what the guy is telling the other woman.

I dont have too much to say because its not my relationship not to mention i learned long time ago never tell someone to leave their mate Pray to god he is the healer of all things you guys can work this out if you try hard and your love is strong.

I am going to leave you with a saying from the old people in my country " Its your shoes and you should know which side your shoes is burning on" which means you will know when you had enough and its time to go
 
Yeah, see my first instinct is to leave and to quite the games. I just talked to the girl just to get confirmation but she played the run around game. I'm married though, I can't just up and leave like that. For better and for worse. Infidelity shouldn't be tolerated but there is a mindset that you have to adapt when you're married. I'm not saying I will deal this foolishness for years, oh no, NEVER that but I just can't say. It's over. I don't even have concrete proof. All I have is that he is lying and a hypocrite. I brought it to LHCF because I was hoping you guys could see maybe something I didnt see. Aside from my personal opinion of the female, I've kept how the events unrolled very objective. I just am so confused. I also don't want confront him either because I dont want him changing his password or cleaning up his inbox asap. I already have a story to tell him if he can figure its me, so it can stray away from the fact that that everything is in his inbox. I'm just...confused.
 
Ok...Let me apologize early, because I am 'bout to rip this post to shreds (all done out of love of course :giveheart:)

EbonyYoungin517 said:
So I found out my hubby's Yahoo! Mail password and I decided to look into his account. (If you dig in the ground long enough, you WILL find dirt.) What I see is I see emails from phone numbers (not actual email addresses) ...probably about 2. One particular number sends messages calling him baby (cheating) and how she loves him and misses him(CHEATING). He is deployed for Afghanistan. On top of that she sends him pictures of her face and then of her in a thong. None what so ever.(DEFINATELY CHEATING!) He sends no reply.(He could be creating new e-mails, and deleting them once they are sent. The fact that he as recieved these e-mails and has made no attempt to thwart them speaks VOLUMES about his level of commitment to your marriage.) I call her number...blow it up..never ever did she pick up the phone.(Big mistake...Stop calling her. She may not know about you, it is not her responsibility to uphold your marriage vows, and when you blow-up her phone, you come across as one of those women who insecurely confront the "other woman" instead of the cheating husband. You need to adress your husband and your husband only)

Phone number #2 she sends messages just saying she misses him. Looking back into his email, its a girl that has sent him naked photos prior to me and she sends him pictures of her cleavage and her *** and even goes further as time progresses of her actual breast.(CHEATING!) He did not reply to any of her emails either. Now with #2 it gets more difficult. I find out her name and I look her up on FB and MS and her pages says nothing about a man or anything. Just about her son. Now it just so happens every single time my hubby is online for a long time she sends him this nude pics of herself...and when im talking to him as well. She has also sent him pictures of her son with her and by himself. Yet no emails. So occasionally when I log in his yahoo...ill forget to not let the yahoo mail log into yahoo messenger and everytime i do so I recieve an offline message from her to him and each time its been rather innocent...'hey sexy.' 'miss you' blah and then today it happen again only she said 'miss you.' 'you better give me lots of sex when you come back'. (OK..See you have your answer right here. He is ****** her on the regular. Please don't be one of those women who need to take their man on the Maury show for a lie-detecter test after they found another woman's panties in their bed. YOU HAVE YOUR PROOF. What else do you need? To actually catch them in the act?) I flip out.(Understandable) So I create a fake yahoo and I chat with her and she denies having anything with him and inquires about his and i relationship. I decline to tell her and then I ask if there is nothing going on, whats good with the nudies? She says she's already told me no and shoos me away...(Big Mistake # 2. Sweetie she very well knows about you. Who else would be messaging her about her relationship status.)


Now I dont know what to do.( You still have time to anull the marriage) When I send him emails, he replies to mine occasionally and never deletes any of mine but within time he will delete all of their emails... oh and #2 when I call her phone...no answer as well


Ladies what should I think? (Based on the evidence presented...He is 100% cheating on you)

Aside from all this mess. He has been a great man to me. He is generally respectful (Not respectful enough to stay faithful), affection and caring. Puts me before a lot of people ("Lots" is not good enough. He should put you before any other person) His family adores me (Doesn't matter if his family likes you, when he has no integrity) and he will always go the extra mile for me (He's supposed to...Your his wife). Just to try and balance whatever negative picture I painted of him above...I am so very sorry to hear that you are going through this. We have all been there in some shape, form, or fashion. It never feels good to be lied to. I am not married, but I plan to be one day and cheating is a BIG TIME deal breaker for me. I find it hard to regain trust in someone who can't respect me enough to keep his peen inside his pants. My heart goes out to you, and regardless of the advice offered by meself and the rest of the ladies in this thread, I'm sure you will make your decision based on what's best for you.
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Mai Tai said:
Ok...Let me apologize early, because I am 'bout to rip this post to shreds (all done out of love of course :giveheart:)
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Thanks mama. It is what it is. The one person I talk to isnt quick to say cheating and even though I think, I just needed someone to say *** everything else. I dont need this. Now I just need to think of how do I confront him..
 
EbonyYoungin517 said:
JustKiya: I most def check the trashcan. He is not responding to these females. My husband isnt the type to creat new emails. If he was going to reply to messages he would open a previus email and then delete the body and put whatever he ahs to put. He does that with everyone. I follow his habit and then Yahoo but put an icon next to email to signify that he replied. Another thing is when I looked at his Afgahn fone when he was done from R&R...I didnt see any numbers I shouldnt have seen. No textes dat shouldnt be there and no calls that look suspicious so it may just be an online thing...and he wouldnt spend money on a hoe. Point blank. But that don't mean he won't beat it down when he gets back from deployment. Not at all and to piss me off. I dont mean to sound ignant...but this girl that I spoke to.....those girls that sent pics....THEY'RE WHITE!!!!!!! It just boils my blood. THen the girl I spoke to, ugly and badbodied. I'm not saying it because I think this is his next b---h but simply I expected better and more. It just gets me so upset. She's hispanic, fat, not attractive as I and with a baby. He doesn't even like kids. We both plan not to have kids ever but you will mess with a girl with a git??? I dont understand!!!
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All wives say the above and it doesn't make a bit of difference.
 
EbonyYoungin517 said:
Yeah, see my first instinct is to leave and to quite the games. I just talked to the girl just to get confirmation but she played the run around game. I'm married though, I can't just up and leave like that. For better and for worse. Infidelity shouldn't be tolerated but there is a mindset that you have to adapt when you're married. I'm not saying I will deal this foolishness for years, oh no, NEVER that but I just can't say. It's over. I don't even have concrete proof. All I have is that he is lying and a hypocrite. I brought it to LHCF because I was hoping you guys could see maybe something I didnt see. Aside from my personal opinion of the female, I've kept how the events unrolled very objective. I just am so confused. I also don't want confront him either because I dont want him changing his password or cleaning up his inbox asap. I already have a story to tell him if he can figure its me, so it can stray away from the fact that that everything is in his inbox. I'm just...confused.
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You shouldnt fear him changing his PW's if he does then how will he explain that? There shouldnt be anything to hide in the marriage, right?
 
EbonyYoungin517 said:
Mai Tai you read my other posts? With everything collected, you think the verdict is still guilty?
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Yes, I read your other post and the biggest thing that jumps out to me is the fact that your hubby has done absolutely nothing to stop or delete these messages if they are in fact unsolicited. To me that reads "guilty."

Some things to me are very black & white and infidelity is one of those things. You are either cheating or not. A married man (and woman) should always work diligently to lead a life that never even places doubt in their spouse's mind. He should be working overtime to get this woman to stop e-mailing, if he is totally innocent. Innapropriate interactions (through telephone, e-mail, facebook, etc) with others are never acceptable in a marriage.
 
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EbonyYoungin517 said:
JustKiya: I most def check the trashcan. He is not responding to these females. My husband isnt the type to creat new emails. If he was going to reply to messages he would open a previus email and then delete the body and put whatever he ahs to put. He does that with everyone. I follow his habit and then Yahoo but put an icon next to email to signify that he replied. Another thing is when I looked at his Afgahn fone when he was done from R&R...I didnt see any numbers I shouldnt have seen. No textes dat shouldnt be there and no calls that look suspicious so it may just be an online thing...and he wouldnt spend money on a hoe. Point blank. But that don't mean he won't beat it down when he gets back from deployment. Not at all and to piss me off. I dont mean to sound ignant...but this girl that I spoke to.....those girls that sent pics....THEY'RE WHITE!!!!!!! It just boils my blood. THen the girl I spoke to, ugly and badbodied. I'm not saying it because I think this is his next b---h but simply I expected better and more. It just gets me so upset. She's hispanic, fat, not attractive as I and with a baby. He doesn't even like kids. We both plan not to have kids ever but you will mess with a girl with a git??? I dont understand!!!
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But before you found this out, did you think he was the type to cheat? I'm sorry you're going through this, but it seems like part of you doesn't want to believe what you are seeing, so you are looking for all the reasons why he wouldn't be cheating. The writing is on the wall, soeur Ayisienne mwe. PLEASE keep your eyes open, and stash your security account.
 
I remember when my pass ex created a bunch of other email accounts and i surely found them all with the passwords for them and then i found a bunch of things dam before he got back home from hanging out the locks were changed, his clothes were in the livingroom and my clothes replaced his in his closet since his closet was larger

That sucker broke the lock on the door like a criminal and i called the l;ock smith again when he went to work to change the locks long story short i change the locks 4 times until he got the point to get the hell out i didnt need the foolishness anymore and life has been so good ever since
 
Kerryann said:
I remember when my pass ex created a bunch of other email accounts and i surely found them all with the passwords for them and then i found a bunch of things dam before he got back home from hanging out the locks were changed, his clothes were in the livingroom and my clothes replaced his in his closet since his closet was larger

That sucker broke the lock on the door like a criminal and i called the l;ock smith again when he went to work to change the locks long story short i change the locks 4 times until he got the point to get the hell out i didnt need the foolishness anymore and life has been so good ever since
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That's wassup! Was he living in your apartment or did you share a place?
 
You have only been married for a few weeks? Get outta there. It does not get better if this is the way things are starting.
 
YEP,sorry love you have one side of you that is defending him,and another side of you that knows the truth.You can't really say "he's not the type to" because you don't know.The message of "I want lots of sex when you get back" is the ulitimate.1.how did she know he was gone? Why is she so current with his movements. 2. that is a mighty bold statement to make to a "friend or someone that doesn't respond to your email.

Let me tell you,just because some men portray themself as ideal husbands doesn't mean they can't or won't cheat.It means he is better then average,he keeps you happy so you don't ask questions.I'm sorry this is happening to you,He does need to explain everything to you.
 
onyxdreams said:
YEP,sorry love you have one side of you that is defending him,and another side of you that knows the truth.You can't really say "he's not the type to" because you don't know.The message of "I want lots of sex when you get back" is the ulitimate.1.how did she know he was gone? Why is she so current with his movements. 2. that is a mighty bold statement to make to a "friend or someone that doesn't respond to your email.

Let me tell you,just because some men portray themself as ideal husbands doesn't mean they can't or won't cheat.It means he is better then average,he keeps you happy so you don't ask questions.I'm sorry this is happening to you,He does need to explain everything to you.
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Um..Um..Um! I could not have said it better.
 
You haven't even been married for a month yet. You need to get out of this situation now. You were saying that you don't believe in divorce, well, you don't have to get divorced. Get an annulment. Don't be so quick to hold on to the title of Mrs. at the expense of trust and fidelity. And if you're finding out about this now, he was most definitely doing this before you got married. Simply getting married does not change a man and his behavior.
 
EbonyYoungin517 said:
Not that I know of. This has all been within the last two weeks. As far as I understand...I don't know if he is effin her, had when we were together or plan to but all I know is that he has inappropriate relationships with females he shouldn't have as a married man. What baffles this young soul is how far a man will be a hypocrite and will expect the upmost from you and will be a dirty dog all the while!!
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Op, I'm sorry you are going through this right now.

The bold is a tough pill to swallow but please believe men do this all the time. I hope you are able to sort things out and get some answers real soon. (((Hugs)))
 
blasianbeauty said:
This is very good advice. Copy/send those emails to your account for evidence. And women are so scandalous now, I wouldn't be surprised if she called your husband letting him know that "your wife found out about us". :nono: Be ready for him to swear up and down that nothing's going on, and that you can call her and she'll tell you the same thing. :rolleyes:
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I don't understand why men do that. As if women don't lie for them.
 
Sooo sorry you're going through this OP and especially when you've only been married for 2 weeks. Another thing too, even if he didn't reply, WHY is he keeping the pics? If he wasn't interested, then he would've just deleted the pics and told them not to contact him again. The fact that he's still keeping the pics is saying something too. At the VERY least, he's dishonest....the rest, you have to deal with the best you know how.
 
So sorry OP. I HATE you are going through this , at that, so early in your marriage. Praying that you find the answers you need to rectify whatever is going on witn you and your DH.
 
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I am guessing he is cheating given that he even kept those naked photos and that these women feel free to chat with him on IM whenever he logs on.

I say confront him ASAP. If he can explain it away and you believe him, this is the early stage of your marriage where you need to set up the boundaries...the first being that if some random whore sends him naked photos - DELETE THEM and let her know that you are married and to NEVER contact you again. If a woman that you know does something similar, let her know that you are married and you are not interested in her at all....and delete the photos.

Sorry to say it but MOST military people (women AND men) CHEAT when deployed.

I have too many military men & women in my family & DH was also military (before we met) and all of them - and I do mean all of them - cheated on their boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife. Shoot, one of my cousins even cheated on his first wife (he's on 2 now) when he was just on base doing his reserve duty for a few weeks near their home. One uncle is on wife 4 while another is on wife 3. My brother is also on wife 3.

The women are not exempt either. I have lots of female military family members or wives of military men who cheat. It's just sad. I'm sure that some military spouses/SO's are faithful when deployed but I have yet to learn of them.
 
Ive seen suggestions for an annulment quite a few times in this thread. What exactly would be the grounds for an annulment? I dont think cheating qualifies... Somebody correct me if Im wrong, but I dont think so.....Divorce is the only option if she no longer wants to be in the marriage.
 
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